Page 24 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

Lyndsay

Nick wants me to find someone else. My heart broke when he said it because I thought he was going to tell me he wanted us to date for real. And I was going to agree with him. It’s what I’d decided after spending all day thinking about it.

People date long distance all the time. Nick and I could at least try to make it work. We could talk on the phone, do video chats, and if things were going well, maybe I’d move to New York to be with him.

But that’s not what he wants. He doesn’t see a future with me.

I guess I can understand that. Even though he admitted he has feelings for me, I’m not his type.

I barely got through school and he was valedictorian.

I teach yoga and he’s a successful lawyer.

The two of us don’t make sense. And I don’t fit in his world.

He’d probably be embarrassed having me in New York with all his smart, successful friends.

‘Lyndsay, say something,’ he says, still waiting for my answer.

‘Friends.’ I force out a smile as I choke back tears. ‘Yeah. We could be friends. ’

‘Are you sure? You seem like you’re not.’

‘I’m just not sure what you mean by that. Are you saying we’ll just talk on the phone?’

‘We could do that, or a video call so we could see each other.’

‘We could try it.’ I look out the window.

‘Lyndsay, what’s wrong? You’re acting like you don’t want to do this. If you don’t want to stay in touch, just tell me.’

‘I just don’t think it’ll work. You’re busy with your job and I’ll be busy trying to make a new life for myself. Meeting new people. Dating.’

‘That doesn’t mean we can’t at least try. Unless you don’t want to.’

It’d probably be easier if we made a clean break and I just forgot all about this weekend, but I’m not ready to do that. I’m not ready to let Nick go.

‘We can try it,’ I say, looking over at him.

‘Good.’ He smiles, and when our eyes meet, I feel the attraction between us and whatever it is that makes me feel like we belong together.

I’ve always felt a connection with Nick, but I ignored it when I was younger.

Now that I’m older, I can’t. It’s there and stronger than ever, but I guess Nick and I just weren’t meant to be.

‘How about a round of mini golf?’ Nick says.

‘You want to play mini golf?’ I ask, thinking he’s kidding.

‘Over there.’ He points to the mini golf course that I don’t even think is open anymore. It’s got weeds growing around it and the paint on the building where you pay is chipped off. ‘I’m not ready to go home yet, and if you don’t want to eat or go get a drink, this might be our only option.’

‘I don’t think it’s open. I think my mom said it closed a few years ago. ’

‘Let’s go check it out. If it’s closed, we’ll find something else to do.’ He gets out of the truck.

I really thought he was kidding, but he seems to be serious. He’s walking across the parking lot toward the mini golf course.

‘Nick, wait!’ I race to catch up to him, almost grabbing his hand, but then realizing I can’t. He doesn’t want that.

We get to the building and see it’s all boarded up.

‘I think the owner retired a few years ago,’ I say. ‘Nobody bought it, so now it just sits here.’

‘Why wouldn’t anyone buy it? People used to love this place. They’d still go if it was open.’

I smile as I look out at it. ‘My dad used to take us here. I’d always hit the ball off the course and it’d land in that little pond that used to be there.’ I point to it. ‘My dad would get his shoes wet trying to get it. And one time he fell and got his pants wet.’ I laugh, thinking about it.

‘But didn’t you end up getting a free game?’

‘I did. The owner felt bad and gave us a free game. How’d you know that?’

‘You told me during one of our study sessions.’

‘I can’t believe you remembered that.’

‘Good memory.’ Nick taps his head. ‘Worked out great during law school. They make you memorize a lot.’ He walks around the building.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Ha! I knew it!’ He comes back holding two rusty golf clubs and two balls, one orange and one blue.

‘Where’d you get that?’

‘Side of the building. There’s a sign saying anyone can play for free and to have fun.’ He smiles. ‘Ready to have fun?’

I glance back at the course. It looks terrible. The concrete paths are cracked and pushing up from the ground. The red windmill has a blade broken off. The clown at the end has an eye missing and a mustache that someone drew on with a marker.

‘Come on.’ Nick holds onto my arm and pulls on me to follow him.

‘Are you sure it’s okay to do this? We’re not trespassing?’

‘If we were, you really think anyone would care? Look at this place. The gnome over there doesn’t even have a head.’

I laugh. ‘I’m pretty sure that used to be a squirrel, not a gnome. See the tail?’

‘Here.’ He hands me a club and the orange ball. Orange is my favorite color. I wonder if he remembered that. ‘You want to go first?’

‘You go. I haven’t golfed in a while. I need to warm up.’

He eyes me like he’s not sure if I’m kidding, then gives me a slight smile before focusing back on the course.

He’s still wearing what he had on at the party; black dress pants and a light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

He looks really hot, and of course, he’s wearing that great cologne I love.

I’m getting that tingly feeling again and he’s not even touching me.

Why am I having all these feelings for him?

I mean, yes, we’ve spent almost every moment together since he got here, but that shouldn’t be enough time to get all crazy about him.

Is Diane right and my feelings for him in high school were more than I thought?

Maybe I just wouldn’t admit to myself how much I liked him back then because I was with Chris.

‘I gotta think of a strategy here,’ Nick says, kicking the ball in place with his foot. He swings the club back a little, then does it again, like pro golfers on TV do before taking a shot.

‘You’re taking this very seriously,’ I kid.

‘Miniature golf is a serious sport. You’ve got obstacles to get past. Water traps. Volcanos. Psychotic clowns.’

I laugh. ‘You’re right. I didn’t think about that. I’ll be quiet so you can concentrate. ’

‘You can make noise. I don’t mind. Play some music if you want.’

As he’s lining up his shot, I get out my phone and find a song that was popular when we were in high school.

‘Good song,’ he says as he follows his ball to the other side of the hill that leads to the hole. ‘Holy shit, I got it on the first try.’

‘Really?’ I race over to see and there it is, in the cup. ‘Nick, that’s great!’ I hug him without even thinking. But friends can hug, right? It doesn’t have to mean anything.

He hugs me back, but then quickly lets me go. ‘Your turn.’

‘Any tips to share before I do this?’ I ask as I line up my ball.

‘Try to get it in the hole.’

I glance at him. ‘That’s what she said.’

He laughs. ‘Seriously?’

‘What? It was right there. I had to.’ I hit the ball, but with way too much force. It flies up in the air and hits Nick in the face.

‘Okay, maybe this was a bad idea,’ he says, rubbing his cheek where the ball hit.

I run up to him. ‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Let me see.’ I take his hand from his face and see the red mark the ball left behind. ‘We should go get some ice.’

‘Yeah, and maybe hit the emergency room.’

‘It’s that bad?’ I grab his arm. ‘Nick, I am so sorry. Let’s go!’

He smiles. ‘I’m joking. I’m fine.’ He picks up the ball and hands it to me. ‘Here. Try again.’

‘Are you really okay?’

‘Yes. It didn’t even hurt. When you grow up with three brothers and on a farm with dangerous equipment, getting hit with a golf ball is nothing.’

I put the ball in place and hit it so softly it barely moves.

‘Do it harder,’ Nick says.

‘That’s what—never mind. ’

Nick laughs. ‘I didn’t know you had such a dirty mind.’

‘I don’t. I swear.’ I hit the ball again and this time it actually stays on the course and goes over the tiny hill. ‘It’s this music from high school. It’s making me act like a teenager again.’

‘These are some good songs,’ he says as another one starts to play.

‘Chris hated this one. He didn’t like any of the ones I liked. We had opposite tastes in music.’ I tap the ball into the hole. ‘I did it! And it only took four tries.’

‘I’m not keeping score. We’re just here to have fun.’ He moves to the next hole, which has a fish statue sticking out of some concrete painted blue to look like water.

‘You think Chris will come to the reunion?’ Nick asks as he hits his ball.

‘No. He’s going to San Diego next weekend. He has a meeting with some guy for another one of his business investments.’ Nick moves out of the way as I step up to the tee-off area. ‘Why do you ask?’

‘I just wondered.’

I hit the ball, but it only moves a few feet. ‘You still don’t think you’ll go?’

‘Probably not.’ He taps his ball in the hole. ‘How about you?’

‘I got a ticket, but I haven’t decided if I’ll go.’ I pass in front of him as I hit my next shot and get a whiff of his cologne. God, he smells good. Good thing I’m not drinking or I’d lose all control and kiss him.

‘If you decide to go, will you go with Diane?’

‘She’s going with Tom, but I’ll see her there. Why? Do you know someone who would go with me?’

I wish he’d say him, but he won’t.

‘You mean as a date?’

‘Or a friend. ’

‘Sawyer would go with you. As a friend,’ Nick clarifies. ‘You want me to ask him?’

‘No, that’s okay. He needs to be at the brewery. I’ll just meet up with Diane when I get there, assuming I go. I might skip it and do something with my mom since I’m flying back to LA the next day.’

‘You ever consider moving?’ Nick asks as we continue to the next hole.

It has a pyramid on it that you have to go through to get to the other side.

I didn’t realize until now that these obstacles don’t fit any kind of theme.

A clown, a pyramid, a fish. But I like that it doesn’t make sense.

It makes it more quirky and fun. I’m glad Nick suggested this.

It lets us talk while also giving us something to do so we aren’t tempted to do things we shouldn’t.

‘You mean out of my apartment?’ I ask as Nick hits the ball directly through the pyramid.

‘No, out of California.’

‘Oh. I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.’ I hit the ball and it bounces off the pyramid, not even close to the little tunnel it’s supposed to go through. ‘Where would I go if I moved?’

‘You could move back here, be close to your mom.’

‘I’ve thought about it, but how would I meet someone here? I know all the guys my age and I’m not interested in any of them.’

‘You could go older. Hal’s single.’

‘Hal who?’

‘Hal of Hal’s Hardware. He winked at you when we were checking out today. He’s definitely interested.’

‘Yeah, I’ll pass,’ I say, laughing. ‘I’d like someone a little younger.’

We continue the game, talking and laughing and listening to old songs. It’s the most fun I’ve had in years. I wish it didn’t have to end .

‘Last hole,’ Nick says, lining up his shot. ‘The one-eyed clown.’

I laugh. ‘It used to have two.’

Nick makes his shot, landing it in the clown’s mouth. ‘Guess that’s it.’

‘You’re way too good at this.’ I hit the ball harder than I intended. It bounces off the clown’s nose, hits the green, and bounces into the mouth.

‘Trick shot,’ Nick says. ‘Impressive.’

‘It was pure luck. I didn’t mean to do that.’

He takes my club and collects the balls and takes them back to where he found them.

‘I can’t believe this course hasn’t been torn down,’ I say as we walk back to the truck.

‘Why would they tear it down? It’s great.’

I stop at the truck. ‘I don’t get you, Nick.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You live in a fancy apartment in New York. Go to all these fancy places and expensive restaurants, and yet you’re still okay going to a place like this.’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I thought you might’ve turned kind of snobby living in the big city and looked down on places like this.’

‘Are you kidding? I love places like this. I also love dive bars and greasy diners. I live in a big city, but I’m still a small-town guy. Always will be.’

‘But how does that work? How can you be happy there but still like being here? They’re totally different.’

‘I don’t know. I never really thought about it that way.’ He reaches past me and opens my door. I guess that means we’re leaving. I was hoping we could talk more .

‘Want to stop anywhere else?’ Nick asks as we’re driving, but he’s already heading to my house.

‘I should probably get home. So should you. You have a repair job in the morning.’

‘That’s right. I almost forgot about that. What time should I come by?’

‘Maybe around ten? My mom will be at church, but I’ll stay home so I can let you in.’

‘Could it be earlier? Like nine?’

‘Sure.’ Nine is probably better because my mom will be home, keeping Nick and me from doing anything. ‘Am I still invited to the beer tasting?’

‘Of course. Why wouldn’t you be?’

‘I wasn’t sure with our new arrangement.’

‘We were friends before and we still are. That hasn’t changed. And I’m still taking you to dinner afterward. We’re going to celebrate your graduation.’

‘Nick, you really don’t have to do that. It was a long time ago.’

‘And you never celebrated it, so we’re doing it tomorrow.’

We’re at my house and he pulls into the driveway.

‘Thanks for tonight,’ I say as I get out of the truck. ‘It was fun.’

‘It was.’ He smiles. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

When he’s gone, I already miss him. I’m going to miss him even more when he leaves on Monday. We’ll talk on the phone, but it won’t be the same.

Why did this have to happen? I came here to grieve the loss of my marriage and ended up having the best time of my life with a guy I can’t date. I’m more sad about that than about the divorce.