Page 13

Chapter 13

Jessie

I wish I could say that I thought I was better off without Cole. I wish I could say I was a strong independent woman right away. That I felt confident and capable. That I knew he didn’t define my self-worth.

But four years with someone will do ugly things to a woman. Particularly when that someone blames the end of your relationship squarely on you.

I tried suggesting that maybe we were just growing apart, that maybe we needed to work harder.

He countered with the suggestion that I didn’t love him the way I used to and he fell out of love with me because of it.

Ouch.

Some people eat when they’re sad. Others don’t. I was in the don’t category. I ate just enough not to get the shakes from all the coffee I drank to stay afloat. It was a necessity thing, not a pleasure thing. I hardly tasted the food anyway.

I was a robot at work that week. I made carefully penned lists of what I needed to do and plowed through the tasks without emotion. I would not let my work suffer because of him.

But then there was home. Or whatever I was calling home for that moment. An air mattress in Mikey’s spare bedroom. I hated to admit to him that I loved Cole, because I knew how much he hated him.

But did I really love Cole? The brain tends to only remember the good stuff, sweeping the bad stuff under the rug. I was playing the highlight reel from our relationship when there were plenty more scenes where things were just plain bad. Had I confused our years together with a genuine bond?

Either way, I wasn’t fully sure why, but Mikey had a vendetta against Cole. So when Mikey came to check on me every night, I couldn’t face him.

But it meant everything that he tried. I just didn’t have the energy to tell him.

* * *

“H’lo?”

I held the phone away from my ear as a cacophony of dogs barked. I was on my way home from work Thursday and calling my mom for a little bolstering.

“Jessalyn? You there?”

“Yeah, Mom, hi. I was just waiting for the dogs to stop.”

“You’ll be waiting all your life, then,” Mom said. “How’s the new place?”

I sighed. “Fine. Cole and I officially broke up last night.”

“Cole, Schmole. Start working on that rich roommate of yours.”

“Mom,” I chided.

“What’s the big deal, Jess? He sounds like a real gentleman. Go for him. He’s single, right?”

“Mom, you called Cole a gentleman once upon a time. Look where that got me.”

“Yeah, well, guess I was wrong, huh? Cole also wasn’t a big hunky hockey player, anyway.”

I should have known better than to expect my mom to actually provide what I was looking for out of a phone call. What I wanted was “I’m so sorry you got dumped! You’re better off without him!” What I got instead was “Jump in bed with your roommate!”

“How’s Da—”

“Thurston! Stop humpin’ him! He’s just a baby!” My mom always had a chaotic mix of dogs at the house. Ever since I moved away for college, the collection grew. My dad just put up with it as long as one of them was a hunting dog for him. “Your dad? He’s good. He’s already snoozin’ with his hand down his pants. Hey, does your new man know about your nightmares?”

I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes. “He’s not my new man. And unfortunately, he does.”

She softened her voice. “You gonna see about getting that medicine again?”

“The last three didn’t work, Mom. The dreams are just bad when I’m stressed. I can’t always control how stressed I am.”

“You know, Carolyn’s daughter started doing yoga and she said it really helped her. She’s one of them banking types, too,” Mom said. “And Carolyn tried it and said it made Howard ask if she got a new puss—”

Lord God. My mother was almost as bad as Mikey with the no filter. “Okay, Mom, I’m pulling up to the grocery store!” I lied. “Gotta go!”