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Chapter Sixty

RAIN

T he moment Hawke heard my words, he jerked his hands away from the girl's body. His wings shifted and he pulled himself to his feet with them, continuing to back up. I had to scramble to get to my feet, but his gaze was jumping between me and her.

"No, no, no," he breathed.

I was clutching that pebble in my right hand, feeling the magic almost vibrating against my skin as it shorted out, but I didn't really care. Hawke needed me, and I had a feeling this was about to be very bad. So I hurried to him, catching his hand to keep him from retreating any more.

"Someone get Ms. Rhodes!" Wilder barked.

"Jack!" I begged.

"General!" he cawed, streaking towards the door.

"Open that!" Torian ordered.

I heard the metallic clink of the door being forced open. I somehow knew when Jack was gone, but none of that mattered. Hawke did.

"Put your wings away," I said gently. "I have a feeling that helps, right?"

But he shook his head. "I can't."

"Rain!" Wilder called, walking over. When he was close enough, he said, "Take him up to your room. He can't hide those if he isn't in the right head-space. We'll handle this."

"You have to make it through a door," I told Hawke, turning him to the front of the room. "God, I hope those things aren't fragile."

"They're not," he said even as he pulled them in close.

He also didn't try to resist. I guided him forward, out the door, and to the side. As we headed past the office, making our way around the atrium for the girls'-side elevator, Ms. Rhodes came rushing out with Jack following above and behind her. She took one look at Hawke and stopped hard.

"Rain, hide him," she snapped.

"I'm taking him to my room," I told her. "There's a mess in the cafeteria. Torian will fill you in."

"Fine, but his wings are Wild. I can't hide them, so you have to. Unless you want panic between here and there, you need to make sure no one sees his wings ."

"Morrigan," Jack said as he landed on my shoulder. "Shadow-Morrigan. Duke."

Which I was going to take to mean "wing it.

" Grabbing for my magic, I whipped some at Hawke, relieved when his wings faded - but didn't vanish - from view.

Instead, they were like a transparent version of wings, easy to overlook.

It was going to have to do. This wasn't exactly something I'd ever done before, so "hard to see" was going to have to suffice.

Then I grabbed Hawke's hand, towing him forward again even as Ms. Rhodes hurried the other way. Hawke didn't try to resist, but he did cling to my fingers a little too much. When we reached the elevator, I pressed the button to take us up, then shifted my hand, twining my fingers in with his.

"You ok?" I asked him.

He nodded, but it looked more like he was trying to believe that than an honest answer. Considering he couldn't speak a lie, I had a feeling this was the best he could do. Thankfully, the elevator arrived quickly, and no one got on while we traveled up to the fourth floor.

But Hawke didn't give me much to work with. He followed, but he didn't have anything to say. It was almost like he was in a trance until I opened my door, pushed him into my room, then followed him inside.

"Ok," I said, releasing the magic I'd put on his wings. "What do you need me to do, Hawke?"

He stood there in the middle of my room like he didn't know what to do. "Rain? Are you scared of me?"

"No," I swore.

And the man before me finally relaxed. "That's true," he breathed, letting his eyes close.

"I'm scared for you," I admitted. "And I'm worried, Hawke. I want to help and I don't know how."

He stretched his wings and lifted both hands to cover his mouth, almost like he was holding in a scream. Turning, he pulled his wings in again, making me realize how incredibly huge those things were. Like this, his feathers were only inches from the floor.

"They all know," he said.

"Yeah," I breathed, following him helplessly. "I won't let them do anything to you, though."

"I..." He turned back. "Did I kill that girl?"

"Hawke," I said, catching both of his hands in an attempt to keep him facing me. "I don't know. She wasn't moving, and I'm not sure she was breathing, but I didn't check for a pulse." Then I swept my thumbs over the backs of his hands. "But she was going to kill us."

"I'm supposed to be a duke!" he snapped. "A duke, not a monster!"

"And you are a duke!" I shot back, matching his tone.

"A fucking good one, ok? One who puts his people above himself.

One who just risked everything, and if the fae - sidhe?

Whatever! - can't see that, then fuck them.

You, Hawke Woods, are less of a monster than that girl.

Fuck, you're less of a monster than Torian, and we actually like him for some reason. "

The smallest laugh slipped from his mouth.

"See?" I asked, moving closer. "You know it too."

"But you don't understand," he said, the defiance gone. "Rain, I just lost control in front of everyone."

"No," I told him. "To me, it looked like you were the one person in that room who had control."

"And you missed most of it."

I shrugged because he had a point. "Minor details." And I offered him a smile, hoping he'd take the joke for what it was.

But before he could respond, Jack cawed, "Duke!" Then a hand banged on my door.

"Come in!" I yelled, starting to pull away from Hawke just as the door opened. Hawke held my fingers a little tighter in a silent request not to let go. I paused, looking back to see Wilder step in with two cardboard containers of food.

"Lunch," he said, glancing to our hands.

I tried to pull away again, but Wilder shook his head. "Touch helps him, Rain." Then he smiled at Hawke. "And it's ok. No matter what, I will not be ashamed of you."

"I..." Hawke looked at me, then him. "Wilder..."

"Yeah," Wilder said. "Love you too, babe. You're also cute when you get shy." And he turned back to separate the meals, pushing them side by side. "Steak," he said.

I groaned. "I don't want to - "

"For me," Hawke broke in.

My head whipped around in surprise. "What?" I asked, convinced I must've heard him wrong.

Because fae didn't eat meat. They survived on sugar and sunshine or some shit. They all made faces at my meals, which was why I tried to pick the vegetarian options when I could.

"Both of you," Wilder clarified. "Rain, he needs to eat or he'll struggle against his desire to hunt again. Hawke, she eats meat too. Stop fucking hiding shit we all know about." And he stepped back. "I have to go back and help."

"I got him," I promised.

Wilder smiled. "I know, Rain. I'm good with sharing. He's not yet, but I am." Then he winked.

When I looked back, Hawke's face was an impressive shade of pink. "Yeah..." he tried.

"Meat?" I asked, giving him an easy out. "What about the iron in it?"

"I..." He dropped his head and sighed. "Wildlings are less sensitive. Most faelings are worse than we are. That's why Jack doesn't care about your stuff. It's, um, how I helped Torian initially. I could move things he couldn't tolerate. Didn't take long for him to ask what I was."

"So why don't you usually eat meat?" I asked, imagining some unstoppable bloodlust that kicked in afterwards or something.

He cleared his throat. "Um, because the sidhe don't. If I ate like you, it would raise questions - and that's not a good way to hide what I am."

"Yeah." That was a rather valid point. It also didn't really help me deescalate this any, so I tugged him toward the table beside my door. "Well, I'm both hungry and not. I mean, I was starving, but now..."

"Kinda freaking out a bit," he said, showing he knew what I meant.

"But we stopped it again."

We both grabbed food, then moved to sit.

The meat inside the containers had been cut into bite-sized pieces.

There were plastic forks included, along with an assortment of other foods.

Marshmallow-coated sweet potatoes and glazed carrots, I realized.

That was enough sugar for a fae, but Hawke really ate meat?

Yeah, that was going to take some getting used to.

After waiting until he took a bite of the steak, I finally dug into my own.

He chuckled, clearly seeing my hesitation.

"Quite a few wildlings sustain our inner magic by consuming it," he explained.

"Trolls actually eat animals - including people.

Some bathe in blood, some twist minds and take it through that contact.

We jevadu can incite so much fear, it paralyzes our target - then we drain the magic from their blood.

" He set down his fork and cleared his throat.

"We can also seduce. Well, not like a siren or dryad. It's more..."

"Hawke, I don't have any biases," I reminded him, all too aware he was trying his hardest to justify himself. "To me, this is interesting, not something to despise."

"I have the ability to make you instantly so horny you stop thinking," he explained. "I mean, it's kinda how we make more of ourselves, since jevadu are always male. That's why, um, when I kissed you that time? And you were pissed because I left?"

Yeah, I remembered that. He'd gone from flirting to running away, and it had been so weird that he'd actually pissed me off.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I thought I'd, um, accidentally done it. You kinda changed from a no to a yes faster than I expected, and um..." He offered me a weak smile. "I'd accidentally pulled the fear out on you when we were studying, so I was worried I was out of control. Pretty girls make me stupid, you know."

"I did not know that." I stabbed another bite and shoved it into my face, then talked around it. "I thought I was just having some minor PTSD from the whole Hunt attack."

"Camilla pissed me off," he explained. "That jester girl was being a bitch to you, and I wanted her to go away, but I couldn't catch her eyes, and I don't use that a lot. I didn't even mean to use it, which proves how bad I am at it."

"So, what you're saying is you're cooler than I expected?" I asked.

And beside me, his head snapped up. The man's eyes were wide, clearly shocked. "Huh?"

"Hawke, I grew up as a normal human girl. One who didn't have cool things, who read too many fantasy novels, and who happened to like the dangerous heroes the best. Well, anti-heroes, mostly. And all of this? To me it kinda sounds like that."

"I'm an anti-hero?"

"Nope," I said. "You're the dangerous and unpredictable hero who everyone assumes is going to betray us - unaware you never would, because you've decided to fight for the good guys. Torian's the anti-hero."

"Keir's just a hero," he said.

I chuckled at that. "Yeah, the stereotypical knight in shining armor. Wilder's the easily overlooked powerhouse, I think."

"Oh, that's dead-on," Hawke agreed. "Aspen's a manic pixie dream girl."

"Definitely."

Then he smiled at me softly. "You're the strong female character, I think. I would say the underdog, but Jack screwed that up."

"Morrigan!" Jack cawed right on cue.

Which made both of us laugh. It was the tense sort, because we were trying so hard to pretend like nothing bad had just happened. Still, it felt good. It also helped more than I'd expected.

"I meant it, you know," I told him. "No matter what happens, my opinion of you isn't going to change, Hawke. I mean, Keir is ok with you - and Pascal! So how bad can this be?"

"Bad," he mumbled.

"Why?"

"Because when they were growing up, they were all told I was the thing that would eat them."

I hummed, tilting my head as I thought about that. "I dunno."

"Rain, jevadu are the fae equivalent of the boogeyman."

"And there are only five fae students here, Hawke. You're one. The other four are your friends . I mean, Pascal didn't seem to know much about your kind." I paused. "Race? Species? People?"

"Kind works," he assured me.

I nodded and kept going. "Winter's evil, Summer's filled with assholes, there's supposed to be two courts, and jevadu are evil.

I mean, all of that is bullshit, so why can't we point it out?

Make it clear the lies they've been fed may have been true in the past, but this is a new world, a new chance, and we are one people. "

"I'm down with trying, but don't hold your breath, Rain." He moved the food around in its box. "But Torian and Keir hooked up."

"They're now an official thing," I pointed out. "Boyfriends, even."

"And you're good with that?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yep. I think Torian needs someone, and I think Keir is a damned good choice. It also explains why they got under each other's skin before."

"And when they start fucking?" Hawke asked. "You still going to be ok with this?"

"Shit..." I drawled. "Hawke, I'm a foster kid.

Easy or convenient were the best options I had.

This? Yeah, it's different, but you know what?

A long-term, serious relationship is different.

If that 'serious' is open and accepting?

If my girlfriend will talk to me about my boyfriend, and he talks to me about his, and my friends are all cool with it?

Yeah, I'd have to be an idiot to think that's not.

.." I chuckled. "I dunno, like something out of a faerie tale. "

"Once upon a time," he said, looking over at me with a smile, "there was a monster and a maid. She became the hero his people needed, and he?"

"He became the guy brave enough to change the world," I finished for him. "And no one called him a monster anymore after that, so they all lived happily ever after."

Hawke reached up to slide his finger down my cheek. "I'd like happily ever after. I'll take 'didn't have to be alone.'"

I leaned into his touch. "Me too. I kinda think that's how we got this far, so let's make sure it carries us past this bump too."

When his autumn eyes met mine, I didn't look away. I didn't need to. Even knowing what Hawke could do, I had no reason at all to fear him. He might be a monster, but to me, he was a hero too. The one who'd just saved hundreds, and I was pretty sure he hadn't realized that yet.