Page 17

FINN

“Ollie!” Finn called out in distress, watching his boyfriend disappear into the depths of the mall.

“I’ll get him,” declared the tall man in jeans and a football jersey. He had Ollie’s curls and some similar facial features but his eyes were a different color.

“Wait.” Finn put an arm out, stopping him. “Are you his brother?”

“Yeah, Tommy.” He looked back and forth between Finn and where Ollie had vanished. “And that’s Rain.” He jerked a thumb at the petite androgynous man standing a foot away; Finn could have sworn that those gray eyes looked him over with hunger. “You’re his new boyfriend. I saw you online. We should go get Ollie-”

“Give him some space.” Finn had seen the mixture of fear and shame on Ollie’s face and knew that he needed time before he could face his family again.

Tommy gave Finn his own once-over. “How old are you?”

“Old enough to care about your brother,” Finn shot back before softening his voice. “Deeply.”

“Then how could you let it get to this?” Tommy ran both hands through his hair, clearly distraught; thankfully, the store was mostly empty so they didn’t attract any attention.

“We only started dating a few months ago,” Finn told him. “I thought he was naturally thin until I realized…that he has an eating disorder.” It was difficult to say it out loud but as soon as the words left Finn’s lips, he felt less burdened. “When was the last time you saw him?”

“Christmas. He moved, pulled away from the family because my mom and dad were getting worried about him. He still calls and texts but he won’t visit in person. And now I know why. Biz was right, he does have an eating disorder.” Tommy let out a breath, putting his hands in his pockets, then taking them out, fidgety and upset. Rain was a silent sentinel beside him, just watching. “He’s lost so much weight.”

“It must be scary to see the change after all this time.” Finn sympathized with them. “To those of us who saw him every day it was less noticeable, and he hid it well until recently.”

“We have to help him,” Tommy swallowed, straightening up. “Are you helping him?”

“I’m trying to. In any way I can.” It was more than words; it was a vow.

Tommy gave him another long look. Combined with his bulk it would’ve been intimidating, but Finn could tell that this was coming from a place of concern and compassion so he matched it, meeting his gaze, unwavering. After a few seconds, Tommy nodded, slowly.

“Good.” He tossed a curl behind his ear, echoing Ollie’s mannerisms. “I’m going to get the family together to talk to him-”

“Like an intervention?” Finn shook his head. While it was a good thing that the Clarks cared, Finn inherently understood that Ollie needed a calm, gentle place to talk about what was wrong, somewhere he’d feel safe.

“Do you think he’d be okay with that?” Rain spoke for the first time in Finn’s presence, his words light, lilting, yet trying to make a point.

“I have to tell Mom and Dad,” Tommy responded before Finn had a chance to grab onto Rain’s question. “Maybe if he sees how worried we all are then he’ll listen to reason.”

“Tommy?” Finn stopped, making sure he had the man’s attention. “Can you give Ollie a little time before you talk to them about this? I want to get him to see that he has a problem and start treatment but if he’s pushed too hard, he’ll go offline.” Finn waved at the mall beyond the shoe store’s doors. “Just like he did a few minutes ago.”

Tommy let out a long sigh that seemed to come from his soul. “I’ll try? The best I can promise is a day or two. My mom can smell fear.”

“That’s all I can ask.” He nodded at them both. “I need to find Ollie. Thanks, and I wish we’d met under better circumstances.”

Turning, Finn hurried away, following the path he saw Ollie take, and as he passed the center fountain it occurred to him that he’d never introduced himself. He knew their names, but in the chaos he’d forgotten to give his own. It didn’t matter, and he shoved all that aside as he realized that he was heading toward the parking lot. Certainty took over, centering him and letting him know that he was on the right track.

Pushing through the large glass doors, Finn took in a steadying breath of fresh air and strode to his car. Coming to an abrupt halt, he looked around, confused. No Ollie. But he’d been so sure.

A sound, maybe a sniffle, grabbed Finn’s attention. Placing their purchases by the driver’s door, he took slow careful steps, walking around the SUV, and as the passenger side came into view his heart dropped into his stomach.

Huddled against the front right tire, arms around his knees, head down, was Ollie. From the way his shoulders were shaking, he was obviously crying, and Finn resisted the urge to scoop him up and bring him somewhere private. Instead, he approached softly, sitting on the pavement beside Ollie and putting his arm around those quivering shoulders. Ollie froze in response but didn’t lift his head.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” With only fingertips, Finn stroked Ollie’s arm and just let him be, staring down anyone who walked by and gawked. They were lucky, for the car beside them was an enormous Suburban and the lot was full all around, so they were easily overlooked.

Ollie’s shoulders eventually stopped shaking and then he was still for so long that Finn started to worry.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a crumpled napkin that he’d gotten with their coffees and stuffed it into Ollie’s hand, hoping to bring him back to life. Immediately, Ollie slid it into the cavern he’d created, drying his face.

“Thank you,” he mumbled in a raw broken tone that sunk Finn’s heart even further. Using the arm still around Ollie’s shoulders, Finn drew him into an awkward embrace. Although Ollie barely uncurled, Finn gathered him close anyway, pressing a kiss to his head.

“Can I get you off the ground and bring you somewhere more comfortable?” Finn kept his voice low, even.

“Wh-” Ollie coughed into Finn’s shirt. “Where?”

“Is my place okay?” Finn kissed his head again as Ollie nodded. “Great. Can I get you into the passenger seat?” A moment passed. Then another. “Ollie?” Finn leaned his head down, trying to see Ollie’s face.

“I’m scared.” Briefly, Ollie glanced up at him. There were long dark tracks down his cheeks and deep black circles under his eyes where his makeup had run and he looked so young, so small and terrified, that Finn’s heart rose from where it had plummeted, standing tall and proud even though it was hurting, his protective streak roaring in his ears.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered against Ollie’s curls, holding him tightly. “I’m here now.”

“Here you go.” Finn placed a warm mug of chamomile tea into Ollie’s hands.

“Thank you,” Ollie murmured, sniffing the cup. He hadn’t said anything during the ride, keeping his head down, and once they’d arrived at Finn’s, he’d immediately grabbed his bags and beelined for the bathroom, emerging twenty minutes later clad in a long baggy T-shirt and track pants, his face clean, his eyes puffy and red-rimmed instead of ringed with streaked makeup. After a cursory glance around the living room, he’d curled up in Finn’s recliner, which was the best seat in the house, and Finn had placed a knitted blanket over him. Although Ollie seemed better than he’d been in the parking lot, he was still very subdued, detached, staring into space, so Finn sighed in relief when Ollie took a sip.

Sitting on the end of the sofa next to him, Finn put his own mug on the coffee table. His home was his haven and he rarely had guests, not because he didn’t want to but because he rarely got close enough to people to invite them over. Like his uncle’s cabin, Finn’s townhouse was full of cozy mismatched furniture, with his past across the walls. Framed photos were scattered between band and tennis posters but the wall above the couch held only one thing, his nineteen sixty-five Gibson Thunderbird II bass guitar. It had been his uncle’s and Joe had gifted it to Finn when he’d shown an interest in music, wanting to join a high school band.

Finn never thought he’d have a greater treasure than that instrument, but he was wrong. That title had now shifted to a beam of sunlight that currently occupied Finn’s favorite chair. And Finn couldn’t put things off any longer because he needed to safeguard his treasure, end his hesitation, and find the bravery that Ollie thought he was capable of.

“Sunshine.” Finn put a hand on Ollie’s leg and the expression on his face was so mournful that Finn’s heart dropped again. “Talk to me. Please. Tell me anything you want.”

Leaning over, Ollie put his mug next to Finn’s and then stared off. It seemed like he was looking through the sliding glass doors at the backyard, but Finn could tell Ollie was trying to find the words for something that he’d probably never spoken about. Giving Ollie’s leg a supportive squeeze, Finn nodded with encouragement.

“I guess it’s all out in the open then,” Ollie stated bitterly. Defeated, he lowered his head, staring at Finn’s hand.

“It is. But we both know that I’ve been aware of your relationship with food for a while.” Finn didn’t want to say eating disorder, not yet. It might scare Ollie off.

“My relationship with food?” Ollie echoed, a strange smile on his face. It twisted as his shoulders began to shake again and Finn thought he might be laughing until he took in a sharp breath, his chest heaving with a sob. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Finn.” Tears pooled in his eyes, spilling over, and Ollie wiped them away, putting a hand over his face as he took a shuddering breath. “I can tell it’s getting bad. My head hurts all the time, I’m always cold, and I’m losing my hair.” His voice cracked and he swallowed, dropping his hand, his gaze on the floor as he gathered his thoughts. “I know I have to stop but I’m scared. Things are better when I’m lighter. I’m better when I’m lighter.”

“In what way?” Finn wanted to know more, to understand, so he could figure out the best way to help.

“It’s hard to explain. You’re going to think I’m crazy.” Ollie fidgeted, his skittishness surfacing, and Finn grasped his hands, waiting as Ollie glanced down at them in surprise and then raised his eyes to meet Finn’s.

“I have never and would never think you’re crazy,” Finn stated emphatically. “I know you’re afraid of a lot of things and I believe that you think your weight can somehow control what you’re afraid of.”

Jolting in shock, Ollie tried to pull his hands away but Finn held them fast. Realizing there was no escape, Ollie gave in, slumping. “Not control it. To help me avoid.”

“Avoid the things you’re afraid of?” Finn leaned in closer, thumbs caressing the back of Ollie’s hand. It wasn’t easy, delving into Ollie’s problems, but fighting for someone never was.

Ollie looked away, blinking fast, obviously trying not to cry again. “It sounds dumb.”

Tugging on Ollie’s hands, Finn waited until he turned back. “It’s not dumb.”

“It’s not smart though.”

“It’s very normal not to want bad things to happen, not to want problems, to be afraid of the future, and to exert control wherever you can find it because the world can be a scary place.” Finn laced their fingers together.

“It hasn’t been that scary to me yet.” Ollie studied their joined hands. “But that means it’s only a matter of time, right?”

Finn blinked. “Well-”

“Look at what happened to Liam. He had the perfect family and then boom, his parents are gone in a car accident. Marci told me her brother died when she was fourteen. I know Owen’s son was kidnapped for over a year. Bad things happen all the time to good people, people we know. And the longer I live without tragedy, the greater chance it has of catching up to me. I don’t want my family to break apart. I don’t want us to break apart.” Ollie squeezed his eyes shut as if he could see the end happening right in front of him.

“Sunshine.…” Raising their clasped right hands, Finn kissed the back of Ollie’s, feeling the soft skin under his lips. “We’re not going to break apart-”

“You can’t guarantee that. And…And that’s why…”

“That’s why you’re so strict about food?” Finn ventured. Ollie gave him a shame-filled glance and nodded.

“There’s this dread,” Ollie’s gaze wandered around the room like he was looking for it, “and anxiety. When it all balls together inside me, it feels like I’m being held down. Like I’m easy prey for the bad things to catch up to. When I started losing weight, I noticed that the lighter I became, the lighter I felt, and the faster I could run. Eventually, I thought I could become light enough to slip out of that hold, outrun the bad, float away from it all.” His eyes dropped to the floor. “See, I told you it was dumb.”

“Do you remember the night we met? When you asked me if I was afraid?” Finn tried to keep his voice light, encouraging, and it worked because Ollie focused on Finn again. “I never really answered you. Yes, I’m afraid. Afraid of losing my uncle, my only family. Of losing Owen, my only friend. And losing you, the most important person in my life right now.”

Ollie blinked. “Really?” His eyebrows drew together as if he didn’t believe it.

Leaning in, Finn pressed his forehead to Ollie’s, breathing in his scent. “Yes. And I’m also afraid right now. Because what you’re doing? It’s dangerous, Ollie, and you can’t leave me alone. I can’t go back into isolation again, not after being with you.”

“Isolation? Wait, what do you mean?” Ollie pulled back a little but they were still only inches apart. This close, Finn could see a light dusting of freckles on the bridge of Ollie’s nose. He’d never noticed them before, which meant that Ollie was barefaced, granting him another layer of vulnerability.

Finn should respect that by opening up and being vulnerable as well.

“I have this thing, this loneliness.” Letting go of one hand, Finn rubbed the back of his neck, understanding why Ollie couldn’t find the words. It was difficult to talk about something that he’d silently accepted for years. “I don’t have a lot of friends and I’ve never been in a serious relationship before.”

“You?” Ollie looked him up and down. “Have you dated anyone with eyes?”

“Thank you,” Finn chuckled but it was short-lived. “I was an independent kid. Uncle Joe worked a lot, so I used to come home from school to an empty cabin and I grew up alone. I thought it was normal until I was in college and all I had was my uncle and Owen, while my classmates had friend groups and long-term relationships. For some reason, I can’t get close to most people, and it’s…”

“Lonely?” Ollie supplied, and then he shook his head at himself. “I’m sorry that’s-”

“No, stop.” Finn reached out, taking back Ollie’s hand, holding them both again. “It is lonely. A lot of mornings I’d wake up feeling removed from everyone, like the world was gray. I was afraid too…afraid that as time went on I’d vanish into my solitude, without anyone noticing. And then I met you.”

“Me?” Ollie squeaked, eyes wide. He flushed so red that Finn wanted to run a finger over his cheeks.

“Yes. That kiss in front of your hotel? It brought color into my life. I felt connected, truly alive for the first time, and it lasted for months.” Finn leaned in, pressing their foreheads together once more. “It’s one of the reasons why I call you Sunshine, because you’re a bright light that burns away my lonely shadow.”

“Finn…” Pulling his hands away, Ollie wrapped his arms around Finn. “You know, I wasn’t supposed to get into a relationship with you.”

“I’m glad you did.” Finn pressed his nose into Ollie’s neck, giving him a quick pulse of a squeeze.

“Me too, because you’re my knight.” Sitting back, Ollie clasped his hands together in his lap, settling his face like he was waiting to be executed. “Even now, you’re defending me from myself.”

“No, I’m defending you from your dread and anxiety. You won’t do this alone, okay? I’ll fight beside you while you learn to fight on your own.”

“I’m still so scared.” Ollie teared up again and took in large lungfuls of air, trying to hold off on crying. “I want to stop, but what will I do when the bad things catch up? I can’t lose you. I can’t-” He choked, pressing his lips together as the tears won, streaming down his face as he began to sob.

Acting on instinct, Finn drew Ollie close again, pulling him until they were both on the couch and Ollie was nestled in Finn’s lap, his face buried in Finn’s shoulder. Rubbing Ollie’s back, Finn pressed kisses to his golden curls, just being there, allowing Ollie to lean on someone and feel. Slowly, the sobs tapered off and with a final kiss, Finn nosed the hair below.

“I want you to hear me out, okay?” Finn took the slight movement of Ollie’s head as a yes and continued in a whisper. “Yes, there are no guarantees in life. Yes, it sucks, it’s unfair, and it’s terrifying. But that fact can eventually make you fearless. Help you make choices. Determine what’s important and who you spend your time with. And instead of worrying when things will end, you can learn to focus on the present, and the things you should control.”

Ollie sniffled. “H-How?” Sitting up a bit, he wiped his eyes.

“Therapy. Maybe medication. You need to get treatment for your anxiety and your eating disorder.” Finn said as gently as he could, but Ollie still cringed.

“Eating disorder…” Ollie echoed, and suddenly his eyebrows shot up. “Oh no!” Wiggling, Ollie sat up, trying to stand, but Finn tightened his arms, keeping Ollie in his lap.

“What’s the matter?”

“I forgot about Tommy. He’s probably told my parents already.” Giving up on his resistance, Ollie put his hands in his hair, froze, and then carefully pulled them out.

“Don’t worry, I spoke to Tommy after you left and asked him to give me a little time with you. He said he’ll try not to say anything but that your mom can smell fear?” Finn tilted his head.

“Then it’s only a matter of time until they find out.” Ollie’s eyebrows scrunched as he studied Finn. “How long have you known?”

Taking in a breath, Finn let it out through his nose, thinking. “I suspected something was wrong when you got dizzy at Match Makers.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Liam, and Owen by extension.” Finn made a face. “And John.”

“John? As in our boss at The Pointe, John?” Ollie made almost the same face.

Nodding, Finn shifted, a small part of his mind once again noticing that Ollie didn’t weigh enough and that his shoulder blades protruded as if he were sprouting wings. “His niece has an eating disorder. He saw the signs in you and then brought me to his office to ask me if I knew anything about it.”

“Holy shit.” Ollie put both hands over his mouth, mortified.

“Sunshine.” Finn made sure those soft blue eyes focused on him. “People notice because they care. John wanted to make sure that you were on the health insurance and he told me that you can work from home if you need help. And Liam is your best friend. He lost his parents, of course he’d be overly concerned about you.”

Although he paid attention, Ollie had a lot going on behind his gaze. Hands falling to his lap, he remained silent for a moment. “I have an eating disorder.”

“I believe so.” Finn tucked a curl behind Ollie’s ear. “But I’m a knight, not a doctor. How about we get you a doctor and a therapist and see what they say?”

Anxiety flickered in Ollie’s gaze. “What about when bad things happen?”

“Think of it like this, you know how you ran? How you trained to evade the bad things?”

Carefully, Ollie dipped his chin, once.

“Think of therapy as running, as training. You’re going to learn how to become strong enough so that, when bad things happen, they don’t hurt as much, or at all.” Finn waited, letting Ollie take that in.

“I like that.” He blew out a long breath. “Why are you so nice to me?”

“It’s my job!” Finn booped Ollie’s nose and he should’ve laughed but he was frozen, considering.

“Are you sure you still want me? Even with all my problems?”

“You’d have to pry me away with a crowbar.” And he meant it.

“But I won’t be this.” Ollie gestured at himself. “I’m going to gain weight.”

“So?” Leaning in, Finn rubbed Ollie’s nose with his own. “I like you, Sunshine. For who you are, not for how you look or how much you weigh.”

“You say that now…” Ollie muttered, still skeptical.

“And I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. Besides, it’s hypocritical because I know you’re with me for my good looks.” Joking, Finn put his hand on his chest but once again Ollie didn’t laugh, he considered.

“You’re right. I like your appearance but there are so many other reasons I’m with you.” His blush wasn’t as furious this time, it was pinker, sweeter, and it made Finn’s heart gallop. “How do you always know the right thing to say?”

“Because I’m a knight.”

“Knight Just Finn!” Ollie’s smile was lopsided, not able to fully rise. “I guess I should start looking for…for help.”

“Do you want to do that together?” Finn picked up his laptop, keeping Ollie steady in the cradle of his legs.

“Um…” Ollie pressed his lips together, lost in thought again. Finn gave him the time and when he finally blinked back into existence, he balled his hands into fists. “Can you make me some toast?”

“Absolutely.” Finn tried to act natural but supportive, pushing down excitement and nerves because right now Ollie was trusting him with everything. “How would you like it?”

“I know today was difficult but you handled it so well. I’m proud of you.” Finn stroked Ollie’s shoulder with his thumb. The remnants of Ollie’s toast and Finn’s sandwich - which Ollie had also taken a bite of - sat on the coffee table in front of them, next to a laptop that Ollie had used until the battery went dead. He’d bookmarked quite a few doctors as well as some therapists; in the morning Finn was going to help him comb through the selection and see who had the earliest appointments.

Finn was satisfied for now. Ollie understood and accepted that he might have an eating disorder and he was willing to get help. Those were great first steps. The next one would be handling Ollie’s family, but Finn hoped he’d have a few days to get Ollie started, give him something to cling to when they overwhelmed him with love.

Finn almost laughed. That was the kind of family he’d always wanted - siblings, parents, and a full table at the holidays. The chaos, the smothering, the stupid family pictures, all of it.

When he didn’t get an answer, Finn glanced down, realizing that Ollie must’ve drifted off. It was no surprise; aside from the lack of food, he was emotionally wrung out and needed a good rest.

Within minutes, Finn had Ollie tucked into his king-sized bed. Getting into sleep clothes, Finn brushed his teeth and turned off the lamps, bathing the room in moonlight. Standing next to the mattress, he studied Ollie, who looked adorable and right at home in the large bed, and his protective streak roared again, so he grabbed the tablet by his bedside. He’d read for a while and guard Ollie as any good knight would.

Delving into a graphic novel series he’d been eyeing for a while, he checked on Ollie here and there but he never moved, remaining curled on his side facing Finn. Swiping into the second volume, Finn lost track of time, only surfacing when there was pressure against his side. Somehow Ollie had shuffled over, seeking out Finn’s heat, and as he glanced down at the sleeping angel next to him, Ollie threw a leg over Finn’s.

He chuckled, putting the tablet aside and stroking Ollie’s cheek. It was soft and dotted with a few freckles that strayed from his nose.

“Mmm…” Blinking awake, Ollie turned his sleepy gaze on Finn, taking him in. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he looked down at his leg, flushing a brilliant red. “I um…” He attempted to scoot back but Finn was quicker, capturing Ollie and sliding down until they were face-to-face.

“It’s fine. I was doing some reading and you snuggled with me.” Finn kissed his nose. “Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”

Ollie couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I guess so. Did you bring me to bed?”

“Yeah, you fell asleep on my shoulder.” Finn kissed his nose again. Ollie squeaked a little and then tilted his head, his lips begging and Finn couldn’t help but oblige.

One kiss easily turned into more, for Finn couldn’t get enough of Ollie’s taste, his scent, and the breathy noises he made as their tongues slid together. Being in bed, tangled and sharing body heat, only sparked their passion, and as the kisses became deeper, wetter, Ollie tried to press closer, slinging his leg over Finn’s again.

Within seconds, hands began to travel. Ollie’s went into Finn’s hair, holding tight, while Finn splayed his fingers across Ollie’s back, his other hand cradling Ollie’s head. They moved seamlessly, naturally, and that passionate spark between them became a roaring fire as Ollie subtly shifted, rubbing himself against the noticeable bulge in Finn’s pants.

“Oh my god.” Ollie pulled away with a gasp, his lips enticingly wet and swollen. “I’m sorry, you’re probably not ready for this kind of-”

Finn stopped that nonsense with another kiss, pressing his trapped cock against Ollie’s and enjoying the moan that vibrated through his mouth. “Don’t worry about me. You’re the one that’s had an emotional day. We’re not doing anything that you don’t want to do.”

Ollie stared at him, his eyes unusually dark. “What if I want to do everything?”

Leaning back, Ollie reached down, pulling off his pants and tossing them to the floor. The pink T-shirt he wore reached his knees, so it wasn’t a striptease with a reveal, but the suggestion had Finn harder than he’d ever been, leaving him at odds with himself.

“Sunshine,” Finn wiped his mouth, trying to calm his erection by staring at the wall. “I don’t think tonight is a good time for everything.”

“Why not?” Ollie pushed, slotting against Finn again, who put his hands up as if he were being held at gunpoint since it was very obvious that Ollie had gone commando.

“B-Because,” Finn swallowed, looking down at Ollie’s dark enticing eyes, the pupils large and full of desire. He’d been wrong; Ollie wasn’t an angel. He was an incubus, sent to seduce Finn, and he was doing a terrific job of it. “You’ve just gone through a big-”

“Didn’t you say you were proud of me?”

“You heard that?” Finn thought that Ollie had been asleep by that point.

“Obviously. So, I’m okay enough to make big life decisions - like getting help and finding a doctor - but I can’t decide to have sex with you?” Ollie rolled his eyes. “Okay, let me lay this out, Just Finn. You talked to my brother and Rain for me and got them to hold off on spilling everything to the rest of my family. You picked me up off the parking lot floor, like, the actual ground, brought me to your home, took care of me, listened, and didn’t judge me. You helped and you cared.” Ollie’s breath got a bit ragged and he looked away, blinking fast. “And I feel very…close to you right now. I know I’ve been waiting because…because I haven’t felt comfortable with my body. But right now I feel comfortable with you.” He glanced back up, his eyes shimmering. “I want this. I want us to feel even more connected. And I want to destroy the rest of your loneliness so it’ll never come back to haunt you.”

Finn’s resistance crumbled at the slightest hint of Ollie’s tears and he dove back in, hugging Ollie as tightly as he dared. “How did I get so lucky?”

“You think being with me is lucky?” Ollie’s voice held no self-deprecation, only curiosity.

“Very.” Finn pulled back until they were a breath apart. “I get a brilliant, fun, and sassy partner who I adore and who I hope adores me.”

“I do,” Ollie replied fervently. “You have no idea how much. I feel like I’m the lucky one here.”

“Ollie…” Finn said it like a prayer, a promise, bringing them together once again. This time, they kissed ferociously, clutching at each other as if Ollie’s words had unleashed something between them; however, Finn was still careful, mindful not to grab too hard or push too far, even when Ollie wiggled his tongue enticingly, rolling his hips just so and letting out more of those delicious little gasps.

Arms wound around Finn’s neck and he moaned in return, feeling the sound vibrate along Ollie’s tongue. Emboldened, he brushed his fingertips along Ollie’s thigh, grabbing the hem of his shirt and dragging it up.

With a squeak, Ollie broke away, latching onto Finn’s wrist. “Wait!”

Pulling back completely, Finn held up his hands again and Ollie gave him a half-smile, fidgeting.

“I um…” He took a deep breath, plucking at the front of his shirt. “Could I keep this on? You can touch under it but-”

“We can do anything you want.” Finn lowered his hands, glad that the lights were off. The brightness of the full moon provided visibility but left things shadowed and sensual, which probably made Ollie more comfortable. But his hesitation had Finn checking in, and he would, over and over. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Very sure. I just…” Ollie bit his lip. “I don’t want to…” Closing his eyes Finn could see Ollie forcing himself to blurt it out. “It’s our first time and I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Sunshine.” Reaching out, Finn cradled Ollie’s face, resting a palm on each of his cheeks. “You couldn’t ruin this if you tried. I don’t care if it’s our first time or our five thousandth, I only want to be with you and make you happy.”

“Wow,” Ollie let out a breath of a chuckle. “Five thousand times?”

“I was going to say five billion because I plan on being with you forever, but I didn’t want to scare you.” He pressed his lips to the center of Ollie’s forehead.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ollie ventured. Anxiety lurked around his eyes and in the set of his mouth as if it didn’t matter that they were alone together in bed, hard and wanting; he still expected Finn to freak out and run away like he was Idiot Number Two. But that would never happen. Sure, he’d harbored some concerns about Ollie’s mental state but, after their talk, he seemed steadier than he’d ever been. It made sense; Finn had felt less burdened once he shared his lonely secret, why wouldn’t Ollie? Plus, having a plan gave him stability, reducing his anxiety and replacing it with hope.

And at this moment, bathed in moonlight, tangled together in Finn’s bed? They were more than connected, they were sharing a soul, and consummating that link was the next logical step. Finn had always wondered what it would feel like to be this close to someone and it was more spiritual and all-consuming than he’d imagined. Ollie had taken up space in his brain, residing there from the moment they met, and Finn was amazed and grateful that this magnificent creature had chosen him.

“More than sure. Do I need to prove it with another blowjob?” He pressed close, rubbing his renewed erection against Ollie, who gasped and flushed prettily. “I know I haven’t been with a man before but I’ve done my research.” Finn licked the shell of Ollie’s ear, enjoying how his entire body seemed to ripple. “And aside from my cucumber skills, I have certain talents that transcend gender.”

Another full-body shiver. Ollie reached full attention and when he spoke, his voice was raw, needy, and begging for pleasure.

“What kind of talents?”