Page 24 of Perfect Happiness

“Once you started to look better, I was finally able to get some rest. The doctor says we have nothing to worry about now.”

Jiyoo pushed some more rice porridge into her mouth. She could smell the scent of soggy grass.

“I talked on the phone with Grandma a bit ago. She was happy to hear your fever had gone down. She told me to tell you she loves you.”

Jiyoo could feel her throat constricting. The back of her tongue retreated into her throat as if she was about to throw up.

Auntie never mentioned where Mother was.

And Jiyoo didn’t ask. She didn’t want to hear Mother hadn’t come to visit her in the hospital.

She tried to make herself understand. If Mother hadn’t come, there was a good reason for it.

Mother already told her beforehand that Jiyoo would be spending a few days with Auntie.

She said she would be too busy to look after Jiyoo because of what happened to Noah.

Jiyoo didn’t know why Noah had died. But she remembered what happened that night.

Jiyoo had woken herself up from a bad dream.

It was that same nightmare she always had about the endless flight of stairs.

Jiyoo hadn’t had the dream for two days because she slept with Dad Puppet under her pillow.

But once Stepfather came with Noah and Noah’s grandma, Jiyoo had to sleep with Mother in the master bedroom and wasn’t able to take Dad Puppet with her.

When Jiyoo opened her eyes, she realized Mother wasn’t beside her. The door to the master bedroom was slightly ajar. A faint light was shining through the crack in the door. Jiyoo walked over to the door and peered out.

Someone was going upstairs. They were using their cellphone flashlight to illuminate their feet as they tiptoed up the stairs. Because the light was in front of the person, Jiyoo couldn’t see who it was. All she could see was the vague outline of the person’s back.

At the top of the stairs, the person paused.

They shined the flashlight on Jiyoo’s bedroom door and then on Noah’s door, which was on the opposite side of the upstairs living room.

As the light moved, it momentarily illuminated the person’s face.

Jiyoo could only see the side of their face, but she knew immediately it was Mother.

Mother went into Noah’s room. Jiyoo felt relieved. It wasn’t a thief. Mother probably had gone to sleep with Stepfather. They always slept together.

Jiyoo went back to bed and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she fell asleep after that or remained awake. All she remembered was the moment Mother came back to bed. Jiyoo could smell the sour scent of sweat and heard Mother ask her in a whisper: “Jiyoo, are you asleep?”

Jiyoo couldn’t answer her. Her voice wouldn’t leave her throat. When she woke up, Jiyoo heard Stepfather’s screams coming from upstairs. His screaming was so loud and sudden that it sounded like someone had attacked him in his sleep.

Mother jumped out of bed and ran out of the room. By the time Jiyoo made it to the bedroom door, Mother was already running up the stairs. A few moments later, Noah’s grandma and Stepfather began screaming in unison.

Jiyoo didn’t know what to do. Something horrible was happening, and she didn’t have the courage to go up and see for herself. Nor could she just go back to bed. Even though she didn’t know what was happening, there was one word that she could make out through the screaming and the crying.

“Noah!!!”

Jiyoo waited. She waited despite not knowing what she was waiting for.

Dozens of times, she had gone to the foot of the stairs only to turn around and run back to the bedroom.

The screams and the crying were getting louder.

A siren was blaring in the distance. When the sirens sounded like they were right outside, Jiyoo ran over to the glass door to the balcony.

An ambulance was parked outside. The door opened and two people jumped out of the vehicle. One was a tall man, and the other was a woman wearing glasses. Jiyoo ran to the front door without thinking and opened the door.

“They’re upstairs!”

The paramedics ran up to Noah’s room, and the house went quiet. Jiyoo waited anxiously at the bottom of the stairs. She still didn’t know what she was expecting to come out of Noah’s room. But she knew for certain it wasn’t Noah on a stretcher.

The skin around his eyes was black, and his lips were purple. His mouth was clamped shut, as though his jaw were made of stone. His body, which was covered in a blanket, wasn’t moving.

Jiyoo took several uncertain steps backwards. Her legs were trembling. Her head was spinning with questions. Why was Noah’s face like that? Why wasn’t he moving? Had he had another asthma attack?

Stepfather followed behind Noah. He looked like a completely different person.

His hair was soaked with sweat, his shirt was completely unbuttoned, and his hollow eyes were red as though someone had brought a hot iron to them.

He staggered with every step down the stairs.

He lost his footing several times and almost fell.

He was descending the stairs like a blind man.

Stepfather got into the back of the ambulance with Noah.

The ambulance turned on its siren and left their driveway.

A while later, Noah’s grandma came down the stairs with the help of Mother.

She looked like she didn’t even have the strength to straighten her legs.

She slumped down on the stairs several times as she called out for Noah.

Finally, Mother succeeded in sitting her on the sofa.

“Grandma, are you okay? Do you think you can make it to the hospital?”

Mother’s voice trembled like a whimper as she asked this. The tip of her nose was red, and tears were flowing out of her bloodshot eyes.

“My little baby!”

Noah’s grandma prostrated herself on the sofa and buried her face in the cushions. Mother went into the master bedroom and came out holding her coat and bag. Jiyoo was still standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Jiyoo, can you be alone for a few hours?” Mother asked.

“Where are you going?”

“To the hospital. I’ll call you later. Make sure you pick up.”

Mother helped Noah’s grandma up and walked out the front door. A minute or so later, her car left the garage. Jiyoo sat on the sofa, which was bathed in sunlight, as she waited for Mother’s phone call. She didn’t want to go anywhere, especially not upstairs.

Mother called sooner than Jiyoo expected. She said she was on her way home.

“I’ll arrive soon. Get your school bag and meet me outside.”

Mother really meant it when she said she would arrive soon.

“Mother, what happened to Noah?” Jiyoo asked as soon as she was in the car.

Mother’s eyes looked at Jiyoo through the rearview mirror. She had been crying earlier, but now there were no traces of tears anywhere. Her eyes were so clear and white that Jiyoo wondered if she had been dreaming when she saw Mother crying earlier.

“He’s dead.”

Mother’s voice shocked Jiyoo. It was the same voice Mother used when she told Jiyoo that Father had left the countryside cabin. Jiyoo worked up her courage to ask another question.

“Mother, are you sad?”

Mother’s eyes disappeared from the rearview mirror. They were passing through an intersection, and she seemed like she was focused on the road.

“Mother doesn’t have time to be sad,” she said only after getting onto the freeway. “Noah’s grandma collapsed and is being treated in the ER. I need to go to the police station. Your father can’t do it. He’s too out of it. Mother is going to be busy for a while.”

“But Noah is your son, too.”

Jiyoo didn’t know where this courage was coming from. She wanted an answer, even if it meant asking more than once. Perhaps Jiyoo just wanted to know if Mother’s tears were for real.

“Noah isn’t my son. The only son I know is one I give birth to.”

After this, Mother didn’t say anything. She didn’t even glance at Jiyoo through the mirror. She focused only on her driving until they arrived at Jiyoo’s kindergarten. When she left, she only said one thing.

“Your Auntie Jane will come to pick you up later.”

Jiyoo thought of the dark skin around Noah’s eyes. Jiyoo had another question that she wanted to ask Mother but couldn’t.

Why did you go upstairs last night?

“Auntie has a question for you, Jiyoo.”

Auntie Jane’s voice pulled Jiyoo out of her memories. Jiyoo nodded as she spooned some more rice porridge into her mouth.

“Last week, you were at the cabin in Woohyeri with your father and mother, weren’t you? Not your stepfather, but your real father.”

Jiyoo almost bit her tongue in surprise. The porridge that she had just swallowed became stuck in the middle of her throat.

“When did your father leave?”

How did she know? Did Mother tell her? Jiyoo winced as she tried to force the porridge down her throat.

Auntie’s eyes were carefully studying Jiyoo’s face.

Her gaze was just like Mother’s. It told Jiyoo not to lie.

But if Jiyoo couldn’t lie, she wouldn’t be able to say anything.

It was a secret—that’s what Mother said.