Page 49

Chapter 49

Jessie

Kitty threw her arms around my neck as we walked in at her house. Guy put on a kettle for tea. We’d run the heat the whole way there, but I was still shivering. My clothes were soaked, between the rain and my little pee accident.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said. “I mean, are you okay? What the hell happened?”

“So, my wheel kinda fell off while I was driving on the highway.”

Guy’s hands were over his mouth. “During the storm, too? That’s so scary!”

Ben held me from behind, trying to keep me warm as we caught them up.

“I’m okay now. This guy helped me out,” I said, peering up at him. He kissed my hair and held me tighter.

“You’re soaked to the bone. Go shower and warm up,” Kitty said, pushing a steaming mug of tea into my hands.

I didn’t have to be told twice, heading for the guest bedroom. Mikey walked along with me.

“Ay, Mike,” Guy called. “Our shower’s actually the better one for sex.”

“Guy!” Kitty shrieked. “Jesus Christ!”

In the guest bathroom, Mikey helped me peel off my clothes, then had me hold my hot tea mug. He sat on the edge of the tub as the shower water heated.

“I feel like I should tell you some stuff, Jessie.”

“I’m ready to hear it.”

“I found out that my mom and Aunt Lori are lovers. She and Dad decided it was best if they still acted like they were together and Mom stayed in the closet. But my sister knew the whole time.”

“Benny,” I said, touching his arm.

“Yeah. I told myself that meant they didn’t love me, to keep that secret for so long. It really messed me up. I thought just Dad was the bad guy. But everyone had a little hand in it. He cheated, and they tried to work it out. Then they separated but stayed together for me and Laura. He got a new family, and she got Lori. He just came back on weekends to spend time with Laura and with me at hockey.”

I nodded, watching him.

“It’s still a mess,” he said, “but the point is, it made me feel like I don’t know love, because all the love in my life was a lie.”

“That’s a lot to take. I see why you shut down,” I said. “But you do know love, babe. You know how your friends love you. You know how Guy and Kitty love each other, and Dylan and Jeanine. You know love. Just because what you got from your parents was complicated doesn’t mean you can’t love. And your parents do love you. They’re just figuring it all out.”

His eyes were fixed on the floor. “My dad was still super hard on me growing up. I was so convinced that if I just played hockey good enough, he’d be around more. I thought I was the reason he was gone. I kept fucking up in critical games because the pressure to get him to stay and be proud of me was too intense.”

“Ben—”

“Hang on, there’s more. I need you to hear it all. All my skeletons. Everything bad. I won’t be able to trust that you love me until you’ve seen it all.”

This poor, sweet man thought he was unlovable. It was soul-crushing. “Okay, baby. Go on.”

“I have chronic stomach problems, IBS. I was having an episode when you called me and I told you to leave.”

“I know, Ben. I mean, not that you were sick then, but I put the pieces together since we live together.”

“That’s so fucking embarrassing, Jess,” he said, shaking his head.

“It’s your body, baby. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you and your body.”

Ben was quiet, his eyes wet.

“That all?”

He gave a self-conscious laugh. “I mean, I slept with a lot of women. Like a whole lot. Like probably a bad number.”

“I’m not worried about your past, Ben. But I am worried about how we treat each other now, and how you treat yourself. I love you, but you need to know that you’re worthy of love, too. You’re worth it even if you have a bad game, or quit hockey, or screwed a bunch of women, or screw something up. You bring so much joy and love and care to the table. You know that, right?”

He didn’t say anything, just crushing me into a hug where I sat on the toilet lid. He sat back and took the mug out of my hands, standing and guiding me to the shower. He still had his clothes on.

“You coming in?”

He got a little smirk. “If you’ll have me.”

“Get in here, Jockey.”

I don’t remember much about washing myself, because Ben did everything. Between every action, he covered me in kisses. On my mouth, on my skin, down my sides, between my legs.

I shampooed his hair, loving how thick the hair felt in my fingers. I spent extra time rubbing his neck and shoulders, his satisfied sighs a reward.

We got out of the shower, drying each other off. Ben radiated reverence, his eyes raking over my every feature like he was seeing them new for the first time. He held my hand walking me to the bed and laid down a towel for our wet hair.

“Lie down, baby,” he said, climbing on the bed after me. He hovered over me, gazing down into my eyes. “I love you so much, Jessalyn. Whatever it takes, I’m willing to do.”

I knew he wasn’t just talking about sex. He was talking about us. “I love you, too, Ben.”

“So you’ll come home with me? Stop living here?”

I nodded, stroking his cheek. “I’ll come home with you.”

“To our home. It’s ours, Jessie.”

I smiled. “Yes. Ours.”

And then we shut up. We kissed, all tangled up together, rolling each other to our backs. It was physical, yes, but like that day after the beach, it was so much more than sex. Kisses went everywhere. I worshiped him, and he worshiped me. There was pleasure and something even deeper: a quiet peace, a union, an iron-clad bond.

He entered me at last, his lips on my neck with whispered promises. To love me until I begged him to stop. To build a home together. To work on the hard stuff. And I promised not to leave. To be with him when life was hard. To be a partner, facing life together.

And for a while, we were silent, shared breath. He gazed into my eyes as he pressed into me, over and over. His hands alternated between grabbing and tender caresses. I held his shoulders, his waist, his hips. We came, him first with a soft whimper, and then me with a little help from his hand and his sweet words. “Be mine, Jessie. You’re so beautiful when you let go for me. Let me have it. Let me take care of you.”

He was still hard inside me, his release adding more wetness as he rolled his hips and brushed my clit with his thumb. I closed my eyes and squeezed him tighter as I came, a thrum of love coursing through me. When I opened my eyes, he was smiling down at me.

“Thanks for taking me back, honey.”

I grinned. “Thanks for coming back.”

He laughed a little.

“What?”

“I can’t believe the last guy didn’t want to put a ring on you. I’m ready to do it all right fucking now,” he said, nibbling my neck on the last words.

“Right now? You want to marry me right now?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yep. Like Vegas Chapel of Love, wearing bathrobes because we’re naked, married by Elvis. I would do it. Right now.”

“Your cum running down my leg and everything?”

“Oh, definitely. That makes it even better. Then everyone will know you’re mine.”

“I think the act of getting married is pretty effective at that without compromising my dignity.”

“What’s undignified about my cum on your leg? Our love is beautiful, Jessalyn. Everyone needs to see it.”

I sighed, and he laughed more. “I think maybe we should give it a minute before running for the chapel.”

“What if I propose to you every single day until you say yes?”

I looked up into that dimpled smile, giggling. “You want me to marry you because you wore me down?”

“If that’s what it takes to make this permanent, sure.”