Page 11

ERIK

I can’t lie to you. When Kayden approached me on campus, I wanted to flee.

Okay, I wanted to talk about what’d happened between us, even if he’d acted like the stubborn mule he was.

He’d caught me off guard, and I needed to gather my thoughts and face him on my own terms. When he followed me down the hall, I found myself thinking that much more about the kiss, his tongue in my mouth, and his arms around me.

Until his lips met mine, I’d been Mister Cool, the King of Rational Thinking, and I’d gone and lost my head.

If I allowed these feelings to throttle me, it would happen again.

Until that moment, I’d been completely straight.

At least, I’d never had a reason to think I was anything but.

I’d had a girlfriend back home for most of high school.

We were really into each other but broke up during our senior year.

That hurt, but not nearly enough to make me ditch girls and start lusting after guys.

Besides, I hadn’t looked at every guy I saw the way I gawked at Kayden.

I didn’t check out guys on treadmills at the gym.

My eyes didn’t wander to all the hot guys on campus.

I’d started thinking about Kayden Preston.

Trust me, if I’d had any say, I wouldn’t have looked at him that way either.

He would’ve stayed on the back burner, an afterthought, a moron who couldn’t control his emotions to save his life.

If I were gay, he would be totally beneath me and not worth a second of my time.

After that last confrontation, I’d thought it over some more. I realized it didn’t matter that Kayden was the only guy I’d ever appreciated. The fact that I’d noticed anything at all had to mean something, and I couldn’t ignore the signs.

Kayden hadn’t said anything more about it, but that came as no surprise. After all, that was Kayden. He’d avoided me when I’d attended practice while still recovering. That was Kayden too. You should know by now that I hate leaving loose ends and couldn’t let this issue dangle.

When my first practice back rolled around, I readied myself for trouble.

I don’t mean that Kayden would hassle me either.

My eyes followed him the entire time. I couldn’t keep up because I’d thought about him nonstop.

Oh sure, my teammates chalked my sluggish play up to recovery, but I knew the real reason.

I’ll admit that I avoided discussing this with Kayden before. We were in public when he stopped me for crying out loud. Seeing him again made all those feelings rush back. My thoughts about him intensified, and I knew I couldn’t avoid them forever.

Butterflies swarmed my stomach the moment I decided to approach him. I would’ve given anything to avoid it, but I knew problems didn’t just solve themselves.

I waited for the rest of the team to file out after practice, understanding this exact scenario had gotten us in trouble the first time. That didn’t matter. We had a boatload of things to iron out.

I stood back and watched him at his locker— my locker, technically—and watched him comb his hair. Normally my nerves didn’t get the best of me, but I’d never gotten caught up with a guy like this before.

Kayden closed the locker door, turned, and saw me waiting for him. He slung his bag over his shoulder and stepped past me toward the door. No one ever said he was smooth.

“Freeze.” I used my most authoritative voice.

He stopped and half-smiled, as if to mock my attempt at taking charge.

Why he smiled didn’t matter. He flashed those dimples again, driving me crazy. If I’d felt nervous before, I would become a wreck before this was over.

“What?” he asked.

“We’ve got to talk.”

He stomped back toward the center of the locker room, dropped his bag on a nearby bench, and crossed his arms. This conversation had started perfectly, all right.

“I bet I can guess what you want to talk about,” he said.

“Right.”

“So, what’s changed? You refused to talk about this when I asked you. Matter of fact, you ran away.”

“I didn’t run away. I was just removing myself from the conversation because you were being difficult.”

He turned away, proving my point. At least I wouldn’t have to see his striking face. On the other hand, the view of his strong back and broad shoulders didn’t help matters.

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to talk about it now,” he said. “Not if you’re going to bring up the things you did last time.”

“I didn’t want to. I had to.”

Laughter spilled out of his mouth as he turned back to me. Sure, you’d swear he wasn’t taking me seriously, but you’ve got to understand how the Kaydens of the world operate. It meant I had him on the ropes and should make my move.

“You had to bring that up?” he asked.

“I did, yeah. And we need to talk about that more than ever.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“We don’t just bottle things up on the farm. We deal with them head-on.”

“Okay, De Ruiter, we can’t have a good, long talk about it after we’re done milking the cows and filling the slop troughs.”

“You’re scared, Kayden.”

“I am not.”

You would’ve sworn a lightning bolt had struck. His eyes practically darted at me.

“Yes, you are,” I retorted. “Scared shitless. You’re making fun of me to cover up for it.”

“You’re out of your mind.”

“When you think about it, what we did wasn’t that weird. It’s sort of normal.”

“What are you talking about now?”

“I spent some time thinking and remembered a human sexuality class I took in high school. The teacher gave us statistics on how many people have had a homosexual experience. Guess what? It’s like six or seven out of ten.”

“Oh my God, now you’re getting into statistics? You’ve got to get all geeky on me?”

God, of all the guys in the world to kiss, why someone as hardheaded as Kayden Preston?

“You don’t feel better knowing this happens to a lot of people?” I asked.

“I guess what we did qualifies as a homosexual experience?”

“Not quite. For it to qualify as?—”

“Would you shut up about this already?”

You should’ve heard him. His voice must’ve jumped an octave. He turned away again and combed his fingers through his hair. Of course he would deny feeling threatened by this topic. He wouldn’t be Kayden Preston without a double dose of stubbornness.

“Look,” I said, “I didn’t believe it either. Like if a guy kisses another guy, then he can’t really be straight. Not one hundred percent. And the number of guys who’ve supposedly done a lot more than that is nuts. But when we kissed, I started thinking.”

“If you’d done any thinking, bro, you wouldn’t push your luck like this.”

Only he would find fault in someone thinking through a problem rationally. His voice didn’t sound as strong and authoritative as before. He couldn’t deny that the kiss had impacted him every bit as much as it had me. He couldn’t put on this act forever.

And neither could I.

I’ve already said I can’t lie to you, so I’ll tell you the rest. I found myself staring at Kayden’s chest again and remembered how incredible it’d felt pressed against mine.

Memories of tasting his spicy cinnamon gum when our lips pressed together swirled through my mind.

If those thoughts had consumed me, you could bet Kayden was in the same boat.

I’m not saying I wanted to kiss him again.

That was the last thing I wanted . A deeper part of me felt compelled to kiss him.

I craved it. I had a need to fulfill. The fact that Kayden Preston—asshole extraordinaire—would ignite those feelings in me made zero sense. I’d been stripped of so much control.

“I don’t want to argue,” I said. “I just want to help.”

“Don’t.”

Ugh, this guy was impossible.

“You’re really going to pretend like nothing happened?” “That’s what I told you before, bro.”

“Figures.”

“This again?”

“Yeah, this again. Just so you know, I’m as freaked out by this as you are. I’m trying to make sense of it, and here you are trying to rewrite history.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope. I’m trying to erase history. Big difference.”

Of all the guys to lock lips with, Kayden Preston was the worst. Not that I’d wanted that to happen with any guy, but you already know that. If I could’ve picked, I would’ve fallen into the arms of someone with more than a handful of brain cells.

We’d reached a stalemate. No way could he do the common-sense thing and confront this. Like I said, he was scared. If I said that again, he would freak, which wouldn’t help anything.

In movies, you solve this problem by kissing again. The characters overcome their fears and realize how much they really wanted it after all.

That was out of the question. I wanted to confront the issue and then move on.

Kayden turned and headed for the door. If I let him go now, I would lose my chance to move on, and the kiss would drive me nuts forever.

“Wait a second,” I said. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m getting the hell away from you. What does it look like?”

“We’re not finished yet.”

“You’re not the only one who can bail on an important conversation.”

“Yeah, but this is different.”

“Why?”

“Because I actually have something intelligent to say.”

Kayden turned, shoulders tensed, and pursed his lips into a tight line. He wanted to slug me. I know he did. He could go ahead and try if he wanted. I readied myself for the blow.

“I’m out of here, bro,” he said. “I’ve got girls to text.”

“Ah, overcompensating, I see.”

“What the fuck does overcompensating… Never mind.”

He pushed past the door, and I followed. God, I was turning into Kayden.

He glanced back at me. “You can’t take a hint, can you?”

“Not from you.”

“I don’t care about the kiss, I don’t care about facts and figures, and I don’t care about you.”

“And you don’t care that you drove me home from the hospital when you didn’t have to.”

His upper lip lifted into a snarl, but I wouldn’t back down.

When he stormed away, I knew this wouldn’t be the end of it. And I worried about how long my strong front would hold up.

Like I said, I can’t lie to you.