Page 47 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

I’m so damn stressed I feel like I can’t breathe.

My chest is tight. My head is pounding. How am I supposed to work and also be there for my family?

What Jason said is true. As the oldest I’m expected to take over for Dad, be the rock of the family and hold us all together.

I know more about running the orchard than any of my brothers.

They’ll look to me to figure out how to keep it going.

Even if Dad’s okay, he won’t be able to work.

He may not be able to work for months, and we’re going into fall, our busiest season.

Thinking about that is making even more stressed. I call up Lyndsay, knowing she’ll be able to calm me down. Just hearing her soft, sweet voice will make me feel better.

Her phone goes to voicemail and I leave another message. ‘ Lyndsay, it’s me. I really need you to call me back.’ The speaker above me blares with another announcement so I end the call.

A few minutes later, I board the plane. As soon as I’m in my seat, I go to check my phone but can’t find it.

I search my pockets and all around my seat, but it’s not there.

Did I lose it in the airport? I had it with me right before I got on the plane.

I remember setting it down to get out my boarding pass. Maybe I forgot to pick it up.

‘Excuse me,’ I say, stopping one of the flight attendants. ‘I think I left my phone in the terminal. I need to go check.’

‘Sorry, but the doors just closed. We’re taking off soon. If you give me your information, I’ll let you know if we find it.’

I give her my name and Sawyer’s number since I don’t have my phone. I can’t believe I lost it, but I’ve got a lot on my mind right now. It’s hard to keep track of everything.

Hours later, I arrive in Chicago and go outside to look for Nash. I see his truck and wave at him. He gets out and comes up to me and gives me a hug, and not his usual quick guy hug, but an actual hug.

‘How are you doing?’ he asks, letting me go.

‘Not great. And I somehow managed to lose my phone. Do you have any updates on my dad?’

Nash nods. ‘They’re running tests on him. They don’t have all the results back yet, but the doctor said it was definitely a heart attack.’

‘I was hoping that wasn’t the case,’ I say with a sigh.

‘Let’s get out of here,’ he says as a car honks at us to get moving.

As we drive away from the airport, I’m already feeling better than I did in New York. Being with family, back in the Midwest, I feel like I’m back where I should be.

‘What else did you find out?’ I ask.

‘It sounds like he has more than one blockage to his heart. They’re considering doing bypass surgery, although that could change depending on what they find out from the tests. That’s all I know. Dad called right before you came out. He and my brothers are already at the hospital.’

‘Did he say how my mom’s doing?’

‘She’s like she always is.’ He glances at me.

‘Pretending everything’s going to be fine.’

‘Yeah,’ he mutters.

That’s my mom, not wanting to worry us. Even when her parents died, she acted like she was fine. Her mom died of cancer, and a year later her father had a massive stroke, but my mom stayed strong through all of it, explaining that death is a part of life.

‘Did you talk to your girlfriend?’ Nash asks.

‘I haven’t been able to reach her. I called her before I got on the plane, but she hasn’t called back. Or maybe she did. I don’t have my phone so I don’t know.’

‘Here.’ He unlocks his phone and hands it to me.

I call her and get her voicemail. ‘She’s not picking up. She almost always picks up. I hope she’s okay.’

‘Did you guys have a fight?’

‘No. We went to our high school reunion last night and had a really good time. We ended up staying at the hotel where they had the reunion. She seemed kind of off when I told her goodbye this morning, but I think she was just stressed because she was worried she’d miss her flight.

’ I look at Nash. ‘Why’d you call her my girlfriend?

Last time we talked I wasn’t even dating her. ’

‘But I could tell you wanted to. I was thinking maybe you two had gotten together by now. So how’s that going to work? Is she moving, or are you?’

‘She wants to move to New York, but I think it’s too soon. We’ve only been on a few dates.’

‘But you’ve known her forever. It’s not like you just met.’

‘But we’re older now. We’re different than we were in high school, and she just got out of her marriage.’

‘Sounds like you’ve got a lot of excuses for why you two can’t be together.’

‘They aren’t excuses. They’re facts. I don’t want her moving to New York and then regretting it.’

‘Are you sure you’re not the one feeling that way?’

‘I want her to move there. I asked her to.’

‘But you probably thought she’d tell you no.’

‘I did, but I’m happy she wants to do it.’

‘Are you?’

‘Yes. What are you getting at?’

‘I’m just thinking, you’ve been living alone since college. It’s a huge change to have your girlfriend move in. Even if she gets her own place, she’ll be over all the time. Maybe you’re not ready to give up the bachelor life.’

‘It’s not that. I mean, yes, I’ll need to adjust to having someone around all the time, but I don’t think that’s what’s worrying me.’

‘Then what is it?’

‘I don’t know, maybe thinking it won’t work out? I’ve wanted to be with Lyndsay since high school but never thought it would actually happen. Now that it has, I’m afraid of losing her. Afraid she’ll move to New York, find out I’m not the guy for her, and leave.’

‘Do you love her?’

I don’t answer him.

‘Do you or not?’

‘Yeah,’ I mutter.

‘Why didn’t you answer me the first time?’

‘Because I’m embarrassed to admit it. I just started seeing her. How the hell could I love her?’

‘Sounds like you loved her back in high school.’

‘I don’t know. Maybe.’

‘So now you’re going to push her away because you’re afraid it might not work out?’ He nods. ‘That’s logical.’

I laugh. ‘What the hell?’

‘Hey, I just tell it like it is.’

‘You’re worse than my brothers. They just hint at my stupidity.’

‘I’m not saying you’re stupid. I’m saying you’re afraid, and I get it. You made up this dream in your head of what it’d be like if you two were together. If it doesn’t work out, that dream is gone.’

‘There might be some truth to that,’ I mutter, annoyed that he knows me so well.

‘What if it did work out? You really want to give up the chance of that happening to avoid any risk of it not?’

I shake my head. ‘I just can’t figure out how Lyndsay and I could make this work. I’m in the office until eight or nine at night. When would I even see her?’

‘You’re making more excuses.’

‘It’s not an excuse. I seriously have to work that many hours just to keep up.’

‘Then maybe that’s not the job for you.’

‘You’re telling me I shouldn’t be a lawyer? You know how much money I spent on law school? And all the hours I’ve spent at work trying to make partner? I’m not giving that up.’

He shrugs. ‘It’s just something to think about. I’m not saying you give up your career. Maybe just work for a place that doesn’t make you put in all those hours.’

‘So where’s Callie?’ I ask, changing the subject. ‘Did she ride up with your dad?’

‘No, she wasn’t feeling well. She stayed home with Jen, Bryce’s girlfriend.’

‘Did she go to a doctor?’

‘Yeah. A couple weeks ago.’

‘She’s been sick for two weeks?’

He glances at me. ‘If I tell you this, you need to keep it a secret. We haven’t told anyone yet.’

‘Yeah, go ahead.’

‘Callie’s pregnant,’ he says, a huge smile filling his face.

‘Nash, that’s great! Congratulations!’

‘Thanks. It wasn’t planned. She was on the pill, but I guess it’s not a hundred percent because she’s definitely pregnant. The doctor confirmed it.’

‘How’s Callie feeling about it?’

‘She freaked out a little when she found out, but now she’s excited about the baby. We both are.’ He laughs a little. ‘I can’t believe I’m gonna be a dad. I’m still in shock that she’s pregnant. I didn’t expect this to happen for another few years.’

‘But you seem really happy about it.’

‘I’m more than happy,’ he says, still smiling. ‘I can’t fucking wait to hold that baby in my arms.’

I’m a little envious he’s got his life all planned out at 27, and I’m 33 and still figuring out where my life is going.

‘So does this change your wedding plans?’

‘Yeah, Callie wants to get married this fall, but I don’t know if we can pull it together that fast. All the event spaces in Chicago fill up a year in advance.’

‘What about having it outside?’

‘We’d be open to that. What are you thinking?’

‘The orchard. You could get married outside and have the reception in the barn where we had my mom’s party. The place is beautiful in the fall, overlooking the countryside with the changing leaves. ’

‘That’s actually a really good idea. I’ll talk to Callie about it.’

‘When are you going to tell the family about the baby?’

‘We were going to tell them tonight at family dinner, but then we heard about your dad.’

‘You’re still doing those Sunday dinners?’

‘Every week. My dad insists, and you know my dad. He doesn’t take no for an answer. We’ll see how things go with Uncle Carl. If he’s doing okay, we’ll tell everyone next week.’

‘Maybe you should just tell them now. We could use some good news.’

‘I would, but Callie wants to be there when we tell everyone.’

‘Yeah, that makes sense.’ I go to take my phone from my pocket, then realize I don’t have it.

‘You want to try her again?’ Nash asks, handing me his phone.

‘Yeah, I just realized she might not have answered because she doesn’t recognize the number.

’ I call her again and get her voicemail.

I leave another message. ‘Hey, it’s me again.

I forgot to tell you I lost my phone. I’m using Nash’s.

I really need to talk to you. It’s important.

Call me back at this number when you get this.

’ I give Nash his phone. ‘I don’t know why she’s not answering. It’s really starting to worry me.’

‘Maybe she left her phone somewhere. I’m sure she’ll call when she’s able to.’

This isn’t like her. Lyndsay always calls me back. It’s possible she lost her phone, but I get the feeling something else is going on. I just don’t know what it would be to make her not call me.

I really need to talk to her. Going through this thing with my dad I’m realizing how much I need someone in my life, someone who will be by my side during times like this. I want that someone to be Lyndsay. I know that now more than ever and I need to tell her that. I need her to call me back.