Page 13 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

Lyndsay

‘What time did you get in last night?’ my mom asks, pouring coffee in her mug.

‘Around three. Diane and I were talking and didn’t realize it was so late. You know how it is when we get together.’

It’s just after eight and I’m sitting at the kitchen table, dressed and ready to go meet Nick, but first I have to break the news to my mom that I won’t be having breakfast with her.

She sets her coffee mug on the table. ‘Give me a hug. I’ve missed you.’

I get up and give her a hug.

‘You’re too skinny,’ she says, squeezing me tight before letting me go.

‘I’m the same as always,’ I tell her, but the truth is I’ve lost ten pounds while going through the divorce. I have trouble eating when I’m stressed.

My mom holds my face in her hands and looks into my eyes. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Mom, I’m fine,’ I say, knowing it’s better if I don’t tell her the truth. I don’t want her worrying about me, and it’s not like there’s anything she can do. I just need time to get past this and move on with my life.

Last night with Nick really gave me hope. I hadn’t enjoyed a man’s company that much in years. When Chris and I would go out, he’d always be checking his phone or checking out other women. We were one of those couples who’d go out for dinner and wouldn’t talk.

‘Is it really final?’ my mom asks. ‘There’s no chance of reconciling with him?’

‘It’s final.’ I look down, feeling like I disappointed her.

She was hoping by now I would’ve given her a few grandkids, but instead I’m divorced and have no idea what to do next.

Even if I start dating again, it’ll be a long time before I’m married, and even longer before I have kids.

What if I’m too old by then? I always wanted three kids, but now I may not even have one.

I sit back down at the table while Mom goes to the fridge to get the creamer. ‘What would you like to do today?’

I’m relieved she didn’t ask me more about the divorce. We’ve talked about it enough on the phone that there’s nothing else to say, but I assumed she’d still ask me about it or try to get me to give Chris another chance.

‘Maybe we could go to that place you like for lunch, the bed-and-breakfast.’

‘We could, but I was thinking I’d take you out now. I know how much you love Maury’s and we didn’t get to go last time you were here.’

‘Um, yeah, I kind of already made plans to go there.’

‘With who?’ Her brows rise. ‘Diane?’

I could tell her I’m going with Diane, but my mom could easily find out I lied. A lot of her friends go to Maury’s for breakfast on Saturday and if they saw me with Nick, they’d tell her .

‘I’m going with Nick,’ I say, sipping my coffee.

She sits across from me at the small kitchen table with the red-checkered tablecloth we’ve had for as long as I can remember. ‘Nick who?’

‘Nick Kanfield. The guy who tutored me back in high school.’

‘Yes, I know Nick, but I thought he lived in New York now.’

‘He does, but he’s back to see his family. I ran into him at the airport and we thought it’d be fun to catch up so we’re meeting for breakfast. Is it okay if I take the car?’

‘I suppose it is, as long as you won’t be gone long. I have a hair appointment at ten.’

That won’t give Nick and me much time. I was hoping to spend the morning with him. We had such a good time last night. It’s the first time in over a year that my mind didn’t keep wandering to Chris and the divorce.

‘Is Nick seeing anyone?’ my mom asks.

‘I don’t think so.’

‘I’m surprised. He’s quite a catch, being a lawyer and all.

And last time I saw him, he was quite handsome.

He’s certainly changed a lot since he was a boy, although I always thought the Kanfield boys were handsome.

It’s just that Nick was so skinny back in high school.

Tall and skinny like a bean pole,’ she says with a laugh.

My phone dings with a text from Diane. You left your suitcase here. Should I bring it over?

I’ll come get it, I text back. Be there in a few.

‘Was that Nick?’ my mom asks.

‘No, Diane. I was in such a hurry to leave last night that I forgot my suitcase. I’m going to go over there and pick it up.’ I get up from the table and take my coffee mug to the sink.

‘You’re not going to keep running off like this, are you?’ my mom asks. ‘I want some time with you while you’re here.’

‘I’m just going to breakfast and then I’m all yours. See you later!’ I grab the spare car keys from the drawer and my purse from the counter and head to the garage.

My mom’s car is a really old blue sedan with matching blue vinyl seats.

I’m surprised it still runs. I keep telling her to get a new car, but she’s set in her ways and finds comfort in the familiar.

In some ways, I’m the same. I married Chris because he was familiar, and stayed with him because I’d grown comfortable in our routine.

Even if I wasn’t happy, it was safer to stay than leave for the unknown.

‘Come on in,’ Diane says when I get to her house.

‘I can’t stay long. I’m meeting someone for breakfast at nine.’

‘Who are you meeting?’ she asks, stepping aside to let me in.

I stop just inside the door and whisper, ‘Nick.’

‘Nick Kanfield?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why are you whispering?’

‘I don’t know,’ I say, raising my voice to its normal level. ‘I guess because it seems kind of wrong.’

‘Why is having breakfast with Nick wrong?’

‘Because I just got divorced.’

‘Oh, please,’ she says, waving me off. ‘Your marriage was over years ago.’

‘Okay, but still, it’s Nick.’

‘Yeah? So?’ She motions me to follow her to the kitchen. ‘Hold that thought. We’ll grab some coffee and go out back.’

‘Hey, Tom,’ I say, seeing him at the kitchen counter, pouring a bowl of cereal.

‘Hey, Lyndsay.’ He gives me his big goofy grin and comes over to give me a hug. ‘How’ve you been?’

‘I’ve been better. ’

He frowns. ‘Sorry. That was a really dumb thing to say. I’m still waking up.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ I say as I watch Diane pour coffee in two bright yellow mugs.

‘Honey, could you make the kids breakfast?’ Diane says, going past Tom to me. She hands me a mug. ‘We’re going to go out back and have some girl talk.’

‘Sure.’ He laughs. ‘As long as this girl talk doesn’t involve me.’

‘Oh, and could you help Leah find her ballet shoes?’ Diane says to Tom as we leave. ‘Her lesson’s at ten.’

‘Ballet shoes,’ he says. ‘Got it.’

We go out to the patio and sit on the white Adirondack chairs.

‘You got really lucky with Tom,’ I say.

‘He gets on my nerves sometimes, but yeah, he’s one of the good ones. And a great father.’

‘Is it wrong to say I’m jealous?’

‘No.’ She reaches over and puts her hand on mine. ‘You’re going to find someone just as great. It’ll just take some time.’

‘But I don’t have time. I want to have kids. What if by the time I find someone I’m too old to be a mom?’

‘Then you can adopt, or be a foster mom, or marry someone who has kids. There are all sorts of ways to have children in your life without actually having them.’

‘You’re right,’ I say, giving her a half smile. ‘And I could always borrow Leah and Adam.’

‘I would love that. I could use a break.’ She sips her coffee. ‘So .?.?. what happened last night? It must’ve gone well if you’re meeting him for breakfast.’

‘Diane, it was perfect.’ I set my coffee down and move to the end of my chair, turning toward her.

‘I haven’t had that great of a time in .

.?. I don’t even know how long. Years.’ I hear how excited I sound and am reminded of what Nick said last night about how much I’ve changed.

He’s right. I used to smile and laugh and get excited about silly things, but with Chris, that part of me faded away.

He was always losing money in his business deals, which made him moody and cranky.

He’d get annoyed at me for being happy because he wasn’t, so I learned to hide any signs of joy and eventually joined him in his misery.

‘What’d you guys do?’

‘Not much. That’s what’s so amazing. We didn’t do much and still had a great time. We went to a bar and danced and had some drinks, then went back to Sawyer’s brewery and talked for hours. I didn’t get home until after three. I told my mom I was with you, so if she says anything, just play along.’

‘Why didn’t you tell her the truth? You’re a grown woman. You don’t have to lie to your mom about being with Nick.’

‘I do when I stay out all night with him. My mom still thinks there’s a chance I could get back with Chris.’

‘That’s crazy! She knows the divorce is final, right?’

‘Yes, but to her, that doesn’t mean it’s over. Her cousin, Bonnie, married the same man twice and they’re still married. She’s told me that story a million times the past year, hoping it’ll make me change my mind about Chris.’

‘But she knows you weren’t happy with him.’

‘She also knows I’m not getting any younger, and the older I get, the less of a chance she has to get grandkids.’

‘Well, it’s not her life. It’s yours. Chris wasn’t the right guy for you, and if you’d stayed with him, you’d never meet the guy who is right for you.’

‘Assuming I can find him.’

‘You will if you start dating. You can’t wait. You need to get out there again.’

‘I did, last night. ’

‘That wasn’t a date.’

‘That’s what Nick called it.’ I lean back in my chair and pick up my coffee.

‘Nick said you guys were on a date?’

‘A fake date.’ I smile. ‘He offered to be my dating tutor.’

‘Dating tutor?’ She laughs. ‘Is this a joke?’

‘No, I’m serious. I was telling him how I need practice dating and he offered to help. He’s been on a lot more dates than I have and I think it’ll be good to get a man’s perspective.’

‘But you live on separate coasts.’

‘He’s going to tutor me by phone or online. And tomorrow we’re going out on another date.’

She sets her coffee down. ‘There’s something not right about this.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I like Nick and don’t think he’d do anything deceitful, but being your dating tutor? It sounds like he just made that up so he could try to get you for himself.’