Page 19

KAYDEN

F irst comes love, then comes marriage. You know how the rest of that rhyme goes.

That was the crazy direction Erik was trying to take this.

If I’d said that in front of Erik, he really would’ve gone bananas.

No, wait, he would’ve found some way to turn it around on me.

He would’ve said something to paint me as a sex-crazed horndog.

Anything I said could and would be used against me by the nuttiest player on the Larkin Lions hockey team.

And, yeah, my teammate had to be crazy. How else do you explain him turning down easy sex?

Worse, did he not know what would happen if we went on a date together?

For one thing, people would see us. Erik would respond to that by reminding me that anyone could’ve walked in on us fucking in the locker room.

He didn’t realize that the threat of being discovered was a good thing. It heightened the excitement.

During our second exhibition game, I couldn’t stop thinking about sex.

That wasn’t unusual. Sex was usually my secondary thought behind hockey, only I normally dreamed about rocking the sheets with girls.

Now it was all Erik, Erik, and more Erik.

I remembered the sweet taste of his lips and the warmth of his perfect ass.

Just thinking about it made me rock hard.

Here’s the crazy thing: Normally, those thoughts wouldn’t distract me. They would haunt my brain but not affect my play. I knew I could go and satisfy that urge after the game.

I should’ve been able to scratch this itch, too, but Erik just had to put up walls, turning everything into a science project.

Well, we beat St. Bonaventure despite my head being stuck in the clouds.

Exhibition games meant nothing, but I always play to win, so it mattered to me.

If Erik didn’t understand that about me, he would find out pretty damn soon.

The team held a celebration dinner at La Nova Pizza on West Ferry Street.

I sat across from Erik, saying almost nothing to him, pretending he meant exactly zero to me while never letting him out of my sight.

He seemed not to notice me at first, taking small bites from his slice.

What kind of crap was he trying to pull anyway?

He talked about me doing a shit job of pretending not to notice him.

It’s not like he would exactly be up for an Academy Award.

When our eyes finally met, they wouldn’t leave one another.

We each wanted something from the other and couldn’t deny it.

All the feelings from the moment just before we’d given in and had sex returned.

I honestly worried I would explode if I couldn’t get Erik alone again. I knew he felt the same way. He had to.

I tilted my head left to gesture to Erik to join me outside. I kept it subtle, hoping the others wouldn’t notice. He got up and followed me. Thank God he could follow orders now and then.

Once outside, I continued alongside the building and then took a sharp left into the rear parking lot.

It wasn’t totally private. I mean, cars would still pass on West Ferry, but they probably wouldn’t have seen us considering the darkness.

Erik followed. I would’ve expected him to ask why we couldn’t just have our conversation in front of the doors.

Then I would have to ask him if he was as dumb as he looked, and that would ruin our whole conversation before it even started.

When I stopped, Erik and I fell into each other’s arms, our lips locking and tongues entering one another’s mouths.

I squeezed him tight, wanting to feel all of him.

We pawed at one another, groaning like another round of sex was imminent.

No, we wouldn’t have torn our clothes off and fucked each other right then and there.

I wanted Erik in the worst way and a public place would’ve added excitement and all, but I had limits.

You would swear we couldn’t be left alone anywhere without something like this happening.

Neither of us tried to break away from the kiss either. Each of us meant to enjoy it as much as possible, drinking it all in.

When our lips slowly parted, I said, “I knew you couldn’t say no to that.”

“I guess not.”

I saw my opening. How couldn’t I? No way could Erik keep up the defiance routine after a kiss like that.

“My roommate’s going away for the weekend. That means I’ve got the whole place to myself. Pick any room you want. We can use the island counter in the kitchen if you want.”

He paused, saying nothing. This was the kid who had an answer for everything, you know. After the kiss we’d just shared, I would’ve expected him to leap at the opportunity.

“Didn’t you hear me?” I asked. “I said my roommate’s gone for the weekend. It doesn’t have to be the kitchen. There’ll be a bed and clean sheets. Total privacy. There’ll even be some nice fluffy pillows for you to bite down on if things get a little too intense.”

“Get a life, Kayden.”

My teammate couldn’t help laughing a little at that. He had to put up a front. Nice to know the kid wasn’t made of stone.

“I’m just trying to lighten the mood here,” I said.

“I know you are, but everything I told you still stands.”

I paused and drew a deep breath.

“Let me get this straight,” I said. “You still expect us to go on a date before we do anything beyond kissing?”

“And nothing until.”

I spun around, pumping my fists, ready to scream. That would mean Erik had won, and I couldn’t admit defeat. Not with hot sex on the line.

Things didn’t usually work out this way. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying girls have just thrown themselves at me, no questions asked. Sometimes they played hard to get. In those cases, I walked away. It wasn’t worth the trouble.

Erik was different, though. I had no idea why.

If it was just about getting it on with another guy and satisfying the rest of my curiosity, that would’ve been no problem.

I could’ve found some other guy on campus who was down.

That hypothetical guy would’ve loved to bend over for the captain of the Larkin Lions hockey team.

He would’ve been grateful for the invitation to my place for some hot fun while my roommate was gone. It would’ve been easy peasy.

But I wanted Erik. Don’t ask me why. No one else would do. Maybe confining all my man-on-man fun to one guy would keep things under control. Or he was the only guy that turned me on enough to sleep with a second time. Beats the hell out of me. I only hoped he would be worth the trouble.

“About this date,” I said, “what are we supposed to say if someone sees us?”

“Who’s going to see us?”

“Oh, I dunno. This is Buffalo, De Ruiter, not New York City. It’s not the capital of anonymity. Any of the guys from the team could see us. What do we tell them?”

“Tell them whatever you want.”

I hated answers like that. You know why? They always minimized my worries like I’m some kind of dope. That’s being kind, actually. It treated my concern like a non-issue, which was total bullshit.

“Like, if we go out for a beer, I could tell them that we’re just hanging out?”

“If they’ll believe that.”

He sounded so sly saying that, like he really wanted to rub it in. You know, as if they wouldn’t assume he was gay just the same.

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“Oh, I dunno, we didn’t exactly act like best buds before. They don’t know that anything’s changed. We shouldn’t be off having beers together.”

“Maybe we buried that hatchet?”

He shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t care what you tell them.”

It was official. My teammate wasn’t just a pain, but batshit crazy.

“And you’ll keep it on the down-low?”

Oh my God, was I really thinking of going along with this? Judging by all I’d said, it sure sounded like it. I’d had one-nighters with girls that turned into two, three, or even four-night stands. I hadn’t dated any of them. We weren’t in love. They hadn’t made Erik’s dumbass demands.

It was sex. Just sex.

If Erik wasn’t gay, what was he turning this into?

I reached out, pulled him in close, and kissed him again. At the very least, I wanted to enjoy that.

He smiled.

“You like that, don’t you?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

He smiled in a sheepish way. That looked said he felt weird admitting that to anyone, not just a guy. If he liked it so much, why wouldn’t he go for more? Why did he have to complicate something so simple?

“I don’t need to take you on a date for that , do I?” I asked.

“No.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I think you know the difference, Kayden. Kissing is one thing. I’ve kissed tons of girls I wasn’t in a relationship with. But not sex. I was always dating the girl.”

Okay, that one blew my mind, partly because I didn’t know how he could show that much restraint without exploding. But there was more. Dating? Relationships? Love? This was all starting to become way too much.

“So, if I go on this little date, we can finally get down to some real business again?”

“I don’t know.”

I felt like I finally had the right answers, and Erik had changed the questions.

“You don’t know?” I asked. “How can you not?”

“I didn’t make any promises. How can I? All I told you was that we wouldn’t be sleeping together again until we’ve at least had a first date.”

“God, you’re impossible.”

He offered only a tiny shrug this time, but somehow that seemed a lot worse than the normal ones. It said he knew how infuriating this was and didn’t give a shit. Worse, he knew I would go along with whatever he said.

“I’d better get back inside,” he said. “The guys are going to start wondering what we’re doing out here.”

“Yeah, you’re real funny.”

And you know what he did? He turned and headed back into the restaurant without another word. He acted like he could win any argument by snapping his fingers—or just deciding that the conversation was over.

Dammit!

“Yeah, well, I’ll let you know, okay?”

He didn’t look back. He probably didn’t believe me. That was understandable. I didn’t believe I was so close to caving in myself.