Page 32 of Keep My Heart (The Haydon Falls #1)

‘I was thinking of flying back for it, but I don’t want to go alone. Maybe you could with me?’

‘Yes! Nick, I’d love to,’ she says, sounding out of breath. ‘When could you be here?’

‘I’ll try to get a flight out tomorrow night. Maybe we could get together before the reunion.’

‘Yes, definitely. When are you thinking?’

‘Saturday morning? I could take you to breakfast and we could go from there.’

‘That sounds great!’

‘I’ll check on flights and let you know when I’ll be there. I have to get back to work. I just wanted to let you know my news and that I’d coming out there. I’ll see you on Saturday.’

‘Wait. Nick?’

‘Yeah?’

‘What made you change your mind? About the reunion?’

‘Matt talked me into it. I couldn’t take him nagging me, so I finally gave in.’

‘Oh. Okay, well, I’m glad you’re coming. See you soon.’

Why the hell did I lie to her? Why couldn’t I just tell her the truth, that she’s the reason I’m flying back? Because it’d be leading her on, that’s why. I don’t want her thinking Saturday is a date, or that I’m coming back to continue where we left off.

Shit. Why did I do this? It’s going to be nearly impossible to be around her without holding her hand, touching her, kissing her. It’s all I’ve thought about all week. Being with her is only going to make me want to act on those thoughts, and I can’t.

As I look for flights on my laptop, I call up Matt.

‘Hey, buddy, what’s up?’

‘I made partner,’ I say, like it’s not a big deal.

‘No shit? That’s awesome! Congratulations!’

‘Yeah, it’s good, but I don’t think my workload will get any better. I’m stuck at the office tonight. I’ve been here every night since I got back.’

I find a flight that gets me to Wisconsin at eight tomorrow night. I get out my credit card to book it.

‘I’m glad I don’t have a job like that,’ Matt says. ‘At least you make a lot of money.’

‘Yeah. Hey, can you get me a ticket for the reunion?’

‘Wait—what? You’re going to the reunion?’

‘I’m flying there tomorrow night.’

‘What changed your mind? The hot girl you used to tutor in math?’ He laughs.

‘She might’ve factored into my decision.’ I sigh. ‘Matt, what the fuck am I doing? I can’t be with her, so why am I going to see her?’

‘Because you love her. And you can be with her. You just need to figure out how.’

‘She’s not moving to New York. She has a life in LA, and I just made partner. I can’t quit.’

‘How do you know she wouldn’t move? Did you ask her?’

‘No, and I wouldn’t. I don’t want her relocating her entire life, leaving her friends and her job, to be with me. What if it didn’t work out?’

‘What if it did?’

‘I can’t predict that, and since I can’t, I don’t think it’s fair for me to ask her to move. I’d feel like shit if she did all that and then we broke up.’

‘Why don’t you just ask and let her make the decision?’

‘You know Lyndsay. She’d do it just to make me happy. She’s not good at putting herself first. That’s why she ended up with an asshole like Chris. She did everything for that jerk at her own expense.’

‘I don’t think that’s the case here. I think she’d be doing this for her. She wants to be with you, Nick, just as much as you want to be with her.’

‘You don’t know that.’

He blows out a breath. ‘I’m not supposed to say anything, but I think you need to hear this.’

‘Hear what?’

‘When I ran into Diane at the store the other day, she said Lyndsay’s been miserable since you left. She doesn’t want to go out. She hasn’t been sleeping. Diane keeps trying to cheer her up but nothing’s working.’

‘She just got divorced. That’s why she’s feeling that way.’

‘It’s not the divorce. Last weekend, she wasn’t even thinking about the divorce. She was happier than I’ve ever seen her. Diane agreed. Then on Monday everything changed. I’m telling you, man, she misses you. And she doesn’t want to just be your friend. She wants more than that.’

‘I can’t give her more. Even if she moved here, I wouldn’t be able to give her the life she wanted.

A big house. Kids. A guy who can spend time with her and isn’t at work all the time.

My whole life is this job. I barely have time to even get to the gym these days and every meal’s been takeout that I eat at my desk. ’

‘And you’re okay with that?’

‘No, but I don’t know how to change it. It’s not like the work’s going away. Every day I seem to get more piled on me. ’

‘How long are you going to keep doing this?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What’s your goal here? To make a certain amount of money? Be able to buy a fancy car? Get a better apartment?’

‘Honestly, I don’t know anymore. My goal was to make partner, but now that I have, I don’t know what’s next.’

‘Marriage? Kids? You’re just giving that up?’

‘I wasn’t going to, but I don’t see myself having that life here. Like I told you last weekend, I wouldn’t want my kids growing up in the city. I’d want them to grow up in a place like we did, a smaller town that’s safe and has a sense of community where people know each other.’

‘So it’s your job or a family? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Maybe. Maybe I just need to accept that I can’t have both.’

‘If that’s true, then I feel sorry for you. There’s more to life than a job. I love my job, but if keeping it meant I’d lose Tessa and the kids, I’d give it up in a heartbeat.’ I hear voices in the background. ‘Speaking of kids, I just got to Mia’s daycare. Can we talk later?’

‘I’ll just call you when I get in tomorrow. I’ll be there around eight.’

‘You want me to pick you up?’

‘I’ll see if Sawyer can do it. What about the reunion? You’ll get me a ticket?’

‘Yeah, you can just pick it up that night. I’ll put your name on it. You going to ask Lyndsay to go with you?’

‘Already did. I called her before I called you.’

‘I’m guessing she said yes?’

‘Yeah. She sounded excited. I’m excited too. I’m just not sure I’m doing the right thing here.’

‘Just talk to her and see how committed she is to staying in LA. If I were her, I’d want to get out of there. She’s not from there and doesn’t have family there. And why would she want to be in the same town as Chris? Hey, I gotta go. I gotta get Mia. We’ll talk later.’

‘Yeah, bye.’

Sometimes I can’t believe Matt and I are the same age and he’s married with two kids. That could’ve been me picking up my kid at daycare, but instead I’m spending my night at a desk and going home to an empty apartment.

What Matt said really got to me. Why am I doing this?

Is it for the money? The prestige of working for a big law firm in the heart of New York City?

Am I trying to prove something to myself?

Or to my parents? My parents don’t care what I do for a job.

They just want me to be happy. But I’m not.

Even after finding out I made partner, I’m still not happy. There’s something not right about that.