Page 7 of Perfect Happiness

“Well, there’s this kid at school who picks on me. When the teacher’s not looking, he pulls at my hair, lifts up my skirt, and sticks out his foot to trip me. Auntie says I shouldn’t be scared of kids like that. ‘Next time he’s mean to you, slap him across the face and say this,’ she said.”

Father laughed again, this time even louder than the last. But Jiyoo didn’t know what was so funny.

“So, did you do it?”

“No.”

Jiyoo cast her eyes downward.

“Auntie said I can do it. She says I have ‘determination’ . . .”

Auntie Jane had taught Jiyoo that determination was the courage to see something to the end.

But as far as Jiyoo saw it, this was something she didn’t have.

She practiced endlessly in her mind, but whenever the time came, her heart would race and she would start to feel dizzy and nauseous.

And in the end, she never stood up to the bully.

“But I’m too shy. I get embarrassed and act stupid when I get excited. If I don’t want to be treated like a dummy, I should just keep my mouth shut, like I’m not even there.”

Father’s laughing stopped, and the cheer on his face disappeared.

“Did your mother tell you that?”

Jiyoo suddenly felt uneasy. Seeing the look on Father’s face, she realized she said something she shouldn’t have. At times like this, the best thing was not answering. Thankfully, Father didn’t press her. He only added one more thing:

“Your Auntie Jane is right.”

Father studied Jiyoo’s face for a moment. His gaze was cautious and gentle. A few seconds later, the smile returned to his face. He seemed to be telling Jiyoo that he wasn’t scolding her. It was the flapping of wings that finally broke the silence.

“That’s a coot,” Jiyoo said.

Aha , Jiyoo’s father mouthed. “You know your stuff.”

Jiyoo shrugged her shoulders. “They’re a bit grumpy. That’s why they race around on the surface of the water.”

Jiyoo’s father again mouthed the words Aha . Behind his glasses, his eyeballs were spinning round and round like giant Ferris wheels. Jiyoo had seen this look many times. It meant that Father was impressed by how much she knew.

“Should we go to look at the other ducks?” Jiyoo asked.

As soon as she asked, Jiyoo’s father took her hand.

Jiyoo took her father to the trail circling the Half Moon Marsh.

It was by the time they arrived at the end of the trail that she saw another duck she knew.

The little rascal was sitting in a dip in the grass and silently staring up at Jiyoo as though it were going to the bathroom.

Afraid that it would fly away, Jiyoo quickly turned to her father to show him.

“It’s a mandarin drake.”

She didn’t tell Father that its other name was scoundrel. She thought this would upset him. But she didn’t have any time to tell him because in the grass near the water was a nest. It was made of grass and reeds and had several light-brown eggs inside it. Jiyoo counted the eggs. One, two . . .

“I see five eggs.”

Father put his fingers to his lips. Shhh .

“Let’s see what duck these belong to.”

Father wrapped his arm around Jiyoo’s shoulder and squatted in the reeds. They didn’t have to wait long. A loon swam over and gently perched itself atop the eggs. In the distance, another loon called out. Wa-ooo .

“Mother told me that when the daddy loon is far away, he’ll call out to his young. Like this.”

Jiyoo stuck out her lips and made them into the shape of a duck bill.

“ Wa-ooo . I’m coming. Wa-ooo . I’m cominggg . . .”

Jiyoo’s voice trailed off. Talking about ducks was fun, but not what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to ask Father where he had been and why he was here now. Jiyoo’s father seemed to know what Jiyoo was thinking. He then made a promise, one Jiyoo would never have imagined.

“From now on, Daddy will come more often.”

Jiyoo wanted to ask Father how often was often.

But she couldn’t. If this was a promise he was making on the spot, she wouldn’t want to put him in an awkward position.

If he hesitated while answering, she would start to doubt his promise.

So, Jiyoo decided to ask Auntie Jane how often “often” was the next time she was at Grandmother’s house.

“Promise?”

Father extended his pinky toward Jiyoo. She took her pinky and curled it around his. Then after hesitating for a moment, Jiyoo asked another question.

“But what if you forget your promise?”

“I won’t forget. Never.”

“What if you forget your promise to not forget?”

Father gave Jiyoo a big smile. But for some reason, his smile seemed somewhat melancholic.

Jiyoo turned toward the direction of the valley and looked at the space beneath her feet.

Her eyes were seized by a dizzying landscape.

The valley, which was gnarled with pines and large boulders, was dark and deep.

Across the valley, the evening sun was descending on the mountain, painting everything in the wetlands in bright red.

Wind rushed in and out of the valley. Jiyoo looked back at her father.

“Let’s go home. Mother will be mad if we’re late.”

By the time they arrived home, Mother had just finished preparing dinner.

The atmosphere was more like a party than supper.

On the table were candles and a vase with three roses.

In the middle of the table was a chocolate cake with a single candle, next to which was a bowl with salad and a breadbasket, as well as cheese, butter, and a bottle of wine.

There was a wine glass and a juice glass set at the place closest to the living room, and a single wine glass set at the place closest to the kitchen.

Father looked a bit surprised. He took off his shoes and was about to step into the cabin but hesitated for a moment as he looked at Mother, who pointed toward the bathroom with her thumb.

“Wash your hands first. The both of you.”

Jiyoo washed her hands with Father. Or to be more exact, Father stood behind Jiyoo and washed her hands for her. As he lathered her hands, he asked her:

“I used to wash your hands like this all the time. Do you remember?”

Jiyoo nodded. One by one, the memories returned to her.

Father’s getting into the bathtub with her and bathing her.

Playing games with the bubbles floating on the water.

And Mother’s coming home, seeing her and Father in the bathtub together, and exploding with anger.

“Honey, what are you doing with the baby?”

Jiyoo returned to the table, walking side by side with her father. Mother handed Father the corkscrew, then lit the candle on the cake.

“It’s your first father-daughter reunion. Don’t you want a picture?” Mother asked as she poured wine into Father’s glass. He nodded, and Mother took her phone from inside the sink drawer and turned it on.

“Okay. Hold your glasses up and put your cheeks together. Say cheese.”

Jiyoo and Father did as Mother said. Mother stood with her back against the kitchen counter and pressed the shutter button.

“This is a really beautiful picture.”

Mother returned to the table with the phone.

Father took the phone as she handed it to him.

Jiyoo, too, looked at the picture on the phone screen.

The two of them were smiling happily. They looked so cozy, as though they had never been apart, not once.

But the background was eerily dark. Behind them, the doors to the rest of the house were all open.

The unlit living room and bedroom both looked like dark caverns threatening to devour Jiyoo and her father.

“I’ll send it to you,” Mother said as she tossed her phone aside.

Jiyoo thought how nice it would be to have her own cellphone so that she could look at the picture whenever she missed Father. Of course, she would never say this out loud. It wasn’t something Mother would like.

The goulash was surprisingly good. Mother was more talkative than usual. And Father also looked like he was in a good mood. He finished the bottle of wine all on his own. He was drunk even before they finished dinner.

“Jiyoo, I think it’s time for you to go to bed,” Mother said.

Jiyoo got up obediently. She also thought it was best to go to bed early. If she wanted to get up early tomorrow, that was. Father had said they would go to the Half Moon Marsh again together. And Mother had said it was okay.

“But then why did you go?” Jiyoo asked as she touched the face of the Dad Puppet with her fingers.

Everything from that day felt like a dream now—her walk with Father to the Half Moon Marsh, the family of loons they saw, Father’s promise to come more often. Perhaps Mother was right; perhaps Father wasn’t going to come anymore. That must be why he left without saying goodbye, right?

Right? Jiyoo asked Mischievous Mouse.

What came was an answer with no emotion: Right .

Jiyoo took her hand from the puppet and placed him near her toes.

She rested her chin on her knees as she stared out the window.

A full moon was descending on the wetlands.

As the marsh received the light from the moon, it sparkled like a gigantic lake.

But there was something moving inside the dark-blue field of swaying reeds: a single orange light.

Was it a firefly? But it wasn’t summer. Jiyoo craned her neck and squinted her eyes to get a better look. The light was slowly moving along the side path. It was moving away from the cabin, toward the Half Moon Marsh.