Page 25

Sitting across the table from Tyler, all I can think about is how Riley called him ‘EBT’ fine.

It’s the reason for my smiles, though he thinks it’s because I’m enjoying myself.

Well, I am, sort of. It’s a change of pace and he is a good-looking dude.

He’s about six feet with a light complexion.

He’s clean-shaven, and I found out from Riley he was twenty-nine.

I’m on this blind date with no expectations.

This is just something to take my mind of Judah temporarily.

I haven’t seen Judah in almost a month, and while my heart hurts, I can’t chase a man and make him want something he doesn’t.

If a man wants you, he wants you. It’s as simple as that.

“Do you live around here?” I hear Tyler ask.

His eyes look glassy. By the way he’s looking at me, you’d think he was crazy over me, but this is our first date – my first date with Mr. EBT Fine .

He seems hopeful that this is going to be the beginning of something great.

I, on the other hand, am guilty of using Tyler as a palate cleanser.

It makes me sick to think of him that way because nobody deserves that.

However, it’s not entirely my fault. Riley talked me into this.

After getting myself together, I say, “Yes, I live in Arden. You?”

“I’m in Fletcher, you know, Arden’s big cousin.”

“You mean Arden’s little cousin. Arden is bigger than Fletcher.”

“Sure about that?” he asks, whipping out his cell phone like he’s about to prove me wrong when I’ve been living in this city for years. As he’s doing his investigating, I ask, “Where are you from again?”

“Fayetteville.”

I laugh. “Yeah, I know this area more than you do, buddy.”

He’s quiet as he looks up the information. I watch confusion wash over his face when he says, “You know what? You’re exactly right. Arden is bigger than Fletcher. How did I not know that?”

“Because you’re from Fayetteville. Duh. You don’t hear me trying to tell you about your military bases, do you?”

He grins. “My bad. I’ll stay in my lane.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you thinking about ordering?”

“Probably just some appetizers. I’ll take a pretzel or something.”

“I’m a meat guy. I need protein.”

When the waiter comes by, I order pretzel bites. He gets boneless wings. I jump right back into the conversation and ask, “Are you like one of those hardcore gym guys?”

“No, not at all. I do workout, but I believe I have what they call a dad bod beneath this shirt.”

“Speaking of dad bod, do you have children?”

“Yes—a daughter. She’s six. You?”

“No children for me yet. Have you ever been married?”

“I was married. Me and my daughter’s mother tried to make things work, but we just couldn’t get along.”

“It happens, I suppose.”

“What about you?”

“No—never been married, but I want to be, one day. I’m not rushing it, though. If it happens, it happens, but it has to be with the right one.”

The appetizers arrive. I dip pretzel bites in cheese and he dips chicken wings in blue cheese.

“What do you do for work?” he inquires.

“I’m an administrative assistant. I opted to go to a two-year college so I could get into the workforce faster. My life is here in Arden. I don’t have big dreams of making boatloads of money. It really can’t buy happiness.”

“You don’t think a brand new car would make you happy?”

I grin and say, “There’s nothing wrong with the car I got.”

“So, what would make Autumn Pemberton happy?”

“I’m generally happy already. I’m not looking for any one person or thing to make me happy. Happiness lives within.”

“You sound like one of those nature people.”

“I am one of those people. I love nature.”

“See, I knew it.”

I dip another pretzel and ask, “How do you like the new school?”

“It’s nice. I’ve never seen so many single teachers at one school. I feel naked when walking down the hallway.”

Smiling through laughter, I say, “Oh, no.”

“Yeah, I’m used to it,” he says.

“Speaking of those single teachers, what exactly do you look for in a woman?” I ask.

I’m not interested in going on a date with him again. That much I can already tell. I’m just making conversation at this point.

He says, “I look for normality. I don’t want to end up with someone who is a little off .”

Amused, I ask, “Have you been with someone who’s off ?”

“Uh...yes. I went out with this woman and she ended up stalking me after one date.”

“Wow. You must’ve made quite the impression.”

“I think I did. I got roses, letters, the whole nine. Finally, I had to sit down with her and tell her it was over.”

“Okay, that is pretty crazy.”

“As for what I really value in a woman, though, I’d say she has to have ethics, a good moral character, a good head on her shoulders, and just be about something.”

“I heard that.”

“What do you look for in a man?”

“Passion. I like a man who knows how to lead and not wait on me to do it. I need a man who knows that his physical strength matches my mental fortitude and that together, we can be a force. He would be a man of integrity, good morals, and humility. A man who loves his family and who would love me through the good and bad times.”

After sitting quietly for a moment, he says, “I think you just described Jesus.”

“Shut up,” I say, laughing.

“Just kidding, but I get it. I’m with you all the way.”

I glance at my watch. Before I got here, I told myself I would give it at least an hour. It’s a quarter past that and my bed is calling me. I have to work in the morning and so does he.

I tell him something to this effect. He covers the bill and we leave shortly thereafter. He opens the door as we head outside.

“This was nice,” he says.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.”

“We’ll see.”

“Oh, not the dreaded we’ll see . Was I that bad?”

“No, you weren’t. You—”

I pause when I see Judah standing next to my car. My heartbeats increase in intensity just at the sight of him – what it’s supposed to do when you catch sight of the man you love. It’s nearly been a month. Now, he’s here, waiting for me. How did he know I was here? How long has he been out here?

“Is that your car?” Tyler asks.

“Uh…yeah.”

“I take it you know him?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Do you need me to interfere, or—?”

“Oh, no. It’s nothing like that. He’s a friend.”

“Okay, well, I hope to see you around, Autumn.”

“Thanks, Tyler.”

Tyler continues across the parking lot to his vehicle and I continue walking the few steps to mine where Judah is staring me down, watching my every step.

I don’t know what to do or what to say. Should I say anything?

I didn’t ask him to be here, and he’s the one who ended things between us, so what is there for me to say?

I hit the unlock button on my remote, ignoring him because, no, I’m not going to piece us together and I’m not going to put myself through the trauma of agonizing over a man who doesn’t want me.

I was about to reach for the door handle when he says, “It’s kind of weird to see you with someone else.”

“What are you doing here, Judah?” I ask, finally turning around to face him.

He quietly stares at me for a moment, eyes heavy, troubled and glossy before asking, “Are you with him?”

“What are you doing here, Judah?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“So, you track me down around town to find out where I am?”

“I did what I had to do.”

“Well, you’ve seen me. I have to get home. Goodbye.”

“Wait,” he says, grabbing my right forearm.

I snatch my arm away from him.

“Don’t be this way, Autumn.”

“What way is that, Judah? Tell me how to be when I told you I love you, and you broke up with me over the phone.”

“We were never meant to be in the first place,” he counters.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Autumn—”

“And if we were never meant to be, why are you here now?” I yell, feeling tears come to my eyes. That’s one of my flaws—I cry when I’m angry when I should be standing my ground and getting my point across. The tears flow, and he’s just standing there doing nothing.

I turn to leave for the third time.

He says, “I love you, Autumn. That’s why I’m here.”

I wipe away tears that stream down my face, look at him, and say, “I don’t believe you.”

But I do believe him. I knew he loved me before he said it. That’s why it hurt so much when he ended things. His indecisiveness is going to be the death of me.

“It is the truth.”

“Then why would you do what you did to me? That’s not love. Love doesn’t leave a woman at the door with a pot roast and a lemon cake.”

“Autumn—”

“Love doesn’t let a month divide people who were meant to be together.”

“ Sweetheart , there are—”

“Don’t call me sweetheart after what you did to me.”

“Okay. Autumn, there are things about me you don’t understand.”

“Oh, I understand everything. I understand you live this very small life because you have cancer. I understand you never wanted to fall in love because you don’t know if and when you’ll no longer be here with us.

Guess what, Judah? I don’t know how long I’m going to be here.

Nobody knows how long they’re going to be here.

All we can do is the best we can. That’s it!

But you’re not doing that, are you? You’re hiding, and if that’s your goal, then it’s your goal, but I’m not going to be with a man who kisses me like I’m the last woman on earth one minute, and the next you’re hiding in the house while I’m outside in tears ringing the doorbell. ”

“I apologize for the way I’ve made you feel, and I don’t want to hide from you. I want you.”

My eyes narrow, burning with disbelief as I search his face for the truth. I take a sharp breath and ask, “You want me?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Then I’m right here,” I say, widening my arms. “I’m right here, Judah. Here I am, offering myself to you on a platter like I’ve always done. I’m yours. You can do whatever you want with me.”

I watch the moment he swallows his feelings down his throat and drops his head. There’s that indecisiveness again.

Lowering my arms, I ask, “Why seek me out to tell me that you love me and not do anything about it? You obviously came here for a reason. Is that all you wanted?” I say, wiping my eyes. “To tell me that you love me and disappear again?”

“No.”

“Then…” I sigh heavily, thoroughly confused, but my mind is clear enough to know I’m not going to beg a man to be with me. “Judah, I have to go.”

“I can’t be a real man for you, Autumn. You love me, I know that, but you don’t know things about me that will certainly make you change your mind.”

“You have cancer. I know that already, and—”

“I could never make love to you,” he cuts me off to say, in distress.

“That part of me doesn’t work anymore. I can’t—” his voice cracks.

“I could never give you children. You said you wanted children. I can’t be the man to give you that, so while I do love you deeply,” he says wiping a tear rolling down his face, “I know I’m not the man for you.

I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything your heart desires. How can that be me?”

I take a step forward, press my face against his chest and just stay here. I freakin’ love it here. Love this man down, and I don’t care about anything he just said. It doesn’t change the way I feel about him. He has my heart. Everything else will just be what it is.

I release him, look up into his eyes, and say, “Intimacy involves more than sex, Judah.”

“I know that, but—”

“I’m yours. Say you’re mine and nothing else needs to be said.”

“You need to be sure,” he tells me.

“Do I look like I’m confused?”

He cracks a small smile and says, “No.”

“Then, tell me.”

“I’m yours, Autumn.”

I close my arms around him and squeeze. “You better be sure this time, because I’m not going through this again.”

“I’m sure.”

“Then kiss me.”

He places his hands delicately on the sides of my face, right on top of the happy tears, and lowers his mouth, his tongue greeting mine in a grand reunion, kissing me deeply the way he always does.

He picks me up, lowers me on the hood of my car and takes his time tasting my lips.

I almost forgot we were in the parking lot of a restaurant, but I truly don’t care.

I’m with the man I love. My heart is full.

When he releases me, I smile.

He smiles.

I say, “And another thing…”

“What’s that?”

“I’m coming home with you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”