Page 8

OLLIE

As the weeks went by, Ollie’s mood grew more and more sour. It had started with losing Finn - although he’d never really had Finn to begin with, but the collateral damage was there - and then continued with the low-grade headache he always seemed to have. As Christmas approached he added being cold all the time to that list as well. It made sense; winter had arrived yet Ollie was still shivering even with multiple layers and a space heater in his room.

But what really chapped his hide was that when he woke up on December twenty-fourth, his social media had taken a hit.

He knew something was wrong the minute he checked his phone; his usual heap of notifications was frighteningly sparse and he immediately sat up in bed, pushing aside his regular morning dizziness to open the app. Your Account Is Currently Suspended sat in a box across the screen. A few taps later he found that he’d been reported for promoting a poor body image and huffed a hard breath through his nose as anger frothed inside of him. That didn’t make sense. He never talked about his diet, just his hair, makeup, and fashion, and there had always been complaints about his weight no matter what size he was; however, over the last few months, the comments had been trending toward disgust and concern, only increasing with each livestream and becoming impossible to ignore.

His followers were as bad as his family. Thankfully, Ollie could appeal and quickly filled out the form. His phone rang a split second after he finished and when Biz’s name popped up on the screen, he let out a sigh. He loved his sister but she’d been nagging him about anything and everything lately so, in return, he’d been ignoring her texts. But he did have to answer this actual voice call because it was most likely the last step before she showed up at the house in Angry Big Sister mode.

Pressing accept, he faked a smile, hoping that it caused him to sound more chipper than he was. “Hey, Biz.”

“Don’t hey me, dipshit. Answer your texts.” Her growly tone was all annoyance.

“Sorry, sorry. I’ve been busy. One of my accounts got suspended.”

“Which one?”

“Not Insta, otherwise I’d be crying into the phone right now.” But anxiety reared its head, whispering that if one of his accounts had gotten dinged, the others could fall like dominoes.

“What else has been keeping you so busy? You don’t still have the flu, do you?” Some of the annoyance left her tone, replaced by concern.

“No, I don’t. Not anymore. I’m sorry I missed Thanksgiving.” At the time, Ollie was still mourning what he could have had with Finn while simultaneously cursing himself for trying to be with someone. And all those feelings, along with the food-oriented focus of Thanksgiving, had been too much for Ollie to deal with so he’d faked an illness, going out for a long run instead of eating turkey under the watchful eye of his family. Even though he knew that he’d made the right choice he still felt guilty about it.

“By the way, I haven’t forgiven you. Mom and Dad were pretty bummed since Sophie wasn’t there either. She had to work.”

“But she hasn’t shown up for years, that’s nothing new. Everyone knows she’s a workaholic.” Ollie looked down at his pink pajama pants, which were dotted with peacocks in various poses. Absently, he traced one of their beaks.

“Part of being a nurse is holiday shifts. What, is she supposed to get fired?”

“I guess not.” Ollie turned his attention to the ceiling, flopping back in bed and pulling the covers over him. The room was far too chilly. “So, is there a point to this call or-”

“You’re such a rude jerk, I swear to god,” Biz huffed. “I’m just making sure that you’re showing up for Christmas and that you haven’t abandoned us since you’re soooo far away now.”

“Stop it.” Ollie tried not to be too cranky with his sister but he was worried. He’d moved out to avoid scrutiny and its partner, commentary, and he was sure that Christmas Day would be littered with comments on his appearance and food choices. The sad truth was that he’d need to hide his recent progress by layering up and contouring his face so he looked fuller; plus, he’d need to eat more than empty salads, fruit, low-calorie soups, and celery. He’d already felt gross and bloated imagining it, and his dread latched onto that like barnacles on a ship. “Of course, I’m going to be there. What would I do with all the gifts I bought?” Between holiday presents and losing his account, money was going to be a little slim by the end of the month. He wished he had a friend like Finn’s who could offer him some work.

“Are you showing up tonight or tomorrow?” Biz was moving around and Ollie could hear the slide of hangers as she searched through her closet.

“Tomorrow. Liam and Owen are having a party tonight and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Can I come?” Biz laughed. “Naw, I’m kidding. I’m going to The Gothmare Before Christmas bash downtown. I’m sure I’ll be hungover tomorrow.”

“Send me pics of your outfit.” Ollie curled under the blanket, enjoying the warm nest he’d created.

“Sure. And stop ignoring my texts, okay?” There was a warning in her words. “Send me a picture of your outfit too.”

He’d have to pose just right to stave off her worry but he should be able to find one decent shot out of the zillion he’d be taking for social media. “Yes, ma’am.”

Ollie didn’t feel like socializing. Although he’d told Biz that he wouldn’t miss this event for the world, it wasn’t fully true. He’d stay home in a heartbeat if it was held by anyone but his bestie.

And his mood affected his energy, which was already quite low, so it took him forever to get ready. He didn’t even have the heart to livestream as he stood in front of his closet, unsure what still fit him and what looked like a potato sack. Eventually, he selected a green velvet suit that he’d recently ordered, pairing it with a white button-down and a red cravat that matched the stitching along his jacket sleeve and the side of the pants. It was very festive, and Ollie finished the outfit with one of his favorite pairs of shoes - his red glittery Betsy Johnson mini-boots. They made him feel like Dorothy and maybe if he clicked his heels three times, then he’d find a man as sweet as Finn who was actually gay, then he wouldn’t have to worry.

By the time he’d refreshed his curls, added a bit of makeup, and arrived at the condo he was more than an hour late. The sounds of laughter and revelry leaked through the front door as Ollie stood on the steps, and he took a few deep breaths, trying to steady himself. It was only a party. Who knew what would happen? Maybe he’d have fun.

“Ollie! Finally!” Liam said as he opened the door, noise spilling out around him. Quickly pasting a smile on his face, Ollie stepped inside. The living room was certainly festive. A large tree donned with silver and gold took up most of one corner with three stockings on the wall beside it, a name sewn into each one, and Ollie smiled at the little family they represented. After a long year, Owen had gotten his son back and he and Liam couldn’t be happier. Ollie was thrilled for them, yet he couldn’t help but wonder if Liam was worried about losing his family again. It would certainly keep Ollie up at night. Up and running.

“Sorry Li-Squared, I had a fashion emergency.”

“You couldn’t figure out what to wear?” Liam helped him out of his fluffy black coat and orange scarf, hanging them in the closet by the door.

“Of course. That’s an emergency.” Ollie deadpanned, pushing curls out of his eyes and adjusting his suit jacket. A quick look around told him that the party was in full swing with groups of people gathered and talking animatedly, food and drink in their hands. Ollie contemplated holding something as camouflage when he caught the unmistakable scent of sandalwood and pine.

No, it couldn’t be. Honing in, Ollie spun his head toward the kitchen.

And pinned his eyes on Finn.

“What is he doing here?” Ollie was amazed that he sounded so calm because a million questions raced through his brain and he needed answers to all of them, immediately.

“Who?” Liam asked, blinking in confusion, but Ollie was already on the move, striding through the living room and easily maneuvering around the other partygoers, who were too wrapped up in their own conversations to notice. Once he reached Finn, who stared at him like he’d seen a ghost, Ollie grabbed him by the elbow.

“Kitchen, now.” Without looking back, he dragged Finn behind him until they were in the corner by the stove, out of sight.

Letting go, he took a few steps back and crossed his arms, trying to hide his shaking hands.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Thankfully his voice stayed strong.

“What are you doing here?” Finn echoed, recovering from his shock and crossing his arms, eyebrows raised. He didn’t seem mad or upset, just surprised and curious. Meanwhile, Ollie was a tornado of emotions.

“I asked you first.” He wanted to stomp his foot.

Finn grinned wickedly. “I asked you second and two is more than one so-”

“Are you stalking me, Finley?”

“Finn.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Ollie rolled his eyes. “Are you stalking me, Just Finn?”

“You showed up after me so I think you’re the stalker.” Finn gave him an expression that could only be read as ha.

“I’m not stalking you. I’m here for Liam. He invited me!” Ollie blurted.

Surprise washed across Finn’s face. “Wait a minute. You’re Liam’s friend? The one from high school?”

“Yes? How do you know Liam?” Ollie could feel the reveal coming, like a boulder chasing him through a forest.

“I know them both but Opie has been my best friend forever.”

“Opie?” Ollie had heard the name before but he still couldn’t put it all together.

“Yeah, for Owen Parker. OP.” As that bombshell ripped through Ollie, Finn tilted his head “What? You’re not the only person in the world who uses nicknames.”

Ollie put his hand to his head as it started to pound. This was crazy. All this time…all this time Finn had known Owen and Liam. The friend who told Finn he needed to dial it back? Owen. The friend who’d gotten Finn a new job? Owen. They were connected in so many ways; it was almost scary.

“Hey.” A gentle hand rested on Ollie’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Ollie let out a sigh, rubbing his temple. “Why are you being so nice to me? I threw you out.”

“You did and that sucked.” Finn dropped his hand. “But me being shitty to you isn’t going to make you more open-minded.”

“Wh-What?” Ollie choked, forgetting about his headache for a few seconds. “Me? I’m not open-minded?”

“That’s what I said. You won’t give me a chance because I’m not gay. Sounds pretty close-minded to me.”

“It’s…” Ollie opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking like a fish out of water. This infuriating and gorgeous man was calling him close-minded? “I’m allowed to have boundaries. You wouldn’t understand.”

Finn stepped closer. “Try me.”

For a few seconds, Ollie stared into Finn’s eyes, gauging whether or not it was worth it to be vulnerable. And all he found was acceptance, sincerity, and a steady calm that led Ollie to cave with a sigh.

“The last two men I dated turned out to be bi-curious and it wasn’t a good experience. They thought I was pretty and used me as a fling, a test drive. To be fair, you’ve never lied to me and I made assumptions. But I can’t risk my heart because you won’t take this seriously and eventually go back to women.”

“That’s insulting.” Finn crossed his arms again. “Don’t lump me in with those jerks. And don’t treat me like I don’t know what I want, like I’m only after you because of the way you look. It’s more than that. Much more. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I was wrecked after you threw me out…” Finn paused, ran a hand through his hair, and took a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was lower but no less intense. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone. Did you hypnotize me? Cast a spell on me? Are you a wizard?”

Maybe Finn was the wizard because he was putting Ollie in a trance with his words.

“Really?” He still couldn’t wrap his brain around the last five minutes so his comprehension was at an all-time low.

“Yes, really.” Finn stepped closer until they were a breath apart, and that spicy earthy scent washed over Ollie’s senses, easing the shooting pains in his head. He inhaled deeply, trying to keep his eyelids from fluttering as Finn slowly reached out and brushed the backs of his knuckles down Ollie’s cheek, but it was a losing battle. His eyes closed as sensation flooded him, that simple touch shooting through his system with little sparks, but it also set off warning bells, telling him that he was getting too close. Not to be fooled. That this would only end in pain.

Clearing his throat, Ollie opened his eyes and refocused, taking a small step back. “I’m sorry. I don’t date straight men. Not anymore.”

“What did those two fools do to you?” Finn was annoyingly calm as he leaned in, erasing Ollie’s meager attempt at putting space between them.

“Does it matter?” Ollie wanted to snap but it came out more resigned than anything.

“Yes, it matters. I want to know exactly what they did.” Finn’s face was so close that Ollie could see glints of amber in his irises. “And I want to know if you had this kind of chemistry with them. Or only with me.” His breath brushed over Ollie’s lips and it took everything he had not to lick them. This man was a persistent menace, easily leaping over every wall that Ollie put up, but Ollie wasn’t done with construction yet. Taking a deep breath, he shuffled back again, ready to give Finn what he wanted - the truth. Maybe then he’d back off.

“The first one, Dave, always told me how gorgeous I was and since looking like this was still new to me,” he gestured up and down his body, “I ate it up. He treated me well, bought flowers, took me to nice restaurants, a few shows, we even went to a five-star hotel on the beach for a long weekend and we were sort of in a relationship. Until I realized he had a wife.”

“Oh.” Finn’s eyebrows rose.

“And kids.”

“Oh no.” Finn’s eyebrows dropped, scrunching together as he grimaced.

“Yeah, I saw the family pics on his phone. He was a bored married scumbag who wanted to try something different.” Ollie made quote marks in the air with his fingers, remembering some of the things Dave had said on his way out; luckily, they hadn’t been together long. “Luke, the second one, liked my femininity but it was very clear he’d never touched another man before and once things started to get physical, he basically broke down and never contacted me again. Then there’s straight man number three - you.”

“The sexiest one of all. And here’s where I come out ahead. One,” Finn held up his index finger, “I’m not married. And twoooo,” he gave Ollie a peace sign, along with a sly, sinuous smile. “We’ve already been physical and you gave me the best blowjob of my life.”

Ollie put a hand over Finn’s mouth, lightning fast. “Shh, why don’t you tell the entire party?” He glanced around the kitchen, sure that everyone had suddenly appeared next to them, but thankfully they were still alone. Wetness spread across Ollie’s palm as Finn licked it and he tore his hand away, giving it a shake. “Listen. If this gets serious you won’t be willing to upend your life and come out to your friends and family.”

Finn stayed close to Ollie, piercing him with his gaze. “I am. I mean, I have already. I’ve told Opie about you. I’ll tell this whole damn party about you, right now.” Finn grasped Ollie’s hands in his, rubbing the backs with his thumbs. “I like you, Ollie. I know that you have a lot of fear but you don’t have to be afraid of me. I think you know that I’m not like the others and I think you know we have a connection. A lot in common. Give me a chance, give us a chance, because rules are made to be broken.”

Ollie didn’t know what to say. Finn was the kind of man who could have anyone he wanted and yet he was standing in front of Ollie asking, no - pleading - to go out with him. And as he stared into Finn’s genuine, honest face, the walls he’d built began to crack, rippling and shuddering under the pressure, because if he were being true to himself, he wanted Finn. There were so many reasons why this was a bad idea; Ollie could make a list a mile long starting with his issues and ending with Finn’s sexuality, but he’d be lying if he said Finn was wrong. Finn wasn’t like the others, his heart called out to Ollie’s, and maybe they were both wizards under each other’s spells because, in a way, it was like he’d known Finn his entire life and meeting him was just a formality.

For a moment Ollie wondered if Finn might be able to calm him, break his shackles, and help him see something other than disaster but then dread slunk through those thoughts, staining them with the reminder that Ollie’s life was an upcoming tragedy. Adding Finn to it would make his pain even more catastrophic when it all came crashing down.

“Can…” Ollie swallowed as his anxiety screamed, fighting against his desire. He wanted to say yes and no. “Can I think about it?” He held his breath, expecting to see disappointment on Finn’s face, but a smile graced his lips instead.

“That’s not a no.” He squeezed Ollie’s hands.

“Correct. It’s not.” Ollie bit his lip. How could Finn be so optimistic?

“Good.” Finn released his hold. “Am I allowed to text you while you think it over?”

Ollie nodded, not trusting himself to say anything else for the battle still raged inside of him, stealing his words.

“Double good.” Turning, Finn held out a crooked arm, encouraging Ollie to take his elbow. “I think we should get back to the party before Liam and Opie file missing person reports. Ready?”

Ollie rolled his shoulders, taking in a deep breath. He owed Liam an explanation which was going to be difficult when he was still trying to parse the last ten minutes. But Finn would be talking to Owen as well so Ollie wasn’t alone in this. And if he said yes to Finn, then he wouldn’t have to be alone in a lot of things. Riding that tempting thought, Ollie gingerly placed his hand on the inside of Finn’s elbow and allowed that touch to bolster him, steel him, so he could face the oncoming questions and curious stares.

“Ready.”