Page 10 of Not Afraid to Trust Again

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, but I couldn’t see who it was because I was in the middle of a traffic stop.

It had gone off more than once, so it must have been important.

My first thought was Kanae or my brother.

I prayed that whatever it was wasn’t too critical.

I would find out as soon as I was finished.

“I’m just going to issue you a warning but slow down the next time you come through here.”

Typically, I gave out tickets to people who sped through here, but sometimes, I gave visitors a pass because they didn’t always know how quickly the speed limit changed around these parts.

One minute, the speed limit was sixty-five, then suddenly, it changed to forty-five. Plus, I was in a good mood.

“Yes, officer. Are you single?” the woman asked.

“No, ma’am. Have a nice day.” I tapped the hood of her car and walked away.

I didn’t give her an opportunity to say anything else because I wasn’t interested. Things with Kanae had been going well, and I wasn’t trying to mess that up with some random passing through town. She wasn’t the first woman to try, and she wouldn’t be the last.

As soon as I returned to my patrol car, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I frowned when I noticed the multiple missed calls from Kanae. She never called back to back like that. I checked for a text message or voicemail from her, but there were none.

My heart palpitated as I dialed her number.

I had an empty feeling in my stomach when it went straight to voicemail.

I tried again and got the same result. Something in my gut told me something had gone wrong, but before I panicked, I went to look for her.

I knew she had to work, so I made a U-turn in the middle of the street to head to the pharmacy. I parked out front and headed inside.

“Hey, sheriff. Can I help you with something?” Kia asked as I approached the counter.

“I’m looking for Kanae. Is she here?”

“No. I think she left.”

My brows wrinkled. It was strange for her to leave early, but I didn’t ask any more questions because I knew Kanae wouldn’t have told Kia anything personal.

“Thanks.”

I walked out and headed to my car. Multiple things ran through my mind, but I still didn’t let myself panic. Maybe she had some morning sickness, so she went home to relax. That was the only place she could be, so I headed there.

As I drove to her place, I tried calling again, but it still went to voicemail.

I wanted to think she forgot to charge it, or she turned it off to get some rest. I wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t just say that in a message or something, but maybe she forgot.

I tried not to let my thoughts go too far off the deep end, but it was getting harder the longer I couldn’t reach her.

When I arrived at her house, I didn’t see her car, but that didn’t stop me from getting out of the car and knocking on her door. My knocks went unanswered, and I didn’t see anything unusual when I peeked through her window. Not knowing what else to do, I sat on the porch and called my brother.

“What’s up?” He answered on the third ring.

“Hey, Bro. I know you are probably busy, but have you seen or heard from Elise?”

“Janae called and said she had to go to the pharmacy to pick her up. She said she was taking her to the hospital but didn’t tell me why.”

My blood boiled, but I was also worried as hell. What would make her go to the hospital and not be able to drive herself? Fuck! Was she calling me to take her and I didn’t answer?

“What? And you didn’t think to call me?”

I was pissed at my brother for not saying anything. If he had called, it would have saved me time from driving all over town looking for her.

“I’m going to let your anger slide because I know it’s misdirected.

I didn’t call you because I assumed Kanae would have called you.

If it were something that serious, Janae would have called you.

Instead of you being pissed at me, maybe you need to drive to the hospital and find out what’s going on for yourself. ”

I looked at the phone when I heard it hang up. Kaleb wasn’t one to hang up on people, especially me, but I pissed him off, and I couldn’t blame him for being mad. I would have to apologize to him later.

I put my phone back in my pocket and walked to my car. The hospital was only ten minutes away, but I put my police lights on and sped as fast as I could until I got there.

My thoughts were all over the place as I drove. I even tried calling again, knowing the outcome. As soon as I arrived, I parked in the front and rushed inside.

“Sheriff Mills, can I help you?” the receptionist asked when I made it to the front desk.

“I’m looking for Kanae Tate. I’m not sure if she’s in the emergency room or what.”

While she tapped on her keyboard, I rubbed the top of my head and paced the short distance in front of her desk. I wanted to tell her to hurry up, but that would be rude to rush her.

After less than a minute, she looked up. “Sheriff, it looks like she’s in room 112.”

“Thank you.”

I walked through the double doors to find her room. I guess it was a good thing she wasn’t on the maternity floor, but that still didn’t stop me from worrying until I could lay eyes on her. Before I reached the room, I spotted Janae in the hallway.

“Janae.”

She stopped and turned around.

“Hey, Kyden.”

Her flat tone made my heart drop to my feet. It was a stark contrast from the typically cheerful person she usually was.

“What’s going on? Kanae called me, but I couldn’t answer. Is she okay? Is the baby okay?”

As far as I knew, Elise hadn’t told her about the baby, but that didn’t stop the question from flying out of my mouth. I was firing off questions, but the look on her face didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t look like she was crying, but there was something wrong.

“I think you need to go in and see her. I’ll walk you to her room, but I’ll give you some time to talk.”

“Why can’t you say what’s happening?” We were only mere feet from the room, but my anxiety got the best of me.

Every room in the emergency department had doors instead of curtains, so we weren’t disturbing any other patients.

“Just let her tell you, Kyden.” She rubbed my arm and went to sit in one of the chairs in the hallway.

My heart thumped against my chest as I stared at the closed door. I said a silent prayer before tapping gently on the door. I didn’t hear her tell me to come in, but I opened the door anyway. I slowly entered the room, and Kanae was lying on her side.

“Elise,” I called out as I walked further into the room.

She didn’t answer, so I wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not. I heard her sniffle when I moved closer.

“Elise, baby, I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your calls. What happened?” I sat on the edge of the bed.

I wasn’t prepared for the red, puffy eyes that looked up at me. Her eyes were still wet from the tears she’d been shedding.

I rubbed her shoulder as she lay on her side. “What happened?”

She didn’t say anything. She just sniffled as tears streamed down her freckled face.

After a minute or two had passed, she shook her arm, so my hand fell off her shoulder.

She scooted back in the bed and looked at me like I was the damn devil, and that shit tore me up.

I never wanted to be on the receiving end of her anger.

“You want to know what happened, Kyden? I’ll tell you what happened. I lost our baby, and you were nowhere to be found. I had to do this shit all alone!” She shouted so loud I was sure Janae and everyone else in the hallway heard her.

If I hadn’t already sat down, I may have fallen to the floor. My body went numb as tears filled my eyes. Our baby was gone, and she had to endure it alone. Our baby was gone .

I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

I reached out and pulled her into my arms. Her loud wails caused a lump to form in my throat as my eyes watered.

I held her as her body shook against me.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. The baby was gone, and Elise was hurt.

Hell, I was hurt, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I didn’t know what to say or what to do besides hold her.

I wasn’t sure how to comfort her because I didn’t know how to comfort myself.

After a few minutes of our silent cries, she pushed me away and moved as far away from me as the bed allowed her.

“Fuck your sorry, Kyden. My baby is gone, and I fucking hate you. I called you over and over again, and you couldn’t answer the phone. Probably was doing God knows what.”

My eyes bucked, and I tried to reach out and touch her again, but she slapped my hand away.

“I was working, Elise. That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter now. The baby is gone, so we can call this shit quits.”

More tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. Elise looked at me like she hated me, and I felt numb all over. She must have lost her mind if she thought this shit with us was over.

“Goodbye, Kyden.”

“Elise, we are in this together. There is no leaving.” My voice cracked as more tears fell.

She sucked her teeth and scoffed. “We ain’t in shit together. My baby is gone, and I don’t want anything else to do with you.”

Her harsh tone made me flinch. She said my baby like it wasn’t mine too. My heart felt like it was being crushed into a million pieces.

“Elise, I?—”

“Get out.”

My shoulders fell, and my chest caved in. I’d never seen her so hurt before. I understood her pain, but shit, that hurt me too.

“But—” I tried talking again, but she cut me off.

“Get out!”

I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was, so I would give her space for the moment, but this thing wasn’t over. I stood by the side of the bed and moved closer.

“You aren’t in this alone, Elise. You know how to find me when you are ready to talk.” I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “But remember, this thing ain’t over between us.”

I turned and walked away. I thought she would call my name or something as I walked toward the door, but she didn’t do anything.

The only thing I heard was her sniffling.

I had the urge to go back over to her and hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay, but I knew it wouldn’t work.

I was public enemy number one to her, but I knew her anger was misplaced.

Once she calmed down and realized it wasn’t my fault, she would reach out.

Whenever that time came, I would be there with open arms.

I gave her one last look before I opened the door, and all she did was roll her eyes, turn her head, and stare out the window.

“I love you, Elise.” I opened the door and walked out.

She didn’t even return the sentiment, but I knew she loved me. It didn’t just go away when someone was mad. It felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on me as I let the door close behind me. This couldn’t and wouldn’t be the end for us.

“I’m so sorry, Ky,” Janae said when she looked up.

“Thanks, sis. And thank you for making sure she was taken care of. I regret that I didn’t answer the phone, but I was in the middle of a traffic stop, and I had no idea that was why she called.”

I mentally kicked my ass since I walked through the door, even before I found out what happened. It was just the fact that I wasn’t available when she needed me. The outcome would have been the same whether I answered or not, but I should have been there beside her.

“You can’t blame yourself. Things like this happen, and we may never know why. Give her some time. I’m sure she’ll come around.” She offered a small smile and rubbed my arm.

“I hope so because I’m not letting her go.” And I meant that shit. I wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.

“I’m sure she knows that too. Sorry for your loss. The doctor said she can go home, so I’ll text you when I get her settled.”

“Thanks.”

Janae went back into the room while I walked toward the exit.

I wasn’t sure how I would function for the rest of the day.

I held my head down as I walked to my car.

My eyes were red from crying, and my heart was heavy.

Instead of returning to work, I went home.

If something important happened, they could call my phone, but other than an emergency, I didn’t want to be reached.

As I drove home, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that our baby no longer existed. From the moment I found out about the baby, I loved him or her, and to know we would never meet fucked me up. My world had been rocked, and I wasn’t sure how we would come back from this.