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Holl nodded in certainty. “You can smell it on him.” She looked around the apartment.

“No sign any woman has ever been here, and he’s not nearly cool enough to be gay.

Which means: virgin. And it makes sense if you think about it.

He doesn’t like touching buttons in an elevator, I can’t imagine he’d like touching too many women. ”

“Even if that’s true, it doesn’t make him boring.” Mull shook her head. “He’s the farthest thing from boring you’re going to find.” She leaned forward in her chair. “He’s like… ‘Spicy Vanilla.’ ”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Well, that’s what he is.” She nodded. “He seems boring and kinda ordinary on the outside, but he’s actually one of the most exciting people you’re going to find.

He’s weird and mysterious and has all of these little quirks that are fun to discover.

Oz is special. And I don’t mean in an ‘everyone is a special gift’ bullshit way, I mean he’s genuinely special. He’s better than us.”

“Pft. I could take him.”

“You know what I mean. He needs someone to protect him. From the world and from himself. Because assholes keep trying to change the little things about him that are unique and cool. They keep trying to make him feel bad about himself.”

“I’ve never noticed Oz to be one particularly interested in changing to be more popular.” She turned her page. “In fact, he’s one of the most stubborn people I know.”

“Good.” Mull nodded. “I like him the way he is.”

Holly rolled her eyes. “His insanity and pathological fear of germs are definitely swoon-worthy, yeah.”

“He killed a man to keep me safe.” Mull snapped. “When I was dying in a bed, he was fucking there , all night. And he treats me better than anyone in my life has ever treated me. And that’s both me and Natalie.”

Holly made a “Hmm” sound, unable to argue with those points. “I will say that I’d put up with a lot of weird shit if someone looked at me the way he looks at you.” She turned the page. “Hell, I’d sleep with you if you looked at me that way.”

Oz was one of those perfect, conventional, straight-laced guys who seemed to exist only to tell his boring and frigid wife how extraordinary she really was, and to constantly save her from her own stupidity.

Oz was going to spend his whole life doing mind-numbingly safe things, without ever really living .

He was destined for a lifetime of grotesque suburban normalcy or else living all alone in some kind of germ-free super-fortress.

And Mull wasn’t happy with either of those options. She wanted something better for him. She thought he deserved that.

She liked Oz. She liked talking to him. She like being around him. She liked looking at him. She loved kissing him.

She found the man incredibly appealing. He was handsome and strong and kind.

She found the innocent way he looked at the world so very cute.

He was… extraordinary. Paradoxically, someone who she both felt the need to protect and someone who made her feel like stepping behind him and allowing him to save her from herself.

But…

But there was something so sad about Oz, sometimes.

He was a man constantly disappointed with himself.

Mull looked in the mirror and had no idea who she was.

But Oz looked in the mirror and knew who he was, he just didn’t like what he saw.

It was a different and much scarier situation.

Mull had never really considered it before.

Mull was a different person every day. If she didn’t like herself, she could just wait 24 hours and she’d have another shot at it.

But Oz was stuck with himself. Stuck trying to make do with what he saw as his own weaknesses and failings. There was something very sad about it.

Not that it made him any less attractive, mind you, it just added another flavor to him. A salty nougat center which really set off the otherwise sweet and impossibly appealing treat he represented.

Which… was a rather disturbing and yucky way of phrasing that.

And since when did she use the word “Yucky”?

The fuck was that about?

God, she’d be glad to be done with the day and once again become a woman who wouldn’t dream of using the word “yucky” in any context.

In any case, she… wanted Oz.

Which meant that she needed to be careful with him. Because not only did it open Oz up to all kinds of horrors her enemies could inflict on him, but… but it also exposed him to her wild shifts in personality.

She could hurt him.

If they got too close, Mull was entirely capable of breaking Oz. He was an ordinary little machine, moving along the track he planned for himself. And Mull could wreck all of that for him.

Mull was chaos.

“Sex… sex complicates things anyway.” Mull decided, shaking her head.

“And to be honest, I’m pretty sure trying it would just scare him.

And I’m not ready for the ego devastation of that.

I mean, you’re right, the guy can’t even operate a light switch without gloves and antibacterial shit.

I really can’t imagine him confronted with sex.

I think that would be awkward for him. And the last thing I need is for him to be skeeved out by me.

At the moment… let’s just go with ‘holding hands’ and go from there. ”

“Wait… so you’re looking to get involved here?” Holly glanced up at her again. “Or are we just talking what he wants? ”

“I don’t get involved. Ever. It’s a point of pride.” She said a little too quickly. “Getting involved requires trust, and I don’t trust anyone.”

“Wasn’t I giving you advice on how to win him?” Holly asked, mystified. “I thought I was telling you how to break through his frigid and virginal facade, and get at the lunatic beneath? I’m lost here.”

“I’m a complicated woman.” Mull shifted in her chair nervously. “We’re… we’re just having a conversation.”

Holly processed that. “And is this a conversation where I’m supposed to tell you what you should do, or a conversation where I’m supposed to support whatever decision you’ve obviously already made but are pretending like you haven’t?”

Mull paused for a beat. “The second one.”

Holly nodded. “In that case: I think you’re making the right decision, obviously.” She pointed at her. “You be you.” She took on an inspirational tone. “True love finds a way.”

Mull rolled her eyes. “You can dial your fake support back a bit. Keep it believable. I’m ‘complicated,’ not a moron.”

“Ah. Sorry.” Holly turned the page in her book. “Misread the room.” She crossed her legs, getting back to business. “So you’re just looking to hold hands with Oz, like a second grader on the playground because…” She trailed off, inviting Mull to finish.

“Because I like Oz.” Mull said flatly. “I really do. And I’ll be happy with as much of him as his limitations will allow.”

“I just don’t understand you sometimes.” Holly snorted at the idea. “You need a psychiatrist who likes a challenge, girl.”

She ignored that. “I don’t want to get involved with Oz in a serious way. Ronnie will kill him.” She looked down at the floor. “Ronnie is like a psycho in a slasher film.”

“ You’re the one who’s a weirdo in a mask.” Holly pointed at the calendar on the wall. “And we’re approaching a national holiday. Generally speaking, in slasher movies, it’s never a good idea to piss off weirdos in masks when a themed holiday is approaching.”

“He’s… soulless.” Mull continued, ignoring Holly’s nonsense. “He’s going to kill everyone, for absolutely no reason other than hate.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re dating a virgin then.” Holly decided calmly. “They always live through horror movies.”

“Oz is not a virgin.” Mull made a face at her, then paused, considering the matter. “Okay… he probably is, but that’s okay. It’s kinda sweet, actually.”

Holly snorted at that. “It would be ‘kinda sweet’ if he was saving himself for someone special or was merely shy. It’s not ‘kinda sweet’ when it’s only because he’s too disgusted by women to even look at them.”

“I don’t care if he’s disgusted by other women.” Mull shrugged. “Awesome. Thanks for the good news. I don’t want him looking at them anyway. I just want him to not be disgusted by me .”

“Oz is the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Lexie announced, paying attention to the conversation during the commercial break. “He was the only one in the Freedom Squad who ever believed in me.”

“He smells like a laundry detergent commercial.” Mull thought out loud, dreamily thinking about being so close to him. “Like the good kind, you know? The one that smells like summertime and home?”

“Oh, that’s hot.” Holly rolled her eyes again. “Shit. I might want him now. I just need to find a full-body condom that’ll cover me from head-to-toe, so he won’t get terrified by actually touching me.”

“Fuck you, Holl.” Mull flipped her off. “This is why I don’t tell people things and why I wear a mask all the time.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out now though.” Holly turned another page. “Perhaps you two can make gentle and respectful love, then fall asleep watching the 8 o’clock news.”

Mull crossed her arms over her chest, feeling pouty and annoyed. “Oh, shut up.”

“Personally, you can keep that nonsense.” Holly waved the book again.

“I want to be fucked ; completely and thoroughly. Plowed like a snowy road on Christmas Eve. If I haven’t passed out from ecstasy, the guy has failed.

” She snorted in derision. “But with Oz, I think it’s more likely that you’ll just get bored and fall asleep during the act. ”

“Out of curiosity, when was the last time you had a boyfriend, Holly?” Lexie asked innocently.

The room fell into silence.

Mull held out her hand and then opened it, like she was dropping an invisible mic. “Lexie gets the square on that one.”

“I might not be currently dating anyone, but I still understand the male mind.” Holly defended.