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“Then just shut up about it. There’s no shame in assuming a woman is better than you at something.

You say it’s sexist to make them do it, I say it’s sexist to assume they can’t.

” He gestured to the door. “If fucking vampires burst in, I’d recommend that the women handle that too.

” His voice went up an octave in righteous indignation.

“They go through childbirth , motherfucker. Can you even imagine that? I had kidney stones once and damn near killed myself to end it. I can’t imagine passing something the size of a Christmas ham .

They don’t feel pain like we do. They’re like fucking machines … ”

“I’m pretty sure they do, sir.” Oz shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with this topic. “The human body is…”

“You ever need something tough done, that’s gotta be done, that’ll hurt like all fuck as it’s being done, you hand it off to a woman and get outta her way.

” He pointed at Oz to make sure he understood that.

“You don’t fuck with women.” He paused for a beat.

“Unless you’re literally fucking women, then it’s a necessity.

Unless you can find another woman to do it instead, which is even better, obviously.

” He pursed his lips, deep in thought. “You ever fuck two women at once?”

Oz just stared at him.

The corner of Roach’s mouth curved in a knowing smile. “You’ve never even fucked one woman at once, have you.” It wasn’t a question. “You’re one of them ‘nice guy, rule followers,’ I can smell it on you.”

“I really don’t want to discuss this with you, sir.” Oz told him flatly. “Not here, not tonight, not ever.”

Roach didn’t like that answer. “You’re dating my daughter, boy, you’ll discuss interplanetary trade or the most watery and smelly shit I’ve ever taken, if that’s what I tell you we’re discussing.

” He leaned forward, his tone darkening until it was a threat.

“You really think I’d ever let you have her? You? ”

Oz simply stared at him, trying to control his temper. And failing.

Whatever Roach saw in his face, the man recognized it immediately.

“Theeeere it is…” Roach nodded in admiration.

“I see it now.” He pointed at him again.

“I’d never give Mull to someone who wouldn’t kill one old man to have her.

” He smiled. “There’s some capital ‘E’ evil in you after all, isn’t there.

” He readjusted the mix of the oxygen on the tank attached to his chair. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Being evil?”

“No.” Roach snorted, then paused. “…Well, yeah, that’s not something to be ashamed of either.

” He flipped his hand. “Virgin, I mean. No shame in waiting for the best, I say.” He sighed wistfully.

“I waited too. A long time. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was…

16? No, 15. Jodie. And her little sister Kathy.

It meant more because I waited.” He looked at Oz, brow furrowed in thought beneath his rubber Roach headpiece. “How old are you, anyway? 24? 25?”

“32.”

Roach made a gasping sound. “Christ in a cannon! 32!?!” He started coughing. “You’re not some kind of freak, are you?”

“Define ‘freak.’”

“Like some kind of weird-ass communist nutball!”

“No.”

“So you’ve been what? Saving yourself for the priesthood?”

Oz wasn’t sure how to reply to that. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“I’m trying to help you not feel like a eunuch and this is the thanks I get?”

Oz shook his head. “I don’t feel like a eunuch, sir.”

“ You’re welcome .” Roach took that as an admission that he had saved Oz’s gentle self-confidence. “Christ in a hot tub, your whole generation is insane.”

“My prison psychiatrist said that I don’t deal well with human interaction.” Oz shared. “I don’t like getting close to people, emotionally or physically.”

Hector pointed towards the kitchen. “Except Roy’s girl.”

“Except Natalie, yes.”

“Fair enough.” Hector considered that while readjusting the oxygen lines so that they didn’t get tangled in his plastic roach antenna.

“What is your motivation, son? What drives you to do this?” He asked simply.

“Because it’s got to be something. No one just goes into this work without some need they’re trying to fill.

Something powerful. Something that won’t wear down over time.

” He held up an open hand. “For most people, it’s love.

Love never dies.” He clenched his other hand into a fist. “But neither does hate. And hate can be just as powerful, if you use it right.” He was silent for several breaths.

“Spent my whole life hating my brother. I mean, I dedicated every waking hour to discovering new ways to fuck up his life. That was how I defined myself and all I wanted. That was what drove me. I was ‘Kilroy’s arch-nemesis.’ And then that little useless motherfucker went and died.

He left me alone. And I realized that… Who the fuck was I now?

You can’t be the nemesis of a dead man.”

Oz squinted in confusion, trying to follow the man’s logic. “Are you trying to tell me not to devote my life to hate?”

“Fuck no.” Roach snorted at that idea like it was sheer insanity.

“Without hate, I never would have become a villain. I never would have followed that asshole’s life and kept track of what he was doing.

I never would have gone the places I’ve gone or seen the things I’ve seen.

Hate gave me a family. A reason. Daughters.

Friends. …My Pa mela.” He leaned forward in his chair.

“What I’m telling you is that hate needs a purpose.

Hate is a tool… a motivation, not an end goal.

Hate can build great things. And the second it stops getting you where you need to go and starts to keep you from getting where you need to go, it’s time to move on and let shit drop.

Find something else to hate. Or something to love.

” He nodded at the truth of his own words.

“Roy was an absolute asshole. But I forgive him for that. I don’t hate him anymore.

Because if nothing else, he had an amazing daughter.

And I’d blow the fucking Devil if it brought that little girl into my life.

My hate ended with love.” He pointed at Oz.

“So, I’ll ask you again: what drives you ? ”

Oz considered that. “People think I’m evil.”

Roach arched an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“I… I don’t know.” Oz admitted.

“Good answer.” Roach looked pleased by that. “Never trust anybody who tells you they’re entirely good or entirely bad. They’re all lying shit-birds.” He set about trying to clean something from his tooth using his tongue. “Is that why you’re here?”

“No.” Oz shook his head. “I joined the Freedom Squad because a man in a hat told me I needed to, because I had a part to play.”

That seemed to interest him. “Straw hat? All Music Man looking?”

“Yeah…”

“Meddling fucker.” Roach spat out. “ Don’t trust him either. He’s got an agenda and always did. He’ll fuck you over without a second thought if it gets him what he wants.”

Oz didn’t even bother replying to that. “And I became a better Cape because… honestly? Equal parts wanting to help people and wanting to impress your daughter.”

Roach didn’t look happy now. “’Equal parts’?”

“70-30 wanting Natalie.”Oz corrected.

Roach stared at him silently.

“85-15, wanting Natalie.” He admitted, looking down at his floor.

“I’ll accept that.” Roach nodded, like it was sufficient to pass some kind of test. “Far as I’m concerned, I’ve got four daughters.

Two of them I chose, two of them I didn’t.

But they’re all mine, understand?” His eyes burned into Oz’s.

“That girl was Roy’s daughter, which makes her my daughter now.

I bought her her first sniper rifle. I’m the one who taught her about the birds and the bees by showing her Hooker-Mania 7 .

And if you hurt her, there are no words for what I’ll do to you. ”

Oz shifted in his chair. “I think she’s fully capable of killing me herself, sir.”

“Nah. She’s got too much of Roy in her.

” Roach made a dismissive face. “That girl is softer than she lets on. There’s darkness in her, unquestionably, but she doesn’t have it in her to hurt you.

Hurt herself, sure. But not you.” He met Oz’s gaze again.

“I have no such limitation though, fair warning. You are trying to fuck 1/4 of my universe.” He glanced up and down Oz, looking almost disgusted.

“And I don’t know you. The girl says you’re okay, but she’s as crazy as Roy.

Trusting. An optimist. Gentle, in her way.

So, you got one night to convince me not to simply kill you and blame the Spaniards. ”

Oz squinted at him in confusion again, feeling like he was missing something. “I’m sorry? …Why would Spanish people want to kill me?”

“ Everyone would want to kill you!” Roach reminded him. “You’re crazy! And evil!”

“Yes, but I’m confused as to if this is a specific group of Hispanic people we’re talking about or if you are just racially insensitive and…”

“Dinner!” Natalie called cheerily from the dining room like a sitcom mom, cutting off his question. “Wash your hands and come get it, boys!”

May casually wheeled her father away and Oz followed behind, feeling shell-shocked by the way that conversation had gone.

Oz went to wash his hands and by the time he returned, everyone was staring at him.

Roach gestured to Oz’s clean hands. “Trust me on this, I know what I’m talking about: being old is fucking horrible . Live your life now, don’t try to hold onto it for later. Do what you want, don’t just try to squeeze in a few extra unhappy days at the end of it. Better to live than survive.”

That actually seemed to upset Natalie. “You’re unhappy?”