Page 22

OLLIE

Ollie’s right foot had been a wonderful distraction. The shooting pain he’d experienced at Finn’s had soon become his rebound partner, throbbing with every beat of his heart and howling with every step he took, tempering his despair and never ceasing.

Until Finn uttered those three little words.

For a few seconds, Ollie’s mind and body went blissfully clear. His foot didn’t hurt, his stomach didn’t scream, his head didn’t pound or spin; it was like he’d been reborn. He’d stood on the edge of that confession weeks ago, and after disaster had struck, he’d convinced himself that it would be far too late to hear it now, that it wouldn’t have any effect.

Boy was he wrong.

“What?” He could barely come down to earth.

“I said,” Finn leaned closer and Ollie stared into his deep brown eyes. Did they always feel like home? “I love you.”

“I…” A large part of Ollie wanted to say it back and launch himself into the familiar comfort of Finn’s arms, but he was torn - too scared to trust again but also too scared to go on alone. The days after his intervention were still a blur. Since Finn and his family had been trying to get to him, he’d hidden in his room, buying a treadmill so he didn’t have to run outside and literally working himself to the bone; however, the effect wasn’t the same. Somehow, lightness no longer equaled safety and with each pound he lost he became more terrified, sensing that even if he could float away, tragedy now had wings.

But he couldn’t stop. This strategic disorder had insidiously taken over his brain, making itself the only coping mechanism he had, causing him to drive his body into the ground. Shifting, Ollie thanked his past self for purchasing a cushion because every seat hurt now, but that was the least of his problems. He’d lost even more hair and could barely stand to look in the mirror, his limbs were covered in a fine layer of blond, and he’d passed out too many times to count, constantly fighting off dizziness as death loomed beside his dread, both on Ollie’s heels, and he could barely stay a step ahead.

“I’ve been having these dreams…” He didn’t know why he said that. Those were not the words that Finn was probably waiting for but they were the ones that jumped out, and they kept coming. “I’m alone, walking through a forest, but then there’s this wind and…” He stopped, wondering if he sounded crazy, but Finn stared into him with rapt attention, his entire focus on Ollie, bolstering him to continue. “My limbs start dissolving.”

“Whoa.” Finn sat back a bit.

“Yeah. But, last night? I felt my entire body turn to dust and twirl around in the wind. It wasn’t painful but it wasn’t fun either.” Ollie shivered and Finn rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Ollie’s hands, grounding him. “Once I woke up I was clawing at the walls so I decided to come up here. This place calms me down.” The first time they met, Finn had said that it made him feel less alone and, in a way, it had the same effect on Ollie. This view brought him peace because it reminded him of Finn, of everything they had.

And he’d be a fool to throw it all away.

But there were roadblocks. His eating disorder. Finn’s past relationship with Biz. Were they strong enough to get past it? Did Ollie even want to try? He’d been so broken up over the whole revelation that he never considered salvaging the relationship. Would it be too weird?

Part of his family’s onslaught had included nonstop texting from Biz, as well as a few handwritten letters on red paper covered in her swirly script. He didn’t respond to anything, putting it all aside until curiosity had gotten the better of him and he’d ended up reading them all in an afternoon. They’d started with apologies, along with pleas for contact, but somewhere along the line, Ollie realized that Biz always defended Finn.

Strange, after Finn admitted that he’d dated several Clarks, Ollie had pictured them together as a joke and ended up laughing at the mismatch; but once again he’d been wrong…to a point. Because Biz had seen Finn for who he was. While she insisted that their relationship hadn’t been serious, she kept outlining Finn’s good qualities like she wanted to make a sale, like she was a twisted matchmaker pushing Ollie toward someone perfect for him.

Because Finn was perfect for him. He’d proven his love by showing up time and time again, pushing, caring, helping, only wanting Ollie to be happy. Deep in his heart, Ollie knew that his repeated visits to the house, and even the wellness check, were all due to worry, and Finn worried because Ollie was important to him, important enough to persist for, important enough to drive up a mountain for…

“Wait,” Ollie frowned. “How did you know I was here?”

“A hunch.” Finn gave his hands a light squeeze. “I stopped by and didn’t see your car in the garage.”

Squinting, Ollie could tell that Finn was holding something back. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I, um…” Finn’s cheeks turned a soft dusty pink and he let go of one of Ollie’s hands to sheepishly rub the back of his neck. “I might’ve broken into Mason’s place and asked him where you were.”

“You broke in?” Ollie’s voice cracked on the last word.

“The door was unlocked so technically it wasn’t breaking in,” Finn pointed out, as if that made things better, but then he turned serious, determination setting his jaw. “I couldn’t help it, I needed to get to you no matter what.”

If Ollie had any doubts left, they were squashed under Finn’s heartfelt declaration, the fire in his eyes promising Ollie all the things he ever wanted. “Why are you always so nice to me?” he wondered aloud.

“I’ll repeat myself.” Leaning in again, Finn rubbed their noses together. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too.” It slipped out too easily, evading all of Ollie’s issues and fears, and he was sure that he looked as surprised as Finn did. His eyes went so wide Ollie thought they were going to fall out of his head and delight washed across his features, making him glow. Turning his hand, he twined their fingers together.

“You love me?” His tone was all breathless excitement.

“Yeah…I guess I do. I love you, Finn Cooper.” Ollie smiled for the first time in a while, knowing that he looked like absolute garbage; he’d left the house in his worn peacock pajamas without a stitch of makeup on, but it didn’t matter. Or maybe it did. Ollie had always complained about men wanting him for his looks and while Finn was attracted to him, it went far beyond surface appearance. Finn could see Ollie’s soul and he loved that as well.

Taking in a sharp gulp of air, Finn’s eyes shimmered and he blotted them with his sleeve. “And you want to work on this? On us?”

Really, what were Ollie’s options? Continue to slowly kill himself alone? When he told Finn about the dream, he left out how terrified he’d been when he woke, that he could hear his soul screaming. Sophie’s words echoed in his head and he wondered how long his heart had before it gave out, the cold reality of his impending death hitting him every once in a while and rocking him to his core. Instead of avoiding tragedy, he’d become one, all because of fear.

He didn’t want to die. And Finn was standing there, physically and metaphorically holding his hand, trying to pull him away from his dread, help him stand on his feet, and eradicate it. No matter how scared he was, he needed to try again, because if there was a sliver of hope that he’d get sixty years of happiness with Finn, or thirty, or even five, it might be worth the risk. Disaster would eventually strike once more, but maybe this time he’d have more than a day to work on his issues so he could become strong enough to withstand the wind and not scatter away.

Or maybe he’d paid his dues. But he’d never know unless he stopped running and got the help he needed.

“Yes.” Looking down at their interlocked fingers, Ollie gave a self-deprecating snort. “Do you want to do this? I’m not too much trouble? Too messy? Too broken?”

“Stop it, Ollie, stop it.” Finn lifted his hand, gently kissing the back of it. “I’m here, aren’t I? For me, it’s a no-brainer because it’s you. It’s been you since the moment we met and it will be you in our next life. And the one after that.” He quickly pecked Ollie’s hand again. “And the one after that. You’re my sunshine, and you brought a brilliant light into my lonely gray world. Now I can’t go back, I only want to go forward, and see the future with you.”

“Finn…” Ollie swooned at the nickname, which was why he didn’t allow Finn to use it earlier. He intended to say something more, something meaningful, but his stomach cramped, and he bent over, crying out.

“What’s going on?” A large palm rested on his back and Ollie centered on it, trying to breathe. “How can I help?”

“W-Wait.” Eventually, he found some air, and after a minute the cramping subsided. Sweaty and shaky, he uncurled, allowing Finn to guide him as he laid back in the driver’s seat. “Sorry, stuff like this has been happening a lot lately.”

“Sunshine.” Although there weren’t tears in Finn’s eyes, Ollie could hear them in his voice. “Let’s get you better, okay?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, the word barely there yet stacked with so much importance. Either way, he was going to stop running, but he took control by choosing to do so, hoping against hope that catastrophe stayed away for a little while.

Some of the turmoil left Finn’s face and he smiled tentatively, brushing the back of his knuckles along Ollie’s cheek. “Great. I’ve been doing a lot of research and I’ve found a lovely place where you can get treatment. It’s local, LGBT-friendly, and they have a lot of experience helping men with eating disorders. When you check in they assign you a doctor, a dietician, and a therapist, so you’ll have a whole team of professionals to help you.” Pulling a folded brochure from his pocket, he handed it to Ollie, who stared down at it for a few seconds before the fear kicked in.

“I-I d-don’t know if I can go somewhere. Away from here. C-Can I do what Liam did? Stay with y-you and g-g-go to th-th-” Why couldn’t he get the words out?

“Breathe, Sunshine.” A steadying hand rested on the back of his neck and Finn’s warm eyes held Ollie’s, leading him to safety. Slowly, Ollie’s lungs expanded, finding the air he needed, and his trembling slowed. “Good, good.” Finn brushed his cheek again, this time with fingertips. “I think we both know how serious your condition is. It would be good for you to stay in a facility for a little while and heal, work on your anxiety and your eating.” He nodded toward the brochure, which had fluttered to Ollie’s lap. “This place is very highly rated. One of the therapists you chose works there, and the best part is that it’s so close I can visit every day because you’re not going to do this alone.”

Gingerly, Ollie picked up the paper, studying it. Grabbing his phone, he did a few minutes of research, liking the reviews and testimonials he saw on neutral forums. While it wasn’t a hospital, it had medical staff on hand and the main building was surrounded by soothing greenery and soft rolling hills. But when Ollie noticed the cost, fear set in once more, bringing a heavy dose of shame with it. “How am I going to pay for this?”

“Don’t worry about that.” Finn took the phone and brochure away, placing them beside him on the seat. “Financing will be taken care of. Your job is to heal. If you don’t feel comfortable with this place, your family probably has a few others in mind. You should talk to them.”

Ollie let out a long mournful sigh, thinking about the last time he saw his parents, the shock on his mother’s face permanently etched in his memory. “I’m too scared to call them after everything.”

“They’re as scared as you are, Sunshine.”

“I guess…” As reality settled in, Ollie realized how much lay ahead and exactly what it meant to heal; he’d been down that road before but it curved differently now. He’d be away for a while. Finn’s top choice had a minimum stay of two months but, in Ollie’s case, it might be longer. His trepidation rose, edging into hysteria. “What about my room? And work? And my followers?” He pointed at the brochure with a shaky finger. “It says cell phone use is limited!” Sure, he’d been posting old photos and things in his drafts but those were running low. He needed to create content or he would start to hemorrhage fans. Funny that he was thinking about those things now, when he hadn’t for the last few weeks, but fear had a weird way of sneaking up on him.

“Your room will be fine.” Finn’s voice stayed low and even. “Mason isn’t going to get rid of it. He cares about you in his own weird way.”

“B-But-”

“And did you know that Liam took a leave of absence from The Pointe?” Suddenly, Ollie’s hands were in Finn’s again. “He eventually decided on school but while he was in rehab John left his job on the table, and he’ll do the same for you. Besides, Owen runs that place and there’s no way you’re getting fired, there’d be a mass walkout.”

“B-But-”

“And finally,” Finn leaned in closer, his sandalwood scent washing over Ollie, calming him a bit. “You need to unplug and work on you. I know that social media made you come out of your shell but you have underlying issues with appearance, and I believe that Olleelicious is doing you more harm than good. Healing is worth the loss of followers but I have a feeling that a lot of people will stay, and if you decide to come back after working on yourself, they’ll be happy to see you again.”

Ollie’s brain ground to a halt because Finn was right. He’d started his social media accounts to have a bit of fun with hair and makeup, maybe make a few friends, and talk to a couple of creators. But after one of his curl tutorials went viral, the increasing popularity slowly made things less fun. As his audience grew, so did the need for constant creation. Also, while many people adored him, the haters were strangely hurtful, somehow feeding into his dread.

“Okay.” It took him a moment to speak. “Um…you should be a therapist.”

“You know, Owen said that once, but I’m not built for it.” Finn smiled softly. “I think I’ve had enough of the view for today. Why don’t we go back to your place and make some calls?”

At Ollie’s slow nod, Finn pocketed the brochure, gave back the phone, and then snatched the keys from the ignition, putting them in the glove compartment. “Let me take you back in the SUV. Owen and Liam can grab your car later.”

Ollie would have argued but he didn’t have the strength. He’d been running on fumes for so long that it was far too easy to hand Finn the reins.

“Wait here for a second.” Finn got out of the car, retrieving something from the back of his SUV and folding it over his arm.

Returning, he opened the door and Ollie sat there for a moment, getting his bearings. Gathering his cushion and whatever strength he had, he attempted to stand and an arm wrapped around him, helping him up. Used to the heat of the car, he shivered once the air hit him, and something dropped across his shoulders, something that smelled like pine and old denim.

Finn’s jacket. The same one he’d draped over Ollie the night they met. For some reason, that simple gesture shattered whatever composure Ollie had left and tears began to trickle down his cheeks.

“It’s okay, Sunshine.” Finn’s thumbs brushed his face, wiping the wetness away. “Let’s get you home.”

Thankfully, Finn didn’t ask about the seat but Ollie could see his concern as he started the car.

“I just need to text Owen and send him the location.” He pulled out his phone, tapping the screen awake, his finger about to hit the messaging app when the cell rang in his hand. All the color drained out of his face. “It’s a hospital.”

Adrenaline dashed through Ollie’s system, granting him anxious energy, and he sat up straighter, touching Finn’s shoulder, trying to lend him whatever meager strength he had as Finn set his jaw and pressed accept.

“Hello? Yes, this is Finn Cooper.” His face twisted with panic. “What? Okay, okay, I’ll be right there.”

Seeing that kind of fear on Finn’s usually calm face unnerved Ollie, and his skin rippled with goosebumps as Finn turned to him, eyes wide with fright.

“It’s Uncle Joe.”