Page 6 of Not Afraid to Trust Again

“No. No. Please, let me go. Please stop.”

“Elise, Elise. Baby, wake up.”

I heard his voice, but it seemed so far away.

I looked around the room with my eyes bewildered, trying to figure out where I was. I jumped when I felt strong arms wrap around me. My breathing slowly returned to normal when I smelled Kyden’s cologne. I knew I was safe and not in that space I was in during my nightmare.

“Are you okay? I think you were having another nightmare.”

I inhaled deeply and blew air through my nose. I closed my eyes and inhaled his cologne again because it somehow calmed me down. It was odd to me, but it worked. I rubbed his arm, which still held me close to his chest.

“I’m okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I knew I needed to. I felt like it would give him a better understanding of me and my past actions.

“What I’m about to tell you isn’t easy, and I need you to not say anything until I’m done. I haven’t even told my sister this story, so please don’t say anything.”

I wasn’t sure when I would tell my sister, but I wanted it to be on my terms. I trusted Kyden, so I didn’t think he would tell anyone, but I just wanted to reiterate that.

Kyden rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. “Your secret is safe with me.”

He released me and leaned against the headboard. I sat up and crossed my legs, facing him.

I tried doing anything to distract myself from looking at him, so I rubbed my hand back and forth over the sheet.

“Take your time,” Kyden encouraged as he rubbed my knee.

The room was completely silent while he waited for me to speak. I squared my shoulders and closed my eyes because I didn’t think I could get through the story with the way Kyden looked at me.

“When I was in college, I dated this guy. He was sweet and all that other shit until he wasn’t.

One day, we were at a party, and I had been drinking.

My boyfriend was there, and we were having a good time.

At some point, I was all over him.” I opened my eyes, and he stared at me, so I closed my eyes again and continued.

“I’ll just say when he tried to take things further, I didn’t want to, and he ended up assaulting me. ”

When I opened my eyes, I noticed Kyden’s eyes had darkened as he clenched his jaw.

He tossed his head back and let out a deep breath. Without him saying a word, I knew his thoughts weren’t good. It was written all over his face.

“What do you mean assaulted you, Elise? Did he . . .” He shook his head like he didn’t want to finish the second question.

My words were lodged in my throat as hot tears rolled down my cheeks, so I nodded.

Without a word, Kyden pulled me into his arms and hugged me. His hands ran up and down my back as I sobbed and released what I’d been holding on to.

“Get it all out,” he whispered in my ear. “Let all of that hurt go. You are safe now, and as long as I’m around, you will continue to be safe.”

I continued to cry into his chest. It had been a long time since I had such a cleansing cry because I tried to push the incident out of my mind as much as I could.

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but by the time I’d gotten it together, I was tired. I was tired of crying and tired of living with that secret. I prayed that I would finally start to heal from that.

“Do you know where he is now? And I’m assuming you never told the police or even campus security.”

“I don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him since college, and no, I didn’t tell them. I just wanted to put it all behind me.”

Kyden put his hands on the sides of my face.

“That didn’t work for you, though, baby. To this day, you are having nightmares about it. I’m kind of glad you didn’t, though, because if I ever find him, I’m killing him.” He pecked my lips like what he said was normal.

I didn’t want to believe he would do such a thing, but the look on his face let me know he was dead serious.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, and trust me, I won’t bring it up again. If you ever want to talk about it again, I’m here to listen. I suggest you go to therapy about it. You need to heal, baby, from all of it.”

He kissed me again. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times, and something in his eyes told me he had to tell me something.

“I did go to therapy, but maybe I need to go back.”

“I think that’s a great idea, and don’t put it off.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

“I won’t.”

It was time for me to fully heal from this, especially with a baby on the way. The rest of the day was spent with Kyden and me relaxing.

I took Kyden’s advice and called my therapist and had a couple of sessions since then. My therapist also suggested attending a support group. I’d like to think therapy and the support group helped, because I hadn’t had nightmares since I started, and that was a win in my book.

Kyden and I had been spending more time together, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Since I shared my secret with him, he made space for me in his closet and gave me two of his drawers.

The only thing I had at his place were some scrubs and sweat suits since that was all I wore.

I purchased all new socks and undergarments to keep over there.

I had gotten toiletries to keep over there as well, and now, my stuff occupied one side of his dual vanity.

That day when he handcuffed me, I almost told him no.

Since I was still able to move my arms, I let him do it, and I enjoyed it.

Maybe next time, I would let him handcuff me to the bed.

I knew Kyden was into some other shit, but I was afraid to explore those things with him.

The more I learned to trust him, the more I wanted to let my guard down.

I spent the night at his house after my last therapy session, and I just wanted to be comforted by him. I was never the needy type, but this baby had me wanting to live in Kyden’s skin, and he was the same way whenever he was home.

It was early in the morning, and we’d been resting in his bed, cuddling, and talking. Kyden kissed my cheek then asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I have some stuff planned for us today if you are down,” he said as he got out of bed.

“What do you have in mind?”

I sat up, and a smile spread across my face when I noticed the ginger ale and crackers. I picked up a cracker and took a bite.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I wasn’t sure if you would need them or not, but I wanted you to have them just in case. And we are going to the strawberry farm.”

I smiled because I had mentioned to him before about going to the strawberry farm, but we hadn’t gotten around to it since I had been ducking and dodging him.

I was happy to know he paid attention. I was so nervous about being in a relationship before, but Kyden made it easy to be in one with him.

I knew things wouldn’t be perfect, but I hadn’t had any complaints yet.

“Yes! I would love to go to the strawberry farm.”

Kyden chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. “I know. That’s why we are going. Get yourself together while I make us breakfast.”

A sudden flush of warmth spread from my pussy through the rest of my body when he licked his lips as I removed the sheet from my naked body.

I poked my lips out and put my head down. “You don’t want to shower with me?”

I stared at his dick when it jumped.

Kyden chuckled. “As enticing as that sounds, I will have to decline. My baby needs to eat, and we need to get out of here before we don’t make it. I’ve held you hostage in my bed long enough.”

On cue, my stomach growled, and Kyden lifted an eyebrow. I giggled and stood. Closing the space between us, he groaned when I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his chest.

“Kanae, you’re testing my strength, baby.” The firm tone of his voice turned me on, but I stepped back and headed to the bathroom.

“Damn vixen.” I heard him whisper right before I closed the bathroom door. I liked messing with him sometimes, especially when he made me pay for it in the bedroom.

I turned the shower on and let it warm up while I used the bathroom. When I was done, I got in the shower and thought about what I could wear for the day. It was a little chilly, so I would put on some joggers and a sweatshirt.

My mouth watered as I thought about all the strawberries I would pick at the farm. I couldn’t wait.

“It’s a good thing we came when we did because the strawberries will be out of season soon,” Kyden said as we walked through the strawberry farm.

We picked two buckets of strawberries and tried a few different strawberry things, like a cake, ice cream, and popcorn.

“I know. I would have been so sad if I couldn’t get any.”

“You’re just as bad as your sister is with apples.” Kyden laughed.

My sister was obsessed as a kid with apples.

“I think it’s your baby,” I told him. I’ve always loved strawberries, but it seemed as though I wanted them more now.

“Don’t be one of those people, Elise, always talking about it’s the baby.” His lips quirked into a playful smile.

“Whatever. It did seem like everything started happening faster after it was confirmed.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you start showing soon. You are a little already, but it’s probably because I studied your body like it was the police academy test.”

I looked down. “For real?”

I placed my hand over my stomach but couldn’t feel much.

“Yes, but it’s very subtle.” Kyden kissed the side of the mouth. “Don’t worry about it.”

We continued walking through the field, but we hadn’t picked any more strawberries. I had enough to last a little while as long as they didn’t go bad. I would probably freeze some of them since I wouldn’t be able to get any more until they were back in season.

“I know. Ooh, they have strawberry funnel cakes over there.”

I practically dragged Kyden over to the food truck that advertised its funnel cakes. The pictures on the side of the truck made my mouth water. I hoped they tasted as good as they looked.