Page 4

. . .

My words stun her, or at least give her pause.

The hatred in her eyes wavers for a few seconds before indecision settles in.

I use that to my advantage, willing to take anything I can get at this point.

It took me months to get back here. I’m taking a huge risk, hoping my grandfather never finds out.

I just need a few hours. I need her to know how much she means to me and clear up this miscommunication that I didn’t want her.

How could I not? Even now, her eyes are fiery and her words are meant to cut, but just seeing her in my room, on my bed, I want her.

“I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to leave Crimson Bay and especially not like that.” I shake my head and sit on the queen-sized bed across from her.

For the millionth time tonight my hands run through my hair as if the perfect words will come to me from the action alone.

I can’t mess this up. It took a lot of planning to get here and thankfully, Riggs let me borrow his car so I could drive.

It's been a year since I’ve been this close to her, and fuck she’s even more beautiful than when I left.

Being near her again is both a blessing and a curse.

She smells the same, sweet, like a mix of honey and roses and strawberries.

Just looking at her in that pink dress, that holds her curves how I want to, is enough to make me snap.

But I can’t, I won’t until I get all of this out in the open.

“You know my father died when I was younger,” I state, knowing we’ve talked about it before.

Her eyes soften when I mention it and she nods her head yes.

I breathe out slowly, fighting for the right words to make her understand.

“He lived and breathed the dream of me playing in the NFL someday. It’s my dream too, but it started with him.

It was his dream for himself that he never quite managed to do, and that also came from his father.

My grandfather is a decent guy, but he’s also a hard-ass.

Whatever he didn’t see in my father, he sees in me.

He wants me in the NFL and he uses my mother to get what he wants from us.

She’s still faithful to my father, even though she’s been widowed for years, and she does whatever my grandfather says, in exchange for him giving us a comfortable life.

Even if it's not what we want, we’re expected to follow his law or face the consequences.

And if we still say no, then he uses her to get to us.

When we were younger there were threats to send us away from her if we didn’t listen.

Now that we’re older there are other threats.

He’ll throw her out in the streets. She’ll be left with nothing.

She has medical bills and appointments that she needs and I don’t have a way to take care of her.

Neither does Falcon, we couldn’t support ourselves let alone her. ”

My head spins at my own words and I grit my teeth.

I can’t chance looking up at Emmarys even though I feel the way her body stills and I know she’s hanging on my every word.

“My grandfather moved us here when there wasn’t a spot at the elite school in my previous hometown.

He chose Crimson Bay, he chose All Saints Academy.

He chose everything to keep me on the field, to get noticed by scouts and picked up by a top ten college with projection for the NFL.

He’s got a good eye for talent and looking at which scouts pick up players from which schools.

On most days he’s a good grandfather. Unless I’m not doing what he wants, and spending time with you, Emmarys, was not what he wanted. ”

She draws in a shuddering breath and releases it. “I don’t understand. I thought your family liked me?”

A small smile falls on my lips while I meet her confused gaze.

Her eyes are darker, and they shimmer with unshed tears that feel like a punch to my windpipe.

My throat hurts when I swallow. God, I just want to reach for her, touch her.

“My brother thinks you’re great. He’s sorry for what we’re going through, and how he talked to you when we left.

Momma likes you, but she listens to my grandfather, and she sides with him to keep the peace.

My grandfather sees you as a distraction, something that jeopardizes my dream.

He threatened to hurt you if I didn’t end our relationship.

He was going to hurt your family, stop you from getting any chance at a scholarship, if I didn’t cut off contact and leave.

I would have told him to go fuck himself, that I could take care of you, but he also threatened momma and Falcon.

Told me that they would be cut off financially and left with no support.

My trust doesn’t kick in until I turn twenty-one.

I can’t take care of anyone until I have that trust.”

She’s quiet and the air between us thickens.

Still neither of us speaks. Me, because I have no idea what else to say to make this right.

I hate telling her how I had to let her go so that I could keep my family afloat, and to keep hers safe from my grandfather’s reach.

I wish I had been stronger back then, but no matter how much thought I put into it the outcome was never in my favor.

“You didn’t want to leave me?” Her voice is soft and full of emotion, and I let my hand reach out to hold hers.

“No.” I shake my head. “I never wanted that.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Her breathing stutters and my heart clenches when I see tears fall onto her cheeks.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” I kneel in front of her, my hands cradling her face and wiping her tears with my thumbs.

“It was dumb. I thought a break would be easier. I didn’t want my grandfather to know if I told you because I didn’t want him interfering in your life like he threatened.

I couldn’t let him hurt you or your family. ”

“So what, you were trying to protect me or something? That sounds stupid. It sounds made up.” She huffs.

I watch as she stands from the bed, her arms crossed over her chest, as she paces the room.

I’m torn because she looks mad on my behalf, which means she cares, but I don’t want to upset her.

My goal was not to make her mad or sad or ruin her night.

I just wanted to give her the night we talked about and planned for.

I wanted to use this opportunity to set the record straight and let her know that I’m still here, I’m still waiting for her.

“My family has money, Em. My grandfather isn’t scared to use it as a weapon to get what he wants and what he wants is my future paved to the pros.

He doesn’t care who he destroys to get me there.

That's not a pretty truth, it's not something I’m proud of either.

It's just a fact that if you throw a lot of money at the right people, you get what you want. He had information on you, your parents, their jobs, the hockey camps your brothers were planning to go to. My grandfather claimed he had enough to get you blacklisted from colleges. He detailed every way he could ruin your family, make it more difficult for you and them if you continued to be in my life. He told me I had to leave. I had to break up with you and if I did then he would forget about you.”

Emmarys’s arms drop, and the fallen look on her face makes my stomach clench.

I hate that she sees how ugly my family really is.

Maybe I should have kept it buried and left her alone, but the thought of never seeing her again was killing me.

Reaching for this dream, because it is my dream to make it to the NFL too, is not worth it if I lose her forever in the process.

All I need is a chance to explain, and a chance to win her back.

A year ago, I convinced myself that I would figure it all out, that I could keep her a secret from my family and have the best of both worlds.

I just had to make it until I was twenty-one when my inheritance became mine.

Then I could do whatever I wanted, including marrying my high school sweetheart and locking her down anyway I could.

Except he found out. He learned Emmarys wasn’t a passing fling, and he believed she was a distraction.

He threatened me before I had the opportunity to explain it to her.

One day we were in Crimson Bay and the next morning we were at the airport, heading to Georgia.

Because I was scared for her, for her family, and for how much she would hate me if she found out my family ruined hers, I let my grandfather scare me away from the girl I love.

“You should have been honest with me, Hawke,” she mutters, her beautiful honey-brown eyes finally coming back to mine. They’re filled with so much concern and confusion that it makes me feel worse.

“I know,” I tell her, getting to my feet and closing the distance between us. “I know I should have. I didn’t want him to suspect how much I love you. I didn’t want him to have any reason to go after you once I left. I just did what he wanted me to do.”

Her head tilts back and her lips part slightly when I place my hands gently on her sides.

Fuck me, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.

I bend my neck and set my forehead against hers for a brief second before marking the same space with my lips.

I pull her close to me, wrapping my arm easily around her, and our height difference makes it possible to rest my head on hers.

“Please forgive me, sweetheart. Please.”

She inhales and her hands land on my sides, her fingers holding onto the dress shirt I borrowed quickly from my brother. “It's been a year, Hawke.”