Page 10

I chuckle. “No, and fyi, if it doesn’t involve the galaxy, stars and planets, Luna isn’t interested.”

I laugh and say, “Yeah. I caught that vibe from her. She’s sweet, though.”

“They all are, but I only do group activities with them. It’s never one-on-one like this.”

Autumn eats more of her sandwich, but I can see her thinking, processing my every word. The boat creaks as we gently rock up and down.

She says, “I’m curious though—why didn’t you tell them about your diagnosis?”

“Because I only let people in my personal life who my heart tells me to trust.”

“And how does your heart know you can trust me?”

I look at her, finding her eyes piercing through my soul.

I use the occasion to stare deeply into hers and say, “I feel it when I’m with you and, no, I haven’t done anything like this with the women in my circle.

In fact, since my ex-fiancée told me to my face she couldn’t love a man who was dying despite the fact that we were together for three years prior to my diagnosis, I purposely haven’t gotten close enough to anyone to have something like that happen to me again. ”

“Well, that’s not fair.”

“Which part? The part about her leaving me, or that I haven’t gotten close to anyone?”

“Both, but especially the last part. It’s not fair to yourself, or the woman who could, or may have already fallen for you.”

Already fallen…

I narrow my eyes at her loaded comment, trying to decipher if she’s speaking hypothetically, or if she’s talking about herself.

I respond, “It may not be fair, but neither is having cancer.”

“I know, but—” she pauses reflectively, looking around at the beautiful scenery. After gathering her thoughts, she continues, “We all have a limited amount of time, Judah. We have to do what we can with what we’ve got.”

“Agreed.”

We finish our sandwiches and conversation ceases.

I think she’s thinking about all of this – a conversation I hadn’t planned on having is ruining our time together.

I blow an even breath as I look out at the trees lining the shore, admiring the way they connect with the water.

The sun is relentless, beaming down upon us as midday approaches.

I glance over at Autumn, wondering if she’s going to say anything else to me, or if she’s completely turned off by our conversation.

“Autumn,” I say to get her attention.

She looks at me – doesn’t say a word, just looks as our boat moves with the water.

I say, “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to burden you with my issues.”

“It’s not a burden. I’m honored that you feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts with me.”

“Then why are you quiet?”

“I was just thinking.”

“About?” I ask with raised brows.

“How—um—you know what? It’s nothing.” She drinks a sip of lemonade and then asks, “What were your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Don’t have any. I’m just going to see where the day takes me. Hopefully, it will be somewhere with you.”

She smiles again.

I ask, “How does that sound?”

“It sounds amazing.”

“It does?”

“Yes. I like spending time with you.”

“The feeling is mutual, Autumn. I like spending time with you, too. Ay, speaking of—the crew is getting together tomorrow evening.”

“Where?”

“Commonplace Books.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a reader, too.”

“I am.”

“Of course you are.”

“What about you?”

“Yes, I enjoy reading, but like everything else, it’s a challenge to find time to actually do it.”

“Then we’ll get you back on track tomorrow. I’m going to pick out a book for you. The store closes at eight, so you’ll have time to get home and unwind before work Monday morning.”

“You got it all planned out, huh?”

I try to conceal the excitement building inside of me by constantly telling myself she’s like the others – just a friend – but I know that’s a lie. I can’t even stop staring at her lips long enough to remember what I’m supposed to be doing next. Oh, that’s right – getting dessert out of my bag.

I reach inside, take out two slices of strawberry cheesecake, and say, “Would you like some?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I take out some plastic forks and hand one to her.

“Thanks, Judah.”

“You’re welcome.”

She opens the container, taking a good amount on the fork. “Mmm. This is really good.”

I eat some as well.

She asks, “What did you go to college for?”

“Economics.”

“I take it you didn’t like it.”

“I did. It was a lot of learning and studying—long nights of staring at my computer and the work was never-ending. But, I’m pretty good at it.”

“I imagine you would be. My question is, if you’re good at it, why are you working at your parents’ store?”

“Because I like it.”

“You like it?”

“Yes. Do you know how many interesting people I meet in the course of the day? I met a woman a few days ago who teaches Braille. Never met anyone like that. She said she used to be a professor.”

She nods and says, “I get that you like meeting interesting people, Judah, but you didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t?”

“No. Economics is complicated. You studied it. You mastered it. You have a degree in it. Yet, you’re working as a bagger.”

“I um—” I frown a little, not wanting to answer her question. My answer isn’t logical. It’s why my father has a hard time with my decisions.

To keep it as vague as possible, I say, “That’s a question I could go on forever about and since it would put me in a different headspace I don’t want to get into it at the moment.

“Understood,” she says.

“I think it’s a good time to head back now.”

“Okay.”

A fter returning to the dock, we take off our life vests, leave them on the counter at the registration desk, and then we walk toward our cars.

I say, “So, have you had enough of me for one day?”

“I don’t think I could ever have enough of you, Judah.”

“Ah, getting me back with the compliments, I see.”

“No—it’s not about that. I really like being with you.

You’re a joy to be around. You appreciate people.

Life. The little things. The trees. Plants.

You don’t run across many people these days who enjoy these things—things that should be sacred.

Things that come from God. You do. I like that very much. ”

“I like that about you, too.”

We take more easy, unhurried steps until we reach the cars. Autumn asks, “Have you been to the nature center?”

“Yes, many times, but I’ll go for the one hundredth time if it means spending another second with you.”

She places both hands on her heart and looks at me. “I’m honored.”

Her expression caused a smile to ambush my face. No matter how much I try to withhold it from her, it pierces through. It’s the power she has.

“Okay, well, if you don’t have anything else planned, you wanna head over there?”

“Sure. Let’s do it.”

We disperse to our individual cars, and I trail her there. We immediately link up again as we enter. I pay for a couple of tickets and then we proceed to the exhibits.

While she’s in awe of things she’s probably seen a million times before, I admire her.

I see happiness in her eyes – the same happiness I feel in my heart.

It’s the kind of happiness I thought only came once in a lifetime, but here it is as present as the sun on this hot, summer day. It’s her. There’s no other explanation.

“Judah,” she says, reaching back for my hand like it’s second nature for her to do so. I accept her grasp and instantly I’m greeted by a feeling of home. Her hand in mine goes together like cheese and aged wine. How could I ever not have this? Have her?

“You good?” she asks with a quick glance over at me as I fall into stride beside her.

“Yes. I’m good.”

“Okay. You seem a little distracted. That’s why I asked.”

That’s because I am distracted. I’m distracted by your beauty. Your warm hand in mine. Your smile. Your humbleness. Your grace. I’m in awe that you know my struggles and yet, you still accept me for who I am.

“I’m okay,” I say, squeezing her hand gently. She looks at another exhibit with information on birds and says, “Ah, this is so nice.”

“What is? The birds?”

“No—well, yes, they are, too. I was talking about holding your hand.”

“Oh.” I want to release her hand. It’s useless for me to get accustomed to this feeling of closeness, knowing that it will be short-lived like everything else in my life.

“Did you hear me?”

I blink out of my trance and look at her. “Yes. I heard you.”

“If you heard me, what did I say?”

“You said you like holding my hand.”

“What did I say after that?”

I shrug. “I have no idea.”

“See!” She giggles. “You ain’t paying me no attention. I said you feel tense.”

I think I’m more nervous than tense. I’m not sure what I’m doing with Autumn or if I should be doing this at all. I’m enjoying myself so much, I’m not thinking about the consequences of my actions for both of us.

“I am a little tense,” I say, agreeing with her just because. “Maybe if you’d loosen the death grip you have on my hand...”

She cackles. “Oh, so it’s my fault.”

“It is.”

She slips her hand away from mine, much to my dismay, and asks, “Better?”

No .

I reach for her hand and say, “No one told you to release my hand.”

“Oh. I thought I was gripping you too tightly ,” she quips.

“You can hold on to me as tight as you want to, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart? Did I really just say that?

She’s all smiles as we head outside to cross the bridge.

“Hey, we should take a selfie.”

“I don’t like pictures,” I tell her.

“What? Why?”

“I just don’t.”

“As handsome as you are, you don’t like pictures? Stop the nonsense. Gimmie your phone?”

“Do you know how to take no for an answer?”

“I do, but not in this instance. Phone,” she demands with her hand out, waiting for me to hand it to her.

I take my phone out of my pocket, unlock it, and tap the camera. “You want me to take the picture, too?”

“Yeah. With those long arms, you should be able to get a good shot.”

I extend my right arm, getting into position to take the shot.

“Hey, I can take that for you,” a woman says.

“Oh, that would be great,” Autumn tells her.

I hand the lady my phone and step back to stand next to Autumn. She wraps both arms around me and then I look up and smile for the camera.

“There you go,” the lady says, handing the phone back to me. “I took a few shots so you could pick the best one.”

“Aw, thank you so much,” Autumn tells the woman.

“Yes, thank you,” I say.

“You’re welcome. Beautiful couple, by the way.”

“You hear that, Judah?” Autumn says. “She says we’re a beautiful couple.”

I stare down into her eyes, feeling myself drift into her soul. Blinking out of the trance, I take her hand again as we walk the rest of the bridge.