Page 18

ERIK

L eave it to Kayden to act like he could have me any time he wanted me, like I’m some kind of sex toy.

Just so you know, I have no regrets about what happened.

Sex was bound to happen sooner or later.

At the same time, I had to draw the line somewhere.

That’s the thing. I didn’t regret shooting him down for more sex, no matter how badly I wanted it.

I just couldn’t allow Kayden to call the shots like he was in charge.

You probably think this would make things awkward between us. I’ve got news for you: Things were already awkward between us. Sex helped ease some of our initial tension, sure, but it opened up a new set of problems.

When I ran into Kayden near Alumni Arena, I didn’t run away from him. Instead, I walked right up to him, even if he seemed surprised that I would be the one to strike up a conversation. I guess I wanted to tackle the elephant in the room tusks first.

“I’m sorry I was so abrupt yesterday,” I said. “I didn’t mean to be. I guess I didn’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. I always leave my sexual partners speechless.”

He puffed out his chest, running his hands up and down his trunk with this dumbass grin, which would make anyone look self-satisfied. Kayden looked impressed with himself, too, but that was par for the course.

“There you go again,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting all proud of yourself. It’s like you want me to pat you on the head like you’re a little boy, give you a cookie, and tell you that you did good.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to do that.”

“Not happening, Kayden, but you’re the one that wanted this deep conversation yesterday. So, let’s talk.”

He half-smiled like he found my attempt to stand my ground sort of entertaining. Wait until he found out I wasn’t kidding around.

“Anyway, I’m going to have the place to myself tomorrow night,” he said. “If you want to come over, I can totally make it worth your while.”

He even flitted his eyebrows at me. Was that his “come hither” look? The guy had absolutely no shame.

“I’m busy.”

“Oh, I get it. You’re going to be busy washing your hair.”

“No.”

“Doing your taxes?”

“Wrong again.”

“Okay, those are the only two bullshit excuses that I know people use to get out of sex. And no one’s ever used them on me before, so get that idea out of your head. What’s the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.”

“The hell you don’t. I would’ve thought you’d be grateful for the invitation. The place is nice and comfortable. We can fuck in a bed and not a locker room bench.”

“Oh, lucky me. What a treat.”

“You’re really going to be a pain in the ass about this, aren’t you?”

I paused, realizing that we could argue in circles like this all day.

“Come on, Kayden. It’s not that I want to be a pain in the ass.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t regret what happened, you know. I liked what we did and all?—”

“You just liked it? You didn’t love it?”

“Oh my God, Kayden, if you’re going to be that insecure…”

I didn’t know what’d stopped me from popping him one before.

Now I knew. He was still gorgeous, and I didn’t want to rearrange that pretty face.

And, if I KO’d him, we would never have sex again.

Here’s the deal: I couldn’t tell my teammate that I actually did want it again.

That would’ve given him leverage. Anything we did would have to be on my terms, so I had to stay in the driver’s seat.

“Why don’t I cut to the chase?” I said. “I don’t think I’d feel comfortable sleeping with you again.

At least not under these circumstances.”

“Are we breaking the law? Will the Fuck Police show up to arrest us and throw us in Horny Jail?”

“No, you idiot. It’s just?—”

“De Ruiter, you must be the only hockey player on earth who cares about circumstances. I’m giving you easy sex. You’ll get your tires rotated without having to lift a finger. That’s a pretty good deal. No one with a brain would ask questions.”

“And no one else is me.”

Before, I would’ve skipped ahead of Kayden, hoping to lose him. Now I understood that I would have to communicate with him. If I didn’t, I would lose my chance to tell him what was really on my mind. I came up with a plan.

“You really are impossible,” he said. “You know that?”

“Not as impossible as you think. I’ll throw you a lifeline here. I never promised to sleep with you again. I could just as easily treat it like a one-nighter. I do want it again, but only if everything is just right.”

“Were you this weird with this so-called girlfriend back in Canada?”

“No, Kayden. I wasn’t weird with her. Is that what you want to hear?”

“I just wanted a yes or no answer, bro.”

“Just so you know, not being her teammate wasn’t what made it different.

Sex between me and her made sense because we were a couple first. And we never hated each other.

It was normal. No complications. Like I said, I’m totally open to it happening again.

And I know what the right circumstances are. I just don’t know if you’d go for it.”

Kayden paused and then his eyes widened like a light had switched on in his head.

“Wait a second,” he said, “you don’t mean…?”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything.”

“Cut the crap, dude. I know that look. Besides, you haven’t even let me tell you what I’m thinking.”

“I’m not marrying you just so we can have a little fun, for Christ’s sake.”

I nearly doubled over laughing. Students around us turned to stare, but I didn’t care. If Kayden was going to say something stupid, the rest of the world might as well know it.

“Who said anything about getting married?”

“You might as well have.” He looked ready to stamp his foot and throw a tantrum. That was so Kayden.

“I’m not saying we should get married. I just want you to at least know that you can’t get what you want out of me by snapping your fingers. You’re gonna have to work for it. I told you I’ve got standards.”

“Of course you do. I’m the only guy you’ve let rock your world.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Why don’t I make this simple for you,” I said. “If you want to fuck me again—like, if you really, really want to—we should try going on a real date.”

He sputtered out a few jumbled words like he knew what he wanted to say but had suffered the biggest brain fart in history.

“I’m not gay!”

Again, passersby turned and glanced at us.

Perfect.

I shrugged. “You don’t know what you are. After what happened in the locker room, you should throw labels out the window.”

“Right, right, six or seven people out of ten.”

“Exactly. I’m also not the kind of guy that can just have cheap, meaningless sex. We’ve been through this.”

“Hey, that didn’t stop you from riding Space Mountain!”

Okay, I nearly laughed out loud again, but not because I found it funny. Kayden actually managed to outdo his own idiocy, which was no laughing matter.

“That was only because I lost control,” I said. “It happens to the best of us. Now that the smoke has cleaned, I feel in control again. For the first time since all this started, I know exactly what to do.”

“Oh yeah, and I guess you’ll want me to show up to your house with flowers and shit?”

“Pull your head out of your ass, Kayden. I didn’t say anything about that.”

He squeezed his eyelids shut and groaned. I’d checkmated him and it was driving him crazy. I didn’t mind, though. It meant I was in complete control of the situation.

“I’m not looking for anything huge,” I said. “Something simple, so we can at least say we did it.”

“See if it goes somewhere?”

“Right.”

“Didn’t you say you weren’t gay?”

“Uh huh.”

“Help me out here. You’re not gay, but you’re sexually blackmailing me to go on a date.”

“It’s not sexual blackmail, Kayden. Besides, you said you’re not gay, but you slept with me once, and are practically begging for another round.”

“Fuck you, bro. I’m not begging.”

When he aimed a finger at me, a laugh spilled out of my mouth. I swear I wasn’t trying to antagonize him, Trust me, he’d done plenty to cause animosity between us. Besides, all I’d done was tell the truth. It wasn’t my fault if he couldn’t handle that.

“I don’t like where this is going,” he said. “I’m worried about what going on a date will lead to.”

“What are you scared of? That it’ll lead to us going to bed together?”

He froze like he didn’t know what to say. Of course he didn’t. Guys like him never had witty comebacks.

“This is stupid,” he said. “You know no other guy on the team would be so difficult.”

“You’re saying our teammates have sex with other guys?”

“No, I’m not. I’m just saying…” He paused, like he had to swallow his next words before they left his mouth. It was all he could do not to scream. “You know no self-respecting hockey player would turn down easy sex—especially when he fucking wants it just as badly as the other person.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“Oh, right. You’re the guy with standards.”

“Take it or leave it.”

When I walked away, leaving him in the proverbial dust, I realized I’d gotten the last word again.

Some things never get old.