Page 19

emma

. . .

My two besties are stunned speechless by the time I get done telling them what happened after my departure from the party last night.

I had slept the trauma off in the morning and accomplished some studying in the afternoon, but by the evening they both were pestering me to come over to my place and dissect the events that happened once Hawke showed up.

Sam had asked for the details about what Hawke set in motion and they both got a thorough rundown about him threatening Jax, finding the girl from Miami, and finally the kiss in front of my boyfriend.

Riley’s eyes are huge as she reaches for the popcorn in the bowl in front of me. “I’m not sure if I’m impressed or concerned.”

“Concerned,” I reply instantly. I’m still reeling from what happened.

One minute I was jealous and mad that he showed up with some other woman, thinking he had been feeding me lines of bullshit, the next he and Jax were about ready to fight.

My ears were ringing, listening to my boyfriend lie about kissing the girl when he actually had sex with her, but I distinctly remember Hawke telling Jax he warned him.

And Jax confirmed this when he said Hawke cornered him at ChuChu’s.

Even though Hawke gave me the time I asked for, he didn’t really mean it.

He had his own agenda to make sure Jax and I broke up.

I can still feel his predatory gaze on me before he kissed me in front of my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was his.

I’m not though. I haven’t been in a really long time.

Except that kiss, made me question my own reasoning and once again I feel like the villain.

Sam is shaking her head. “I don’t know, Emma, I mean in reality he thinks he was protecting you. You never would have known about Jax cheating otherwise. Is it misguided, absolutely, but he was thinking of you.”

I swing a surprised look over at her. Sam has been just as jaded as me by our exes and I find her take on this very surprising. My lips pinch and dread swims through me.

“Jax is right though. We weren’t officially together and we did get in an argument before he left because I wasn’t fully in. Plus, I’ve now kissed Hawke twice while still being with Jax.”

My eyes drop and so do my shoulders. I can feel the telltale sting of another fresh batch of tears coming on.

I hadn’t seen Jax’s face when Hawke kissed me, but I can imagine he was devastated, angry even.

I texted him when I woke up this morning, apologizing for how the night ended and not hearing him out.

I asked for a chance to talk and his reply had been an okay.

One word. So I pressed him for when a good time was and all I got next was a text saying he needed time and maybe tomorrow.

I felt horrible for hurting him but also heartbroken for myself.

I’m not sure if we’ll be able to just get past this as we’ve both done things and there is a small, deeply buried piece in my heart that keeps asking, do I really want Jax?

“Emms,” Riley starts and I can already tell by the way she’s choosing her words carefully that I’m not going to like what she says.

“This is how I see the situation you just described. Jax didn’t like what you had to say before his trip and maybe he really was upset and hurt, but he used that as an excuse to hook up with this girl.

Then you have Hawke who in the last two years has done nothing but try and get back to you, protect you, and didn’t once think about hooking up with another woman all while not even knowing if you would be available for him. ”

“Traitor,” I mumble under my breath, ignoring her soft chuckle, and swing my gaze over to Sam, hoping she has some better insight.

Sam’s shoulders rise and fall and a smirk quirks her lips.

“I’ve got nothing. My own history speaks volumes but I can say that if I had someone fighting for me, ready to burn the world down for me, I’d take that over someone who pushes off even trying to have a conversation after something major happens. ”

The sinking feeling in my stomach amplifies and I’m finding it harder to hide from the truth of their words because I feel it too.

Maybe I should have come clean to Jax about my history with Hawke sooner.

Maybe kissing Hawke was a shitty thing to do on my part.

Maybe leaving instead of listening to Jax at the party was a mistake.

Still, there is no denying that even while I was making mistakes and thrown out of my element, only one man has been there fighting for me the whole time.

“I’m scared,” I finally admit to both of them and to myself. “I should be heartbroken right now, wallowing, worried that my relationship with my boyfriend is falling apart.”

“But…” Riley leans forward, her grin getting bigger, while Sam is giddily popping the popcorn into her mouth.

“But all I’m preparing for is that I need to end things with him,” I answer her, my arms wrapping around my knees, hugging them to my chest.

“And, Hawke?” Sam nudges me slightly with her elbow.

My head falls back on the couch, eyes blinking back tears. “I don’t know about him yet. We have things to talk about. I can’t open my heart like that again unless I know he’s really sticking around this time. And I’m pissed at him for how he handled things.”

“How did Hawke get the information on that chick?” Sam’s brow furrows. “I don’t think I’ve seen her around before.”

Riley picks up her phone and glances at it before running her gaze over us.

“Okay, so I did talk with Reign. Carter approached him about it because he felt bad. As you know Reign and Leif weren't in Miami, but Carter was. He said he remembers a group of girls flirting and interacting with the guys and that they were “Teddies” from the private college, St. Theodores, a few miles from here, so they hung out a lot. He doesn’t remember ever seeing Jax with a girl though. He told Reign if he had he would have said something to him then and told you right away.”

I wave her off. “It's not his fault. I don’t want Carter to feel bad about that. They were on vacation; he shouldn’t have had to babysit his team members anyways.”

“That still doesn’t explain the photograph that was taken though.” Sam frowns and sits up on her knees on the couch. “Carter had no idea, but someone had to have known something.”

Riley bites her lip and I watch as she struggles to find her words. “Uh, do you think it was her?”

My brow lifts and I glance at them both. “Isla? Why would she care about my life though?”

“I don’t know. She’s the only person I know who could probably do it, at least from what Carter has told Reign,” Riley replies and her gaze softens. “I feel bad that I barely ever talk to her and we’re on the same team.”

“I’ve hardly spoken to her either.” I pat Riley’s hand gently. We’re all probably guilty of the same thing. “Maybe I should talk to her. Or thank her, I guess? I don’t even know.”

“Maybe make sure it was actually her first. We may hurt her feelings more if we accuse her of stalking Carter in Miami, even though the outcome worked in your favor,” Sam points out and I inwardly cringe at the thought.

“Sam is right,” I mumble before eating some more popcorn. My phone vibrates against my leg and I reach for it, hoping that Jax has finally given me a time to talk. I am not prepared for the name that does pop up on my phone, considering it has been blocked for the past four years. “Son of a?—-”

“Who is it?” Sam leans closer and her eyes widen. “I thought he was blocked?”

“He is or was.” My voice trails off and I vaguely remember Hawke holding my phone last night while it was unlocked after he kissed me senseless. My fingers fly over the numbers and the texts pop up.

MY LOVE: Thinking about you, Sugar. Also, don’t ever change my name in your contacts again.

“What an asshole,” I mutter under my breath and Riley laughs.

“My love, huh?”

“Ugh! I was sixteen. I called him that and babe a lot,” I groan and run my hands over my face.

“I think it's cute,” Sam giggles and throws a piece of popcorn at Riley, who catches it right in her mouth. “What is Jax saved as?”

My cheeks heat and I take the loss for what it is. “Jax.”

They both share a look and I know enough to know what they’re thinking.

It's what I’m thinking too. It’s how I know exactly what I need to do now, before any more hurt happens.

The girls stay for another hour before heading out and once I’ve got the space cleaned up enough to be presentable, I close myself in my bedroom and flop on my bed, opening Hawke’s text again.

“Yeah right,” I mumble to myself and instantly change his contact name to just Hawke. I should push it further and go for just his last name, but for some reason that makes my stomach twist.

ME: Don’t tell me what to do, Hawke.

I’m brave enough to send the message but not quite enough to read his response.

I shut my phone down before sliding under my covers and closing my eyes.

I will not cave. He isn’t the boss of me, he isn’t my boyfriend, we aren’t even friends right now.

Hawke can sit with the silence for the rest of the night.

With a smile on my lips, I fall peacefully into sleep.