Page 9 of Not Afraid to Trust Again

“So, you and the sheriff, huh?” my coworker, Kia, asked as I filled a prescription. She leaned against the counter with her arms folded across her chest.

I was sure she had been dying to ask me that for the last three weeks since Kyden had come and taken me to lunch.

I could tell she had a crush or whatever on him by the way she looked at him, but he didn’t seem interested in her at all.

She and I didn’t talk like that, so I wasn’t sure why she thought she would get an answer.

“Why do you want to know?” My tone was a little more clipped than I planned, but she had some audacity to be in my business.

She held her hands up in surrender. “My bad. I just didn’t take you for that kind of girl.”

“And—” I cut my sentence off when I felt a cramp in my abdomen. I brushed it off and addressed Kia. “And what kind of girl would that be?”

She smirked. “Nothing.”

Another cramp hit me, and it felt like something gushed out of me.

I was curious as to what Kia was talking about, but the pains in my stomach made me head toward the bathroom and push that other crap to the side.

“I’ll be right back.”

It took me less than a minute to put away the medicine I was using.

I refused to leave anything out just in case someone got any ideas.

All the workers had access to everything, so if they wanted something, they could get it themselves.

But I wasn’t giving anyone the chance to say that they got some medicine I left behind.

This was my career and something I always dreamed about, and I’d be damned if I lost it for someone else.

By the time I made it to the back where the employee bathrooms were, tears ran down my face. I locked the bathroom door and walked over to the toilet. My heart galloped in my chest. The pain was severe, and I knew in my gut that something was wrong.

The bathrooms were always clean since it was only three of us working during each shift, but I still cleaned the toilet off and put a toilet seat cover down. With shaky hands, I pulled my pants and underwear down, and my head spun as I stared at the bright red blood in my panties.

“No. No,” I whispered. I wiped myself, and there was more blood.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Kyden but didn’t get an answer.

I knew I needed to get to the hospital, but I didn’t feel comfortable driving.

I was in pain, and the loss of blood made me feel weak.

I leaned my head against the bathroom wall and tried to call Kyden again, but again, it went to voicemail.

I sniffled as tears continued to fall. I held my arm against my stomach and rocked. With my free hand, I called my sister.

“Hey, Nae, shouldn’t you be filling someone’s prescriptions?” she teased, but I couldn’t even giggle back.

“Nae, I need you,” I whispered because I didn’t want anyone to hear me, and I felt like if I talked louder, it would hurt more. The two didn’t correlate, but that’s where my head was at.

Usually, it was funny that we called each other Nae, and that was why Kyden insisted on calling me my middle name.

“What’s wrong?”

I closed my eyes at the shakiness of her voice.

“I need to get to the hospital,” I croaked.

“I’m on my way. Do you need me to stay on the phone?” I could hear her moving around then telling Ashley she had an emergency.

“No, I’m in the bathroom at the pharmacy. Just please hurry up.”

She assured me she would be to me shortly, so I hung up. I tried to call Kyden again, and he still didn’t answer. I guessed he was probably in the middle of something because he always answered my calls.

I put the phone back in my pocket and cleaned myself up as best as I could.

Once I got myself partially together, I walked on unsteady legs to the locker room, which was right next to the bathroom, and got my belongings.

I went back into the bathroom because I didn’t want anyone to find me and ask questions.

Since I never cleaned out my bag, I had a pad in there from the last time I had a period, and some wipes. I wiped myself again and put the pad in my panties. They were already ruined, but I didn’t want any blood running down my legs and ruining my pants.

I was in so much pain, and I couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to lie on the floor, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. It felt like the room was spinning, so I leaned against the wall.

I closed my eyes and said a prayer that my baby and I would make it out of the bathroom okay, but I wasn’t confident that my baby would.

“Nae, open the door. It’s me.”

I heard my sister’s voice on the other side of the door, and I wanted to feel relieved, but I felt weak.

“Nae.” I groaned.

She jiggled the doorknob. “Open the door so I can get you some help. Please.”

I took a deep breath and stood.

“Ah.” I cried as more cramps hit me.

I grabbed my bag, made it to the door, and opened it. My sister had tears in her eyes when she saw my disheveled look. My own tears hadn’t let up.

She pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back. “What’s going on?”

I sniffled and mumbled, “I think I’m having a miscarriage.”

I heard the sharp intake of her breath, then she let me go. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

My sister still didn’t know about the baby, and if Kyden had answered his phone or if I had been able to drive myself to the hospital, she still may not have known.

I was thankful she didn’t ask me anything else as she put her arm around my shoulder and helped me out of the bathroom. The break room was near the back door, which was the employee entrance, so I didn’t have to risk being seen by the staff or any customers.

When we got to her car, Janae helped me then closed the door.

“I told the staff you had to go. Heather and Kia said they would take care of everything, including calling Erin.”

Erin was the head pharmacist and would take care of anything that needed to be done in my absence.

“Thank you.” I leaned my head against the car window.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m always here. Have you called Kyden?”

“I did, but he didn’t answer his phone,” I told her.

She patted my leg then squeezed it. I didn’t have the energy to smile at her. It seemed like the more time had passed, the weaker I felt.

“Hopefully, he will return your call soon. Try to rest as much as you can. We’ll be at the hospital in another few minutes.”

I closed my eyes again and prayed all the way to the hospital. Kyden hadn’t called back, and I hadn’t tried again. I figured he’d see my missed calls whenever he could check his phone again. I could have sent him a text message, but this wasn’t something that should be relayed through text.

When we arrived at the hospital, Janae helped me inside then got me checked in before she parked the car.

They took me in the back and put me in a private room.

A nurse came in to take my vital signs and started an IV.

My blood pressure was elevated, so she told me they would give me something for that after they ran some tests.

I was poked and prodded for what seemed like forever, then an ultrasound tech and Dr. Beckam came into the room.

Janae was in the waiting room. She was probably nervous as hell because she didn’t know what was going on. As far as I knew, Kyden still hadn’t called and had no clue I was in the hospital.

“Kanae, can you tell me what happened?” Dr. Beckam asked as the tech did the ultrasound.

I told her about what had happened at the pharmacy. She asked me if I had any issues before that, and I hadn’t. The only thing I experienced was morning sickness, but that had eased up.

I didn’t hear the heartbeat and immediately started crying again. Dr. Beckam swallowed and grabbed my hand. I already knew what she would say by the soothing tone of her voice and the sadness in her eyes.

“Kanae, I’m sorry. What you were experiencing was a miscarriage, and according to the ultrasound, you passed the fetus naturally.”

I shook my head. “No. No.”

A loud sob ripped through me. I knew at one point I was undecided about having the baby, but that had changed. I certainly didn’t want to lose my baby.

Dr. Beckam squeezed my hand then let it go. “I’m going to get your sister. Again, I’m sorry.”

She rubbed my shoulder then left the room.

The ultrasound tech wheeled the machine out of the room, and I wrapped my arms around my torso and clenched my teeth.

I wanted to scream and cry but couldn’t because I was in public.

It didn’t stop the tears from falling though.

My heart literally shattered in my chest, and I wasn’t sure how I would recover from this.

Janae ran over to the bed when she entered.

“Nae.” She pulled me into her arms.

“It’s my fault,” I cried.

She pulled away but kept her hands on my shoulders.

“Shh. This is not your fault. Unfortunately, these things happen, and nobody can explain why.”

I wasn’t trying to hear what she had to say, and I didn’t have the energy to debate with her, so I kept my mouth shut.

We rocked back and forth in my hospital bed as I mourned the loss of a child I would never know.

My tears soaked the pillow as I continued crying until I fell asleep, and I never got the chance to tell Kyden.