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Chapter Seventeen

HAWKE

E veryone was staring at Rain. Most of them were smiling, acting like they'd watched our little match for a bit. And while that was good for her, it made my guts clench. If they paid too much attention to my magic, they'd notice it wasn't like anyone else's - but hers.

My magic had always been tinted by the power used to fuel it. If I took from a Summer user, it came out a deep, dark green color. If I pulled from a Winter user, like usual, it turned a pewter-grey color. In the rare event I drew the source from both, it was more of an olive shade.

It wouldn't take much to realize there was Wild magic involved.

Maybe mine wasn't exactly shadow magic, but it was still tinted with black.

Only Wild magic had that darkness, but my friends were convinced Keir's iridescent mess would prevent any questions.

Sadly, with four new sets of eyes in the room, I wasn't as convinced.

And I'd used a lot more power than I'd expected.

Deep in the back of my mind, there was a hollow spot. It was similar to the feeling of being hungry - like some sort of basic need, but different, although just as persistent. The longer I went without feeding on power, the weaker I'd become.

I couldn't stop thinking about that as we finished up our lesson.

On the upside, Aspen had gotten inspired a bit by Rain's show of force.

She was now swinging her swords with more determination and stronger wrists.

It looked to me like she wasn't quite as worried about looking cute or pretty, and more worried about keeping up.

Then again, I thought Rain was absolutely gorgeous when she was fighting. There was a seductive power about it, as if this woman was so far out of my league. Granted, she was the Morrigan, so that was just a fact.

But she'd kissed me.

She wasn't scared of me.

And she thought I was attractive.

I wasn't sure which term she'd use - hot, sexy, or cute - but she'd made it clear she didn't think I was ugly. Me, the sharp-edged monster! The prettiest girl I'd ever met wasn't disgusted by me, and I was definitely calling this a win.

There was just one tiny problem with all of this.

In here, we were completely safe. Out there, someone had already tried to attack Aspen, and I was pretty sure they were waiting for a chance to come at the rest of us.

Torian had made it clear he wanted both me and Rain kept fueled up at all times, but in my quest to impress a girl, I'd drained myself down too much.

"Hey," I said to Wilder as the sentinels made their way around, cleaning up after our session. "I'm gonna need a hit."

"I need to eat first," Wilder said.

"Shit," I breathed, snagging his practice swords to put them away. "I'm basically useless if shit hits the fan, babe."

"What?" Rain asked, catching the end of that.

I just shook my head. "Nothing."

"He needs some magic," Wilder told her softly.

"I'm still full," Rain said, moving to stand chest-to-chest with me. "How do I help?"

"Uh..." I glanced around the room. "Not in front of them."

"So we dawdle," she said. "Easy enough. I need to go tell Aspen I'll be a minute."

Ok, that helped. What I didn't expect was for her to agree so easily. Then again, she had no clue how I filled my reserves. Fuck! Ok, this was going to be awkward as fuck, and I couldn't exactly back out now. Dammit!

"Kiss her," Wilder said, tossing a sly smirk my way.

"Uh, no," I said.

"I mean, it would distract her from the pinch," he pointed out.

"And make a whole mess," I hissed. "Her and Aspen? Her and Keir? Yeah, if some faelings realize I'm trying to make that her and me as well? Wilder, they'll start calling her a slut!"

"Hawke, she doesn't care," he said. "Besides, you're cute when she gets you all flustered."

"You kiss her," I shot back, hoping to change this conversation enough that I was no longer the brunt of it.

But Wilder looked over, and not at Rain. "I'd rather kiss him."

My eyes followed his to see Keir. He was laughing with his friends, acting completely comfortable with all of this.

Then again, he'd known them before us. It seemed that was ending up to be a benefit I hadn't expected, but still.

On his other side, Rain was whispering with Aspen, and Torian was hovering beside them, likely making sure their words didn't carry. Magically, of course.

"Ok!" Torian said. "I think this place is good enough. Let's get out of here. I'm starving!"

Yeah, Torian was never starving. His mother had given him quite a few issues, and eating was one of them.

Making a mistake was another. If there was anything he could've done wrong, he learned to avoid doing it.

Very early on, the Mad Queen had made it clear the pain of an empty belly was easier to handle than the punishment she would give him for picking the wrong fork.

But his words got everyone headed out of the gym.

Keir went first, and the sentinels followed with him.

They were talking about something, but I was just far enough away that I couldn't make out what they were saying.

Rain and Aspen headed that way next, and I caught when Rain brushed her hand against Aspen's.

But at the door, Rain paused. Aspen smiled at her, then Torian stepped in to wrap an arm around his sister's shoulders. There was a look traded between the three of them, and Rain turned back.

"We'll wait," Aspen called after her.

"It's fine," Rain said as she jogged up the handful of stairs that led to where Wilder and I were standing.

Wilder slid his hand around my waist, not quite holding on to me, but letting me know he was there as he moved over to one of the many benches so he could sit. I felt it, so I didn't need to look. I also didn't really want to. Right now, I was feeling overly self-conscious.

"Ok," Rain said as she reached me. "Torian said to make this fast, so what do I need to do?"

"You stand there," Wilder said. "I'm here to make sure he doesn't pull too much."

"I won't," I grumbled.

"And if you need more than she has," Wilder said, "I can hit her with something. Besides, she converts it better than you do, or so it seems."

Yeah, but I really didn't want him here for this either. Well, nothing to be done for it now, so I shifted closer, catching both of Rain's wrists.

"There's a pinch," I told her. "Like getting blood drawn. Nothing too bad, but it does leave a mark. Do you know where you'd want it?"

"Uh..." She looked at Wilder. "Suggestions?"

"Under your shirt," he said. "Sleeves, waist, or somewhere easy to hide for a few days."

"Arms," Rain decided, gesturing up by her shoulders. "Even my gym shirts come down that far."

"Ok." So I moved my hands up her arms until I was clasping her biceps up by her shoulders. "This may feel weird. If you tell me to stop, I will."

"It's ok," she assured me.

Pushing out a breath - and my tension with it - I bowed my head. Beneath my hands, I felt Rain relax quickly, and then I pushed my thumbnails against her arms. The prick was light. The resistance was minimal as my thickened talons sank into her flesh - and her power slammed into me hard.

I'd barely pulled at all when my head snapped back. The intensity of the Morrigan's Wild magic felt like my entire body had just been set on fire. Normally, drawing in magic was like drinking through a straw, but with Rain, it was like sucking on a fire hose.

I didn't even have time to stop siphoning before I was forced back, feeling like I was exploding! My ears rang. My vision blurred. Behind me, something rustled when I staggered, but I managed to keep my feet, somehow bending forward instead of falling on my ass.

"Shit," Wilder said right as the door to the gym opened.

"Hey, I left my..." Pascal's voice faded away.

"Out!" Wilder bellowed as he moved between us and Pascal.

Rain was hurrying over to check on me, but her eyes were wide - and not on me. I tried to straighten, to assure her I was ok, but the movement made my wings flare out.

Wait. Wings?

Fuck!

"Jevadu..." Pascal breathed.

"No, no, no, no..." I whispered, trying to put my wings away quickly, but the tingling euphoria of Rain's power and my own shame made it hard.

Then Rain's head snapped over to land on Pascal. "He is not a monster. He's my friend !"

"I will gut you," Wilder said, the cold of his season leaking into his voice.

Pascal merely held up his hands as if gesturing that he wasn't a threat. "I left my keys. That's all."

"Fuck!" I said, out loud this time. "Now that's out."

"I promise you, Hawke," Pascal said as he slowly made his way closer, carefully watching Wilder, "that I will not share your secrets without your permission, ok?"

"Why?" I demanded as I felt the ripple of his vow.

"Put them away!" Wilder snapped.

"I can't!"

"What do I do?" Rain asked me as everything seemed to be happening at once.

"I need a minute."

"He's not full," Wilder said.

And Pascal paused. "Oh, shit. The court's in danger, and you just burned a lot of magic in here today."

"Take more," Rain said, thrusting an arm at me. "I've got plenty."

"You're the reason..." I gestured back. "Rain, I can't just feed from you. It's too much."

"Wildlings aren't meant to feed on wildlings," Pascal said as he offered his arm. "I have magic, though. I mean, in theory. I can't really do anything, but you're welcome to it since it's not doing me any good."

Wilder tensed up as he shifted to block Pascal again. "Why?"

"Because I grew up thinking I was human," Pascal told him.

"I don't give a shit about Winter, or Summer, or Wild.

I'm with Rain on this. All of it's pretty fucking amazing, and yeah, I have some habits of the fae, but I'm a fucking faeling.

A foundling!" And his eyes moved to land on me. "And Hawke's my friend too."

So I lifted a hand. "I won't hurt you," I said. "It's just a pinch."

Wilder shifted. "Babe, you sure?"

"Rain hits like a fucking troll," I told him. "I'm more worried about burning myself out with her than being empty, and if Pascal's right..."

"Take all you need," Pascal said as he clasped my wrist.

"Both hands," Wilder told him. "It's faster."

Pascal immediately offered his other. Unfortunately, everyone was looking at me. I closed my wings as tightly as I could, aware they were a hard thing to hide, but I needed the power. I couldn't risk being too low, and he already knew.

So I pushed. My thumbs stabbed into him, and I didn't care if I was gentle. I wasn't trying to impress him. I'd already made a fool of myself, so I just wanted this done. I was ready for my shame to be over, and there, running inside this man, was the magic I needed.

It was warm like sunshine and flowed naturally.

Refusing to look at him, I pulled, feeling my senses balance out again.

With my talons still buried in his forearms, I managed to get enough control to put my fucking wings away, but I kept drawing.

After all, he'd said he had no need of it, and I definitely did.

There was a conversion that happened when I fed.

The magical ratio wasn't a one-to-one thing.

I could take a tenth of his power and end up filled to the brim.

At least that was how it worked with Torian and Wilder - but it took a moment.

It was also intimate. Not that there was anything sexual about draining someone's power, but being forced to stand so close while a part of my body was inside theirs? Intimate was the best word I had.

When my reserves were finally filled, I lifted my thumbs so I could press the pads over the punctures. "It might bleed for a bit."

"I'm fine," Pascal told me. "How are you, Hawke? Did I have enough magic to help?"

I chuckled once, unable to ignore the irony. "Yeah, and better than Rain. She's like kissing lava."

"Hot," Pascal teased.

"But not sexy," I countered. "Wrong type of hot. This is more the dangerous kind."

"Feeding from a Morrigan?" Wilder said. "I do think that counts as the epitome of danger."

"Yeah," I said, looking over to make sure Pascal's arms weren't bleeding. "I'm sorry you had to see that. The wings, I mean."

But it was Rain who smoothed down my hair. "I kinda like your wings. They go on the sexy list."

"Oh yeah," Wilder said. "Right at the fucking top."