Page 37 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

Nick

The picnic was a good idea. We’re sitting by the pond, surrounded by trees and prairie grass. It’s a beautiful setting and we have the place to ourselves. It’s the perfect time to talk to Lyndsay. But now that we’re here, just the two of us, I don’t know if I can say this, or if I should.

I’ve thought about this all week, and after talking to Matt, I realized I need to make a decision.

I either need to try to make things work with Lyndsay, or let her go.

The idea of staying friends just won’t work.

We both know it. We just don’t want to say it.

We both have busy lives. We live on different coasts.

And if she starts dating someone, he’s not going to want her calling up some other guy.

If I want a chance with Lyndsay, I need to tell her that.

I can’t go back to New York without settling this.

I’ll just keep thinking about Lyndsay and wondering what might have been.

I need to just say this and see what happens.

I’d feel like shit if she moved to New York to be with me and it didn’t work out, but I thought about it and decided maybe we could do it gradually, just to test the waters before she moves there for good.

Like maybe she comes and stays with me for a few weeks.

I’m not sure how that would work with her job, though.

I don’t want her to get fired for taking time off.

There I go again, finding excuses for why this won’t work. I can’t keep doing that. Like Matt said, I need to stop assuming that what I want isn’t what’s best for Lyndsay and let her make the decision.

‘Lunch was great,’ Lyndsay says, putting everything back in the picnic basket. ‘It was really nice of your mom to make it for us.’

‘Yeah, it was.’ I gulp down some water because my throat feels dry.

‘It kind of felt like a setup,’ Lyndsay says with a nervous laugh. ‘The picnic. The romantic setting.’

‘Yeah.’ I take a deep breath and let it out.

‘Nick, I—’

‘I need to talk to you,’ I blurt out, needing to say this before I change my mind.

‘I was going to say the same thing.’

‘I really need to go first, if you don’t mind.’

‘Go ahead.’ She turns so she’s facing me, crossing her legs in front of her.

‘I can’t keep doing this.’

‘Doing what?’ she asks, sounding concerned.

‘Whatever this is we’re doing. Pretending to be friends, but acting like we’re more than that.’

Her brows draw together. ‘So what are you saying? That we shouldn’t be friends anymore?’

‘No. I mean, yes, I want to be friends, but I also .?.?.’ I take another breath. ‘I want more than that. I can’t just be friends with you. ’

Her face softens and a slight smile appears. ‘When you say you want more, what exactly does that mean?’

I move closer to her and take her hand. ‘It means I want to date you, for real, not this fake dating shit we were pretending to do. I don’t want to help you find someone else.

I want you to be with me. ’ I look into her eyes.

‘Last week was pure misery. You were all I could think about. I’d go home at night and wish you were there.

I’d be at work and everything would remind me of you. ’

‘The same thing happened to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. But I didn’t think you wanted this. You keep saying how work is all you have time for and how you don’t want a girlfriend right now.’

‘And I’d probably still be saying that if you hadn’t come back into my life. But you did, and now I don’t want you to go.’ I look down at her hand in mine. ‘I just don’t know how to make this work.’

‘But I bet you’ve thought about it and you have an idea.’ She scoots closer to me. ‘Nick, just tell me. Tell me what you want.’

I look at her. ‘I want you to move to New York. I know it’s selfish of me to ask and I’ll completely understand if you tell me no, but it’s the only way I think this will work. I want us to have a chance, but that won’t happen if we’re thousands of miles apart.’

‘I agree.’

‘You what?’ I say, thinking I must’ve heard her wrong. There’s no way she’d just agree to it, just like that. It’s too easy.

‘I agree that I should move to New York.’

‘You’re serious,’ I say, still not believing her. ‘You’d really give up your life in LA to move to New York?’

‘LA isn’t my home. I have some friends there, but I could still talk to them after I move. And as for my job, it’s only part-time and I really don’t like it there. I was going to start looking for jobs when I got back.’

‘What about your other job? Teaching yoga?’

‘I could do that anywhere.’

‘Lyndsay, I only want you doing this if it’s what you want. I don’t want you doing this for me.’

‘I’m not. This is what I want. It’s all I’ve thought about since you left.

There’s just something about you, Nick, something that makes me want to be with you.

Even in high school I felt something for you, but I wouldn’t let myself go there because of Chris.

But when I saw you again at the airport last week, all those feelings came back, except now I could let myself feel them. ’

I stare at her, not believing what she’s saying. ‘If you had feelings for me back in high school, you did a damn good job hiding them.’

‘I had to. I was with Chris, and even if I hadn’t been, I didn’t think you’d ever go out with me.’

‘Are you kidding? You were the girl I dreamed about. To say I had a crush on you is an understatement. But you’re right. Even if you weren’t with Chris, I wouldn’t have asked you out. I was a nerd and you were head cheerleader. I wouldn’t have asked you out because I knew you’d turn me down.’

‘You would’ve been wrong. And you weren’t a nerd. You were smart. And cute. But now .?.?.’ She leans closer. ‘You’re all grown up and really hot. And I really wish you’d stop talking and kiss me.’

I take her face in my hands and kiss her, still not believing she’s actually going to do this, that she’s going to move to New York to be with me.

‘You have made me so damn happy,’ I say over her lips.

She backs away, her eyes on mine. ‘It’s what I wanted, Nick. I was just waiting for you to ask me.’

She was waiting for me to ask her to move? And here I was thinking she’d say I was a jerk for even suggesting it. If I’d known she wanted this, I would’ve flown her out last week, had her stay in my apartment, in my bed.

I lower her to the blanket and lay next to her, pinning her leg down with mine as I kiss her.

There are so many things I want to do to her right now, things I thought about all week when I was missing her and wanting to be with her, but I don’t feel right doing those things out here in the open, where someone might see us.

There’s little to no chance of that happening, but still, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

‘Nick,’ she whispers, her eyes closed, her head tilting back as I kiss her neck. I run my hand just under her shirt, along her waist. I stay there a moment, then keep going, my hand sliding up to her breast.

Her hips arch up against my leg, her chest rising and falling with each breath.

I slide my hand down her flat stomach, under her shorts to her panties.

She’s soaking wet, which makes my already hard cock feel like a steel rod pressing against my jeans.

I shove her panties aside and rub my fingers over her slick center before sliding one inside her, then another as I kiss her.

She softly moans and reaches down to undo my belt. My resolve to not take this farther is instantly broken. She wants to keep going and doesn’t seem the least bit concerned that we’re out here where someone could see us. But I don’t have a condom. I didn’t plan on this so I didn’t bring one.

‘Don’t stop,’ Lyndsay begs as my fingers pump in and out of her.

I slowly take my hand from her. ‘Sit up.’

‘What?’ Her eyes pop open. ‘But I didn’t—’

‘You will. Trust me.’

She eyes me as she sits up. ‘What are you up to? ’

I lift up her shirt and toss it aside, then reach behind her and undo her bra.

‘You sure you want to do this out here?’ she asks, giving me a sexy smile as she lays down. ‘I didn’t think that was your style.’

‘You don’t know me as well as you think.’ I lower my mouth to her breast, nipping and sucking and making her squirm. ‘Hold still,’ I command, holding her legs in place.

I hear her laugh. ‘You’re a bad boy, Nick Kanfield. I never would’ve guessed.’

‘You have no idea,’ I say, giving attention to her other breast as I undo her shorts.

She’s panting, her body writhing, her hips lifting. She wants this, and wants me, something teenage Nick never would’ve imagined.

Moving down her body, I leave kisses along her chest, her stomach, slowing my pace as I reach her shorts. Her breath catches as I slide them off, along with her panties.

I pause a moment to look at her, naked before me.

It’s something I dreamed of, but this is a million times better than my dreams. Lyndsay is everything to me, everything I could ever want.

She’s kind and loving, beautiful and smart, funny, easy to talk to.

She’s so much more than I ever imagined I could find in a woman, and I’d do anything in the world to make her mine.

Pulling the blanket over us, I lower down between her legs.

I run my tongue over her center, just once as a tease for what’s to come.

I hear her gasp and feel her muscles tighten beneath my hands as I hold her down.

I spread her open for me and settle myself between her legs, pleasuring her, tasting her, devouring her.

‘Nick!’ She’s breathing hard, her body trembling. ‘Oh, God! Nick!’ she cries out as I send her over the edge.

My cock’s begging to be inside her. I’m so damn turned on from doing that to her, touching her, looking at her, running my hands along her soft skin.

She lets out a sigh as I kiss my way back up her body. ‘You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.’

‘I wish you’d done it sooner,’ she says, still catching her breath. ‘That was incredible.’