Page 25

OLLIE

“Iknow I start every session with this but ugh, I hate the boot.” Ollie gestured at the monstrosity on his right foot. It had been seven weeks and he still felt slightly trapped by it.

Once upon a time, he feared being this moored down, being still, and when he’d been diagnosed with a stress fracture on the very first night in treatment, he’d started crying and didn’t stop for close to a month. He hadn’t thought it was possible to cry that much but his whole world had been picked apart and learning how to put himself back together had left him constantly raw and vulnerable. For a while, every interaction had brought tears - food, therapy, group, doctor visits, activities, and he’d ended up spending a great deal of time looking at the ring on his finger, for it anchored him in a different way than the boot, keeping him from giving up, reminding him of what was at stake, even during his setbacks.

Because while he’d gained some weight, he hadn’t been able to shake the feeling of impending doom that grew along with him; however, it wasn’t as strong as it used to be which meant that, no matter how difficult the path, he was heading in the right direction.

“And every time I remind you that you need to wear it so your bones have the best chance of healing,” Katrin shot back.

“It isn’t fashionable at all though.” He kicked up his leg, gesturing at the utilitarian black Velcro boot. “I can’t believe they didn’t have pink!”

“Black is always trendy,” she smirked, used to his tirades. With her wire-rimmed glasses and shaggy hair, she was the perfect portrait of a therapist; however, it was all camouflage. That’s how she lured people like Finn and his parents in, making them think that she was a soothing grandmother when she was really a drill sergeant, but Ollie liked that about her. He didn’t come here to take it easy, to resist and waste his family’s money. He came here to heal, to learn, and to work because he knew that this was his last chance.

“I guess…” He let out a breath. “I can’t wait to walk without it though. Nine more days!” He’d been marking it off on the calendar that hung above his bed in a room that had slowly become his own. Usually, he’d have an app to cross off the dates but he’d eventually adjusted to life with minimal technology, and now he rarely missed his phone. He hadn’t known what to do in the beginning; even with most of his day scheduled he still had down time and it had taken him a while to acclimate. But when he’d finally stuck in, he’d learned that he was fast at puzzles. And oddly good at painting, although that tracked since his eye makeup skills were off the charts. And that he loved the outdoors, especially sunsets and the clouds before a storm. And that the mornings were much better without checking his protruding hips and then rising to sort through troll comments while guzzling a large coffee; in fact, Ollie didn’t touch caffeine anymore.

And that when he didn’t have to constantly come up with new makeup ideas, or put on his face to battle the world, he could breathe more deeply. He didn’t wear a stitch of makeup the entire first month because, if he had, the tears would’ve washed it off anyway. He’d also toned down his style, keeping to monochrome activewear with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, which was in trend among his fellow patients, but his hair was wrecked. It had lost mass and luster and even though the clinic allowed him to have hair products, it would be quite some time before his curls bounced back.

“Don’t think you can act like a hamster on a wheel when the boot comes off.” Pursing her lips, Katrin gave him a look over the rim of her glasses.

“I swear to god, I have the meanest therapist.” Ollie put his hand on his chest in mock offense but the part of him that still wanted to run, to dart away at the slightest hint of fear, needed that warning. According to Katrin, that part was his anxiety disorder, which had helped create his anorexia nervosa, giving him not only the stress fracture, but also anemia, a host of deficiencies, and low bone density. All of his organs had been checked and thankfully seemed to be in working order but he’d need to get routine examinations for years to come. Although he’d been healing, one of the first things he’d learned at the facility was that this was only the beginning.

“Do you want to be coddled? Or learn how to stand on your own two feet?” she continued, staring hard at him. Most of the other patients disliked her, choosing one of the other three therapists available, but Ollie found her endearing. She reminded him of the trainers who spurred him on in his endless cardio workouts.

“It isn’t coddling to sometimes be nice,” Ollie teased because even those trainers said “good job” at the end of their videos.

“Okay.” Putting her tablet away, she took off her glasses and Ollie wondered if he should duck and cover, his heart almost stopping when she granted him a small reserved grin. “You started shaky but you’ve made excellent progress. Your latest blood tests came back with much better numbers, and I hear your lanugo is vanishing?”

Shocked by her rare praise, it took Ollie a few seconds to register that she’d asked him a question.

“Oh, um. Yeah.” He’d noticed the distinct lack of downy hair on his body that morning. It must’ve been slowly receding with his weight gain. “I can’t help it though. I still worry that something bad’s going to happen.”

“Along with ninety percent of the world.” Her tone stayed less harsh. “Oliver, problems will arise but you don’t prepare for them by restricting food or overexercising, you do it through...?”

“My support system,” Ollie answered. She was programming him but that was the whole point. Out with the old, in with the new.

“Good, you get a gold star.” She said it in just the right way, making Ollie chuckle. “And that support system needs to be both family and friends.”

“Because if something bad happens, it can’t happen to everyone at once!” Ollie theorized.

“I was thinking more along the lines of not having all your eggs in one basket but let’s turn this into a new exercise. No ifs or what-ifs.” She picked up the tablet again, going right back to drill sergeant, all niceties gone, but Ollie felt like he’d just gotten a good grade and that the gold star might be a little bit real.

“I’ll add that one to my list,” Ollie told her, right below attempting to love himself more, eliminating negative thoughts, believing that he was safe, and relearning his relationship with food. Sometimes, it felt like he was lifting four plates right out of the gate, but he needed to encourage himself; it took him a long time to train his body and he couldn’t expect to do it all overnight, or even in the short amount of time he’d been at the clinic. “And I’ll put patience at the top.”

However, Ollie couldn’t find any patience once visiting hours started. Keeping his promises, Finn visited every afternoon except for the day that Joe was released from the hospital, where he’d made a full and careful recovery.

Honoring the vows he made by his uncle’s bedside, Finn had found a wonderful retirement community close by; the same one Gloria, Owen’s ex-mother-in-law, lived in and raved about. And even though he’d been busy visiting Joe, packing up some of the cabin, setting up his uncle’s new home, and working at The Pointe, Finn always made time to stop at the clinic. He never complained, although he looked tired until Joe had settled in, and he even kept some of the makeover things, losing the almost-beard and going back to his five-o’clock shadow; however, he trimmed it as Ollie had, and despite the summer heat, he wore his vampire sweater at least once a week.

But the best part was that Finn had kept his word about therapy, finding someone to help sort out his past and give him the ability to see behind the curtain of his loneliness, and Ollie could see the difference already. Finn’s gait was stronger, his face more open, and his energy, which had always been welcoming, practically shone like a beacon. Ollie had certainly heard the comments, and he’d been congratulated a few times by fellow patients and several of the nurses.

Finn wasn’t the only one visiting Ollie and cheering him on; his family stopped by several times a week, their relief palpable as Ollie began to heal, causing him to sort through his guilt in therapy, where he swore that he’d never put the people he loved through this again. Rain had tagged along once or twice, eyeballing a few of the staff but strangely staying put. His coworkers continued to constantly surprise him, Dylan and Marci showing up the most, lending support and gossip. Marci still thanked Ollie over and over for Rain, because he always wanted to work, never missed a day, and covered any extra shifts offered, but she also cursed Ollie for “making Finn attractive now” which she found even more annoying. And while Liam was starting school and helping care for Michael, he still came by almost as much as Ollie’s parents, with and without Owen, his presence and knowledge invaluable to Ollie, for Liam had been in a similar situation less than a year ago and his success inspired Ollie in ways that he couldn’t describe. He’d gotten lucky not just with his family, his soulmate, and his job, but also with his best friend.

A soft unobtrusive bell sounded as the clock hit five and the doors to the visitor’s lounge opened. It was a welcoming bright room full of windows, with couches and chairs curled around short tables in hubs, spaced apart to provide privacy. Ollie could talk with his visitors in there or on the grounds; however, the bedrooms were off-limits. Peering around the corner to the entrance, Ollie eagerly searched for Finn but a head of bright-orange hair greeted him instead.

Biz had given him space when he’d first been admitted and truthfully, it had helped. In the beginning, his thoughts and emotions had been too scattered, but now that he’d worked his way through the trifecta of him, his sister, and Finn, facing all the gross unspeakable thoughts he’d been avoiding, he realized that Finn and Biz’s relationship wasn’t in the same neighborhood, or even the same universe, as his and Finn’s; otherwise, they would still be together.

The first time she”d visited, the first time Ollie had seen her since the intervention, she’d started with an apology, even though she had nothing to apologize for. Seeing how much she’d been affected by the situation had made Ollie feel awful for pulling away and hurting himself even further, and they’d ended up spending two hours huddled in the corner, crying and hugging.

This visit started with more hugging and then they drifted toward the back corner, where four turquoise chairs sat around a table as boring as his boot, but it was the cluster farthest from the others, right under a window with a view of the lawn and the hills beyond, and it had somehow become Ollie’s territory.

“I have news.” Despite enormous four-inch platforms and a tiny pentagram dress, Biz sat daintily, crossing her legs and clasping her hands in excitement. “I’m seeing someone.”

“Well, he must’ve passed some rigorous testing for you to be telling me about him. Is it one of my exes?” Ollie raised an eyebrow, winking at her as she scoffed.

“Too soon. And nope, I’m pretty sure it’s not your ex,” she stated with certainty.

“It’s never too soon and how do you know?” he smirked, delighted that they were back to teasing each other like this. “You don’t have a database of everyone I’ve dated.”

“I do.” Tapping her temple with a pointy blood-red fingernail, she met his smirk with her own. “And I know that there’s no women listed.”

She had him there and Ollie shrugged, defeated. “When you’re right you’re right. Women are for worship, not for dating, and-” He froze, mouth open as comprehension finally slapped him. “Wait, oh my god, you got yourself a goddess?” At her nod, he launched over the table, wrapping his arms around her. “Congrats, Biz!”

“It’s still very new but she’s amazing and once you get sprung from here, we should all go out to…” Because he was still holding her, Ollie could feel her tense up and he knew why. She was about to say go out to eat. Or see a movie, which everyone knew came with popcorn. Or do one of a million social things that included food. But he didn’t want people tiptoeing around him. Being able to share meals with friends and family was part of his healing process and a stage he slightly feared but also looked forward to.

“Yes, we’ll plan to go out!” Sitting back, he moved his chair close to hers. “I’m fixing things, Bizmark. When I leave here we’re gonna double date. You pick the restaurant.”

“Okay.” She tilted her head, studying him. “How are you doing, Ollie?”

He gave in to the sigh. “I’ve been here what, about two months? And it’s still hard. Just when I think I’ve peeled everything back, I find more underneath. But I’m learning a lot, and I feel not, like, better, but stronger.”

“Good. You look like you’re on the way to better though.” She gave him a sharp affirmative nod and then smirked again. “Is it true? Has Finn been here every day?”

“Yeah.” Ollie flushed. “He’s taking care of his uncle and me and working on top of that.”

“That’s because he’s a great guy and we both know how few of them there are.” She gestured toward the window, at the world. “I had to outsource and I’m so glad I did.”

Movement in the doorway caught Ollie’s attention and he turned, expecting Finn, but Liam was the one walking toward them. Usually, Ollie would worry, especially with no phone to check, but he decided to test his new kind of strength training and put faith in things being okay, which immediately paid off.

“Hello!” Liam greeted them both with hugs, taking a seat next to Ollie. “Finn texted me on my way over. The bride was two hours late, they’re getting on the bus now.”

“So, he’ll be a little while.” Relieved and also touched that Finn had reached out, Ollie decided that this was a great time to work on patience.

“Is that normal?” Biz asked.

“The bride being late? Yeah, it happens a lot but for different reasons.” Taking off his messenger bag, Liam got comfortable.

“At one of the last weddings I did, the bride’s dress was too heavy and she passed out in the bridal suite.” Ollie made an oof face. “It took almost an hour for her to feel well enough to walk down the aisle.”

“Owen told me about that one.” Liam looked up at the ceiling, thinking. “My second year at The Pointe, the bridal party had been drinking in the limo after the church and showed up so wasted that they all passed out in the bridal suite. By the time they woke up, they missed the formal pictures and the cocktail hour.”

“I’m gonna need more of these stories,” Biz demanded, cackling. And they obliged, regaling her with wedding tales and mishaps until her eyeliner streaked from tears, although it only added to her look, and she left a small black mark on Ollie’s cheek when she hugged him goodbye.

“You seem to be doing a lot better.” Liam’s hazel eyes lit up with excitement as he watched Ollie scrub his face with his sleeve.

“I do?” Ollie looked down at himself but Liam swatted his hand.

“Not just with the physical stuff. You’re more…” He gestured in a circle around Ollie. “Ollie-y.”

“More Ollie-y?” he blinked.

Liam nodded. “Like eighty percent Ollie. It’s good to see.”

Ollie didn’t want to ask what percentage he’d been at before he’d started treatment. “I’m trying. It’s…” He resisted the urge to run a hand through his hair and make it worse. “It’s a lot of work. All the time. And in the beginning, you feel like…”

“An open wound?” Liam supplied, understanding in his gaze.

“Yeah,” Ollie nodded, feeling heard.

“Trust me, the wound slowly closes.”

“I know.” A sigh puffed Ollie’s cheeks. “It’s just taking a while for me to get there.”

“It takes as long as it takes. You think I’m done healing?” Liam challenged, putting a hand on his chest.

Ollie stopped. He’d never considered that. Liam had come such a long way from who he’d been at August and Josh’s wedding that Ollie had made the very incorrect assumption that he’d fully healed. He’d suffered a huge tragedy; of course he’d still be working through it, and Ollie had selfishly pushed him away, making him wonder if he’d have another person to grieve for.

“Listen…” Ollie was all sincerity. “I’m sorry for walling you out. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s only okay because I can see how hard you’re working.” Liam grabbed his hand, holding it. “All I want is for you to get better. I’m getting married once I’m done with school and I need you to be there.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Ollie pledged with tears in his eyes. Now he had even more motivation to get well because his social calendar was filling up. First his double date with Biz and her girlfriend, and then his bestie’s wedding.

“Hi, Sunshine.”

Wrapped up in conversation, Ollie hadn’t been watching the door so he squeaked delightedly at the sound of Finn’s voice. Jumping up, he hopped over Liam’s legs, happy that the room no longer spun when he moved quickly, and wrapped himself in strong familiar arms that soothed his soul.

“Hello, Just Finn!”