Page 24

OLLIE

“It’s still here.” Finn stood by the nightstand, staring down at the sunflower that Ollie kept by the bed, the one Finn had given him on New Year’s Eve. A symbol of promise, it had been an incredibly sweet gesture and one of the many reasons that Ollie had said yes.

“You thought I would throw it away?” Reaching out, Ollie took one of the loose petals, placing it in a tiny zippered pocket in his wallet, wanting that small piece of it next to him at night, under the clinic’s roof. “I’m keeping it forever.”

Fingers grazed Ollie’s chin and he looked up just in time for a soft kiss that left his lips buzzing.

“I’m glad.” They were supposed to be packing but the events of the day were catching up to them because Finn sat on the mattress and then flopped back. In a matter of seconds, Ollie joined him, happy to be off his throbbing foot, snuggling up close. They wouldn’t be able to do this for a while so Ollie relished the feel of those strong arms around him and the warm, familiar body he rested on, taking his fill. As usual, Finn soothed his nerves, but Ollie couldn’t depend on that, he had to learn how to deal with his dread on his own.

And Finn…

During the weeks away, two people had been blowing up Ollie’s phone, and while his sister’s texts had been full of apologies, Liam’s had encouraged Ollie to talk things out and also gave updates that basically said Finn was a wreck. And Liam had been right. How had Ollie stared into those warm brown eyes just a little while ago without noticing the rings under them? Or that Finn’s complexion was sallow and his five o’clock shadow had grown out of control?

Reaching up, Ollie gently ran fingers through Finn’s plush facial hair. “You have a beard now.”

“I guess I do.” Finn nuzzled his temple. “And you’re limping. What happened to your foot?”

This close together, their intimacy overrode any of Ollie’s impulses to hide away. “I don’t know. It’s been hurting. But don’t worry, they’re going to look at it very soon.”

“I’m still going to worry,” Finn whispered, holding him a little more tightly. “I wish we had more time tonight.”

“Me too,” Ollie breathed back, his words slightly muffled by Finn’s chest. The call to his parents had gone better than expected and he thanked his lucky stars that the waiting room had stayed empty because he’d ugly cried in the back of it, and by the end of the conversation Ollie had chosen a facility. Both Finn and his parents had ended up agreeing on the same place, and despite how terrified he was to go into treatment, Ollie chose to hand over control and let his parents take care of the plans. Things had moved quickly after that, and he really wanted to stay with Finn for one night, but he’d been pushing for too long. All parties, including the therapist Finn had mentioned, agreed that he should be admitted immediately, and as they’d stepped into Ollie’s room he’d gotten a call from his mother with a confirmation number. Optimally, he should be leaving as soon as possible but he wanted to give himself a little breathing room, because he couldn’t quite wrap his brain around the fact that this was actually happening. To him.

“I’m going to miss the hell out of you.” Finn’s voice wavered.

“Me too.” Ollie let out a long breath. “We got back together fifteen minutes ago, are you sure we can’t cuddle and go in the morning?” he asked facetiously.

Finn pulled back, booping him on the nose. “You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Remember, I can visit you every day.”

“I know.” Placing his palm over Finn’s heart, Ollie pledged, “I promise, I’ll try as hard as I can.”

Finn covered Ollie’s hand with his own. “I don’t expect anything less. You’ll kick ass in there.”

Half-chuckling, half-snorting, Ollie booped Finn right back. “I love you.”

Finn’s gaze went soft. “I love you too.”

They stared into each other for a moment, holding onto their connection, and very slowly, Ollie gathered up some courage. There would never be a good moment to bring this up but he wanted to go into treatment with a clear and hopeful mind.

“Finn…I know you’re going to be lonely while I’m gone. And I think…” He swallowed, suddenly unsure, but those deep brown pools stared at him expectantly. “I think that while I work on my food, maybe you could work on your loneliness?” Dammit, his words weren’t wording. Biting his lip, he rifled through his fatigued brain, begging for eloquence.

Lines appeared on Finn’s forehead as his brows furrowed, but he didn’t speak, continuing to hold Ollie’s gaze and giving him the space he needed. Grateful, Ollie organized his thoughts, taking a deep breath.

“You’ve told me about your isolation, how you’ve been a lone wolf who hasn’t had a lot of close friends or relationships before me, but I think you might be unconsciously pushing people away. A lot of people care about you, Finn. You have more than just your uncle, Owen, and me. You have Liam, Dylan, Angelo, and yes, even Marci. They’re your friends, even if you don’t see it. So, while I’m away, I want you to try and learn how to see it.”

Frowning in thought, Finn took a beat to absorb what Ollie said and then exhaled so hard that his cheeks puffed. “Wow, Sunshine, maybe you should be the therapist.”

“You’re not mad?” If he wasn’t lying practically on top of Finn, siphoning that calm warm energy, then he would’ve been shivering.

“Why would I be mad?” Finn gave him a confused look. “You’re about to take one of the biggest steps in your life yet here you are, making sure I’m going to be okay.” He shook his head, disbelieving. “It’s like you know me better than I know myself. I’m sure you’re right about it all, and I’ll confirm that in therapy.”

“Really?” Ollie buried his face in Finn’s chest, relieved.

“Really,” Finn assured him, pulling Ollie impossibly closer. “I mean, who doesn’t have things to unpack? Even though I don’t remember losing my parents, I’m sure it’s affected me. Plus, it wouldn’t be bad to talk to someone while I’m taking care of you and Uncle Joe.”

“Mmhmm.” Ollie nuzzled Finn’s shirt, wanting to burrow inside of him and stay there forever. “Thank you. For listening, for not getting upset-”

“Sunshine.” Finn waited until Ollie met his gaze again. “Thank you for loving me so much. And since you gave me a promise, I’m going to give you one right now.“ Reaching inside his shirt, Finn pulled out his mother’s ring, contemplating it as he flipped the small band around in his fingers. “My mother’s name was Sadie.” Ducking his head, he tugged off the chain, using both hands to unlock it.

“Finn…” Ollie’s heart hammered in his chest as he watched the ring drop onto Finn’s palm.

“I’d always hoped that my soulmate’s name began with an S, and then I realized.” Gently, Finn grasped Ollie’s right hand, holding the ring over each finger, sizing them. “That this S is for Sunshine.” With a nod, Finn slid the small silver band onto Ollie’s pointer finger. “And I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be here for you. That I will support you. That I will be brave. That I’ll work on my issues. And that I love you, so deeply that it’s almost scary.”

At that, Ollie huffed a small laugh, his body unlocking, the immediate shock wearing off as happy tears sprang to his eyes.

“Every time you’re afraid and you feel that dread?” Finn tapped the ring with his finger. “I’ll be right there beside you, protecting you, okay?”

“Okay.” Ollie’s voice broke on a sob and he wiped his eyes, bringing the ring closer so he could study it. The S swooped and curved magnificently and Ollie guessed that since Finn had worn it most of his life, it had absorbed his energy, because the minute that band slid on Ollie’s finger, he felt Finn’s presence, his calm, as if his knight were right beside him, helping him build his strength. “This…this is…” Ugh, he couldn’t word again, his brain and mouth were not working together, both of them hijacked by the pretty silver ring that was now tied to Ollie’s heart.

“I know,” Finn whispered, pressing his lips to Ollie’s, and then there was no more need for words.

“Hello lovelies! I know, it’s been too long. I’m sorry I’ve been away but…” Ollie took a deep breath, glancing down at his image on the bottom left, glad that he’d decided to put on a quick ten-minute face; while it didn’t hide how haggard he looked, it certainly eased the full effect. He’d donned a purple bucket hat as well, loving that it provided extra coverage. “I’ve been dealing with some things. As many of you already guessed, I have an eating disorder, and in a few minutes I’m going into treatment.” He paused, afraid to look at the scroll of comments, expecting the worst.

But all he saw were hearts, thousands of them, along with icons of roses, flowers, and get-well bears, all floating up the screen in a staggering show of support. And their love overflowed into Ollie, who smiled through shimmering eyes.

“Thank you, everyone. I know I call all of you lovelies, but when I say it, I mean it. I appreciate all of you, and your faith in me, and all this love oh my god.” Blotting his tears with a tissue, he steadied himself again. “Also, I need to apologize-”

The chat stream increased, the words barely readable, most of them assuring Ollie that he didn’t have to. “Hear me out, lovelies. I made this account because I wanted to learn about hair and makeup, put up a few of my own videos, and maybe make some friends. I did not expectall of this.” He gestured at the screen. “And I’m eternally grateful for you all. But I let you down by promoting a poor body image and for that, I’m sorry.” He held back a sob but some tears escaped, running down his cheeks. “I was such a hypocrite. I used to close out all my videos by reminding you that you’re all beautiful while I didn’t believe it myself. It wasn’t right and I understand if I’m not the kind of person you want to follow anymore.”

Wiping his eyes, Ollie stared at the screen. The love kept pouring in, along with a general insistence that Ollie had nothing to be sorry about. Of course, there were some snide remarks, but his cheerleaders immediately shut those down. Almost all of the comments were positive but one stood out among the rest, catching Ollie’s breath as it climbed up the page.

I’m going to get help too.

That single phrase lifted Ollie’s heart and he began to think that maybe, once he recovered, he could use his platform to help people.

“Thank you, lovelies. Your support means the world to me.” He clasped his hands over his chest, trying not to break down. It had been an emotional day and it still wasn’t over. Punctuating that thought, Finn’s steps echoed as he came back up the stairs, stopping in the doorway. He’d been kind enough to bring Ollie’s bags down to the car and give him some privacy with his followers, but they were cutting it close.

“Sunshine, it’s time.”

Ollie nodded at him and then returned his gaze to the screen. “I’ll be back when I can but know that I’m working hard to get better. If you feel like you need help, for any reason, please reach out to someone. Because every one of you is worthy of space in this world.” Reaching out, he held his finger over the red button at the bottom. “Bye, lovelies.”

Ending the stream, he swiped away the metrics and opened his camera app, taking a quick selfie. A before as he stood on the edge of a new life. While anxiety left him trembling, deep inside there was a spark of hope and he clung to it, using it as a lifeline as he stood and took Finn’s hand, ready to start his after.