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Chapter Fifty-Eight

TORIAN

T hey made me work for it. Not just the sentinels, either! My entire court got a chance to beat me back with a sword, and I was shocked to realize we were starting to get good. Even my sister was holding her own now - and when we added in magic, it was even better!

But in all of that, I'd noticed something.

It was the sort of thing that put a little spring in my step as we headed back to our room.

Like normal, Aspen and Rain headed up to their room to clean up.

Hawke and Wilder went to the dining hall to get a snack that would hold them over until dinner. Keir? He followed me.

"Well, you seem like you're in a better mood today," he teased as we rode the elevator up.

"Daivon's magic has blues and yellows in it," I said.

He nodded. "Ok, so I wasn't imagining that?"

"Nope." The elevator dinged, announcing our arrival, and the doors slid open. "Also, did you see Rain's shadow?"

"I wasn't exactly watching it," he admitted.

"Couldn't," I corrected. "It wasn't under her, Keir."

"Huh." His brow furrowed, and together we headed toward our doors.

Yet when I stopped to open mine, he did too. Usually, he went to his side, but considering I'd just mentioned yet another oddity happening, I could see his need to discuss this a little more. So, once my room was unlocked, I gestured for him to enter first.

"Oh, a gentleman," he teased.

But the smile he tossed my way? It was warm and different from what I was used to seeing on him. This looked softer somehow. Beautiful, too. I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes looked more violet than navy when he looked at me that way.

And my stomach turned in a weird way, almost like it had flipped upside down inside me.

"I was well-trained in courtly manners," I replied, quickly finding something true that might keep him talking without making me sound like an idiot.

"Nice evasion," he teased before marching across the room and sitting on the edge of my bed.

Then the guy kicked off his shoes. He was still wearing his uniform from the gym. I wasn't, since we hadn't been issued one, but my eyes got stuck on the way his arms flexed as he did that. When both boots were off, he paired them up nicely, moved them out of his way, and leaned back.

"So where was her shadow?"

I realized I was staring. "I don't have a clue, but I know it wasn't with her. I also know it stopped me from stripping that one girl's power from her."

"Which one?"

"The one who tried to attack Rain. From the group that went after Pascal. That's what I was trying to do when it stood up in front of me."

He reached up to scrub at his mouth and I couldn't look away from his hands. What the fuck was I doing? Was Pascal right? Had my mother warped me so much I was suspicious of everyone?

"Tor?" Keir asked.

I blinked, realizing I'd fallen into my own thoughts. "Hm?"

"I asked if it was there when Pascal made his vow to Aspen."

"I don't know," I admitted, turning to claim one of the soft chairs I'd made. "What I do know is something's happening, there are now three kinds of magic instead of just two - not counting Wild, I mean. And if I'm not mistaken, Bran and Axel don't normally have that much magical ability."

"That's the thing I noticed," Keir said. "Bran's an enchanter. Axel's a glamour. I'm pretty sure I saw both of them do some minor conjurations today."

"Yeah," I said, thinking back over what they'd tried. "Their magic was always in the realm of what they're rated for, but at least a few were definitely conjurations."

"Because they swore their loyalty?" Keir asked.

Yet that didn't feel like it fit. "I don't know. What else could it be?"

"They were allowed to pick?" he offered next.

That felt better. "What do you mean?"

"Well, isn't swearing loyalty to you - or me - a form of choosing what camp you're in? Being your true self, or maybe accepting something? I don't know. I'm just tossing out possibilities."

"Pascal swore his oath to Aspen to put me in my place," I said softly.

Keir leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "Yeah, but he's never really been Summer either. I mean, the guy loves the snow."

"So do I."

"And you're half Winter. Plus, he's never had a problem with Winter users," Keir added. "Winter honestly fits him better. It's almost like he finally had the chance to embrace that side of himself or something."

"Poppy Hawthorne has always hated the dichotomy between the seasons," I realized. "I just thought it was some eleventh-grade rebellion against her mother or something."

"Both could be true," Keir pointed out. "But are you actually ok with this? You have two loyal subjects now. You've basically given up your place in Winter. I mean, I'd think all of that is a little terrifying."

I let my eyes drop to the rug in my room and thought about it. Oddly, fear wasn't the emotion I'd call it. But the more I thought about it, the easier it was to let my lips curl again.

"Knowing Wilder is the heir? That feels like relief.

" I shrugged, wondering if he thought less of me for that.

"The only way I can describe it to you is to compare it to being unqualified.

I mean, imagine if someone put a crown on your head and made it clear the lives of millions hung on your every decision.

Did you eat fruit today, or flowers? Either choice would result in someone dying.

Then, to have that pressure just... gone? "

"Ok, yeah," he said. "That makes sense."

"But at the same time," I went on, "what Bran said?" Again, my lips flickered into this strange-feeling smile. "To be proud of our season? To want to follow me ?" I shook my head, but that smile stayed. "That's like being told the girl of your dreams likes you back."

"Or guy?" he offered.

I felt like time stalled out. My heart even forgot to beat, but my head snapped up. Those eyes of his. Fuck, but they were easy to look at.

"I wouldn't know," I said, trying to dismiss his question and get back on track.

Instead, Keir pushed to his feet. "You still trying to say you don't date guys?" he asked, sauntering toward me.

"I..." Fuck, I couldn't think of what to say.

My brain was stuck on the way his shirt was so tight across his pecs. His blonde hair was in disarray, but in a way that worked for him. His forearms were bare, and thicker than I'd realized. It was like they were trying to balance out his muscular thighs.

He didn't stop until he braced one hand on the arm of my chair and leaned closer. "Finish the thought, Tor."

"I can't."

"Mm..." He leaned a little closer. "Well, I feel I should tell you Rain thinks I should kiss you again. Aspen says you wouldn't mind, but I'd have to make the first move." Then, using his other hand, he caught me under the chin and tilted my face up. "But before I can do that, you have to say yes."

"I don't - "

He shifted his thumb to press against my lips, cutting me off.

"I don't care, Tor. You have a million reasons why this would be a bad idea.

Fine. They're also bullshit. Know what I do care about?

That you're a complete and total asshole - for the right reasons.

That no matter what, even when I don't know why you're doing something, I never doubt that I should be on your side.

I also care that I've learned I happen to have a thing for trouble, and I think that describes you perfectly. "

I heard him. All those things hung in my mind, spiraling as I tried to think it through. My instincts told me to let him down easy, to make sure there was nothing he could use against me. My memories, on the other hand, kept spiraling back to the times he'd kissed me before.

I liked that he was so strong. Not just physically, but in all ways. I'd kissed him that first time simply because I was so sick of always shoving everyone down. I'd wanted someone to hold me up, and he'd been right there. Lately, he always was.

So I whispered, "Yes."

His hand shifted from my chin to the side of my neck. His mouth took mine, and I leaned in. The chair kept me from going further, but fuck it. I kissed him back. When his tongue demanded entrance, I let him in, grabbing a fistful of that tight shirt so he couldn't run away afterwards.

Then his knee landed on the cushion beside me. While his tongue tangled with mine, his hand moved from the arm of the chair to the back, and Keir leaned in. I felt the movement as he pinned me against the soft velvet upholstery. I knew his arms had me blocked.

I flinched.

Immediately, Keir pulled back. "Tor?"

"Ignore that," I grumbled.

"Not something I can do," he breathed, pushing back so he was no longer crawling into the chair with me. Then he knelt, right between my knees. "Just answer one question for me? Is it because you really aren't into guys, or something else?"

I looked over to the window. "Something else."

"Maybe a thing we should work through?"

And I scoffed. "I'm not your problem, Keir."

Slowly, gently, he reached up to hook my chin again, making me actually look at him. "You are."

"You're with Rain."

"So? She's with Aspen. Hawke's working up to making a move."

"Wilder thinks you're hot," I offered next.

And he smirked at me. "Nice to know. I'm also not talking about Wilder right now. I'm talking about you, Tor."

"Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you not to worry about it."

I moved to get up, intending to step around him, but he caught my arm on one side. His other hand pressed into my chest. Part of my brain knew he was trying to stop me from acting like a dick, but the other part didn't give a shit. I needed to get up. I had to break free!

So I yanked my arm away and pulled my feet up. My urge was to go over the side, but I never got the chance. As soon as my body freaked out, Keir jerked back, landing on his ass.

"Shit," he breathed. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

"I - "

He just lifted a hand. "You don't have to tell me, Tor."

"I don't like to be trapped," I mumbled.

"Ok," he said, scooting back on his butt so he could get his feet under him.

Then he headed back to my bed, dropping onto it a little too hard.

I locked my face into place, making sure I didn't show the disappointment I felt, but it was there.

All that weight I'd been so glad to get rid of had just found me again, and this time it was even heavier because I didn't want him to give up.

I wanted this man to kiss me stupid. I wanted to touch him back, exploring the parts I'd never had the chance to experience before.

I wanted to close my eyes and just let go, knowing it was with someone who actually gave a shit about who I was, not only how powerful I could be or what I might help them achieve.

"Sorry," I said again, because it was all I really had to offer.

"Come here," Keir told me, crooking a finger to make it clear what he meant.

"Excuse me?"

So he scooted further up my bed. "There isn't a back or arms here," he said just a little too casually. "I mean, I'm ok with being pinned down, but you clearly aren't. So come here, Torian."

Cautiously, ready for the invitation to be twisted into some cruel joke, I slid off the chair and moved toward him. "What are you doing, Keir?"

"I'm trying to convince you to kiss me softly," he said. "Not in place of a punch, or to reassert your control over things. But to kiss me because you want to, and if that means I have to lie very, very still, I'm more than willing to do it."

I made it to the edge of my bed, but stopped. "Why?"

"Because you," he breathed, "are fucking beautiful, and I don't just mean on the outside."

I shoved a hand onto his chest and pushed, guiding him to his back as I crawled up beside him. Before his head even hit the pillows, my mouth was on him. Gentle? No, that wasn't the word for how I kissed him. Desperate fit much better.

But he didn't stop me. He didn't laugh. Keir simply cupped my cheek and let me lead. He tasted like salt and sugar. He smelled like wheat ripening in the field. He felt like stone, ready to be carved into whatever I wanted, so I let my hands move as our mouths danced.

I felt it when his fingers traced the line of my spine through my shirt.

I could feel his hardness against my hip, and liked it.

I needed to kiss him again, to feel his tongue against mine.

Over and over, I claimed his mouth, forgetting to care that I shouldn't be doing this.

All the reasons seemed unimportant right now.

"Hey?" he asked, pulling his mouth from mine just to kiss along my jaw, toward my neck. "You decide you hate this yet?"

"Shut up," I told him.

And I felt his lips curl against my neck. "I don't obey you," he warned.

Then he nipped. I managed to catch the moan in my throat before it slipped out, but he still heard. He didn't stop, though. No, this man kissed the pinch, then trailed his tongue up my pulse and found my mouth again.

"Tor, I like you," he whispered against my lips.

"Yeah," I breathed, unable to think of anything better.

But Keir pulled back enough to see my face. "Listen," he said softly. "I like you . Fuck expectations. Forget about the complications. This? I'd like a lot more of this - if you let me."

"Convince me," I said.

His eyes shifted between both of mine. "Boyfriend? Or is that not allowed?"

"You... Keir, you want to be my boyfriend?"

"No, I want you to be mine." And that impish little smile of his made an appearance. "I mean, it's worth trying, right?"

"I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing."

"So?"

For some reason, that was exactly the right answer. "Yes," I whispered, leaning in to kiss him again.