Page 15

emma

. . .

Avoidance should be my new middle name for how well I’ve mastered it this past week.

Despite Hawke’s demand, that I have no intention of following, I have been using every excuse possible not to be around my boyfriend.

I know I need to tell Jax about my history with Hawke before it blows up in my face, but I’m scared of how he’ll react.

He knows I had my heart broken in the past and that was why I was so hesitant to date him.

I never told him who the guy was and he never asked.

Everyone has been treating Hawke and his friend like royalty on this campus.

If I tell Jax now, something tells me he’ll feel like I lied.

Worse, I don’t want him to feel threatened or worry that I’m going to follow through with anything Hawke tells me to do.

My friends keep telling me that my time is running out, and after seeing Hawke accost me the last time, they are even more adamant that I need to handle it.

What I don’t tell them is that I’m scared.

I feel pulled in different directions. My heart wants to leap into Hawke’s waiting arms while my head refuses to give him another chance.

My gut is twisted, debating, feeling doubt about Jax’s response and then I second-guess how much I trust him.

Which is why I’ve been running from both men and hiding until I can figure out how to feel.

The campus that used to feel huge suddenly feels small, and the walls feel like they’re closing in around me.

How did this happen? I was moving on and then Hawke just shows up.

I’m the worst person ever because I willingly walked away with him to talk.

I listened to what he had to say and my traitorous heart felt something like excitement at his words.

When we went our separate ways after my prom night, I never expected to see Hawke again.

Too much time passed. How can he even think he still loves me when I’m not the sixteen-year-old girl he dated and first had feelings for.

We’re different people. I’m a different version of myself than I was back then.

Riley and Sam have both warned me that they don’t think Hawke will give up, and that I need to make a decision.

Well, that was Sam’s advice. Riley sort of just smiled wickedly and told me there was nothing I really could do and I should just let Jax down easy.

Being with Reign though has warped her mind about dating.

Not that I’m an expert either, damn it. I should be cuddling my boyfriend more, meeting him for coffee between classes and kissing him after practice when he walks me home.

Instead, I’m ducking and dodging around campus like a ninja, praying no one finds me so then I won’t have to face the conversation with Jax about Hawke and I won’t have Hawke staring me down, waiting for me to dump my boyfriend.

It's a great plan, and I’m so absorbed in the plot that I don’t hear the footsteps behind me.

I have zero chance to escape before a body slams into my back, a hand moves across my mouth, stifling the scream of surprise that lodges in my throat, and I’m shoved into a dark, empty classroom.

The door closes and the body in front of me shuffles us back until I’m caged against the closed door. The room is dark except for the cracks of sunlight filtering in through the closed curtains. My eyes blink rapidly while I struggle to get free.

“It's just me, sweets.” Hawke’s voice is low, his breath against the sensitive skin on my neck sends shivers all over. “I’m going to let go of your mouth, don’t scream. Unless you want everyone to find out about us.”

My eyes narrow and he chuckles when he pulls back, making out my features in the dim lighting. His hand drops. “Let me out of here, Hawke.”

His head shakes and he turns, pressing his body further into mine. His knee pushes my legs apart and I’m very aware of the heat that gathers in my lower belly, feeling the strong muscles in his thighs rub against me. “I can’t. I can’t let you go, Em. I’ve been patient but you’re pushing it.”

Scoffing, I bring my hands between us and push against his chest. Anger flares in my chest when he barely budges. “I’m not doing it, Hawke. You have no right to demand anything of me.”

His hand flies from where it was pressed against the door to my chin. His fingers are bruising as they tilt my head up, my gaze forced to clash with his. “I love you. I never stopped and you have never stopped being mine, sugar. Drop your boyfriend now while I’m still playing nice.”

It could be the demands, his words or the way he’s looking at me, his eyes possessive and full of heat, either way I crack. The tiny splint that's been holding my battered heart together for years snaps. I rip my chin out of his grip and shove my hips forward, trying to dislodge his hold over me.

“You don’t get to say those things to me.

You left, again. Again, Hawke. Right after we were together you left me.

And I waited for you. I waited for you to reach out, to call.

Fuck, on your birthday I kept my phone out the entire time, thinking this would be it, you’d call and we’d figure it out.

But you didn’t. You left me without answers, without promises, without closure. ”

My chest is heaving, and tears are falling down my cheeks by the time I’m done with saying every painful word that I’ve buried inside since that night.

My hands are fisted around the material of his gray t-shirt and yet all my attempts to push him away are futile.

Hawke towers over me, his huge football body is braced against the impact of my shoves and hits.

Frustration builds and I lift my knee, intending to make contact with his ribs, but he blocks me, and he chuckles darkly.

“Are you done yet?”

“Get off me. Let me out of here,” I demand, my eyes once again meeting his.

The green of his eyes darkens and this time his hand lands on my neck, under my jaw, and I freeze. My eyes widen and his fingers flex against my pulse, which I’m sure is beating erratically.

“You won’t get closure with me, sweetheart.

We never ended. Yes, I left to protect you, to protect your family, and you know this.

I’m sorry I couldn't come back to you on my birthday, I wanted to. Believe me, I wanted to be with you, but I couldn’t leave until it was done.

Until I buried my grandfather’s dreams and wishes six feet under.

” He's breathing hard, and his forehead drops to mine. I don’t want to soften toward him, but my body betrays me anyways.

I feel myself no longer fighting his hold and sink into him.

His answering growl lets me know he feels it too.

“I’m sorry, Emmarys. I’m sorry I left that morning the way I did. All I could think about was getting back so he didn’t find out. I thought I was putting you in danger if I stayed.”

Tears gather on my lashes and spill silently down my cheeks again, this time for a different reason.

His words break my resolve and I realize the hopeless cycle we’re in.

He did what he did to protect me. He hurt me.

He left. I can’t forgive him even though he claims to still love me. “Please, let me go, Hawke.”

“You know I never can, sweetheart,” he replies, and his lips touch my forehead, my nose, my cheek, the corner of my lips.

I inhale, my lips parting in shock and he takes that as permission to turn his head, his lips instantly capturing mine fully.

This kiss feels like a claiming, like our past and present colliding.

It’s soft, hard, demanding and freeing all at once.

I’ve missed this, missed him. And right as that thought leaves my mind reality sets it.

Ripping my mouth from his, I take him by surprise, shoving his body off mine. His hand falls from my neck and his eyes fly open. He doesn’t look sorry and judging by the way his lips turn up in a smirk he has zero remorse for what just happened.

My hands run through my hair and my chest feels heavy. Guilt slithers in my blood. I let him kiss me. I cheated. I have a boyfriend and I let my ex kiss me in this abandoned classroom. Worse, I enjoyed it.

“Em–”

“No,” I shout at him. “Leave me alone, Hawke.” This time he doesn’t stop me as I turn and flee from the classroom, practically sprinting down the hallway to get away.

I can’t believe I let that happen. Now I have to tell Jax not only about my past, but about what happened today.

I can’t lie to him. I can’t hurt an innocent guy who has done nothing but try and build a relationship with me.

I’m a terrible person. Not once did my boyfriend cross my mind.

Not until my ex’s lips were already on mine.