Page 5

Chapter 5

Jessie

I walked into our apartment, dropping my keys in the bowl by the door and sliding off my shoes.

“Hey,” I called, looking into the kitchen. “Smells good.”

“Hey,” Cole said, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Making your favorite.”

I hugged him from behind, smelling his familiar deodorant smell and eyeing the stir fry in the pan.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked with a sly smile.

“Oh, you know. I got a sexy text from someone special. Thought I’d celebrate,” he said, tugging me to him for a kiss. “Check the fridge.”

I opened the door to find a fresh six-pack of amber beer. More his favorite than mine. Still, I didn’t want to insult his efforts. “Wow. Thanks, babe.”

I pushed his cutting board back on the counter and popped up to sit on the edge. “Think you want to get started now?” I asked suggestively, pulling at his shirt.

“Babe, not in the kitchen,” he whined. “There’s food here.”

“I know,” I said. “It’s sexy.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Cole asked. “You’re never like this.”

“Can’t a girl want her hot boyfriend?” I scraped his carefully coiffed hair out of its designated shape. I liked Cole a little mussed up. He softened at my playfulness, trying to play along.

“I’m certainly not complaining,” he said, smiling into a kiss. I pulled back and looked into his eyes, the bright blue glowing. I hadn’t taken the time to appreciate Cole in so long, and I felt a pang of guilt about it. Cole cut his glance to the stove. “I have to stir dinner, babe.”

“Yeah. Sure,” I said. What I really, desperately wanted was for him to eat me out on the kitchen counter. I wanted Cole to be so hungry for me that he couldn’t wait. I tried to entice him again, squirming with my thighs together. “I thought about you all the way home. I’m already so wet, Cole.”

“Five minutes to dinner,” he sighed, forking the rice on the stove. I could give a shit about eating. I wanted to be eaten. But I had to respect his soft “no.” “How was work?”

We talked about our days and sat down to eat. I tried not to get disappointed, but the wind was out of my sails. Since Ben had planted the idea of satisfying me in my head, I felt more turned on than I’d been in my life. Not that I wanted to cheat on Cole or get with Ben, but it made me realize how unmet my needs were.

Things were tense as Cole and I did dishes. Again, a thing I thought could have waited till later in favor of passionate sex, but he wanted everything nice.

Still, I tried my prior tactic. I hopped up on the counter and spread my legs.

“You want dessert, baby?”

Cole’s face turned dark. “Are you cheating on me, Jessie?”

“What?!”

“This is so not like you. It’s almost like you got this idea from someone else.”

My cheeks burned, because my surge of libido kind of had come from someone else. But it’s not like I was acting on it with someone else. It just gave me ideas. “No. That’s not it at all.”

Cole raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, babe. Work’s just really stressful right now and you’re always up so early. We hardly see each other.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I just wanted to connect with you like this.”

“Fuck.” He blew out a breath. “I ruined it, didn’t I?”

I mean, yeah, he kinda did when he rejected me three times before. It was super nice of him to make my favorite dinner and get special drinks, but I’d rather have banged on the living room floor and ordered Chinese takeout to eat naked.

But I didn’t communicate that, and he was trying. I was trying, too.

Maybe it was my fault for trying.

“No, it’s alright,” I said. “Wanna talk in bed?”

Cole got a soft smile. “Yeah. Let’s do that.”

In the bedroom, Cole stripped off his shirt and tossed it in the hamper unceremoniously. As he dropped his pants, I stood in the doorway, feeling awkward.

“I was hoping maybe we could undress each other.”

Cole pressed a hand to his forehead. “You’re right. I’m on autopilot. Sorry, babe. Come here.”

I walked to meet him by our bed, the bed we bought when we moved to L.A. Cole was excited about his signing bonus and anyway, we weren’t totally sure our bed from New York didn’t have bedbugs. Yikes.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered before kissing me and tugging at the hem of my dress. A dress that would have granted him perfect access to my pussy in the kitchen, if he’d been so inclined. I’d even considered it when I laid out my clothes the night before. I shoved thoughts of Mikey’s words out of my head and focused on the man who had been there for me for the last four years.

Clothes off, Cole playfully pushed me back to the bed and offered his cock to me. With the height of our bed, it always ended up in my face. I gave him a courtesy lick and stroke, then surrounded him with my breasts. He’d always been crazy about them.

“Want more?” I asked.

“Suck me, Jessie,” he begged.

“I think maybe I should go first this time,” I said.

And then, he laughed, shaking his head.

My stomach dropped. The man who was supposed to love me was laughing at my request for pleasure.

“Babe, it’s so hard to get you off like that,” he whined, justifying himself to my hurt expression.

“So you won’t even try?” My cheeks flamed. I couldn’t believe I had to lay it out for him like that.

“I just don’t see the point,” he said.

“The point is me feeling good,” I said, trying not to cry.

“Aw, Jess. Don’t be like that. I’m sorry. I just feel like a failure at it.”

“When was the last time you tried?” I yelled.

He held up his hands. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’ll go down on you. Don’t cry over it,” Cole said, like he was doing me some huge favor. “Here.”

He bent and lowered his tongue into my slit, no preamble. Well, something’s better than nothing. I grasped his hair and rolled my hips, trying to ignore all our blunders up to this point and get in the zone.

“Too hard,” I hissed as he bludgered my clit with his tongue.

He changed his pace and raised his eyebrows, looking up at me. “That’s better,” I assured him. I sat back, doing my best to enjoy the experience.

But the next time I looked down at him, he looked miserable. That wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted him to want it with me. I wanted him to be so overcome with the need to satisfy me that he’d do whatever it took. I always did whatever it took for him.

I decided to grant him mercy.

Breathlessly, I spoke. “Fuck me, Cole.”

His relief was palpable. He climbed on top of me, wiping my arousal off his face as he slid into me. Again, no preamble. He thrust into me, again and again, but I just wasn’t feeling it. He was making love to a person, but it wasn’t me.

“Can you push down a little more?” I asked, trying to bring his attention to me.

“Huh?” Cole seemed truly confused.

“It feels better for me if you push down,” I said, trying to explain.

“Oh. Uh, okay,” he said. I moved my hips with him, guiding him where I wanted him. He wasn’t getting it. That’s okay. I could try something else.

“Can I get on top?”

“Sure, babe,” he said, as if I’d asked if we could order pizza for dinner.

Still, I tried. I rode him, watching his eyes, guiding his hands to my breasts.

“Shit, Jessie, you’re too hot,” he gasped, then lost himself inside me. I smiled, because I did love getting him off. But I like getting off, too. I rode him through his peak, enjoying his sated expression. “Did you go?”

“Not yet. Can I keep going? You’re still hard.”

“What?” He looked at me like I’d sprouted another arm. “You always get off.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that no, I didn’t always get off. I brought his hands to my hips and started to move again. “What if you put a finger in my ass?”

“What the fuck is this, Jessie?” The disgust on his face was heartbreaking. “Since when do you ask for it up the ass?”

My cheeks flushed. “Forget I asked.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I feel like I don’t even know you right now, Jess. What the hell?”

“I wanna come, Cole. Can I grab a toy to use together?”

He scrunched up his nose. “Together? Those are... yours. For you. Alone. But I guess? Make it quick, though. I’m tired.”

Consider the wind officially out of my sails. “Just forget it.” I climbed off him and shoved a wad of tissues in my crotch. I hobbled to the bathroom to get ready for bed, stewing as I brushed my teeth. Maybe I was being unfair. He really didn’t know I hadn’t gotten off all those other times. That wasn’t his fault.

But the fact that he wouldn’t work with me to finish the job when he did know I didn’t get off was 100% his problem. I seethed.

When I came back to bed, Cole was already asleep. But not me. Another long, sleepless night likely awaited me.