Page 48

KAYDEN

I might be a young guy, and I understand that I come off like a hotshot, but I do know a thing or two about the world.

For example, I know that you can do stupid things and pretend like people don’t notice.

You might spend years thinking you’re getting away with something, but you’re really not.

People around you notice plenty of things but never say so.

Unless they do.

Having your cover blown knocks you on your ass. You don’t know how to react. All you know is there’s no point in denying anything, but that doesn’t mean you won’t try anyway.

Ryan Detenbeck was that totally observant person the day after Erik threw me out of his apartment. At first, I’d naturally tried to act like nothing had happened. Then I wanted to avoid the topic altogether. But Detenbeck, a guy not known for a high IQ, wasn’t fooled.

We’d met up at the campus fitness center, and I hadn’t brought up the topic of Erik De Ruiter the entire time. Turns out I didn’t have to. Our interaction during practice must’ve said it all.

“What happened, bro?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

He looked up at me, his expression slightly shifted from his usual stunned look.

It was one of those looks that said he knew damn well it wasn’t nothing.

It also said I shouldn’t bother lying. As I said, you could put a veneer over the truth all you want, but even the densest person on the planet will catch on sooner or later.

At first, I loaded plates onto a barbell, hoping to avoid answering or any further questioning. When Detenbeck’s eyes didn’t leave me, I knew I’d been backed into a corner but had been trapped nonetheless.

“He’s a little mad at me,” I said.

“You guys have a fight or something?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Ooooooh, I get it. Kind of like a lover’s quarrel, right?”

I stopped, stared at him. For his sake, I hoped he was as good at reading facial expressions as I was.

“And then one or both of you went to bed angry.”

“Fuck off, Detenbeck.”

I turned to stomp away, determined not to listen to his bullshit. Actually, I was just running away because I couldn’t counter him. My teammate hooked my arm and pulled me back. Then I stopped and drew a breath.

“A little sensitive, aren’t we?” he asked.

“Not if you knew what the argument was about.”

“I don’t think it even matters what the argument was about.”

“Why not?”

“Because we’ve got a championship to win, that’s why. If you guys are on the outs with each other, it couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

But he threw me out of his apartment, I wanted to say. I didn’t get up and leave. If it’d been up to me, we would’ve settled this problem right there on the spot. But nooooo, Erik had to go and be all Erik, and nothing’s been settled .

I couldn’t tell him that, though. Normally, Ryan Detenbeck wasn’t the most serious guy at the best of times, but even he wouldn’t want to listen to the blame game. It wouldn’t matter who was at fault or for what. We were supposed to figure it out. That was how hockey teams worked.

If only Erik could be more like Ryan Detenbeck.

“I hear what you’re saying,” I said, “but I don’t think it’ll be that simple.”

“So, you’re going to let it threaten the championship for the whole team? Is that it?”

“No way, dude. We’ll get it figured out.”

I laid back on the bench, positioned myself under the barbell, lifted it, and began pushing it off my chest, one rep after another.

One part of me wanted to believe what I’d just said, and the other part didn’t. Like, I thought Erik might’ve come to his senses. Sure, he’d been silent and cold, but that would only last for a day or two until he came around.

Unless he didn’t.

He could be stubborn enough to put up walls between us forever.

Doing that would become a problem, and it seemed like our teammates had already noticed.

If Ryan Detenbeck had caught on, then the whole world could figure it out.

You would think that I wouldn’t be blamed for Erik De Ruiter’s bullshit, but I’d already gotten shit for not being the one to wave a magic wand and fix it.

If only Detenbeck knew…

I sat up after my first set, hoping my teammate would’ve tired of the topic. No such luck.

“So, what happened?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“What was the argument about?”

“It wasn’t really an argument.”

“What happened?”

“Oh my dod, dude, I told you it was nothing.”

“But it’s not actually nothing. You said so yourself.”

“You know you’re going to drive me batshit crazy, right?”

“That’s my job, isn’t it?”

When he smiled at me, I couldn’t help laughing a little. At least he could inject a little humor into a totally tense situation.

But what was I supposed to tell him? So far, Erik had made no move to patch things up. Since this was our first serious fight, I didn’t know how long it would take for him to see reason… if he ever did. “So, you’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”

“No, and I don’t know how this is going to pan out either. Like, for all I know, Erik is going to be as stubborn as a mule for the rest of his life.”

That earned a laugh from my teammate.

“We’ll get it figured out one way or another,” I said.

“So, you guys haven’t figured out who gets to have custody of the kids, right?”

I side-eyed him, but he seemed not to see it.

“I guess in your case, it’s who gets to keep the teammates.”

He started laughing, but I didn’t join him. I knew he was trying to be funny. I even tried to appreciate that, but I couldn’t laugh along with him.

And then he stopped cold, almost like he knew he shouldn’t have said anything. That was my opening.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Huh?”

“You meant something by that. What are you saying?”

“Dude, there’s nothing… Okay, if you really want to know, it feels like the two of you have been a couple, like for real, at least for a little while. Now you’ve broken up, and it shows.”

“Why’s that?”

My hands trembled a little. Was he not joking anymore? Had he ever been joking? I mean, I remembered how stupid he’d behaved that night at Tully’s. I’d taken that as stupid joking.

“Well, I know spending a shit load of time together isn’t supposed to mean anything, but you guys did spend a lot of time together.”

“Yep, that says it all.”

He shooed me, forcing me up from the bench. When I got up, he slipped underneath the barbell, curling his fingers around it.

“And then there’s the way you two interact,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Just the way you guys act towards each other. It’s not like friends or teammates.”

“Come on.”

“I’m waiting for you to tell Erik ‘ honey, would you bring me my purse?’ ”

“Dude, you’re lucky I don’t drop this barbell on you.”

“That’s not all, though. You guys have had this weird love-hate thing going from the start.” And he began his repetitions. “For the first little while, no one really knew what to think. And then it was like everything was great for a really long time. Then all of a sudden…”

“Back to hate again.”

“Hate is just a figure of speech.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“But it honestly seems like you guys are going through some kind of weird breakup. That’s my honest opinion. I can’t lie.”

Instead of shaking, I tensed up. He had me. Even though we’d broken up for real and no matter how hard I’d denied everything, he still had me dead to rights. Part of me figured I should just fess up to him so I wouldn’t have to worry about this shit ever again.

But would that solve my problems or make matters worse?

“We didn’t break up,” I said finally.

“I didn’t say you did.”

“But you implied it.”

Now my teammate gave me one of those looks that said I was the weirdest person he’d ever met.

“I’m not saying that,” he said. “I’m just saying it’s like that.”

But it honestly didn’t seem any better to me.

He sat up, rolled off the bench, and stood up.

“Are you weirded out by that or something?” I asked.

He gave me a tiny shrug, like he hadn’t thought about it that much.

But I understood what was probably going on.

I’d played hockey since I’d been old enough to put on a pair of skates.

Erik and I had almost definitely been the butt of locker room jokes, all of which would’ve surrounded the idea that we were a couple.

I’m surprised no one had sketched a lewd drawing of us.

If they had, it would’ve been the kind of locker room humor you would expect but would’ve been touchy enough for me.

“I’m not telling you to do anything, bro,” he said, “I’m just saying that, if this gets in the way of us winning a championship, you’re a dick and it’s all your fault.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well, that and I’ll never want to see you again.”

Ryan Detenbeck couldn’t even say something serious without an air of stupidity.

“Yeah, well, like I told you, it’s a two-way street,” I said.

That was really all I could say.