Page 23 of Perfect Happiness

“Mommy would never leave you. My hand was hurting, so I went to the hospital. I’m sorry I was so late. I had to get it disinfected and stitched up. They also wanted to give me an IV.”

Jiyoo twisted her body slightly and escaped Mother’s embrace.

“Are you all better now?”

“I’ll feel better once I go downstairs and get some rest. I’m sorry, Jiyoo. I feel bad that you cried while waiting for me.”

Mother smiled.

“Should I rest up here with you? We can share the salad.”

Jiyoo frantically shook her head. She could already feel the peas becoming stuck in her throat. Because of this, her voice when she spoke sounded like a goat’s yodel.

“No.”

“Really? Are you mad at me?”

Jiyoo shook her head with a smile.

“I might hurt your hand if you sleep here. I kick in my sleep, remember?”

Mother stared into Jiyoo’s eyes as if to ask if she was sure.

She just stood there without saying anything, like she was giving Jiyoo the chance to change her mind.

Jiyoo tensed her shaking legs and endured Mother’s intense gaze.

Just a few minutes ago, Jiyoo had been desperately wishing for Mother to come home.

Now, all she wanted was for Mother to leave.

“Okay, then I’ll sleep downstairs.”

Finally, Mother left the room. The pea salad she left on the desk looked like a spy.

It was Sunday morning when they left the countryside house.

Mother said they were going to Cheongyeon.

Mother didn’t say anything as she drove.

Jiyoo sat in the backseat as usual. As soon as she got in the car, she took out Frozen II from her bag and started reading it.

All her attention was drawn to her school bag because hidden at the bottom of the bag was Dad Puppet.

She had many opportunities to put him back in the attic, but eventually she ended up taking him with her.

At first, Dad Puppet was just an object that gave her comfort.

But now it had become something that protected her.

He protected her from long hours alone in her room, he protected her rekindled longing for Father, and he protected her from the incessant cries of the loons, the recurring nightmare, and from the guilt of doubting what Mother said.

“Jiyoo, I have something to ask you,” Mother finally said as they got on the highway. “You have to answer honestly.”

Jiyoo glanced upwards without lifting her head. Immediately, she made eye contact with Mother in the rearview mirror.

“Did you open the box in the shed?”

Jiyoo heard a rattling inside her body, as though she had the hiccups. Jiyoo had almost forgotten about the box in the shed. Mother hadn’t mentioned it their entire stay in Woohyeri, so Jiyoo thought she didn’t know, even though she knew there was no way Mother wouldn’t know.

“Yes.”

Jiyoo’s face turned bright red as soon as she answered. She was embarrassed for trying so hard to hide it. Mother’s voice, which sounded like she didn’t mind Jiyoo’s peeping, terrified Jiyoo.

“Why?” she said.

“Well—”

Jiyoo reluctantly lifted her head. Mother’s eyes were smiling inside the rearview mirror. It was faint, but her smile was giving Jiyoo hope. Perhaps Mother would forgive her if she told the truth, even though that had never happened before.

“I went into the shed to put on my boots. I wanted to play in the Half Moon Marsh. But then I saw the box—”

“And opened it.”

Mother said, cutting off Jiyoo and finishing her sentence for her.

“I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay. Those things weren’t mine. Father left them behind.”

Mother told Jiyoo that a long time ago, Father had left a suit and dress shoes at the house.

Mother brought these to give to Father. But it just so happened that Father received a phone call that his friend had died in a car accident that night.

The funeral was being held the next day, so Father left in the suit and shoes Mother had brought for him.

“He told me to throw away the clothes he brought because they were old work clothes. But I didn’t have anywhere to throw them away. The dump truck doesn’t come to the cabin.”

Jiyoo nodded her head despite not knowing if this last sentence was true.

“I burned them. After all, we couldn’t take them back to Cheongyeon with us.”

Mother glanced at Jiyoo again through the rearview mirror. Once Jiyoo nodded her head, Mother focused her eyes back on the road.

“Your stepfather can’t know that we were with your real father. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes.”

And she did. Jiyoo knew what Mother meant immediately. There was just one thing she didn’t understand.

“Good. You’re such a clever girl.”

Mother’s eyes returned to the rearview mirror. Jiyoo liked these eyes. Eyes that were like warm water that could melt away Jiyoo’s worries. Eyes that said she forgave Jiyoo’s disobedience. Jiyoo didn’t ask Mother if she forgave her. She just believed it to be the case.

“And it’s a secret that we went to the cabin. We’ve been at Grandma’s the whole time. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“If someone asks you where we’ve been, that’s what you say.”

“Yes.”

Jiyoo didn’t ask why because that was the first rule of secrets. She wasn’t allowed to ask questions about things she didn’t understand—because if she did, the warm water in Mother’s eyes would freeze. Jiyoo pushed the words forming in her mouth back down her throat.

But then why didn’t Father take his cellphone?

*

It was morning when Jiyoo opened her eyes.

The curtains were open, but Jiyoo couldn’t see outside.

The window was filled with harsh reflections and was white with condensation.

The hospital room door was shut, but Jiyoo could hear loud noises from the hallway: the rumbling of people’s voices, footsteps going up and down the hallway, wheels rolling along the floor.

There was a knock on the door. A group of doctors and nurses entered the room and stood in front of the bed.

“Hi, Doctor.”

Auntie appeared and greeted the man who looked like he might be the chief physician. He bowed back to Auntie. Jiyoo could feel her toes tensing up. She was nervous that the doctor was going to suggest they do something painful to her.

“Did we sleep well?” the doctor asked as he looked down at Jiyoo.

Jiyoo looked up at Auntie, who made eye contact with Jiyoo and nodded, as if telling Jiyoo to say hi to the doctor.

“Hello, Doctor.”

This made him laugh. The other doctors and even Auntie laughed, too. Jiyoo was confused why they were laughing.

“I guess that means yes?”

The doctor raised his eyebrows seeking confirmation. Jiyoo thought for a moment about whether she should lie and say she slept well.

“In some ways yes, in some ways no.”

The doctor pursed his lips and looked at Jiyoo. But judging from the crow’s feet lingering round his eyes, Jiyoo could tell he was still smiling.

“That’s fine. In some ways you slept well, in some ways you didn’t. I’m going to ask you a few more questions. All you need to do is answer thoughtfully, just like you did with the first question.”

He asked Jiyoo a series of questions: if her head hurt, if she had any problems breathing, if she was coughing, how she was feeling. Jiyoo answered each question truthfully. Her head didn’t hurt, she had no problems breathing, she hadn’t coughed since waking up, and that she wasn’t in a bad mood.

“By not in a bad mood, do you mean you feel okay?”

Now he was putting words in her mouth. Jiyoo thought he had asked her to answer truthfully.

“I guess.”

“Do you get dizzy or feel any pain when you move?”

“I haven’t tried moving yet.”

The doctor glanced over at Auntie and said, “Then should we try moving her a bit?”

Auntie hurried over to Jiyoo, who put her arm over Auntie’s shoulder and sat up. She didn’t get dizzy or feel any pain.

After placing his stethoscope against Jiyoo’s chest, he asked, “So you’re not in any discomfort?”

“I don’t think so.”

The doctor nodded. Before leaving the room, he said something that scared Jiyoo.

“I’ll see you again later today.”

The other doctors followed him out of the room. Auntie followed them out into the hallway, then came back with a tray full of food.

“Okay, Jiyoo. Shall we have a bite to eat?”

Auntie had bought a bowl of instant ramen for herself and sat across from Jiyoo. Jiyoo asked something that was on her mind.

“Auntie, was I really that sick?”

“Do you not remember anything?”

Jiyoo thought hard about Auntie’s question. The first thing she remembered was someone hugging her and patting her back with their hand and the damp feeling of a towel. She also remembered Auntie’s voice. Wake up, little one. It’s okay.

Jiyoo had thought she was dreaming. The only people who called her little one were her biological father and Grandma.

But now she knew for certain that the person who had been calling her while she was unconscious was her real Auntie, not some fake Auntie from her dream.

It was really Auntie who had said, “If you have another bad dream, just call for me.” And it was really her who had fed Jiyoo rice porridge, who had taken her to the bathroom, who had changed her clothes, who had given her a sponge bath.

But Jiyoo had a hard time believing it. The Auntie Jane that Jiyoo knew wasn’t as kind as this woman. She was like Stepfather, always watching from afar. Sometimes Auntie would come to pick her up at daycare or teach her cool words, but never had she called Jiyoo “little one” and hugged her.

“No. I remember everything,” Jiyoo said as she spooned herself some rice porridge. “I was awake for a minute last night and saw you on your laptop. Were you watching a movie?”

“ Bzzzt ! Wrong.”

Auntie smiled.

“That was a dream, too?” Jiyoo asked in shock.

“No, it happened. But you got the date wrong, young lady.”

This was the fourth day Jiyoo had been in the hospital, and the night Auntie watched a movie was two nights ago, not last night. All the while, Jiyoo’s fever had been coming and going. She only stabilized last night.