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We have plans to take a trip away, but with my new position, those plans had to be delayed. And instead of going to a fancy hotel for the weekend, Autumn said she wanted to be home with me, so that’s where we are.

Home.

We moved all of her things in last week and she’s still working on putting them where she wants them, but there’s no rush in that. She can take all the time she wants doing whatever she wants.

“We did it, sweetheart,” I say as we go inside.

“We did. Oh, I love this so much, Judah. I’m somebody’s wife. Little ol’ me…”

“Not just somebody’s wife. My wife.”

“Yes. Your wife,” she says, “And I always will be. Now, take this dress off me and carry me to the bedroom.”

“As you wish,” I say, unzipping her gown before picking her up and carrying her as she instructed. I lower her to the bed, thinking about how awkward this is for me being that I’m limited in what I can do with her, but it’s not like she’s not aware of that.

After removing my pants, shirt, vest and bowtie, I join her.

Lie with her.

Be with her.

Yet, I’m trying to grasp the idea of making love to a woman without having the proper tool to do that with. What must she think of me? Of our wedding night? Of—

“Judah.”

“Yes.”

She chuckles. “Do you want me to tell you everything to do?”

“No, but—I don’t want this to be weird.”

“It won’t be. Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

She moves to straddle me. Her hair falls around her face as she stares down into my eyes.

Then she lowers her face, her hair, her body and kisses me softly the way she always does.

She’s graceful with her movements, with her touch.

I close my eyes and connect with every spot on my body that her lips touch.

I feel them on my jaw, down my neck, on my ear and then my neck again. She whispers, “I think you’re nervous.”

I open my eyes and look at her. “I’m not. I’m just a bit anxious.”

“You don’t have to be.”

I don’t have to be, but I have good reason to. I push those reasons aside for now and watch her as she kisses me. I feel her lips on my neck again before she moves down to my chest. My heart beats rapidly. I close my eyes and attempt to contain the feeling.

“You smell good,” she says. “I love the way your skin smells. It smells like…comfort.”

Crawling back up to her, we’re breathing the exact same air when she says, “Judah.”

“Yes?” I answer, with my eyes still closed.

“What are you doing?”

My eyes spring open. “I’m enjoying this—enjoying my honeymoon night.”

“Are you sure?”

“Okay. You’ve asked me that one too many times.”

I quickly switch our positions so that she’s lying on the bed. Now, I’m the one hovering over her. Reading her. Watching her lick her lips as she connects her eyes to mine.

I say, “I’m fine. Do you believe me now?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good,” I tell her, then lower my lips to kiss hers again.

I can’t get enough of her lips. Her soft moans.

The way her hands feel on my back. Her eyes are heavy on me when I remove her bra and lower my mouth to her bosom.

She moans and jerks, trying her hardest to contain what shouldn’t be contained.

I ravage her softness with my mouth. She’s as sweet as candy.

I don’t know what came over me, but as soon as I saw her exposed to me, desire surged to my frontal lobe, immersing myself in this ecstasy. The way she moans is music to my ears.

She moves and writhes, releasing sounds I’ve never heard before. And when I slip my hand past the waistband of her panties to the apex of her thighs, she gasps and frowns like it’s completely foreign for her to be touched there. She grabs my wrist to stop me.

I look up at her and say, “Let me.”

“But, I don’t want you to—”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine,” I assure her.

“Judah, I don’t want this to be one-sided, so yes, I am worried about you.”

“Well, seeing as though I can’t perform, my satisfaction will come from seeing pleasure in your eyes. Feeling it in your body. Hearing it in your moans. I’m only concerned about you at the moment. Please.”

“Okay.”

I continue the exploration of her body, touching her in a way that makes her body vibrate. The warmness, the wetness against my fingers has me groaning, taking deep breaths and salivating.

She’s mine, I tell myself.

All mine.

“Mmm…Judah…”

“I like to hear you say my name like that. Say it again.”

“Judah…” she says and gasps. Her eyes close.

Her top row of teeth clamps down on her bottom lip.

I move my hand and slip beneath the covers.

Her hips buck off the bed right into my hands while I hold her hostage.

She squirms and moves. Moves and moans. She screams, flooding me with her ocean. I dive, swim and drown in it.

My baby…

“Judah!”

I crawl back up to see her face. To see the beauty of the sensation ravaging her body.

To see her panting and nearly out of breath.

The delight, the torture, the innocence – it’s all worthy of taking in and though I’m not physically able to connect with her, this is the next best thing.

I still feel a measure of pleasure, even with my inability to go through the motions.

I sink into the feeling. I’m just as drained as she is.

Maybe it’s my connection to her that gives me this internal feeling of elation.

I’ve never been more in tune with and connected to someone.

Never felt this level of desire burn inside of me.

Staring into her face right now, I feel it.

It’s potent. It’s magical. This woman is a part of me in ways that she’s not even aware of.

“How do you feel?” I ask, but her expression tells me everything I need to know.

“I feel good. How do you feel, Judah?”

“I feel like I’m on top of the world.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm, hmm.”

“Do you—you know—feel anything ?” she asks, panting.

“I do.”

“That must be confusing.”

“It is now that I have to deal with it. Before when I chose to be single, I didn’t need to have these feelings or these conversations.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s fine. I was just stating that. I’m glad you changed my mind about a lot of things, Mrs. Westinghouse.”

A smile blooms on her face like a flower opening after the morning dew. I pull her to my side. She rests her face right up under my chin and slides her leg in between mine.

And we rest, intertwined in each other’s limbs.