Page 23

emma

. . .

My phone buzzes next to me again, and this time I pick it up.

The library has steadily filled since I first arrived after class, and I’m more aware now of the noise the vibrations make against the hardwood of the table.

I flip my phone over in my hand and once again see Hawke’s name flash on the screen.

The guy is relentless. Somehow, he found out that I met with Jax last night.

Probably because our break up is now official and somehow, it's been made public. I woke up this morning to messages asking me if I was okay, and Hawke demanding to know if he needed to go after Jax for hurting me. Once I calmed him down then the other things started happening. A full breakfast of pancakes, bacon and fruit showed up at my front door. I received a smoothie between my morning classes and my favorite chicken wrap from ChuChu’s ended up delivered to me after my afternoon classes before I snuck off to the library.

I have no idea how Hawke is pulling these strings or why he thinks he needs to.

Then there is the endless stream of text messages that are sweet and borderline obsessive and should be sending red flag vibes.

HAWKE: I miss you.

HAWKE: I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re beautiful.

HAWKE: Let me take you to lunch during your break.

HAWKE: Since you aren’t answering, I’ll bring lunch to you.

HAWKE: How about dinner, sugar?

HAWKE: You need to eat, Emmarys. Let me take care of you.

HAWKE: I’ll find where you’re hiding, sweets.

I squeeze my phone after reading the latest message, my traitor of a heart flipping in my chest. My eyes squeeze shut.

I can’t avoid Hawke forever, and at some point I need to face the discussion with him that I’ve been avoiding.

Now that things are cleared up with Jax, I should take care of this, but I’m scared.

My mind screams one thing while my heart screams another.

I feel conflicted, and when it comes to Hawke, nothing is ever what it seems. Plus, I’m scared he’ll leave again.

That one day I’ll wake up and he’ll be gone without a word and my life will be torn apart again.

He says he’s here for me, but what happens in the next few years with graduation, the draft, moving to where he may be playing professionally.

There are so many unknowns and with Hawke, and I need certainty.

ME: No to dinner. Maybe we can talk though.

I was expecting bubbles, him replying right away, now that I’d responded to one of his seven texts.

I did not expect there to be silence from his end of things.

I am not proud of the fact that for the next hour I check my phone over and over again to see what he has to say.

It's even more annoying when my stomach sinks with dread and fear. Needing to bury myself outside of reality I focus back on my textbook, my fingers gripping my pen until they become numb from all my notes. I’m so lost in forcing myself not to think about Hawke that my heart jumps into my throat when the chair next to me shifts and his deep voice cuts through the haze.

“Emma you can’t expect me to take a brush off like that on the shoulder and not come find you.”

I lift my gaze and my eyes instantly clash with his.

He’s bent toward me, his messy hair falling across his forehead.

I'm very aware of his chest pressing into my side while he braces one arm on the back of my chair and the other on the table right next to me, caging me in, surrounding the small space with his heat, his scent, and the energy that radiates off him.

“I said we could talk, Hawke,” I manage to say with a steady voice. “I’m not ready for anything else right now.”

He grins and leans so close that his lips brush against mine, gently, light, but firm, giving me no choice but to accept his presence. I can feel my cheeks heat, feel my pulse build steadily in my veins.

“Stop trying to make what you had with him more than what it was, Emmarys,” Hawke murmurs with every drag of his lips against mine, keeping me on edge, not even fully aware until mine are moving slowly in time with his. “Me, us, this is not a rebound to what you had with him.”

“But—”

“No, no, sweets.” He shakes his head, his hands moving to cup my face.

“I am not a body for you to get under to forget him, or a fling or a rebound. You have always been mine just like I’ve always been yours.

What you had with him was wasting time until we could be together again.

I’m sorry, Emmarys, but that is what it was. ”

“You have no idea,” I try to say, but he cuts me off again, standing from the table and taking my hand in his. Trying not to make a scene, I let him lead me through the library, up the stairs, and all the way to the back section where the space is dark, empty, and deserted.

Hawke brings us down a row before leaning into my space and forcing my back to the stack of books.

“You think I don’t know? You think that I haven’t done my research on him, on your relationship?

I know you, Emmarys. Just like you know me, and like you knew all along, I’d come for you again.

You admitted you waited for me on my birthday, and if you had been interested in him, I never would have been on your mind.

There never would have been a question about being his girlfriend before he went on that vacation unless you were still mine underneath it all. ”

Tears fill my eyes while his words rip holes in the carefully constructed wall around my heart. I promised myself I’d never feel that desperate and sad over him again. I don’t want to be the girl who pines for a guy she can’t see, can’t talk to, can’t contact, can’t be with.

“Hawke,” I plead with him, for what I’m not sure. But he hears the whimpered pain in my tone.

“Sweetheart,” he groans, his forehead resting against mine while he breathes me in, his hands cupping my face.

“I’ve fucking missed you. I’ll go slow for you, to give your mind time to catch up to what your heart already knows.

I can do that, but know this, Emmarys, you are mine.

I love you with every fiber of my being, and I’m never leaving you again.

I fought to get back to you, and some stupid request you have for closure and space won’t ruin that. ”

My willpower slips and Hawke uses that moment to take my lips with his, his kiss turning aggressive, his tongue slipping into my mouth, tasting me.

My body sways, and my hands reach out, gripping his shoulders tightly.

He groans into my mouth from the contact and that noise vibrates throughout my entire body.

I feel awakened as one of his hands moves to tangle in my hair, the other sliding down my side, gripping my waist and bringing my body against his. There is heat everywhere we touch.

“Fuck,” he growls. “You taste even better than I remember. I used to get off on the memories I had while we were apart, but nothing I remembered does your taste justice now.”

“Hawke.” His name is a plea on my lips, my body swaying into his, wanting him tighter around me.

Sensing what I need, his hand runs between us, over my stomach and under the waistband of my jeans. His lips slid down my neck, licking and biting the sensitive skin until I’m shaking in his grip. “You owe me dinner, sweets.”

I tilt my head back, our eyes catching, and my body heats seeing how wide his pupils are. He grins at me before running his lips against mine again, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and biting lightly. Instinctively my body pushes into him.

“Emma, are you going to be a good girl and let me eat your perfect pussy right here?”

I moan in response, never being this turned on before in my life, and not remembering Hawke being this demanding. “Please.”

“Please what, sugar?” he presses between kisses, his hand coming down between us, massaging my breast and swallowing my whimpers when he pinches my nipple through my sweatshirt and bra.

“Please, I want you,” I gasp as both his hands slid under my shirt, running against my bare skin before lifting it off and over my head.

“Even more beautiful than I remember,” he rasps, and with a small tug, my bra unsnaps, and my breasts tumble free.

Shivers instantly dance across my exposed skin in the cool air of the library, only warming as Hawke lifts and squeezes them in his palms, his thumbs softly rolling my nipples into achy peaks.

Heat spreads to my core and another wave of pleasure hits between my thighs.

I am half undressed in a public area and yet all I can think about is how I would die if he stopped right now.

My fingers tangle in Hawke’s blond locks, when I direct his mouth to where I want him most. He hums in approval before bending low, gathering his hands under my ass and lifting me, bringing his mouth level to my chest. He licks a long line between my breasts, nuzzling against the soft flesh before closing his lips around my nipple, sucking and biting the tip.

I gasp and my hips push against him. He groans before switching sides and giving my other nipple the same, delicious torture.

I can feel pleasure pulsing between my legs while my hips start thrusting slowly against his length, rubbing myself against him through the layers of my jeans and his sweatpants.

With a deep growl tearing from his throat, he releases my nipple, setting my feet back on the ground before dropping to his knees.

He stares up at me, the green in his eyes glittering with triumph while his fingers undo the button on my pants, pulling down the zipper, hooking two fingers on the sides, and tearing them down my legs.

I know what he sees instantly. My panties soaked, for him.

“Yes. fucking yes,” he murmurs, leaning in and running his tongue across the wet material. My knees shake.

“Hawke.” One of my hands twists back into his hair, the other holding onto the shelf behind me.

He glances up at me. “I just...I—-no one else. Besides you.” I don’t know why I feel the need to reassure him that Jax and I never became this intimate, especially since I don’t want to know about Hawke’s experiences.

His eyes soften and then the next second they’re gleaming, the heat in his gaze running over my body as he takes me in. “Tell me you know why that is, Emmarys.”

“I—-”

He slips my panties down, his fingers trailing over the skin on my legs and thighs. “Tell me that you know, sweets,” he demands again before leaning in, his tongue licking up my slit.

“I’m yours,” I gasp out the words as they're torn from my soul, my back arching into the bookcase.

Hawke reaches up, his hand cupping my jaw, and brings my eyes back to his. My eyes widen from the intensity of his gaze. “There’s never been anyone but you, Em.”

I inhale sharply at his words, from the truth that's etched over his face. I’m equal parts relieved and thankful. His hands move to my hips before he grabs my leg, pulling it over his shoulder so I’m open to him.

“You are mine, Emma. Only ever you.” He sounds almost half-crazed while licking up my slit to my clit and curling it slowly, before sucking it into his mouth.

My hand comes up to my mouth, holding in the cries and pleas from echoing around us as he thrusts two fingers in and out, his tongue sucking and feasting on my clit.

My legs shake and my hands grip anything I can hold onto.

The ledge, his hair, all the while my hips rock against his face.

Hawke consumes me like his last meal on earth, like he’s been waiting to taste me again for years.

“Oh, fuck, Hawke,” I moan, keeping my voice low, and feel his lips smile against me.

Knowing exactly what I need, he curls his fingers rubbing against that magical spot. My knees almost buckle when he sucks my clit even harder. “That's it, sweetheart. Give it to me. Show me how much you missed me.”

Everything inside my core tightens, and Hawke uses his fingers and his tongue to push me into my orgasm.

It tears through me, pleasure and pain, waves of sparks while my pussy clenches around his fingers, drenching his tongue and face.

Hawke keeps me filled until each ripple fades.

My legs give out, and he catches me, holding my body to his, helping me to stand on my own as he slowly gets back on his feet.

I’m too dazed to even respond while Hawke guides my feet back into my jeans and shimmies them up my legs, zipping and buttoning them back up.

By the time he hands me my bra and shirt, I’m a little more coherent, and suddenly the enormity of what we did settles on me.

And where we did it. We could have been caught.

Anyone could have wandered this way into the library and seen us.

My face flushes and panic claws its way up my throat. “Hawke, we shouldn't have done that. I have to go now.”

I go to move around him, but he grabs my arm, pulling me back into him. “Emmarys, I would never let anything hurt you. You think I would let you be that vulnerable, let anyone see what's mine?”

“People probably saw us leave and if we walk back right now together, it won’t take a genius to figure it out,” I argue.

He laughs and grabs my jaw between his fingers. “Fucking let them. You’re not a dirty secret, Emmarys. You’re mine. We start right now and there is no ending for us. Believe me when I say, you are never getting away from me again.”

He releases me and steps back, allowing me to straighten my clothes and fix my hair. I watch as he bends next to the stack and picks up something hot pink and it’s only then that I realize what he’s holding.

“Those are, mine, Hawke.” My cheeks flame red.

He holds my panties in front of him, dangling from his finger, a smirk on his face, eyes glittering icy green. “Were yours, sweets.” I watch as he shoves them deep in the pocket of his sweatpants, before rearranging the bulge in his front.

“But–”

“Let's get out of here,” he interrupts me, leading me out of the dark corner and back to where my table was set up. The whole time he keeps my back to his front and while my mind whirls with everything that has happened, I can’t help the satisfied smile that pulls on my lips.

I can feel him, still hear his words in my mind.

I shouldn’t be so enthralled with Hawke’s obsession with me, any other girl would be running scared, but all I feel is cherished.

Hope blooms in my chest, and for once my first instinct isn’t to stomp it down. I just wish I could trust him.