Page 2 of Not Afraid to Trust Again
“No. No. Please get off of me.”
“Why are you acting like that, Kanae? You are the one that came in here with that tight shit on, being all over me and shit. Now you want to act like you don’t want this. You’re my girl. You’re supposed to give me some pussy whenever I want it, and I want that shit now.”
“No. Please, stop.”
I jumped up out of my sleep. Sweat drenched my nightshirt, my sheets, and my body.
My chest heaved up and down as I tried to steady my breathing.
The damn nightmares were back, and I hated it.
I thought therapy would help, and it did for a while, but not so much anymore.
I made a mental note to call my therapist for a session.
Something had to give. I had too much other shit to worry about.
The same nightmare had been recurring off and on over the years since my college boyfriend sexually assaulted me. Nobody knew about it, not even my sister. I’d been carrying the secret around for years.
Once my breathing returned to normal, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and slid my feet into my slippers. The floor was carpeted, but I didn’t like walking barefoot on any surface.
“Alexa, play my morning playlist.”
“Okay,” the mechanical voice responded.
I had a playlist for every mood, and my morning one was perfect to block out the nightmares and all the other negative energy I carried some mornings.
The playlist consisted of music to get me moving and grooving, and that was what I did as I pulled the sheets off the bed.
I went to put them in the washing machine and grabbed new ones from the hall closet then went back into my room.
I liked to let the bed air out a little before I put the sheets on, so I sprayed the mattress with a disinfectant spray then went into the bathroom.
I turned the shower on to let the water get hot, used the bathroom, then got in the shower.
It was the day of my sister’s birthday party, and I had to help her set everything up. I was happy for her because she had finally found the love she deserved after her last fiancé pulled some bullshit at their wedding.
When she relocated to Sweetwater Hills, it was nothing for me to move here with her. She was my best friend, and I wanted a new start like she did. Things had been good for the most part.
I didn’t expect to find love or anything close to it when I moved, but that changed the day I met Kyden Mills.
I had never seen a sheriff look the way he did.
Kyden was handsome with dark caramel skin and brandy-colored eyes that always stared into my soul.
He was funny and charming as hell. He came in and showed me things I didn’t know I wanted, but at times, I felt like he was hiding something.
I didn’t push because I had secrets of my own.
We’d been casually dating for a little over a year, but I still wasn’t ready for a relationship with him.
Even though I had been avoiding him, I missed him.
My actions said one thing, but my heart said another.
Since we hadn’t seen each other, I’d been horny as hell, and I knew where he was during his nighttime shift, so I drove down that road in hopes he would stop me.
It would have been easier to call him, but the thrill of him fucking me outside in his work uniform did something to me.
He handcuffed me once, but I freaked out. I had a flashback of that night with my ex. Kyden soothed me and tried to get me to tell him what happened, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I would ever tell him.
My stomach growled while I washed my hair, so I hurried to get out of the shower so I could eat breakfast.
I had taken a home pregnancy test, and it came back positive.
I scheduled an appointment to confirm it, but I hadn’t told Kyden or my sister.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep the baby or not.
I didn’t know why I had doubts, but I did.
I had another week before I went to the doctor, so I would decide by then.
Maybe the test was a false positive, and I wasn’t pregnant at all.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that either.
I was all confused and afraid to talk to anyone about it.
I didn’t have time to dwell on it because my stomach growled again. I wrapped a towel around myself and went downstairs to make breakfast.
“I’m going to feed you now, little one.”
I’d been talking to the baby for the last couple of days. I probably shouldn’t have been if I wasn’t going to keep it, but at the same time, I didn’t want to act like it didn’t exist if I was keeping it. I was leaning more toward keeping it anyway.
After eating a breakfast sandwich, I went back upstairs to put the sheets on the bed and finish getting dressed for the day. All of my problems would have to wait for another day.
A few hours later, I arrived at my sister’s and brother-in-law’s house, ready to prepare for the party.
“Hey, Sis. Happy birthday!” I held up the gift bag I had for her.
“Thank you!” She took the bag from me then hugged me.
I entered the house and closed the door behind me.
“I set up most of the stuff, but I forgot the ice, so Kaleb and Ky went to get some and who knows what else. I’m sure they are getting more liquor.”
The mention of Kyden made my heart race. I knew he would be there, but I didn’t expect him to be early. It had been a couple of days since we last saw each other, and I was nervous about seeing him again. I knew I couldn’t keep holding off telling him about our possible baby.
“Oh, okay.”
“Why did you say it like that?”
Janae put her hands on her hips and frowned.
“No reason.”
“If you say so. I won’t pressure you now, but you have to tell me what’s going on sooner or later. Kyden really likes you, but you are holding back for some reason.”
I wrapped my arm around Janae’s and led her to the kitchen. I needed her attention focused elsewhere because it wasn’t the right time to tell her everything, and I knew she wouldn’t let it go.
“I’m fine. It’s all about you today, so let’s focus on that.”
She squinted her eyes at me then picked up a strawberry from the fruit platter on the counter.
“Sure. It’s something, but I’m going to leave it alone for now.”
“Thank you. Now, go get dressed while I finish getting everything together.”
“I guess.” She picked up another strawberry then left the kitchen.
Janae was a couple of years younger than me but acted like she was the oldest most of the time. I didn’t fault her for it though. We were protective of each other, and it had been that way our whole lives.
While Janae got dressed, I ate a couple of the strawberries since they were my favorite, then I put up the decorations and set the food out.
Kaleb was taking Janae away for her birthday, but she wanted to have a small gathering with family and friends before they left.
Her boutique was closed for the morning, so Ashley could make it.
The rest of the girls were coming as well.
As I put the finishing touches on the decorations, I heard the front door open, and men’s laughter filtered through the house.
I stayed in the kitchen and pretended I didn’t hear them come in as Kyden spoke to my sister. I knew it was only a matter of time before he would look for me because my car was outside.
“Let me go get some water,” Kyden said, then I heard footsteps heading in my direction.
I smelled his cologne as soon as he entered. I acted like I wasn’t affected by his presence as I pretended to fix the stuff on the table.
Goosebumps covered my arms when he whispered, “Are you going to pretend like I’m not here, Elise?”
His hands gripped the table on each side of me, blocking me in. Kyden insisted on calling me by my middle name, even though I told him not to. A chill went down my spine each time he said it. I didn’t care for the name until he started saying it, especially when we were in the throes of passion.
I drank in his appearance because I loved seeing him out of his uniform. “No, Kyden. I’m not pretending you aren’t here. I’m trying to get everything together before everyone else comes.” Just then, the doorbell rang. “I have to get the door.”
It made me nervous being around him, and I didn’t think my sister’s party was the place to tell him.
“You can’t run from me forever, Elise.” He kissed my ear then moved back.
I practically sprinted out of the kitchen as Kyden chuckled behind me.