Page 14

KAYDEN

I spotted Erik leaving the gym with his gym bag slung over his shoulder.

Shit!

If I could have one superpower, it would be the ability to vanish instantly.

Or transport to someplace else—anywhere else.

I turned from him and headed in the opposite direction, knowing I couldn’t let him spot me.

If he did, he would want to talk, and I only needed one guess about the topic of the day.

So, I got a move on.

“Kayden!” he called out.

I froze and my eyelids fell shut. Fuck. I should’ve known better than to think I could really escape this kid.

He sprinted up to me, jostling his gym bag, and I threw up a hand to stop him before his lips could start flapping.

“What?” he asked.

“You know goddamn well what, Erik. Don’t get me started.”

“Oh, this again. Pretending like something isn’t going on. A total denial-fest. Gotcha.”

He gave me a thumbs-up. Smartass.

I walked away from him. Yeah, I know that tactic failed every time I tried it, but how many choices did I have?

“Look,” he said, “I’m not saying we should go get married. I’m just saying?—”

“Married? I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, bro.”

“Of course you will. You’re a stubborn neanderthal. All I’m trying to?—”

“I know what you’re trying to do, bro. And let me tell you, I’ve got different plans.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“A championship. The NHL. Are you dense?”

“You make it sound like you’ll get there by snapping your fingers.”

“I’m the master of my own destiny. I can do whatever I want.”

“Master of your own destiny? Dude, isn’t that just a slightly less macho way of saying you’re the king of the freaking universe?”

I paused, knowing I needed to explain this in a way that even Erik De Ruiter could understand.

“You know what I hate more than anything else?” I asked.

“What’s that?”

“Excuses. People make them for everything that goes wrong in their lives. They make them for failing to achieve the things that should’ve gone right for them. You have a lot more control over your life than you think.”

“Gee, Kayden, if you had that much control, maybe you wouldn’t have been thrown in jail after your fun night at Mister Goodbar.”

I would’ve snapped at him before. No, I would’ve drilled him right in the face for bringing that up.

But because I could control myself better than my teammate thought, I did neither.

I knew I had a scholarship to think about.

Coach Hardison’s reaction mattered too. Erik De Ruiter could put that in his pipe and smoke it.

“You’re a real comedian, De Ruiter,” I said. “Don’t quit your day job.”

“I’m not trying to be funny.”

“Thank God.”

“I just want to hear about all this stuff you think you can control. Your urges are definitely out.”

“Oh, you’re talking about my hard-on again?” I glanced around to make sure nobody heard me. No one seemed to, thankfully.

“Yeah.”

He nodded, wearing this dumbass smile, like he considered it the funniest thing on earth.

“Maybe I can’t control the fact that I had a huge boner thanks to you, but I can control everything else, thanks.”

“Which means?”

“It means I can’t control my dick, but I won’t act on it. Plain and simple.”

Erik didn’t answer that, but I knew what he was thinking. “ You’re going to act on it sooner or later or guys always think with their dicks .” Maybe he would say, “Y ou can’t pretend like it meant nothing forever .” If he really thought that, then he didn’t know me very well.

“I know you want to talk yourself into believing it was nothing,” he said, “but remember what I said about six or seven people out of ten.”

“Oh, right, the numbers. You know, I would tell you what you can do with your statistics, but I’m worried that’ll get you all hot too.”

He scoffed at me. Seriously. You should’ve seen it. The kid could be delicate for a hockey player, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I wanted him to fall in love with me.

“Okay, fine,” he said. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me all about this great destiny you’ve got mapped out.”

“I already told you. I’m going to win a championship for Larkin and be drafted into the NHL. I’m gonna play for the Buffalo Sabres.”

“Kayden, you know that?—”

“Shut up, would you? This is my fantasy—I mean, my destiny.”

For once, he did as he was told.

“I can’t do that with distractions,” I said. “And I definitely can’t do it with complications.”

We kept walking. I knew I could never get rid of this kid, so I wouldn’t let my blood boil.

“You can’t control any of those things,” he said.

His silence was nice while it lasted.

“Of course you can,” I said. “You can work like a demon and live, eat, sleep, and breathe hockey. And, like I said, don’t ever let complications derail your hopes and dreams.”

“Okay, I’ll play along. What are you going to do once you’ve willed your way to those things?”

“I’m going to be married, of course. To a woman, De Ruiter.

She’ll be this drop-dead gorgeous blond.

And she’ll have an exotic-sounding name, but she’ll be totally American.

She might be a model or maybe she won’t be.

Hey, maybe she’ll make more money than me, same as when Giselle was worth more than Tom Brady. ”

He snorted as if to accuse me of dreaming. He could laugh all he wanted. It was so totally gonna happen—because I said so.

“And we’re going to have three kids,” I said.

“Not two-point-five like the rest of America, eh?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Three kids. Sounds like a good number to me. I’m the middle of three kids. The oldest will be named after me. The other two will have names that sound made up but are cool anyway. And they’ll all be born with hockey sticks in their hands.”

He shook his head.

“After my first Stanley Cup win, I’m going to have more endorsement deals than I’ll know what to do with. That’s what I’ll live off of and bank my hockey salary. You never know how long your hockey career is going to last.”

“You mean you can’t control when your hockey career will end? Oh my, say it ain’t so.”

“Maybe other players can’t control it. I can. But in case something totally unexpected happens, I’ll need something to fall back on.”

“That’s about the first sensible thing you’ve said in this entire conversation, you know that?”

“It’s a lot more sensible than your bullshit about everyone on the planet fooling around with the same sex.”

Erik had never said that. Not exactly. I knew it but didn’t care. He’d been so much of a pain in the ass that I saw no reason not to return the same maddening behavior.

“And then I’ll retire,” I said. “On my own terms, naturally, but not until I have at least four Stanley Cup rings on my fingers.”

“Well, thank goodness you haven’t put an exact number on it.”

“Think that’s funny?”

“No way, dude. I’m a little worried. Whatever you’re on, it’s time to cut the dose.”

“Fuck off.”

“What a clever response. You’re acting like the future is written.”

I shook my head again. “It might not be written, but you can make your life whatever you want it to be. You’d be amazed what you can make happen through sheer willpower.”

“And you can make things not happen by the exact same means.”

“I’ll still be doing endorsements after retirement, but the big bucks will come on the lecture circuit.”

“Oh, get over yourself…”

“That’s right. Organizations will be dying to pay me at least ten grand per speech.

No, twenty. And I’ll be picked up in limousines.

I’ll stay in the best hotels—all expenses paid for, of course.

And people will be patting themselves on the back for landing me for a speaking engagement.

And do you know why? Because I’m the greatest fucking hockey player that ever lived. ”

“That’s nice, Kayden. You going to put that in your Hall of Fame speech?”

“I’ve already written a draft of it if you want to read it.”

Erik waved his hand in front my eyes as if to make sure I was feeling okay. Pretty soon, he would ask how many fingers he was holding up.

“Don’t believe me?” I asked.

“I think you’ve gone completely delusional, Kayden. Wait, I take that back. You might’ve been this delusional before I met you, and you didn’t realize it. The kiss—especially the hard-on I gave you—must’ve pushed you over the edge.”

“This is exactly the type of shit I was talking about, bro.”

“What?”

“All this shit about kissing and hard-ons. They become a distraction. They keep you from achieving the things you want in life. When I have that beautiful wife—and especially when we have our three sons—I don’t want to remember that I ever had a woody over a guy.”

“Sounds like you, all right.”

“And I’ll tell you something else: I don’t want you talking to me. Period.”

Erik paused, like he wanted to fire another wisecrack at me in the worst way, but I stopped him before he could.

“I know what you’re going to say,” I said, “so save your breath. We’ll be on the same hockey team, but that’s as far as it goes. Business only. We’ll say no more to each other than we have to.”

“But—”

“I’m not joking, bro. You wanted to know how I can be the master of my own destiny. Well, this is how you do it: by taking control, by putting your foot down, and by weeding out anything and everything that could stand in your way.”

I spotted an open door in a nearby building, slipped into it, and lost myself in a sea of people. That was the only way I could lose Erik. Sure, physically escaping our conversation before it’d officially ended was rude. Given what I’d put up with from him, manners were totally on the back burner.

All I wanted was to escape from him and never have to think about his warm lips, firm touch, or throbbing hard-on ever again.

If that didn’t work, I could always take a cold shower.