Page 4

OLLIE

There was something cold on Ollie’s brow; it served as a beacon, pulling him out of the dark water he’d been floating in and bringing him closer to consciousness. He must be in bed, for the soft mattress underneath felt good, but he couldn’t remember falling asleep and anxiety churned in his stomach, nagging him, telling him that something was wrong.

Out of habit, he ran his hands over his hip bones, which he did every morning before he opened his eyes, and a wave of relief washed through him when he found that they were still quite prominent.

The refreshing sensation on his forehead disappeared but came right back, and as Ollie drifted toward reality, he realized that it wasn’t morning and someone was dabbing at his face with a washcloth.

“Biz?” he mumbled, for his sister always played nursemaid when he was sick.

“Who?” The voice was familiar yet not; however, Ollie’s lizard brain must have recognized it because his gut twisted even further and adrenaline shot through his system, snapping his eyes open. Blinking a few times at the onslaught of light he tried not to gasp as his vision cleared and he found Finn staring down at him.

It all came rushing back. The foyer, Ollie thinking that he was hallucinating, Finn touching his arm. But what happened after that?

“Hey, Sunshine. Glad to see you’re among the living again.” Finn gave him a gentle smile.

“Wh-What happened? Why am I in bed?” Ollie looked around. The half-unpacked room was exactly as he’d left it before his run; in fact, he was still in his gross workout clothes. Great. Not only was Finn seeing him sweaty and practically bare-faced, but he also got to witness Ollie’s just-moved-in messiness. What a great way to make a second impression.

“You passed out.”

”I what?” Ollie sat up, and a washcloth fell from his forehead to his lap as he shuffled back, leaning against the headboard. The motion left him a little dizzy, verifying the truth of Finn’s statement. To be fair, he had been lightheaded over the last few days, ever since he’d reduced his calorie limit a tiny bit more, but he’d adapt.

“I touched you and you fainted.” Finn picked up the washcloth, putting it aside. “So, I carried you up here.”

“You carried me?” Ollie wanted to dive under the covers and never come out.

“Yes, no thanks to Mason. It’s like he’s allergic to helping people.” A sour expression ghosted across Finn’s face but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by earnestness. “I’m glad you woke up so fast. Another few minutes and I was going to call an ambulance.”

“Oh my god.” Ollie put a hand to his head, trying to process, relieved that he’d come to when he did because sirens and drama would have pissed Mason off. “Hold on.” Ollie dropped his hand. “Mason saw me pass out? You know his name? How do you know him? Wait.” The questions piled up so Ollie cut through them, holding up a finger. “Start at the beginning. How are you even here, Finnegan?”

“My name’s not Finnegan. Just Finn.”

“Okay, Just Finn. Just answer me.”

“Mason was my passenger tonight. He was over by the state forest taking pictures and I saw you running as I was driving him home. I um, I almost hit a van.”

Ollie didn’t expect the laugh that burst out of him.

“And once I dropped Mason off I asked him if I could come in and wait for you.” Finn turned bashful, his cheeks tinting pink and Ollie couldn’t help but stare, for Finn had become impossibly more delicious over the last three months. His hair was a little longer, about to fall into his deep mahogany gaze, and he occasionally swept it to the side with long manicured fingers. His eyes were deep set, crowned with plentiful brows, and his nose was perfectly balanced, like it was made for his face. Well-trimmed scruff highlighted his square jaw, cradling his cheekbones before fading into sideburns at his temples. Finn didn’t look like a king; he was every inch the rugged knight who went out into the forest to slay the dragon and rescue the prince. Even sitting in Ollie’s desk chair, which had been rolled next to the bed, he was relaxed, sure, as if Ollie could lean on him and Finn would make everything okay. “I never stopped thinking about that night.”

“Same,” Ollie breathed, still a little shocked. He’d been sure his chances of seeing Finn again were zero. Reaching down under the covers, he pinched his thigh. It hurt. Good, so this wasn’t a dream. “I left you that review but you never contacted me.”

“I only had your first name.” Finn pursed his lips. “Drivers don’t get your personal information. It’s a safety thing.”

“Oh. That makes sense. And I couldn’t call you because I had the same amount of information that you did.” Ollie suddenly didn’t feel so bad about not hearing from Finn.

“You had a little bit more. You knew I worked in this town.” Shifting, Finn leaned in, placing his elbows on his knees. “So, I guess it’s my turn to ask. Why are you here?”

Ollie looked down at the blanket pooled in his lap. “I needed a change. Life back home was stifling and I wanted to be my own person.” Ollie’s gaze snapped up to meet Finn’s. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my family but they can be a lot. And I have a friend that lives here so I figured…” He tried to give his best whimsical smile. “Why not?”

“Ah.” Finn put a warm palm on Ollie’s arm and somehow it slid down until they were holding hands. “It’s good to see you again.”

Ollie could feel his face burning. He wished he’d gone out with more than a layer of tinted moisturizer but it was too late now; luckily his disheveled state didn’t seem to put Finn off. “It’s good to see you too.” He squeezed Finn’s hand, lacing their fingers together, ready to pinch himself again because he could barely believe that this was happening.

“Are we going to talk about why you passed out on me? Do I need to bring you to urgent care?” Finn tilted his head, concern peeking through the heat in his eyes.

“I’m just overworked.” Ollie couldn’t hold his gaze so he stared down at their interlocked hands. “Between the move and unpacking and trying to find a job, I’ve been stressed. So, I went for a run but I don’t think I ate enough. Then you scared me half to death.”

“Sorry about that.” Finn ducked his head, chagrined.

“Don’t apologize. I should be thanking you for not letting me hit the floor and for taking care of me.” Ollie was sure his cheeks were tomato-red and wanted to cover his face but that would require him to release Finn’s hand, which he never wanted to do. “You said you asked Mason to help? Did he see me pass out?”

“No, but I called him upstairs once you did and he…no offense but he’s kind of an asshole.”

Ollie laughed. “I know. That’s why I like him.”

“What?” Finn’s expression was all disbelief.

“He’s not really a jerk. He’s a very focused odd duck who doesn’t like to be interrupted.” Ollie could relate. He was like that with his makeup tutorials.

“You could’ve hit your head and died!” Finn’s concern was very cute.

“But I didn’t because you were there.” That was true. “And I wouldn’t have passed out in the first place if you hadn’t frightened me.” That was half-true.

“Okay. I admit I might be a little at fault but Mason is still a little bit of an asshole.”

“He just keeps to himself.”

“Does he talk to you?”Finn raised an eyebrow.

“We have an understanding. A vibe. He was very clear about us not bothering each other and I’m totally on board with that.” Ollie found himself shuffling a bit closer to the edge of the bed, toward Finn. “After living with my parents and siblings, Mason’s indifference is a perk.” It was the perfect solution for Ollie because he was tired of the questions, the concerned stares, and the comments on his weight and his meals.

“Why is he renting a room anyway? This house is worth millions, he’s not lacking for money.” Finn shook his head. “Wait, you don’t have to answer that. I’m being nosy. My buddy Opie tells me I need to dial it back sometimes.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re fine.” Ollie grinned. “It’s his place but not. His grandmother died and left it to him so the downstairs is like a shrine. But his family wants the house. He’s on the phone a lot arguing with them and calling lawyers and stuff.”

“Does he need any references? Opie knows some people.”

Ollie blinked. Could Finn be any sweeter? “No, I think he’s got it covered. But lawyers aren’t free and there are property taxes and stuff so he needs to bring in more cash. That’s why he’s renting.”

“Ah.” Finn cleared his throat, breathing in deeply as if he were gearing up for something. His hand became warmer and Ollie could feel a shift in the air. “How about this time I get your number? I’d like to see you again and not three months from now.”

Ollie bit his lip, hesitant. He wasn’t sure what to make of this but there was certainly chemistry between them. And he couldn’t deny that he liked Finn. How could he not? Finn was gorgeous and sweet and for some reason interested in Ollie. But was he gay? The last two times Ollie had tried to date, he’d been picked up by someone who had never been with a man before and both had ended in disaster, which led to Ollie’s new golden rule - no straight men.

But none of that mattered because the hard truth was that all things end. Even if Finn was gay and they made it far enough to have a relationship, they’d eventually break up. And if they didn’t, if they stayed together until they were old and gray, one of them would die. How could Ollie allow himself to begin a long journey with someone, fall for them, and make them a part of his life when the destination was only despair?

But as he looked into Finn’s warm brown eyes, eyes he wanted to look into again and again, he couldn’t say no. His lips refused to form the word. Instead, they betrayed him.

“Sure.” He held out his hand for Finn’s phone, feeling like he was jumping out of a plane without a parachute. “I’d like that too.”

“Good morning, lovelies!” Ollie grinned at the corner of the room, where his phone sat perched on a tripod. Over the last four days, he’d made significant headway unpacking so his surroundings were nearing approval, serving as a stunning background for his livestream. “Olleelicious here! Broadcasting from my new place.” He swiveled his hand at his bedroom like he was a hostess on a game show, the draped sleeve on his pink robe swishing perfectly. “I promise, I’ll post some before and afters and a room tour soon. But first, I’m having lunch with my bestie today. As you can see, my makeup is already on.” Ollie gestured up and down his face; he’d used soft natural tones and put a hint of fox liner on the outer edges of his eyes. “I’ll be posting a tutorial for this look tonight but I haven’t picked an outfit yet and I thought, why not ask all of you for help?”

Leaning in with a smile, he read the scroll of comments that moved up the screen at a breakneck pace, hearts and flowers flowing around them.

“Aww, thank you, RihannnaLuver93 I’m glad you like the room. And yes, Lashes4Dayyys I did my usual curl routine today. You can find it pinned at the top of my profile and it’s also under my haircare playlist. Oh my god, GayesttGayy thank you for the super big rose!” With a wink, Ollie blew a kiss at the camera and the comments moved even faster. He had drawn a larger audience than usual but he hadn’t updated since the move so his followers were hungry for content.

Turning to the bed, which had several ensembles laid out on it, he chose one, holding it by the hanger and twisting it so everyone could see the front and back.

“First off, we have this combo from Hella Kewt. I love the tangerine color of the top, as well as the scoop neck and puffy sleeves. Plus, the fabric is divine.” He smoothed his hand over it. “The pants are denim with a violet swirl up the right leg and they’re oversized, which is so on-trend right now.” He hadn’t bought them that way. They’d been a little loose when he’d ordered them months ago but they were stupidly big now.

He placed the outfit back on the bed, grabbing the next one, showing it to the screen. “Second is this combo from Bang Bang. The sweater is super soft and I really like the geometric pattern.” Ollie turned it back and forth, displaying a design of twisted pastel shapes. “You’d think that the pink and white plaid pants would clash but they kind of complement each other.” But maybe he was wrong because a sea of frowning and puke emojis littered the screen. “Okay, I guess this one’s out.” He placed it off to the side.

“And the third and final selection is giving retro seventies vibes.” Ollie lifted his all-black last choice. “I thrifted a lot of this. The pants are corduroy with a flare at the bottom and the knit top has been adjusted at the collar by yours truly.” Ollie had spent hours picking at it until it looked flawlessly jagged. “Since it’s monochromatic, I’m going to accessorize with this magenta peacoat because of the matching corduroy on the elbows.” He showed off one of his favorite pieces of outerwear, something he’d stolen from Biz’s closet ages ago. “And my gold and black scarf with gold gloves.” He flashed them at the camera.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Picking up outfits one and three, he held them on either side of him, a buzz of excitement running through his veins. He loved livestreaming, sharing his life with an audience who adored him; after being invisible for so many years the attention was heady and strangely validating.

Shaking both hangers, he peered at the comments and raised the black outfit. “Number three is the winner! Thank you, lovelies, I would have agonized over this for hours. You’re all gems.” He blew more kisses at the phone. “And can you believe my lunchtime bestie doesn’t have any social media?” He placed the clothes back on the bed and put his hands on his hips, shaking his head in mock exasperation. “If I have anything to say about it, he’ll at least have an Instagram by the time lunch is over so check my stories to add him to your follow list.” He waved at the camera, bouncing up and down. “I hope you all have a spectacular day and don’t forget to like and follow. This is Olleelicious reminding you that you’re all beautiful!” It was hypocrisy, telling his followers to believe in themselves when he still had trouble with his reflection.

Reaching for the phone, he stopped the feed, getting lost in the stats and answering a few comments and private messages before noticing the time.

If he didn’t hustle he was going to be late for his first meetup with Liam.

“I think shopping should be a sport. An Olympic sport!” Ollie announced, putting his bags on the chair next to him as he and Liam settled down for lunch. Ollie had chosen a quaint restaurant off the town’s main concourse; its vegetarian menu consisted of clean organic foods, and according to the reviews, any changes Ollie requested would be honored. Decorated in cottage-chic, the place was mostly exposed beams with cushioned wooden seats and since it had just opened for the day, the two of them were the only customers inside.

“If it was, then you’d get the gold medal.” Liam jutted his chin at his own pile of parcels. “I’m exhausted. I don’t know how you do it.”

“You have to stretch first.” Ollie waved his arms, mimicking a warm-up, and Liam giggled. “But really, I’m just getting started. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Liam put his head in his hands. “I think I’m good. I bought enough clothes to last me years!”

“One can never have enough clothes, Li Li. Or shoes.” Ollie scrolled through the gallery on his phone, selecting a picture of Liam in shiny blue pants and a black shirt strewn with buckles. “And you’re so gorgeous that everything looks good on you. It’s not too late to go back and get that buckle shirt too.” Attaching the photo, Ollie shot Liam a text.

Dropping his hands, Liam checked his cell and squinted at it. “I look ridiculous! It would be much better on you.”

“I already have one like that. Besides, it’s all about confidence, how you carry yourself. Like I said, you’re beautiful, you could pull off a burlap sack with the right accessories.” Ollie shook his phone. “Which is why we’re making you an Instagram right now.”

“Shouldn’t we pick out something to eat first?” Liam began to study the menu and Ollie pretended to do the same. He’d researched the place online and only two items were allowed. The spring rolls with no sauce, and the arugula salad without cheese and dressing.

Once the waiter took their orders, Ollie grabbed the seat next to Liam and held out his hand expectantly. “Okay, it’s social media time.”

“I’m not new to this, I did have an Instagram in high school but I deleted it.” Liam handed his cell to Ollie. “Sorry, my phone is ancient.”

“Not a problem. Good, it’s downloading the app.” Once it was done, he handed Liam the phone back. “Pick a screen name and password.”

“Should I use Li Li?” Liam gave him a cheeky smile and began to type away, the tip of his tongue poking from his lips. “How about OnlyOneShadeOfGray?”

“That’s adorable! And it’s not taken?” Ollie peered over his shoulder. “Nice! That’s perfect for you. Let me help you pick an icon.”

Since Ollie was a social media magician it didn’t take much time at all to start up Liam’s account and as he finished his lecture on the best methods of tagging photos, their food was being placed on the table.

“Let me give you a boost before we eat.” Ollie fluffed his hair, grabbed his own phone, and leaned into Liam, stretching his arm out in front of both of them as he pressed the record button. “Hello lovelies, I’m here with a special guest star - my bestie OnlyOneShadeOfGray. We’ve been out shopping for hours and I’ll post my haul tonight but first I’m going to need all y’all to give this lovely a follow, okay? I’ve linked his screen name below. Kisses!” Ollie checked it over, adding Liam’s handle. “Is it okay if I send this out? It’ll get you some followers.”

“It’s fine.” Liam reached for his burrito, taking a healthy bite, and Ollie moved to the opposite side of the table again, eyeing his food. It seemed in order. He picked up the spring roll, giving it a nibble.

“I’m really glad we did this,” Ollie gushed, grabbing his fork and poking at the salad.

“Me too. It’s been a busy few months for me and Owen so I haven’t been able to get out much.”

“Did you two meet at work?” Ollie put one piece of lettuce in his mouth, chewing slowly. “You never told me.”

“Sort of. We met at work again.” Liam blushed. “He used to be my neighbor and one day he was suddenly my boss.”

“Oh my god.” Ollie dropped his fork. “That’s like a romance novel! A second chance at love, a workplace relationship!” His words were affected like he was doing a voiceover for a movie trailer.

“It was a lot more complicated than that,” Liam sighed, sampling the rice on his plate.

“What do you mean?” Ollie tilted his head, his food easily forgotten.

“We had a lot of issues to work out, on both sides, and I feel extremely lucky that Owen fell in love with me despite all of my problems.”

“If it was on both sides, didn’t you do the same for him?”

“Maybe? But I…” Liam stared at the table and Ollie could tell he was considering something. Finally, he flicked his gaze up to meet Ollie’s and leaned in. “You remember when you saw me at August’s wedding?” His tone was hushed; the restaurant had gained a few more patrons and Liam clearly didn’t want to broadcast what he was about to say.

“Of course,” Ollie replied softly, leaning forward as well, putting his elbows on the table.

“That wasn’t just grief. It was what I was doing to ease the grief.” Liam hesitated and then squared his shoulders, steeling himself. “I was addicted to Vicodin and the reason I haven’t been out as much is because I’ve been in rehab. It’s a day program that I’m about to finish.” There was pride in the set of Liam’s spine; however, the tightness around his lips and in the corners of his eyes displayed apprehension and a bit of shame.

Reaching across the table, Ollie put his hand over Liam’s. “Thank you for telling me.” Considering Liam’s disheveled and gaunt appearance at the wedding, and how his life had drastically changed, the confession made sense, not taking Ollie by surprise at all.

“You’re the first person I’ve told.” Liam exhaled, puffing out his cheeks.

“And it took a lot of strength to do it. You’re a rock star, you know that, right?” Ollie squeezed Liam’s hand. “You’ve been through a lot but you came back from it. You’re healing, and from what I can see you’re acing rehab. You’ll be their valedictorian.”

Liam’s giggle returned and it warmed Ollie’s heart. “I don’t think they have that, but thanks.” Sliding his hand away, Liam lifted his burrito again. “It’s been a lot of work. But I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”

“That’s awesome. If there’s any way I can help or if you need someone to lean on, I’m only a text away.” Ollie picked up his fork again, pushing his salad around.

“Thanks. You’re a good friend, Ollie.” Liam took a sip of his water. “Do you like living here?”

“I do! There’s a lot of running trails, my bestie is here.” This time it was Ollie’s turn to blush. “And I might, and I mean might, have met someone.”

Liam choked on a bite of burrito, coughing a few times. “R-Really?” he managed when he could finally speak. “What’s his name?”

“I’ll tell you once I’m sure about him.” Ollie didn’t want to jinx anything, but he’d been thinking about Finn so much that he’d probably done so already, since Finn had been sitting on Ollie’s digits for four days now.

Of course, Ollie could make the next move but why should he when Finn had expressed interest and then ghosted him? Strange, he didn’t seem like the type. At least Ollie hadn’t gotten too invested, right?

“I thought you’d have at least six boyfriends,” Liam grinned, “you’re a catch.”

Ollie flapped a hand at his friend. “Stahp.” Then he sobered, resting that hand on the table. “You know, I put in the work and had a real glow-up but I’m very much the same on the inside. Sometimes I still see the before when I look in the mirror.” Inherently he knew he’d become more conventionally attractive but a part of his brain refused to accept it. So, he walked a thin line between two worlds. On one end was his confident Olleelicious persona, a place where he felt the most beautiful. But on the other was his former self, hovering in his reflection, telling him that he hadn’t changed at all because it would only take one false step to return to being a second-class citizen - invisible, ignored, and dismissed. “Aside from all that? Dating is tough, especially in our hometown. Once I became this, all the guys who ignored me for years were suddenly interested, and I could only see how shallow they were. I don’t like how reducing myself, altering myself, made me worthy of their time and attention, and now I can’t be sure if someone likes me for me or for how I look. It drives home how important appearance is because the difference in the way people treat me now compared to before is obvious and gross.”

“Trust me, people treat you differently when you lose someone too,” Liam stated, a haunted look in his eyes.

“How about we agree that society is seriously flawed?” And so was Ollie, for he cursed the obsession with appearance that he leaned on every day. How could he hate something that he used? A lot of his popularity was based on his face.

“But it also has some good people in it. Like Owen and your new guy,” Liam said with such pure innocence that Ollie wanted to pinch his cheeks.

“Do you need me to wrap that?” The waiter stopped by their table and Ollie looked down at his mostly untouched lunch. Glancing up he realized that Liam was staring at it too. Internally he cringed, waiting for a comment, but Liam just smiled and picked up his plate, handing over whatever was left of his burrito and rice.

“Yes, please. Both of ours.” He pulled his cell out of his pocket as Ollie breathed a sigh of relief, and when he looked at the screen, his eyebrows rose. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Ollie craned his neck, trying to see and Liam turned the phone around, showing him the long list of notifications.

“I have nine hundred and sixty-two followers.”