Page 22 of Perfect Happiness

Things would have been all right had she stopped there.

She would have been able to think that Father simply forgot his bag.

But Jiyoo didn’t stop. Her hands removed the bag on their own.

Under it was a neatly folded jacket, a shirt, and jeans.

These were the clothes Father had been wearing.

And the brown sneakers at the bottom of the box were also Father’s.

Inside one of the shoes was Father’s cellphone.

Questions rushed into her head. What did Father wear when he left? How did he leave without clothes or shoes? Why did he leave his bag behind? Won’t he come back looking for his cellphone? Why did Mother store these in the shed?

But Jiyoo had more important things to worry about. If she stayed much longer, Mother would catch her. Jiyoo put the items back in the box in the order she had taken them out. Shoes, jeans, shirt . . .

But once she put the bag on top, the box wouldn’t close.

It was so full it looked like it was about to burst. Jiyoo took everything out and tried placing them in the box again.

But the result was the same. She tried a third time, but nothing changed.

She didn’t try a fourth time. She just decided to edit her memory.

The box was always this full. Its lid never closed in the first place.

Jiyoo left the shed without looking back. She went right up to her bedroom and closed the door. The view from her window had already turned pitch-black.

An hour or two passed, but Mother didn’t wake up.

Jiyoo pulled the covers over her head and tried her hardest to fall asleep.

Perhaps because she was hungry, the harder she tried, the more awake she became.

Her thoughts were unable to escape the box in the shed.

She had no clue what the things inside that box meant.

She turned toward the puppet still hidden under her pillow and spoke to it.

“Why did Father leave all his things behind?”

A loon howled in the distance as if to answer Jiyoo.

She pulled the sheets over her head again and covered her ears.

But the calls didn’t disappear. They were slowly getting louder and wilder.

But they weren’t coming from the marsh. Nor was it coming from the attic.

The cries were coming from inside her. And there was nothing she could do to stop them.

Jiyoo threw off the blanket and sat up in bed.

As she did this, she realized there was a light shining in through her window.

It also smelled like something was burning.

Drawn to the smell, Jiyoo stepped down from her bed.

She walked over to the window, and hiding her body behind the curtains, looked down at the front yard.

The lamp beneath the maple tree was lit, and a fire was burning inside the fire pit beneath the tree.

The ashen smoke rising from the pit was being carried far into the distance by the wind. Mother was sitting at the faucet near the firepit. Perched on a rock, she hugged both knees as she stared into the fire.

Shadows of flames were dancing atop her white cheeks. Placed by her feet was a cardboard box. Jiyoo realized immediately what was burning in the fire. Jiyoo was so close to banging on the glass and yelling at Mother to stop.

Mother! Don’t do that. Don’t burn Father’s things .

Afraid that she might really yell out to Mother, Jiyoo covered her mouth with her hand.

She went back to her bed, took out Dad Puppet, and lay down as she hugged him.

She closed her eyes and waited to fall asleep.

By some miracle, she managed to do this.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but it was clear she had fallen asleep because the next moment, she was being awoken by a sound.

It was the sound of a car. As Jiyoo thought this to herself, she sat up in bed suddenly. A car? Is Father back?

Jiyoo jumped out of bed and ran to the sun-lit window. It wasn’t Father, but Mother’s white sedan leaving the front gate. A few seconds later, it turned the corner and disappeared.

Jiyoo’s jaw dropped. She sometimes had nightmares about Mother leaving her.

Each time this happened, she would wake up crying.

And when she ran out of her room, she would always find Mother either cooking in the kitchen, sleeping in her bedroom, or taking a shower in the bathroom.

This happened both at Stepfather’s house and the countryside cabin.

But Mother had never actually left her. It was always just a bad dream.

Jiyoo thought this time had to be a dream, too.

No, she needed it to be a dream. Jiyoo ran out of the room.

She bounded down the dark stairs two steps at a time.

The kitchen had its lights off and was as dark as the stairs.

Jiyoo sensed no one was in the kitchen. That might mean Mother was still sleeping.

Instead of calling out for Mother, Jiyoo cautiously opened the door to the living room.

Darkness was waiting for her. When she flipped the light switch, an empty living room appeared before her.

She crossed the living room and opened the door to the master bedroom.

It was dark, and Mother was nowhere inside.

Jiyoo opened the backdoor and went out into the backyard.

Mother sometimes liked to take walks in the pine forest beyond the retaining wall.

But she wasn’t there either. She wasn’t anywhere, not in the front yard, not the shed, not beyond the front gate.

Jiyoo felt herself getting nauseous. The strength was being sapped from her legs, eventually causing her to slump down beneath the maple tree.

When she looked at the pile of ash inside the fire pit, all she wanted to do was cry.

This wasn’t a dream. Mother really had left her.

That day felt like an eternity. Jiyoo spent the hours sitting on the windowsill as she held Dad Puppet. She didn’t wash herself. She didn’t even go into the shed or the attic to snoop around. The whole house was completely still.

A harsh voice took control of her ears. It blamed Jiyoo for Mother’s abandoning her, and pointed out everything she did wrong.

Mother left because you went downstairs in your dream when Mother told you not to, because you went into the attic and stole Dad Puppet, because you saw her come back from the marsh, because you went to the wetlands without permission, because you opened that cardboard box.

Jiyoo began to cry. She begged for Mother to come back. She promised that she wouldn’t disobey Mother again. She swore to stop listening to Mischievous Mouse.

Because of this, Jiyoo hadn’t heard the car come up the road.

Nor did she hear the front gate open. She did, however, hear Mother calling her name, “Jiyoo—” but she didn’t believe her ears.

She wasn’t sure if it was really Mother calling her, or if she was just so desperate for Mother to return that she was hearing things.

“Jiyoo Cha—”

The voice was calling from the bottom of the stairs.

She wasn’t hearing things. Mother had returned.

She wanted to call back to Mother, but the words wouldn’t form.

She just whimpered like a puppy as she got down from the windowsill.

As she did this, Dad Puppet fell to her feet.

The sound of Mother’s footsteps coming up the stairs was echoing through the room.

“Jiyoo—”

Mother’s voice was close. Jiyoo could sense her on the landing. She sucked her whimpering back into her stomach. She suddenly became lucid. Mischievous Mouse appeared inside Jiyoo’s ear.

Quick! Quick! Mother will be here any moment.

It was already too late to hide Dad Puppet. Mother would come into the room before she had time to even reach the bed. Jiyoo kicked Dad Puppet under the desk. She rubbed the tears and snot with the hem of her T-shirt. The door opened as she did this, and Mother entered.

“Jiyoo, why didn’t you answer me?” Mother asked as she walked toward Jiyoo.

The look on her face was neither angry nor annoyed. She looked exhausted, like someone who was ill. Her right hand was wrapped in bandages and tucked away in a sling hanging from her shoulder. The fingers poking out of the bandages were bloated and red like sausages.

“I didn’t hear you,” Jiyoo said as she took a step forward.

Jiyoo had already given up on the idea of running toward Mother and hugging her. Even if she ran toward her, Mother didn’t have another hand to receive her. In her left hand was a bag of salad.

“Why is your face like that?” Mother asked as she stopped in front of the desk.

Jiyoo dropped her gaze and looked at Mother’s feet. She was inches from Dad Puppet. All she had to do was bend over, and she would see him. Jiyoo’s mouth opened on its own and began lying effortlessly.

“I fell asleep while waiting for you and had a scary dream.”

Mother turned her head slightly to look at the bed. The sheets were messy as though Jiyoo had just gotten up. But of course they were messy. Jiyoo hadn’t made her bed in the morning. This was the first time Jiyoo had ever not made her bed, and it was fortunate that she hadn’t.

“What kind of dream?”

“You . . . left me behind.”

Mother’s head tilted to the side slightly in a tender way. There was a barely perceptible smile on her lips.

“Is that why your eyes are all puffy?”

“I thought it was real.”

Jiyoo’s eyes were glued to Mother. She wasn’t even blinking. She was afraid that if she looked beneath the desk again, Mother’s eyes would follow.

“Were you waiting at the windowsill for Mommy?”

Jiyoo nodded.

“My child . . .”

Mother put the salad on the desk. The bag was filled with peas and lettuce. It looked like feed for goats.

“Come here.”

Mother extended her left arm toward Jiyoo. When Jiyoo took a step toward her, Mother hugged Jiyoo’s shoulder and patted her on the back.