Page 14 of Not Afraid to Trust Again

My parents taught my brother and me how to express ourselves and our emotions at a young age, but it wasn’t always easy in some of my past relationships. To know I could be my authentic self with Elise and not feel embarrassed if I cried, made me love her even more than I did.

I had been going through it, but I tried to hide it from her.

I didn’t want to bring her down any more than what she was.

Every day, I showed up for her with a smile on my face, but when I was alone, my emotions would get the best of me.

There was no rule book on how to cope with the loss of a baby, so day by day, I winged it.

I was happy when she agreed to spend the day with me, because she’d been in the house for weeks, and I knew some fresh air would do her some good, even though it was cold.

When we arrived in Pinewood, we parked near a small strip mall.

They had a couple of stores I wanted to check out, and I also wanted to go to the outlet mall.

Under different circumstances, I would have tried to get her to go skiing, but I knew she needed to heal more before she tried anything too strenuous.

Maybe some other time, but if I knew her like I thought, she would say no, no matter when it was.

“Rosebudz? What are we doing here?” Kanae asked when we arrived at the dispensary.

“We are just here to check it out. Maybe you can get something to help relax you sometimes. It doesn’t have to be weed, but CBD might help.” I opened the door then let her enter before me.

“Hello, welcome to Rosebudz. I’m Johari, the owner. What can I help you two with?”

Elise and I stood in front of the corner. The store smelled like weed, but it wasn’t overwhelming. I didn’t smoke, but Elise could if she wanted to.

“I heard you might have some stuff to help relax her.”

I could have found something in Sweetwater Hills, but I wanted to get out of there for a little bit.

I wanted us to have uninterrupted time, and whenever I went somewhere at home, somebody always wanted to talk.

Some people didn’t care if a person was busy or not; if they had something to say, then they would say it.

“It depends on what you are looking for. If you want weed that isn’t too strong, I recommend Rosewood.

My wife and I smoke it occasionally, but with two kids in the house, it’s hard.

” He chuckled. “It has a sweet smell that’s kind of like strawberries.

It’s enough to give you a little buzz but still be able to function.

If you want something to get you to the moon, we have a few strands that will do that too.

Or you could try CBD. We have everything you need.

Take a look around then decide. I’ll be here to answer any questions. ”

“Thanks,” I said then led Elise away.

We walked around looking at the multiple display cases around the store.

“I didn’t know it was so many different weeds and stuff,” Elise mentioned as we stood in front of a display case. “And they have candy and stuff too. I smoked weed before in college, but this is overwhelming.” She giggled.

“You don’t have to get anything if you don’t want to.”

I made sure to let her know I wasn’t forcing anything on her. I just wanted her to have a little escape if she wanted to.

“Oh, I’m going to get something because I’m tired of feeling depressed and sad. I know it isn’t a cure, but it won’t hurt to have a break sometimes.”

“Get whatever you want.”

Once she decided on everything she wanted, we went back to the front counter to tell the owner.

He bagged everything up for us and even threw in a few extras.

I wasn’t sure if Elise would use it all, but she had a nice supply to last her for a while.

I might have to try some of it myself as long as I had a couple of days off when I did it.

It wasn’t like I got drug tested but still.

I had to always be alert whenever I worked.

“Janae is not going to believe this!” Elise exclaimed when we went outside.

“Maybe she could smoke with you one day or try one of those edibles.”

“She might not. I think she and your brother are trying to get pregnant.” A look of sadness washed over her face.

“Hey.” I put a finger under her chin so she would look up at me. “Let’s go to that flower shop right there.”

I didn’t want her to slip back into her sad bubble, so I needed to distract her.

“Okay.”

I held her hand and carried her bag in my other hand then led her to the flower shop. It was right next door to the dispensary.

“The Bulb Connection. That’s a cute name.” Elise pointed out as I opened the door.

There was a cloud of smoke that greeted us when we entered.

“Oh shit, my bad. The door was supposed to be locked,” the guy behind the counter said, putting out whatever he had just smoked.

“Is this a bad time?” I asked as Elise walked around the flower shop.

The dude squirted hand sanitizer in his hand then sprayed air freshener. He then reached out to shake my hand.

“Nah, you good. I was supposed to open in a few minutes, but it’s all good. I’m Kamari by the way. I own the place,” he said as he smiled proudly.

I was surprised because I had never seen a male florist before, let alone own a flower shop.

He chuckled. “It was my mother’s,” he said as if he had read my thoughts. “People who aren’t from around here are usually surprised to see me, but this place is special to me. It’s also the place I met my wife. Shit, my bad. I’m just telling you all my business. What can I do for you two?”

Elise came from the table of flowers she looked at to stand beside me. I put my arm around her waist and pulled her close.

“Did you see anything you like?” I asked then kissed her temple.

Kamari watched us with a smile on his face.

“I saw multiple arrangements.”

My phone rang, so I excused myself to see who it was while they talked about the different flowers Elise looked at.

“Everything okay?” she asked, not caring about the conversation she had.

“Yeah.”

I left it at that because I didn’t want to lie to her.

“Did you decide which ones you wanted?”

“Yes. Kamari was just getting them together for me. There’s an arrangement I want to get for my sister and my mom. You should get your mom some too.”

By the time she was done picking out the flowers she wanted, I had to make multiple trips to the truck. It didn’t matter to me though. As long as she was smiling, I would make all the trips that were needed.

When we left the flower shop, we walked down the street and found a diner to have lunch. We were seated a few minutes after we arrived and ordered our food.

“Are you enjoying yourself so far?” I asked while we waited for our drinks.

She smiled widely. “I am. Thank you so much for getting me out of the house because I was going to end up driving myself crazy if I continued to stare at the four walls.”

She tried to laugh it off, but I knew she meant it. I reached over the table and grabbed her hand.

“If you ever feel like you need to get out of the house, don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

“Anywhere?”

“Yes. Anywhere. If you want to go to the moon, just let me know ahead of time so I can find someone to cover my shift.”

Her laughter filled the air as she covered her mouth with her free hand. This was the Elise I was used to and the one I missed—the silly one who laughed at my corny jokes.

A playful grin spread across her face. “Can we go tomorrow then?”

“Any time you are ready.” I winked, and she blushed.

A minute later, the waitress came over with our drinks and food. I wanted to complain because we should have gotten our drinks before the food, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Plus, the food had come out faster than I thought it would.

The rest of the day was filled with laughter, and it made me feel good. I wasn’t sure how long her happiness would last, but I would enjoy her for as long as I could.