Page 6

Story: Let Me

Acropolis.

That’s where I’m supposed to be meeting him.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having second thoughts.

Riley thinks I should go, but she’s just desperate to get me boo’d up with somebody.

Me, I’m not desperate. I know myself – know that I have plenty of love to give and when God sees fit to send me a man to drown with that love, I’m perfectly fine with waiting.

But, I already told Judah I’d meet him and I’m a woman of my word.

So, here I am, pulling up in the crowded parking lot, shutting off my car and making my way toward the entrance.

When I enter, I see Judah sitting at a table in the center of the restaurant.

I take a moment to observe him. He’s just sitting there all statuesque, staring like he’s in another world.

He is in another world. I can already tell that by the people he surrounds himself with and the way he talks to me.

His voice is uniquely deep, yet calm. He hardly ever smiles and when he does, it’s so pinched, he may as well not even try.

I walk over to the table, pull out a chair and when he senses my presence, he stands and says, “My apologies. I didn’t see you walk in.”

“I know. You were too busy daydreaming.”

“I tend to do that a lot,” he says with his hand on the back of my chair.

When I sit down, he returns to his seat and looks at me with those glistening honey brown eyes of his. Behind them, there’s a story I’m not yet privy to.

I see confusion.

I see pain.

I see hope.

I see… love .

He has a lot to offer a woman – a relationship – but he’d rather settle for friendship.

I’m glad I know that about him because, even though we’re out to dinner, I know that this – whatever this is – is like an electric car with no charge stranded beside the road.

It ain’t going nowhere. Moriah, Luna, and Tabitha already schooled me about him.

He wants me to be another one of his lil’ friends. I’ve prepared myself for it.

Actually, I see nothing wrong with us being friends. I’m a woman of deep faith and I’m waiting for God. If this ain’t the one he wants me to be with, then friendship is just fine.

So, that’s where I am – what I’ve settled into. I’m having dinner – pizza – with my new friend , Judah, with his handsome self.

“What’s your last name?” I ask.

“Westinghouse. I didn’t tell you that before?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“I take it you know mine since you also know where I work now.”

“Yes, I do, but only because I saw it on one of your business cards in the card slot of your phone case on Saturday.”

“You pay attention to everything, huh?”

“I just notice things other people usually don’t.”

“Let’s test that theory. What have you noticed about me that most people wouldn’t?”

“You have those beautiful freckles on your face that you try to hide with makeup.”

I rummage through my purse to find my mirror. I open it and look at my face. I don’t see my freckles. I carefully applied makeup this evening to hide them.

I look up at him and ask, “How did you—?”

“I saw them on Friday.”

Oh, shoot…my makeup had probably worn off by then.

“Good evening, folks,” the waitress says, leaving a colossal-sized menu on the table and then asks, “What can I get you to drink?’

“I’ll have a sweet tea,” I say.

“Water for me, please,” Judah responds.

The waitress leaves us.

Picking right back up where we left off, I say, “It’s not that I’m trying to hide them. It’s just the fact that they’re always a topic of conversation for people, even strangers, and I don’t like talking about them constantly.”

“They’re beautiful. They remind me of when I’m staring up into the night sky and looking at constellations of stars. I get lost doing that—taken into another world where I want to stay forever.”

“Well, thank you. I’ve never had anyone describe them so beautifully.”

“You’re welcome.”

I pick up the menu.

He asks, “Have you ever been here?”

“Yes, several times. I love this place.”

“Have you ever tried the stromboli?”

“No. I’ve only gotten the pizza.”

“Then might I suggest you get the stromboli this time? It’s one of those food experiences that are once in a lifetime.”

“That good, huh?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.”

“I believe that.”

He looks up and a smile slowly graces his handsome face as if he’s pleased. An actual smile. I must be doing something right.

We order pepperoni and sausage strombolis and sip our drinks as we wait for food to arrive. The silence between us is awkward, but we hardly know each other so conversation doesn’t flow as readily as I’m sure we’d both like.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes,” I say eagerly. I’ll take just about anything right now to cut into the silent nervous tension.

“When I told you I was a bagger, did you immediately think less of me?”

“Think less of you? Of course not. I’m not the kind of person to look down on anyone. A job is a job.”

“I see,” he says, still examining me.

“Why do you ask? If you feel like I thought less of you, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s something I face all the time once people find out what I do.”

“I mean, how? What do they say?”

“You remember my friend, Nico?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“He seems to think I’m wasting my talent by doing something so— how did he put it? —mediocre.”

“What do you think?”

“I think I’m doing the best I can.”

“That’s all we can do, Judah. If you’re doing the best you can, what other option is there?”

The food arrives and I’m grateful because I’m also starving. I had a small salad for lunch and water for a snack. Now, I’m about to tear into this stromboli like it’s my last meal.

After the first bite, I’m in love. I never knew food could make me moan, but here I am, moaning and helpless to control it.

“Good, right?”

“Oh my! It’s amazing!”

“It is, but let’s not get carried away.”

I chuckle. “I just moaned. It’s a little too late for that.”

I watch as he bites into his. Shaking his head, he says, “Mmm, mmm, mmm. This should be illegal.”

“I’m glad it’s not, or I’d be facing several charges.”

He laughs.

So do I.

This feels nice and friendly , but sometimes the way he looks at me says something else. Or maybe I want it to say something else. That’s probably what it is.

Just have fun with the guy, Autumn, and stop trying to make it something that it’s not. You already know where he stands when it comes to relationships. He doesn’t want that. He wants friends. So, just be that.

He says, “I want to tell you something.”

“Okay. Tell me something.”

“I don’t usually share this with people. In fact, there are only a few that know.”

“Wait—are you sure you want to tell me ? I haven’t known you very long.”

“I know.”

“Then—”

“I feel like I can trust you,” he cuts me off to say. He takes a deep breath, releases it slowly, and says, “I’m dying.”

I frown. The room stills. Everything goes silent except the ringing I hear in my ears. Did I hear him correctly?

“What’d you say?”

“I said I’m dying.”

“Judah, that’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t meant to be.”

“You’re not dying.”

“I am. I have brain cancer,” he says flatly. Point-blank. There’s no sadness in his voice. No pause. He just laid it bare, handing me something that I’m not ready to take.

“No.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” he piles on.

“Judah…” I place a hand over my heart, feeling a pain in my chest at his admission. Cancer. Who wants to hear that? The news must’ve hit him hard. I can’t even imagine what would go through a person’s mind after that.

He says, “I’m sorry to spring this on you. I probably shouldn’t have.”

“I’m—I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah,” he says, then takes another bite of his stromboli as if what he’s told me doesn’t bother him at all. Maybe it doesn’t. He’s been living with this. It’s a shock to me because I’m just finding out.

“Say something,” he urges, wiping his mouth as he chews.

Conflicted and flabbergasted, I ask, “What am I supposed to say?”

“Something. Anything. I see the thoughts swirling in your head.”

“Yeah…I’m trying to process this.”

“I get that, I do, but I want you to say something.”

I look over at him, completely befuddled about what he’s asking of me. I ask, “What exactly am I supposed to say?”

“Say what you’re thinking right now.”

“I’m thinking that this can’t be real. If it is, life is unfair. You don’t deserve this. And…um…you look fine. You don’t look like a person who has health issues. I—um…”

I pause and reflect on what the women told me at the campfire. Putting the pieces together, I guess what they overheard turned out to be true. He does have cancer and that’s probably the reason he doesn’t date and prefers to friend-zone the women he meets. Their assumptions were spot on.

My God…

I get up from my chair, step over to him, and wrap my arms around his neck, feeling his warmth and coldness at the same time.

He makes no attempt to accept my embrace – to return my hug.

His arms remain by his side as he sits here as motionless as he was when I first walked into this restaurant and saw him in a daze.

But I squeeze and hold on to him like this is the last time I’ll see him because I know he hasn’t come to terms with the diagnosis.

That’s why there was no emotion behind his words when he told me.

Returning to my seat, I sit and push my plate away. My appetite has left the building. I don’t care how good the food is. I know I won’t be able to eat another bite right now.

I look up at him, feeling a tear roll down my face. He’s still eating like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Meanwhile, my poor, little heart is breaking for him.

“Why are you crying?” he asks. “You don’t know me.”

“It’s just—it’s jarring to hear. I—I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you tell me?” I ask, rubbing the tear away from my face.

“Would you rather I hadn’t?” he asks and takes another bite.

“Um—honestly, I don’t know.”

“I told you because I know I can trust you. And, I felt like you needed to know.”

“Did you tell Moriah, Luna, and Tabitha?”

“No.”

“I think they may have overheard you telling Nico something about it.”

“I know.”

Another tear slides down my face.

“Stop crying,” he says.

“I’m sorry.” I take a deep inhale and release it. “This is a lot.”

“I know. I had no intention of telling you this so soon. It just—I felt like I needed to. I probably shouldn’t have.”

I sniffle and say, “It’s okay. I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me. I just—I wish there was something I could do.”

“There is.”

“What’s that?”

“Just be a listening ear. A friend.”

And there it is. Now, I’m officially one of the crew – his friend – and you know what? I don’t mind it.

Happily, I say, “I can definitely do that.”

A smile dances across his lips before he responds, “Good. I need all the friends I can get.”

I box up my leftovers and then he walks with me outside and to my car.

“Thank you,” he tells me as we stop next to my driver’s side.

“For what?” I ask, looking up at him. He’s well over six feet. I feel so short next to him.

“First, for sharing a meal with me. Second, for being a listening ear. Third, just for being you.”

I flirted with the idea of smiling, but instead of offering him a full-on smile, I bite it back and say, “You’re thanking me for being me?”

“Yes. You have a presence about yourself that calms me.”

“Then, the next time I hug you, try hugging me back and maybe you’ll feel even more of that presence.”

I step forward and close my arms around his body, squeezing with everything I have.

That’s when I feel his arms around me. Finally.

He’s not stoic this time. He’s expressing, squeezing me just as tightly as I have him locked in.

I close my eyes and allow the sensation to engulf me.

I surrender to his warmth, letting the feeling settle deep into my chest. And he talks about how my presence makes him feel…

His is just as addictive. It’s incomparable to any kind of affection I’ve ever felt before. Soul to soul, we stand in this embrace as the world turns. As the verge of dusk looms above our heads. As I hear his heart slamming against his rib cage. At this moment, we’re the only people who exist.

I don’t want to pull away. I want to stay here. I want him to know that everything is going to be okay. And I know it’s intrusive, but I want to know everything about his diagnosis. When was he diagnosed? How did he find out? What did his treatment entail? Does he have a family history of cancer?

I release him slowly and say, “I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“I hope you do the same, Autumn.”

“And, you can call me anytime, Judah, you know, if you want to talk or anything.”

“Don’t forget you said that.”

“I won’t, and I mean it. Call me.”

“I will,” he confirms.

I move to get into my car. He tries to reach ahead of me for the handle, but I beat him to it. Still, he holds the door and once I get inside, he closes it and throws up his hand briefly.

I start my car and drive away with tears rolling down my face. I’m a mess for a man I hardly know. I hate that he has to go through this. I feel helpless. That sour feeling in my stomach hasn’t let up and I don’t think it will anytime soon.

It’s close to eight when I arrive at Riley’s house. I couldn’t go home after this. I had to talk to somebody. When I tell her the news, she’s in just as much shock as I am.

“Dang. That’s crazy. Like, who would’ve ever thought?”

“Yeah. I was in tears when he told me. It’s just so…I don’t know. It didn’t sit right with me. Like, I understand life is not fair, you know, but this?”

I sigh, completely at a loss for words. I throw my head back angling it toward the ceiling and close my eyes.

“Well, at least you know. Ay, that’s probably why he’s on that friend thing,” she says, reaching the same conclusion I came up with. “He doesn’t want a relationship because…wow. Oh my God. This is so sad. I feel so sorry for him.”

“Me, too.”

Riley shakes her head again and then asks, “So, what are you going to do?”

“I feel like I should be there for him. No, I want to be there for him. It must be a terrible feeling. I couldn’t imagine waking up every day knowing that I was living with cancer.”

“Girl, let me go get us a drink. You’re going to have me crying, and I don’t even know the man.”

“No,” I say, standing. “I just stopped by real quick to tell you that. I have to get home so I can get ready for work tomorrow.”

“Aw…come here,” she says, pulling me into her embrace. “Everything is going to be alright.”

“I know. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, though.”

“But it is. My concern is, if you’re sure you can handle a friendship with him.”

“I can. I think I need to, Riley. It’s the weirdest feeling, but I don’t want to not have him in my life somehow.”

“Then go with your gut. I’ve always believed that people come into our lives for a reason.”

“Yeah, me too. I’ll see you later, girl.”

“Okay.”