Page 30 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

The waitress returns with our drinks. The hostess must’ve thought Nick and I were on a date because she put us at a table near the window that looks out at the downtown. It’s a small but nice downtown with little shops and a few restaurants.

‘I had a great weekend.’ I take a sip of my wine.

‘I did too. It went too fast.’

‘When do you think you’ll be back?’

‘Probably Thanksgiving. I’d like to come back for the fall festival if I can get the time off, but I doubt it’ll happen.’

I take another sip of wine, hoping it’ll lessen the sadness I’m feeling about not seeing Nick again.

‘I got you something.’ He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and sets it on the table. ‘I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone.’

‘Nick, you didn’t have to get me anything.’

‘I wanted to. It’s a graduation gift.’

‘You’ve already done enough with the party and the cake.’

‘The party was my mom’s idea.’ He nods toward the envelope. ‘Go ahead and open it.’

I pick up the envelope and open it to find a card inside. It’s a graduation card, the only one I got other than the one my mom sent me.

‘Open it up,’ he says.

I open the card and another envelope falls out. I hold it up. ‘What’s this?’

He smiles. ‘Open it and find out.’

When I do, I find a gift card inside. It’s an airline gift card and has $500 on it.

‘It’s so you can fly home,’ Nick says. ‘See your mom. Spend time with Diane. Or when you need to get a break from LA and go back to small-town life.’

‘Nick, I can’t take this. It’s too much.’

‘It’s not too much. You know what I make an hour?

’ He reaches across the table and holds my hand, something I’ve missed and will miss even more when he’s gone.

‘I know it’s tough being away from family and the friends you grew up with.

And now that you’re divorced I’m sure it’s even tougher, adjusting to a new life on your own.

This way you can make a trip home and not have to worry about paying for it. ’

‘Nick.’ I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears, but one manages to slide down my cheek.

‘Hey.’ Nick rubs my hand. ‘This was supposed to be a good thing. Why are you crying?’

‘Because it’s perfect.’ I wipe my eyes. ‘It’s exactly what I needed. Chris cleaned out our savings and I didn’t know when I’d be able to come back here.’ I smile. ‘These are happy tears. I can’t thank you enough.’

‘You’re welcome. I’m glad I could do it.’

‘You’re a great guy, Nick. I’m going to miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too.’ He takes his hand from mine and picks up his drink, swigging down half of it.

‘You think your dad will be okay?’

‘I think so. He was probably just exhausted from getting the party ready. He was looking better tonight.’

‘It was nice of you to do all that work in the orchard for him.’

‘I liked doing it. It was hard work, but it was also kind of relaxing, being out there in the fresh air, the beautiful scenery. You don’t appreciate that shit when you’re younger. Back in high school, I couldn’t wait to get away from it and away from this town.’

‘And now?’

‘Now I kind of miss it, but I wouldn’t want to be here all the time. A few times a year is enough.’

He seems determined to stay in New York, and my life is in LA. So why do I keep holding out hope that Nick and I could be together someday?

‘You think you’ll start dating again?’ I blurt out.

He smiles. ‘That came out of nowhere.’

I feel my face burning up. ‘Yeah, sorry, I don’t know why I asked that. It’s none of my business.’

‘You can ask. We’re friends. You can ask me anything. And the answer is no. I don’t think I’ll be dating anytime soon.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m too busy with work to give a relationship the time it needs.’

I nod, my gaze going to my wine as I swirl it around the glass.

‘How about you? You going to sign up for some dating apps when you get back?’

I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I probably should, but I’m dreading it. I don’t even know how those things work.’

‘They’re easy. I can help if you have questions.

But if you’re dreading getting back out there, you might want to wait.

Attitude is a big part of having success on those things.

If you’re only on there because you think you have to be, it’ll come across on the date.

I went out with some women who were clearly sick of dating and fed up with men and it made for a really uncomfortable date. ’

‘I just don’t think I can wait. I’m not getting any younger.’

‘Maybe just wait a month or two. Focus on yourself and doing all the things you didn’t get to do when you were with Chris. That might help you get in a better frame of mind before getting out there again.’

‘That’s a good idea.’ I take another drink of my wine, then set the glass down. ‘Or maybe I’ll just be single.’

‘You don’t want that, do you? To be single the rest of your life?’

‘No, but it’s better than settling down with the wrong person just so I’m not alone.’

‘The right person is out there. You just need to find him.’

I have. He’s sitting across the table from me.

The waitress returns. ‘Can I get you anything else?’

Nick looks at me to answer.

‘I’m good,’ I tell her.

‘You don’t want another glass?’ Nick asks, noticing my wine is almost gone.

‘No. I should probably get home.’

His gaze pauses on me a moment before he looks back at the waitress. ‘We’ll take the check.’

She leaves and comes right back with the check, setting it on the table before taking off again.

‘Is everything okay?’ Nick asks.

‘Yeah.’ I force out a smile. ‘I’m just tired. It was a long day.’

‘You want to get out of here?’

I nod and get up as he puts money down for the check.

I’m quiet on the drive back to the house, my heart already breaking from the loss of a guy I never even dated.

‘You don’t have to walk me to the door,’ I say as Nick takes off his seatbelt.

He pretends not to hear me and follows me to the door. The porch light is on and I can hear the TV on inside, which means my mom’s still up. Hopefully, she’s not looking out the window, spying on me like she did when I was a teenager .

‘Have a safe trip back,’ Nick says, awkwardly stuffing his hands in his pockets.

‘Yeah. You too.’

‘Maybe we can talk sometime this week.’

‘Sure. If you have time.’ I look down, my heart pounding and tears stinging my eyes. Why does this hurt so much? I only spent a few days with him. How did I get so attached to him in such a short amount of time?

‘It was really good seeing you again.’

I nod, avoiding his gaze. ‘I should get inside.’

When I turn to open the door, I feel Nick’s hand on my arm. ‘Wait.’

I turn back to him and he pulls me into his arms. I breathe in his scent one last time and tuck away the memory of how this feels, to be wrapped in his arms, listening to his heart beat as my head rests on his chest.

‘I wish things could be different,’ I hear him whisper.

They could be, if he’d just tell me he wants this. But he doesn’t, and he won’t. He has a life in New York and a career that takes up all his time. He’s not looking for a girlfriend. He’s not even looking for someone to date.

We’re at different places in our lives. We want different things. So as much as it hurts, I have to accept that this is goodbye.