Page 18 of Perfect Happiness

After my big brother disappeared, I started to question Yuna’s past. But I couldn’t just go off rumors.

I needed facts about what had really happened.

I asked my boss if he knew how to get in contact with Yuna.

He said he didn’t. So, I asked him to give me the name of his friend K, but he refused.

He wouldn’t even tell me what school he worked at.

I kept pestering him about it until he lashed out at me.

I guess he was annoyed. He was probably worried about me damaging his name.

I was so lost. If only I knew where K works, I would be able to narrow my search. My boss’s major in college was biology. And he said they were in the same department. There are only so many male high school biology teachers living in Seoul. I’m sure I’ll be able to find him eventually.

But there is an easier way. Jane, you could give me Yuna’s number. Or perhaps the workplace of her new husband. I know you broke off relations, but you should at least know what school your brother-in-law works at, right?

Of course, what I really want from you is to set up a meeting with her. Even if I did get her number, I doubt she would stay on the phone once she learned it was me.

And don’t tell me to try her workplace. I’ve already tried.

They told me she won’t be coming into work for a while because of family troubles.

And they wouldn’t give me her phone number or address.

Of course, I’m planning on calling the company every day until I get through, but perhaps you could spare me the trouble.

Why do I want to meet Yuna? I know Yuna received a court order to allow Joon-young to exercise his visitation rights.

She has a history of ignoring court orders and has been fined before.

If she doesn’t follow through by the end of this month, she could be found in contempt of court and even face jail time.

She’s backed into a corner. Either she lets Joon-young see the child, or she goes to jail.

Seeing as today is the 23rd, she has a week left.

I need to find Joon-young before then. He had a car, although it was a piece of junk. I need to stop this before he mysteriously dies in a car crash. Jane, I believe that you will help me. I’m sure of it.

PS: Do you know when your father found out about Yuna’s stealing from the company? I’d guess that his death happened dangerously close to this discovery. By any chance, did he die because he fell asleep at the wheel?

Jane could feel her eyelids becoming stiff. There was sour saliva pooling up beneath her tongue. She could hear the ticking of a clock deep inside her ear as she was shot back in time to that fateful day.

It was the anniversary of their grandpa’s death. Jane went early with her mother and Jiyoo to their grandma’s house. Their father was planning on getting there around seven after he left work. But he never made it.

They said his car had rolled down a hill around Namyangju after ramming into the central barrier. The car was split into several pieces, and her dad died at the scene.

Jane didn’t remember how she got to Namyangju that evening.

She even forgot who was sitting next to her in the car.

All she remembered was gripping the steering wheel and grinding her teeth as she put all her weight on the accelerator.

The way she drove was as if her dad would come back to life if she made it there quickly enough.

But he didn’t make it. What was waiting for Jane when she arrived was nothing but a collection of body parts as fragmented as the pieces of car they found him in.

The police said it looked like he had fallen asleep at the wheel.

Jane just stood there without saying anything.

She couldn’t open her mouth. She couldn’t make a sound.

She didn’t even cry. The body in the emergency room didn’t look like her dad.

She couldn’t accept the fact that he could die.

To her, he was an eternal being. He was never going to die.

Jane was unable to get a hold of Yuna. Jiyoo stayed in Woohyeri while Jane and her mom held Dad’s funeral. For all four days of the funeral, Jane was trapped in a memory from the past.

It was the first day of spring, about a year into Yuna’s stay in Woohyeri.

The house was a perpetually dark and quiet cemetery, and Jane’s mom, who was still in a deep depression, was in the hospital because her flu had turned to pneumonia.

With no one to watch Jane, Dad decided to take Jane to work.

Even though she was perhaps old enough to know better, Jane still thought her dad was the kind of business owner who worked in a fancy office and whose only job all day was to sign contracts with an expensive fountain pen.

She never imagined that his company would be a musty smelling warehouse with boxes stacked to the ceiling.

Even his office, if you could call it that, was nothing but two desks stuffed in the corner of the floor space—the other desk belonged to his partner, Mr. Choi.

Mr. Choi had been Dad’s subordinate in the military. After they got out of the military, they decided to make a partnership when my dad started his company. They split the work without any overlap. Mr. Choi took care of administrative work and Dad took care of the sales.

“Stay here with Mr. Choi,” my dad said. “I’ve got to go make sales. Read a book or something and order jjajangmyeon if you’re hungry.”

Jane said she wanted to go with him. She didn’t know Mr. Choi, and she was curious about how Dad actually made sales. He hesitated for a moment before sitting her in the pickup truck.

That day, Jane learned what it meant to be an owner of a new company.

It meant driving around the city and knocking on the door to any business that used grease: tractor repair shops, car shops, gas stations at the harbor; it meant going inside and handing strangers his business card; it meant asking people to consider using his engine oil; it meant getting rejected by almost everyone he talked to.

But every time this happened, Jane’s dad would just let out a hardy laugh before leaving them with a sample.

When her dad laughed like this, Jane would be reminded of the good times, when he would pick up Jane and Yuna one after the other to hug them in the morning before heading to the military base.

As they headed toward the next business, Jane’s dad would sing a song.

Maria, Maria, you are my love, Maria…

After I sent you far away, I planted a flower

I planted a flower in my weeping heart…

He never sang any other song, as if there was an infinite repeat sign at the end of this one song. Tapping to the beat with his fingernails on the steering wheel, he would hum the song to himself.

Spring has returned and the flower has bloomed

The flower has bloomed like my longing for you

Jane wanted to know. For whom did he plant a flower in his heart? Was it for Mom? Would spring return to their home? Would Mom ever smile again like a blossoming flower?

When it was time for lunch, Dad parked the pickup truck at a rest stop. He asked if Jane wanted anything to eat.

“You can have whatever you want.”

Jane shook her head. She didn’t want to eat. Or rather, she couldn’t eat. She couldn’t eat anything that had been bought with Dad’s money while he was out here planting flowers in his heart and running around begging people to buy his engine oil.

“Then do you want to share my lunchbox with me?”

“Yes.”

Dad took out a thermos and a lunchbox from behind the driver’s seat. Jane immediately recognized the leftover rice and side dishes from earlier that morning. Father poured some hot water into the thermos cap and put it in Jane’s hand.

“The rice is cold, so mix it with some hot water.”

Jane followed her dad around all spring break.

The lunches she ate with him in his pickup truck blossomed like flowers inside her memory.

Although, at the time she didn’t know it.

She only learned those memories were beautiful flowers when the snow thawed and spring returned.

Those flowers protected her from everything: despair, madness, even death.

Another year passed, and the following February, Yuna returned from Woohyeri.

But when she returned, she bore a knife in her heart.

A knife that was aimed not at Dad nor Mom, but Jane.

Yuna believed that Jane should be sent away, just like she was sent away.

She made no efforts to hide her feelings.

In fact, she deliberately worked to make her desires a reality.

First, Yuna didn’t call Jane unnie like she was supposed to. In some ways, it was thanks to Yuna that Jane learned so many alternatives for the phrase “big sister.” Her favorites, were Hey , You , Idiot , That Thing , It, and Bitch.

Yuna had to have the best things: clothes, school supplies, even her hairpins had to be better than Jane’s.

And she also had to receive all her meals and snacks before Jane.

If Jane got as much as a single slice of apple before Yuna did, Yuna would turn the house upside down.

On days their dad wasn’t home, she would throw plates and cups.

On days he was home, she would roll at his feet and cry bitterly.

Yuna also liked giving quizzes to their mom. The subject of the quiz was always her and Jane.

“Mom, who do you like more? Jane or me?”

At first, Mom would answer these questions like any responsible parent.

“What are you talking about? You’re both my daughters.”

“Who said we weren’t? I asked who you liked better.”

Even up to this point, Mom tried to work her way around the question.

“Well, you are the youngest. So I guess that would make you cuter.”

“I’m not asking about cuteness. Who do you like better.”