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Chapter Twenty-Seven

RAIN

O n the way over, Aspen told me Torian was awake. Keir nodded, saying he wasn't surprised, yet he guided us all the way around the fourth floor until we reached his room. There, he opened his own door and tipped his head.

"All yours, Rain. I'm taking this lovely lady down for more sweets than the two of us can tolerate."

"I'm so down for that," Aspen agreed, but then her smile faded. "Rain, try to look at this from his side?"

"Oh, I am," I told her. "Trust me, I'm not going to make him feel bad. The goal is to lift him up a bit, right?"

So she mouthed, "Thank you," at me, even as her cheeks turned brighter. "I know you like that, but it feels weird."

"It's a human thing," Keir told her. "Recognition of a kindness. Makes her aware it was seen and appreciated."

"But - "

"No," Keir said. "Aspen, they like everything to be said. It's why they lie, because it's saying what others want to hear." Then he lifted a hand. "Good luck, Rain."

"This is going to be ok," I mumbled as I stepped into Keir's room, hoping it wasn't a lie.

Yet I paused to look back, watching them head to the elevators by my dads' apartment. I should probably tell Liam about this. No, that would make Torian stop trusting me. Besides, there was a good chance my dad already knew, and dawdling wouldn't make this any easier.

It was weird being in Keir's room without him.

Even weirder was walking across their shared bathroom and tapping on Torian's door.

When I'd thought about this, I'd expected to be knocking on the one in the hall.

And sure, this was nicer because I had somewhere to retreat, but what would Torian think?

"Come!" he bellowed.

Cautiously, I cracked the door, refusing to look through it. "It's me, Tor."

"Aspen warned me," he said.

So I dared to step into his room. "Um, Keir's worried about you."

Torian sighed heavily. "I'm fine."

I took another step, realizing Torian now had a chair in his room like the one in mine. His was black, but looked just as soft. There was also a small loveseat by the window that overlooked the atrium. Without asking, I took it, sitting angled so I could see him.

"Your mom designed you like a thing," I said, not knowing where else to start, because if Aspen told him I was coming, she'd probably mentioned why.

"You had all these expectations heaped on you, but the reality is so much worse.

In trying to do the right thing, you've found yourself caught between a rock and a hard spot, and you're convinced the only way out is, well, permanent? "

"I'm not suicidal," he said.

"No!" I groaned, realizing I was bad at this.

"I'm trying to say I get it. Like, when my mom killed my dad?

I knew she had to. I also knew it meant I'd lost everything.

Well, back then it was just this childish fear.

I didn't really get any of it, but as I grew up, that's kinda how I thought about it. "

"Not the same," he grumbled.

"Kinda is," I countered. "See, my mom and your dad both did something that sucked because they felt they had to.

We're the ones paying for it. Now, I'm sure your shit is a lot worse than mine, but I still get it.

I can imagine what it would be like to be pulled two ways, convinced you're going to pick the wrong thing and make it all worse. "

Somewhere in there, he'd looked down to pick at his thumbnail. I was convinced that was a brushoff until he began to nod slowly. "If people realize I'm also the Winter Prince, they'll try to kill Aspen, thinking it's an easy way to remove all Winter magic."

Ok, Keir had skipped over that. "You mean because you told everyone you're the prince?"

He nodded again. "They're so happy about it."

"Tor..." I shifted a bit, leaning to see his eyes. "No one here has met the Mad Queen but you."

"Us," he corrected. "Wilder's been close enough to count. Hawke's seen her."

"But they don't know her," I said. "To them, she's a single bad thing. To you, she's a nightmare you can't escape."

And those bright green eyes of his jumped up, guiltily confirming it.

"I still have nightmares about my dad," I told him. "They're vague now, but he's always beating something I care about until it's just gone." And I shrugged. "It was Aspen last time. Thankfully, I know he's gone, so he can't do anything to us, and waking up makes my nightmares end."

"The Mad Queen isn't gone," Torian said dryly.

"But what if she was?"

He huffed out a single chuckle. "Would be nice."

"And you'd be a king," I reminded him. "You, the one Summer fae with the right power, would be in a position to convince everyone else that Aspen's a good thing."

"And Titania is amazingly healthy," he pointed out. "She's on the other side of a gate, surrounded by sycophants who are encouraging her - probably because they're terrified of what will happen if they don't - and powerful enough that no one left could threaten her."

I just pointed at him. "You're left." Then I turned that finger to me. "I'm a Morrigan. I think that makes me a threat."

"And the gates are closed," he said.

I shrugged. "That's a good thing, though. Means we have time to level up, right? You know, perfect our warrior skills, get some mage points - "

"What?" he asked, sounding baffled.

"Like in a video game," I explained.

"Never played one."

Ok, that killed my analogy. "Like studying for a test," I tried next. "All I'm saying is we have time to prepare. We can build up some Winter power here, even if it's just support from the faelings and their parents, right?"

His eyes slid to the side and lost focus. "Huh."

So I kept going. "Have you seen the meme about holding someone's beer?"

"No?"

Fuck, that made this harder. "Ok, so it's like, you say I can't do something, and I've been drinking enough to be stupid and take it as a dare. 'Hold my beer,' so I can show you that you're wrong. That sort of thing."

"And?" he asked.

"And that's what you should be doing," I told him.

"See, your mom made you a weapon, right?

She put you between a rock and a hard place, thinking she'd backed you into a corner.

" How many more phrases could I pull out of my ass for this?

"But she made your options all suck, so why don't you show her how wrong she was? "

He shook his head. "Rain, she's not wrong."

"But you could make sure she is!" I shot back.

"Your own revenge, Torian! She made you to screw everything up, so instead you fix it.

She raised you to be only the things she needed, stripping all of your individuality, but you still kissed my boyfriend instead of punching him, right?

Doesn't that mean her training didn't work? "

One corner of his mouth lifted a bit. "It was a one-time thing, Rain."

"Technically two," I pointed out.

"No, the second time, he kissed me."

"And you didn't push him off," I said. "That means it counts, Tor. You may have been kissed, but you still kissed back."

"Sorry."

Well, shit. I was fucking this up badly. "No," I groaned. "I mean, it's cool. I figure it's the same thing, right? I'm dating your sister, so you can mess around with my boyfriend to make it even."

And he sucked in a breath. "What?" His head snapped over, his gaze finally the intensity I expected from him.

"Making out with Keir gets us even for me dating your sister?" I said, making it a question because I wasn't sure if that was what he was asking about.

"No, the getting even part," he clarified. "You don't have a brother, so I can't date him. I didn't even think about Keir as a replacement."

And now I was really confused. "You want to make me pay?"

Torian leaned forward, looking completely revitalized. "Not you, her. I want to make her pay, but I'd been thinking about flipping things on her. Making Aspen the queen instead of me. Stopping her plan piece-by-piece by doing the opposite, but you're right. It's not about that."

"So what is it about?" I asked, aware I was working with only about half the information.

And Torian smiled. "Do you remember how Poppy Hawthorne acted when I said it was one court instead of two?"

She'd been both surprised and excited. "Yeah?"

"That's what it's about. Titania is fighting for which court has more power. If she wins, Aspen loses. If Aspen wins, the Mad Queen loses, but what if Aspen isn't trying to become the more powerful season?"

"So what are we doing instead?"

His smile was cruel in the best way. "We need to convince everyone there's only one court, Rain.

It's us - all of us. Not us against them.

Just us. Fae, faeling, and caradil . If I'm spending all my time trying to prove my sister deserves to live, I'm on the defensive.

If I make it so attacking the Winter users is an attack against me, then they will be the ones defending their actions.

They will be the traitors, acting against the fae as a whole! "

"Nice," I breathed.

"And I almost kissed your boyfriend again."

He dropped that out so randomly I had to do a doubletake. "Keir?"

"Do you have another boyfriend I don't know about?" he asked, a devious little smirk showing itself. "Should I ask Hawke why he's not keeping me in the loop?"

"Oh, and you just assume Hawke's going to be next? What if I want to jump on Wilder's dick, huh?"

Torian scoffed. "Wilder would much rather jump on Keir's too. No offense, but you are not his kind of girl."

"No, I already know that," I admitted. "I also feel weird about flirting with Hawke, so I don't want to ruin everything."

And Torian leaned back, spreading his arms across the chair. "Why's that?"

"Oh, don't you start interrogating me, Mr. My-Shit-Don't-Stink!"

"It doesn't. I'm fae."

I let my eyes close and groaned. "That's not what I meant!"

"Rain." He waited until I looked at him again. "I'm giving you shit. I mean, it's true, but it's a deflection." Then he kicked his legs out a little more, truly relaxing. "And it's weird with Keir."

"Why so?"

"Why's it weird with Hawke?" he countered.

"Because it's easier with guys," I explained. "I mean, I know how to date guys. Make out with them, get all giddy because they make me feel beautiful, maybe have sex - or maybe not. Hold hands, make out some more, and that's about it."

"But?" he asked.

"But it's not like that with Aspen, and we're kinda taking it slow. That means I feel like I'm not being fair to her if she gets me all hot and bothered so I go fuck some guy!"

He lifted a brow. "You're fucking Keir?"

"No! But I mean, that's kinda why. If I'd never met Aspen, I'd probably be fucking him by now. But I did meet Aspen, and I'm glad for it, but..."

"It's weird," he said for me, showing he understood. "I have never found a man to be appealing."

"But you think Keir is?"

He clenched his jaw, making that muscle on the side bunch up. "I don't know."

"Ah, and you're confused about it?"

"It doesn't matter, so I don't exactly think about it."

And all the levity in the room faded with that one line.

I also understood what he meant. I'd moved too many times to worry about guys at my last few schools.

Sure, I noticed them, but I never bothered to figure out if they were decent guys or not because I knew I'd move before anything happened.

Instead, I'd appreciated their appearance and then forgot them when they were out of sight.

"But if we're fighting differently, then could it matter?" I asked. "And with that in mind, even if we fail, wouldn't it be nice to have lived a little before your mother kills all of us?"

His brow creased. "What do you mean?"

And now I had him. "Tor, I mean that if you go down, we're going down with you. That's how this court works. That's what it means when you say this is one court. We stand with each other. Win or lose, we'll do it as a group - because we're changing things."

For a little too long, he was silent. Thinking, I was pretty sure, and when he finally did respond, it was soft, almost like he was testing the idea. "We're making a new and better balance."

My breath rushed out. "Fuck."

"And that's how I've been feeling," he said.

"I have this big purpose I can't carry, but I also don't dare fail at.

My first memory is of my mother saying I would bring Winter down, and for years, I've known that was the only reason I was here.

" He chuckled once. "Then this spunky human girl sits down in my room and rephrases it so I can actually deal with this. "

"Everyone says I'm supposed to bring balance," I said.

He tilted his head, watching me carefully. "No one said you had to do it alone, right?"

"Right."

"But what happens if you fail?"

"Shit," I breathed, seeing his point.

Torian just nodded. "And now you understand how I've been feeling. I have to choose between either an impossible task or doing something I'd hate. Success sounds impossible, but trying is all I can do, even if it tears me apart, because failing is too terrifying to contemplate."

"And you're still not alone," I reminded him. "See, that's the thing I've been holding on to."

He paused to lick his lips. "I will always stand with you, Rain le Fae."

"And I will stand with you, Your Highness," I told him. "And with Torian Hunt, even when you piss me off. It's what friends do, right?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Let's make sure of it."