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KAYDEN

Y ou can’t tell Erik anything. He’ll ask you a question and you can answer, but he won’t be satisfied with that. Not unless you give him the answer he likes.

And you can’t tell him to take it easy because he has a concussion and rest is important to heal any injury.

Case in point, he showed up to practice a day later when he really should’ve stayed home.

I first noticed him sitting on the bench while shooting a whole mess of loose pucks at an empty net.

For the record, I scored with each one of them.

When I finished, I still saw him in the corner of my eye. Fuck , I thought. Life would be so much easier with him gone for at least a week or so. It wasn’t just that he thought he was the real team captain. By now, you know why I wanted him gone. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

He rose from his seat, eyes fixed on me. Looking away from him didn’t work. When he waved at me, I knew I couldn’t avoid him. I steeled myself before skating to the bench.

“What are you doing here?” “You can’t keep me away from the ice. I can’t play right now, but I at least want to be around the team.”

“Why are you really here?”

He paused, half-smiled, making me wait.

“When you think about it,” he said, “I should win the bet because I was the only one of us to score a goal, plus I really put my body on the line.”

“Jeez, De Ruiter, I didn’t put my body on the line at all.”

“Oh right, you fought that monster.”

“Damn right, I did. My hand is still sore thanks to Trombley’s face running into it, thank you very much.”

I held up a hand that boasted nicks and scratches from the fight.

“But that had nothing to do with winning the game,” he said. “You told me you did it because we’re teammates.”

“I did do it because we’re teammates.”

“Then it wasn’t really about winning the game.”

“Look, weren’t you the guy that wanted to call off the bet completely?”

“Yeah. I even gave you the chance to make this easy, but you had to act like a stubborn hothead. Figures.”

Now I felt tense all over, like he’d put his combination lock on my locker all over again.

Don’t buy his well-mannered farm boy bullshit.

The kid’s got nerve like you wouldn’t believe.

Despite it all, I didn’t regret going to the hospital or driving him home.

It was the least I could do for my man?—

My man…

Okay, all right, fine. I’ll rock that one because I know you want to hear about it.

Ever since I’d beat Trevor Trombley’s brains in, I’ve thought of Erik De Ruiter as “my man.” I didn’t do it on purpose, and I can’t stop it.

If I had it my way, my thoughts about him, especially those two little words, never would’ve entered my mind.

I’m only telling you about it now because I guess I can’t deny it.

You already know that seeing him take that ugly ass hit struck me like a hook to the gut. I’ll come clean about that much.

And I can’t deny looking at him for a little too long when I visited his hospital room. Worse, I kept stealing little glances at him in the car.

Even now, I lost myself in his blue eyes again. Oh yeah, he drove me nuts, but also made me feel helpless. I would normally dismiss the craziness, but this was way too much. You know why? Because he was hot. Not just handsome, but hot.

That’s all I’m going to say about that, at least for right now. I felt unprepared—and unwilling—to take those thoughts any farther. Besides, I could do something about it. If I ordered those thoughts out of my mind, they would have to leave.

Problem solved.

“You having a daydream or something?” Erik asked.

I snapped to attention as if suddenly awakened from a dream.

“Huh?”

“You looked like you were completely lost in space just now. What happened to your focus?”

I shook my head, clawing my way back to reality.

He noticed. Oh my God, he fucking noticed me looking at him.

Trevor Trombley hearing me call Erik my man was one thing.

I’d lost my head and was about to smash his face in.

I didn’t know what I was saying. I could deny it up and down if I wanted to.

But this wasn’t the heat of the moment. What excuse did I have?

I mostly felt calm, though. In a weird way, stealing those glances made me feel good. I just couldn’t let myself get carried away with it.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just lost myself thinking about how impossible some people can be.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you, bro. You shouldn’t even be here.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ve got a concussion and won’t play in the second exhibition game. You’ll be lucky to be ready for the season opener.”

“I’m a quick healer.”

“That’s great, I guess.”

I looked away from him, the smartest move I could make given the circumstances.

“You just don’t want me here.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him. That wasn’t true.

As team captain, I had to care about everyone on my team.

That meant ensuring injured players recuperated properly.

If Erik hung around practice too much—especially to argue about dumb shit with me—then he would never recover in time for the season opener.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“You’re being stubborn…as usual. And now you won’t even look at me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you here,” I said.

“Then what is it?”

“Look, there’s no point to this conversation. I’m just going to get back to practice, bro. Thanks for stopping by.”

“Okay, now you’re avoiding me completely.”

I wanted to respond in the worst way but choked the words back. Nothing I said would make a difference to this kid. No point in answering. But there was more to it. Of course there was. Deep down, I didn’t want him there, and not just because he was a Canadian farm boy who didn’t know his role.

If Erik stayed, I would never keep my eyes off him.

Little things about him would distract me.

The more I noticed those little things, the more preoccupied I would become.

The more preoccupied I became, the better chance I would have of going insane.

Insanity meant flushing my hockey season down the toilet, but I would have to confront things I’d never expected to face.

Like right now. I found it next to impossible not to stare into his eyes.

See what I mean?

I strapped my helmet on again, ready to continue practice, but Erik kept yapping like the conversation would end on his terms.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” he said.

“What question is that?”

“The one about why you came to the hospital.”

“I already told you why. It’s nothing personal. It’s just what a good teammate does.”

“That’s crap, Kayden, and you know it.”

“How do you figure?”

“Because you were the only one to show up. The coach didn’t come, but he called. I got texts from Ryan Detenbeck and a few other guys, making sure I was okay. But you were the only one to show up in person. Are you saying everyone else is a bad teammate?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, bro.”

“I’m not putting words in your mouth. I’m just asking a question.”

I can’t lie. Erik had backed me into a corner, and I couldn’t escape without turning seriously ugly. I couldn’t let that happen because I was still on Coach Hardison’s shit list and wasn’t kidding about injured players needing rest.

Several teammates zipped past me, and I turned my back to them, wanting to hide my conversation with Erik. Paranoid, I know. I didn’t care. I wanted out of this conversation in the worst way. I had to prove to myself that there had been nothing to my hospital visit…or the glances I’d stolen.

“Your lock is still on my locker,” I said.

“So?”

“So? Dude, we’ve been through this a hundred thousand times now. I know you need time to recover from your little bump on the head, but?—”

“Would you quit calling it a little bump on the head? It was a lot worse than that, and you know it.”

“Excuses, excuses. You’ve had all the time in the world to get your lock off my locker and your shit out of there.”

The skin between Erik’s eyebrows bunched together. Looked like I’d pissed off Mister Cool for the first time.

Like I said, I had to do something, and changing the subject wouldn’t cut it. He’d obviously misunderstood my reason for coming to the hospital. No matter what I said, he would insist that there was more to it. Just so you know, I’m not the only stubborn one here.

Obviously, I wouldn’t let on to Erik about the things I’d had going on. Before, any non-hockey thoughts had been girls, girls, and more girls. Never once had I thought about a guy—at all. I had to put a stop to that before those thoughts spun out of control.

“I don’t get you, dude,” he said. “One minute, you’re doing something super nice, and the next you’re being a complete asshole…again.”

“Don’t act surprised. You’ve known where I stand from the very start. Let’s not pretend like there’s some kind of mystery to solve, okay?”

Erik’s mouth stayed shut. Remember where you were when you heard that because it’s totally monumental, folks. And he was getting pissed too. His face had reddened. Mister Cool might explode if I kept up the heat.

“But I’m not a bad guy,” I said. “I know you’re still recovering. Tomorrow morning’s okay.”

“That’s so kind of you. Thank you very much, Kayden.”

Sarcasm aside, his expression said, I thought we might’ve had something nice to build on here . The song of cream puffs everywhere. I didn’t care about building on anything. As team captain, I would put my foot down.

“Anytime,” I said.

“See you.”

“So long.”

“Ciao.”

He turned and started for the exit before I could skate away from him. I’m telling you, even while nursing a concussion, that kid just had to get the last word.