Page 86 of Loving Wild

I stand and quickly open the front door. Gabe has his back to me but spins instantly to face my way.

“Ren,” he whispers as he steps forward.

He hasn’t shaved, has dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, stains down the front of the creased T-shirt he’s wearing, and he’s barefoot.

I thought I’d spent the week falling apart, but fuck me, he’s a mess.

I hold my hand up to stop him from coming any closer.

“What the fuck have you done to yourself?” I ask.

“He’s been drunk for a fucking week,” Cooper says as he steps beside Gabe. “We didn’t know anything about this,” he gestures between Gabe and me. “He hasn’t been to work all week, just called in sick Monday, said it was some kind of bug, and apart from a couple of short replies to texts we’ve sent to check-in, that’s the last we heard from him till Dani went to his place this morning.”

My eyes move from Coop to watch Gabe concentrate on tracing the grout lines in the paving slabs with his toe. His hands are buried in the front pockets of his jeans, which are hanging low on his hips.

“Have you been eating?” I ask.

His blue eyes come up to meet mine, and he shrugs.

I’m so torn at that moment. I want to go to him, for all this to be over, but we’ve resolved nothing, and right now, Gabe looks like he needs a shower, a shave, something to eat, and a good night’s sleep more than he needs to have a deep and meaningful with me.

“Go home, Gabe,” I tell him quietly. “Take the weekend to sort yourself out, and I’ll come home Sunday. I just need a bit more time, and I’ll be home.”

He starts to shake his head before I finish.

“Come home with me now. I can shower, eat, and sleep with you.”

“No,” I tell him with a headshake, the word killing me inside to say out loud. “I need some more time. We need to talk, and we can’t do that with you in this state.”

“It’s too quiet, Ren, I can’t go back to that house without you. That’s why I never went to work. I didn’t want to leave and come back to that empty fucking silence.”

I breathe heavily out of both my nose and mouth as a sob escapes—his words knocking the wind right out of me.

“Come to ours, come and stay with Jess and me for a couple of days. It’s just till Sunday, Gabe, then like Lauren said, she’ll be home,” Cooper tells him, but again, with eyes on me, Gabe shakes his head.

“Don’t do this, Ren, don’t do this to us.”

“We’ve got issues that haven’t gone anywhere just because we’ve been apart, Gabe. We both need to sit down with a clear head and work through them. We need to talk, and we need to listen, and I don’t think that’ll happen if I come home right now.”

I trynotto use a patronising or condescending tone with him, and think I’ve succeeded until Coop puts his hand on Gabe’s shoulder.

“Come home with me . . .”

“Get your fucking hands off me . . .”

Gabe whirls on Coop as he speaks, using both hands to push his brother away from him.

“You all think you know better, know what’s best for me. Well, fuck you, and fuck you . . .” he points at Coop, then at me. “Don’t fucking bother coming back Sunday. You said we were survivors, well, I survived what that other bitch did to me, so I’m sure I can get the fuck over you.”

He leans forward and stabs his finger my way as he talks, and although he doesn’t physically make contact, once again, I feel the blow of his words, and I’m knocked backwards by them.

Gabe turns his back on me, rakes his fingers through his messy dark hair, then grips it in his hands as he tilts his head back and screams, “Fuuuuuuuck!” at the sky.

I don’t even see Dani pull up on the drive, but she’s suddenly there, moving towards Gabe. Coop’s arm shoots out and holds her back as Gabe moves towards his truck and punches the driver’s side window before kicking at the wing above the wheel arch, and the driver’s door with his bare foot.

I cover my face with my hands but watch Gabe’s meltdown between my spread fingers.

This is all my fault. I’ve caused this.