Page 21

FINN

“You look like dogshit.”

Several of Vice and Virtue’s patrons glanced sideways at Ellie, or Biz depending on who was with her, but she always had zero fucks to give. Finn embraced that energy as well, blearily shrugging when she pulled out a wicker chair and joined him.

“Sorry, I haven’t had time for a mani-pedi, I’ve been looking for your brother.” He stared at the cup of coffee in his hands, not remembering when he’d ordered it.

“Have you slept at all in the last two weeks?” She put a hand on his wrist, concerned. “Or eaten anything?”

Shifting in his seat, Finn pulled away, sitting up and taking a long sip. It had gone cold. Making a face, he swallowed. “Yes, I know how to take care of myself.” Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his face, scratching at what was now the beginning of a beard. “Sorry. I’m just-”

“Worried as fuck? Stressed out?” Ellie leaned in and Finn really looked at her. She’d shown up to the coffee shop bare-faced and dressed down, and there were dark rings under her eyes. They were all victims of consequence and she was suffering just as much as Finn; however, it wasn’t a contest. It was two people who cared about Ollie needing to compare notes.

“Yeah.” Finn didn’t know why he hadn’t noticed before but she and Ollie had the same eyes, although hers were honey brown. “You haven’t heard from him at all?”

Sadly, she shook her head. “I’ve been texting him, calling him, I even mailed actual letters, and my dad sent over a wellness check but no one answered the door.”

“It’s the same on my end.” Finn tried not to mangle the cup in his hands, still ragged from having to throw out the sunflowers he’d bought on that hopeful morning. They’d withered and died in a reflection of Finn’s worries, reminding him over and over that it was dangerous for Ollie to be hurting alone. “But I’m still trying to get to him. Every day. After the intervention, I waited around forever but somehow Ollie slipped back in.”

“How did you know?”

“His bedroom light was on.” The blinds were constantly drawn but there was no denying that Ollie was in that room. “I’ve been back to the house too many times to count but no one answers the door. I drive around the neighborhood to see if he’s out there, running. I’ve even sent over my own wellness check.”

“But nothing.” It wasn’t a question.

“But nothing,” Finn echoed, lips tight. Loneliness constantly mocked him, telling him that he’d come too close to the sun and gotten burned. But Finn didn’t give up easily; he was Ollie’s knight and it was his job to protect the one he loved. “According to Owen, Ollie called the owner of The Pointe and asked for some of the work-from-home privileges he’d offered and hasn’t been back to the hall since. I’ve been checking all his social media but he’s only posting old pictures, like things from our tennis date months ago. Nothing recent.”

“You took him on a tennis date?” she murmured, scrolling one of Ollie’s accounts on her phone and nodding. “You are sickeningly perfect for each other.”

Finn had been too laser-focused on getting to Ollie that he hadn’t dealt with the main issue, which was currently staring him in the face. He might as well meet that head-on. “El…how do you feel about me and your brother?”

Thankfully, the coffee shop had thinned out and they were tucked in the corner because her snort echoed. “I try not to think about it too much because, I’m not gonna lie, it’s fucking weird. But…” She crossed her arms, squinting at him, and Finn realized that her hoodie had devil horns at the top. “You were one of the few decent men I dated.”

“And the only ex you still talk to.” Finn raised his eyebrows, taking another sip of his now-even-colder coffee and making the same face.

“Exactly.” Her sigh was long and she slumped a bit in her chair. “As strange as this is, I thought I’d be more…upset? Grossed out? But I think I’m not because you’re good for Ollie. You care about him.”

“I do,” Finn insisted, sure that his disheveled state was proof enough. “We were so close to getting him help. In fact, one of the therapists called me back, asked me if Ollie was there, and I kinda broke down.” Finn shook his head; once again, Ollie had brought tears to his eyes. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a brochure and handed it to Ellie. “I told her that Ollie ran off and she said that if we can talk to him and get him to agree, they’ll have a bed for him at her clinic. It’s one of the best in the area. The therapist’s contact information is circled.”

“I’ll show this to my parents, they’ve been researching places too.” She pocketed the brochure. “I just hope Ollie will talk to us. Any of us.”

Rolling his shoulders, Finn met her eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ll get to him.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned at him but he didn’t get to answer because Owen walked in, striding over to their table.

“Opie! Right on time.” Standing, Finn gave him a quick chest-bump hug and Owen glanced between him and Ellie.

“Hi!” Gregarious as usual, he pulled out a chair, extending a hand as they sat down. “I’m Owen Parker. And you’re?”

“Ellie.” Her eyes shot to Finn before quickly shaking Owen’s hand, appraising him with a small half-smile on her face. Since their relationship was short, she’d never gotten to meet Owen, who used to live an hour away, but Finn had certainly told her a lot about him. “And since I know that you two are besties, I’m pretty sure you knowall about me and my brother.”

“Yeah.” Owen had a good poker face but he wasn’t the best liar. “But, don’t worry, I’m here to help Finn fix things.”

If she had eyebrows, one would have arched. “How?”

Determination blazed in Finn’s eyes as he leaned in, lacing his fingers together on the table. “We’re going to break in and talk to Ollie.”

“You were right. Not only did Ellie take that in stride, she even offered to help!” Owen stated in surprise, his voice filling Finn’s car, which was currently parked in Ollie’s driveway. His small purple hatchback was gone but that didn’t dissuade Finn; Ollie could be running an errand, Mason could’ve borrowed it, it might be any number of things. But if Ollie was out, at some point he’d come home, and Finn would be waiting.

“That’s Ellie for you.” Finn studied the windows, but it was midday so there were no lights or silhouettes, and all of the shades were drawn. “I’m glad I told her. I wanted her to see that I’m serious about…” Finn almost couldn’t say it. She hadn’t been wrong; this entire thing was weird. “About her brother.”

“I think she already knows you’re serious. It’s a messy situation no matter how you look at it. But Liam and I had our own mess-terpiece and we’re doing just fine,” Owen pointed out, face serious despite the pun.

Finn groaned. “Save your humor for Liam, he’s the only one who appreciates it.”

“You wound me!” Owen chuckled, gazing at the house. “All right, what’s the plan?”

“This place is secluded from the neighbors and Mason is always downstairs doing his weird photography stuff, so I think we’re free to roam and look for another way into the house.”

“Won’t he come up if he hears us?” Owen’s eyebrows rose as Finn snorted.

“You know Mason. Do you think he’d care?”

Grinning, Owen shook his head. “I guess not. By the way, Liam says we have some legal wiggle room if a door is unlocked. It’s still breaking and entering but it’s not as bad? At least that’s what I think he said while he huffed around.” That grin turned wobbly. “He’s upset that he can’t be here.”

“I don’t blame him. I know he cares about Ollie but he can’t risk his career by doing something illegal. Even though it’s frustrating, he’s doing the right thing. Besides, we might need someone to bail us out” Finn cracked his neck. “I’m banking on a different entrance, a hidden door somewhere because I never see Mason coming and going. That’s probably how Ollie got by us.”

“Okay. Where should we start looking?” Owen asked as they quickly got out of the car, locking it up.

Finn pointed around back. “Anywhere Ollie would’ve been out of sight.”

They circled the house twice, checking nooks, loose panels, and anything that might look like a door, finding only a cranky bat and spiderwebs. The third time they changed direction, going clockwise, and that’s when Owen saw it; the small mound of land that sloped up from the back left corner of the house. Going one way, it appeared to be part of the landscaping but, going the other, a recessed door appeared if one looked through the flora and grass that curved around it.

Biting his lip, Finn nodded at Owen, unable to believe that it was real until he grabbed the knob.

And it turned in his hand.

The door swung inward and they were met with a luxurious apartment that stretched the length of the house above it. Black and white with touches of gray, the furnishings and knickknacks were minimalist, sterile, but there were touches of Mason in the photography equipment scattered about and the gorgeous portraits on the walls.

Stepping inside, Finn glanced past the stainless-steel kitchen to the doors at the back. One of them sported a red sign that stated Darkroom: Do Not Enter.

“So, this is where Mason hides out. Not too shabby.” Despite the lack of windows and natural light, the apartment was gorgeous.

“Do you think he’s here?” Owen glanced at the darkroom and Finn nodded as he heard movement behind the door.

“What do you think we should do?” Finn gestured in that direction. “It’s one thing for him to ignore us upstairs but it’s another if we have to use a door right next to-”

Before either of them could think about hiding, the darkroom opened and Mason strolled out, absorbed in the black and white photos he held. He took several steps before he froze, realizing that he wasn’t alone, and his expression stayed placid despite the anger in his eyes.

“Owen. Finn.” His usual monotone held distaste. Looking past them, he squinted at the front door. “Why are you in my house?”

“I want to see Ollie.” Finn kept his voice light but firm, appealing to any humanity Mason might have. “I’m worried about his safety. Things went south with us and I don’t think he’s taking it well.”

At that, Mason’s features fluttered.

“What?” Finn squinted at him.

“He bought a treadmill,” Mason blurted, as if he’d been holding back. “I want to throw it off the roof. You really fucked up because all he does is cry and run on that thing. And stop sending the cops here, I have enough trouble with my own family.”

Finn’s blood ran cold. No wonder he couldn’t find Ollie running around the neighborhood, because he was running at home. And if he was using it night and day…

“Where is he?” Finn wanted to reach out and grab Mason’s arm but he held back.

“I don’t know.” And Mason was testing that restraint. Owen must’ve sensed something because he stepped up, radiating much less intensity than Finn.

“Do you have any idea where Ollie might be? When did he leave?”

Fortunately, Owen’s knack for people also worked on Mason, who relaxed his shoulders, tossing the photos onto the table next to him. “Yesterday, which is weird because he hasn’t left the house in weeks.” A small crease appeared on his brow. “What’s wrong with him?”

“An eating disorder.” Finn didn’t realize he was speaking.

Mason nodded slowly. “That makes sense.” Turning, he stomped off into the darkroom and Finn thought that the conversation was over until he strode back in, camera in hand. Turning it on, he flicked through a bunch of photos before showing Finn and Owen the viewscreen. “Because he looks terrible.”

Finn stumbled back, legs shaking, for Ollie had lost even more weight, officially passing over the threshold into terrifying. His face was a map of thick shadows and deep valleys, his skin just a thin wrapper for his skull, his clothing swallowing him. Curled on one cushion of the sofa engrossed in his phone, he seemed unaware of Mason’s presence. One hand rested on the bandana that covered most of his hair, and Finn cringed, knowing that Ollie had lost more of it.

Finn now understood that when someone said their heart ached it truly hurt because he’d caused Ollie’s backslide and it was ripping him apart. If he could, he’d reach back into the past and undate Ellie, but since that was currently impossible, he’d do the next best thing. He’d find Ollie and get him some help.

“You have no idea where he went?” Finn asked, voice raw. Mason’s features flickered again and Finn realized that, under it all, Mason was worried about Ollie too.

“No. We don’t talk a lot.”

Finn couldn’t deny that was true. Somewhere along the line, Owen had sat him on a kitchen stool, and even though he was very much an unwanted guest currently breaking the law, Finn took the time to think.

“Should I call the police?” Owen’s thumbs flew over his cell’s keyboard.

“Not yet. I want to try and find him first.” But his brain was a ball of apprehension. All he could remember was the night they met, when Ollie had started crying in the back of the car. Something fierce and protective had risen inside of Finn, and all he’d wanted to do was see Ollie smile.

“Hey, I know this is weird and really unprofessional but can I take you somewhere? I promise it’s perfectly safe.”

With a gasp, Finn stood. “I know where he is!”

“Go,” Owen told him, finishing up a text. “Liam can pick me up outside.”

“But I drove you here…” Finn began hopping from foot to foot.

“Remember how happy Liam was to see you when we searched for him?” Owen’s eyebrows went up.

“True. Okay.” Turning, Finn faced Mason. “I’m sorry we busted in.”

“Don’t do it again. Let me know about Ollie.” Giving Finn a sharp nod, Mason gathered the photos he’d thrown on the table. Finn hadn’t cared about them before but when his eye caught their subject, a small percentage of his attention spun like a top.

“Sure, but I have a quick question.” He stared pointedly at them. “Why do you have pictures of Rain?”

For a few seconds, Finn thought that Ollie was dead.

He was exactly where Finn thought he’d be - parked at the edge of the lookout - and when the bumpy road opened up to the view, with Ollie’s car center stage, baking in the afternoon sun, Finn sagged in relief. But that relief quickly morphed into panic when there was no reaction to his approach at all. The distinct sound of tires over packed dirt should have Ollie up and turning, his neck craned in curiosity; instead, he was out like a light, reclined in his seat, and at that angle it didn’t look like he was breathing.

Slamming the car into park, Finn bolted to Ollie’s door, trying to wrench it open but it was locked. Thankfully, the commotion caused Ollie to stir with a frown, and he cracked open bleary eyes that grew wide as they stared up at Finn, who almost melted into the ground, the fear leaving his limbs wobbly.

“Finn?” Even though his voice was warped by the glass, Ollie sounded frightened and confused, and while he clearly wasn’t dead, he looked very close to it. Mason’s photo hadn’t done him justice, for he’d changed an alarming amount over the last fourteen days. To say he was gaunt would be an understatement, for it seemed as if his skeleton was prying itself loose, and even though he wore layers, they hung from his shrunken frame like a white flag. A fisherman’s hat sat on top of his usual fluffy curls, hiding most of them, but the strands that poked out drooped with a lifelessness that mimicked Ollie’s energy, and Finn’s panic rose again. How long had Ollie been out here, sleeping in his car? And had he truly fallen asleep or had he passed out? A chill ran up Finn’s spine as he realized with dire certainty that he needed to get through to Ollie here and now or he’d lose his sunshine for good.

Wiping cold sweat from his brow, Finn gestured at the door with a half-hearted smile. Blinking a few more times, Ollie started and then fumbled around until he hit the right button, unlocking everything with an echoing click. Wanting to cut off any means of escape, Finn sprinted to the other side of the car and slid into the passenger seat; that way Ollie wouldn’t be able to slam a door and lock Finn out to avoid the conversation. He’d have to walk away and Ollie didn’t seem strong enough to do that.

It was scorchingly hot in the car and Finn wrinkled his nose, reaching over to start the car and circulate some fresh cool air, then cracking open a few windows.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” Ollie finally broke through his confusion and attempted to sit up, but it took him several shaky tries, his weakness horrifyingly apparent. Finn’s heart broke even more, stabbing through his chest; he wanted to reach out and help but he didn’t think it would be welcome so he clenched his fists instead, digging his fingernails into his palms.

“Sunshine-”

“Don’t call me that.” Ollie clutched his sweater around him as if the air made him cold.

“Okay.” Opening his hands, Finn turned the fan down to the lowest setting, cracking his window a bit more. “I came up here to check on you. You’ve-”

“Are you fucking stalking me?” Ollie tried to shriek but it came out as an affected croak, his energy wild and unbalanced. “It’s bad enough that you’ve been showing up to the house but you sent the cops over twice.”

Finn wanted to sigh. This wasn’t going well. “I believe one of those was your family-”

“No.” Ollie held up a shaking finger. “I’m talking. You crossed a line with the police and now you’re playing bodyguard? Going all secret service on me when I’m just trying to get away and take a Tuesday afternoon nap-”

“It’s Wednesday,” Finn interrupted, adrenaline spiking his system. Had Ollie been up here since yesterday?

“What?” Ollie snapped.

“Today is Wednesday.” Repeating the words carefully, Finn walked himself through the real possibility that Ollie had driven up here twenty-four hours ago and had either taken a nap that ran out of control or passed out from sheer exhaustion. Either way, it was a flashing neon sign that Ollie’s body was wearing out.

“It’s…no…” Ollie frowned, shaking his head. Fishing for his phone, he squinted at it. “No…” Tears welled in his eyes, spilling over as realization dawned. “I just got here…I thought...” A sob tore from his body, rattling it.

Reaching inside his jacket, Finn pulled out a small package of tissues, handing it to Ollie, who stared at him with red watery eyes full of mistrust. There were dark hollows under them, and his complexion was a concerning gray, which tripled Finn’s pain, marking his soul. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up today? If he’d waited too long? It was one thing to conceptualize Ollie dying from his disorder, it was another thing to see it happening right in front of him. Finn was glad he’d broken into Mason’s house and he’d do it over and over again because Ollie was worth fighting for.

And Finn was ready to go to war.

Eventually, Ollie snatched the tissues, removing one and drying his eyes.

“Do you see why I’m here?” Finn asked softly. “Because I was worried. Because I care-”

“Sorry, but people who’ve slept with my sister don’t get to care about me, worry about me, or stalk me!” Ollie crumpled the tissue in his hand and looked away, out the window.

“Ollie, listen.” Finn kept his voice low and even as if he were talking to a skittish feline. “I’ve never lied to you.”

The bark of a sardonic laugh echoed in the car. “You did though. You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“That’s not fair. I know that this is a fucked-up situation but none of it was intentional.” Finn ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. “I keep wishing that I could go back in time and change things but, you know what? That change might ripple into other changes like us never meeting each other. And I don’t want to think about my life without you in it.”

“Finn, I…” A crack appeared in Ollie’s demeanor and Finn dove for it, trying to pry it open and get inside, get Ollie to see his own light and tend to it.

“Which means you can’t keep punishing yourself like this. I’m not here to say take me back, although I’d love that. I’m here to say I’ll do anything you want as long as you stop starving and exercising. As long as you get help.” Why was it so hard to breathe? There was something caught in Finn’s chest and he took in a huge gulp of air, his cheeks cool and strangely wet. “I’m begging you.”

Ollie’s eyebrows pinched, his face stricken, and he teared up again alongside Finn. “Please don’t cry over me. Everyone is crying over me.”

“Because you’re dying!” The floodgates opened, Finn’s intensity filling the car. “Do you know how hard it is to watch you destroy yourself? I know you can’t help it but you were on the right path and I’m so sorry that my past knocked you off it. I know you can recover, whether you want my help or not, but I’m not going to give up until you take that first step again, because you have so much to offer the world.” Stopping, Finn took a deep breath, wiping his face, freezing when something white waved in front of him.

The package of tissues.

“Thank you.” Slowly, Finn took them from Ollie’s shaky hand, their eyes meeting, and Finn realized that he was getting through because even though the brightness of that pale blue gaze had faded, it still held a spark of warmth. Carefully, he pulled a tissue free and dried his eyes, hoping that Ollie might speak, but he only continued to stare. Finn decided to make use of that attention. “I know why you’re doing this, at least from what you’ve told me, and I know the fear behind it, but I want you to consider that you’re not just starving yourself of food, you’re also starving yourself of joy. If you keep restricting and running from the bad, how can the good ever catch up? How can you ever enjoy things?”

“I tried that! I tried it your way!” Ollie blurted, waving his hand around. The sleeves of his many shirts pulled back and Finn maintained a poker face that would make Owen proud as Ollie’s wrist came into view, every bone and blood vessel on display. “And when I stopped, when I let the good catch up and believed that things might be okay? Look what happened! It wasn’t something small and stupid. I got to be blindsided and humiliated in front of everyone twice, first with the intervention and then with my boyfriend and my sister.” Ollie began to cry again, blotting his tears with his mangled tissue. “And now I’m too afraid to stop because things could get so much worse.”

“I think they’re already worse because you haven’t stopped.” Finn leaned over the console, insistent, drilling his gaze into Ollie. “And you’re well on your way to the absolute worst thing. So, what’s the harm in trying one more time? Please, Ollie. Please don’t leave me or my heart will go with you.”

“I…” Ollie’s sigh seemed to come from his soul. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m scared. But my death isn’t the worst. What if you die? What if everyone around me dies?”

Finn shrugged. “Anything can happen. I could die tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. Nothing is assured.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Ollie shot back.

“But we could also live sixty more years! Do you want to keep running for sixty years?” Finn reached for Ollie’s cold hands, inwardly rejoicing when he allowed it and holding them as tightly as he dared. “Or do you want to live? Iwant to live those years with you. I know that there are a lot of things we have to work through but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to commit, be your knight, and battle for you. For us.” Taking a deep breath, Finn let all his hope loose, putting his beaten heart on the line. “Because you are everything to me, and I love you.”