Page 71 of Perfect Happiness

Eun-ho opened the shoe closet, and as he looked for his sneakers he glanced back at Wife.She was staring down at the business card with an unsettled look on her face.While he was curious what it meant, he was just thankful that the business card was acting like a get-out-of-jail-free card.Eun-ho closed the front door, being careful not to make a sound.He started his car and headed for the hospital.

The first stage of the study was easy.They measured his height and weight, calculated his BMI, asked about underlying conditions and drugs he was currently taking, then explained the study procedure.They also gave him a sleeping pill in case he needed it.By the time this was all done, he had two hours left before the start of the study.

Eun-ho killed time in the first-floor café.He ate a piece of cheesecake as he looked up articles on sleep disorders.The cake was the consistency of Vaseline, but he was able to wash it down with a soda.Eun-ho wasn’t hungry, but he would need to feed his brain if he wanted to continue thinking clearly.

8:30.Eun-ho went into the exam room in the annex.The nurse led him to the sleep room.It felt like a business hotel.Small, clean, dark, and quiet.

“I’ll be back in thirty minutes.”

The nurse left the room.They didn’t say it explicitly, but it seemed like they were giving him time to shower, change into the gown, and use the bathroom.Eun-ho meticulously prepared himself.He removed everything that would interrupt his sleeping.He turned off his phone, took off his watch, and even removed his ring.

Once he lay on the bed, the nurse came back to start attaching the electrodes.The nurse attached wired patches to his head, forehead, and temples.She also stuck what looked like tubes of oxygen into his nose, strapped two belts around his chest, and attached sensors to his fingers.Finally, she put a bottle of water on the table next to the bed.

“Here’s some water for you.”

Once the nurse turned off the light and left, Eun-ho closed his eyes.He thought about the “How to fall asleep in two minutes” video he watched on YouTube earlier.Relax your body.And repeat the following as you take deep breaths: Don’t think.Don’t think.Don’t ...think ...

Eun-ho’s thoughts burst like fireworks in the night sky.Every time Eun-ho said the words “Don’t think” to himself, another firework would go off, brighter and more brilliant than the last.The sensor on his finger felt like it was crushing his fingernail.And the belts on his chest were constricting his breathing.Eventually, Eun-ho took the sleeping pill.He tried to suppress his heavy breathing as he waited desperately for sleep to come.

Eun-ho was finding it hard to breathe.A puttering sound was coming from deep inside his lungs as though he were a machine that desperately needed oil.And then he saw Noah.

Noah was thrashing as Eun-ho crushed him.Noah was trying to push Eun-ho off him.Noah’s purple lips were searching for air.

Eun-ho trembled.He felt like he was about to have a seizure.He wanted to pull off all the sensors and run out of the room.He clenched his teeth and glared at the infrared camera.

Eun-ho had thought they could live happily ever after.If only he had endured for a little while longer, the four of them would be living a normal life under one roof.That’s all he wanted.Nothing more, nothing less.Was that really too much to wish for?

Eun-ho closed his eyes.A white hand appeared and disappeared inside his mind.And something occurred to him.

That night, did I turn off the light before falling asleep?

*

“There’s nothing that sticks out to me,” the doctor said.

Eun-ho looked at the monitor on the doctor’s desk.On it was a graph that Eun-ho couldn’t read.

“You never stopped breathing, nor did you have any unusual movements.Although, I wouldn’t say that your quality of sleep was particularly good.”

He explained that Eun-ho had frequent interruptions to his sleep; he either woke up or had muscle movements.And his dreams lasted for a long time.

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

Eun-ho asked first what he was most curious about.

“You said I move a lot while I sleep.What kind of movements are we talking about exactly?”

“You toss and turn.Specifically, you like turning to your right to lie face down.

Eun-ho’s tongue felt dry.Noah had been on his left.Eun-ho was afraid of the answer, but he asked his next question anyway.

“Do I ever turn left?”

“No.”

The definitive nature of this answer caught Eun-ho off guard.

“You only turn to your right.It’s a bit unusual.”