Page 69 of Holly Jolly July
Mariah
With a heavy duffel bag and an even heavier heart, I leave the hair and makeup station one final time. Shouldering my bag,
I descend the stairs and step out onto the sidewalk. After tossing my bag into my car, my eyes find their way along the blue
fence toward the café, where the final scenes will be shot after our lunch break. Part of me wants to leave now so I don’t
have to torment myself watching Ellie glow under those bright lights—responsibilities be damned.
“Hey, Mariah!” Mom’s voice calls out from the other side of the fence.
I look up, startled to see Mom and Dad both standing beside the security guard. Shit, I’d forgotten to ask Yueyi if they can
take a look around. When they’re done shooting, I’ll see if I can catch her.
“Hey, you two,” I say, joining them on the other side of the fence. “They’re getting ready to film right now but we might
be able to take a look after.”
“Sounds great!” Mom says.
“Does that mean we have time for lunch?” Dad pats his stomach.
I quirk a smile. “Yeah, we do.”
I walk with them along the sidewalk as Mom chats happily about all the changes to downtown, how it’s revitalized the area,
how proud she is of where she lives now. I try to see it through her eyes, and I guess I can. It’s a little over-the-top,
but it has brought the city centre back to life in a way I couldn’t have imagined.
We duck into a small mom-and-pop Greek restaurant and order our drinks and food right away, having been here several times in the past when I was younger. It looks the exact same, and the nostalgic part of me is happy that there are at least a few things downtown that have remained the same.
After we order Mom gets up to use washroom, Dad picks up the local paper and sips his coffee, and I use the time to check
my phone. My heart stutters and falls into my butt when I read my newest email from Richard at WayDownFx.
They... they want me.
They really want me! I read over the contract and nearly choke on my spit when I see my wage. It’s not much, but it’s US currency so it feels like
more. Though, it’s LA; I have no idea what rent looks like—can’t be any worse than Vancouver pricing, though. Not that it
matters. I’d consider living in my car again if it means a shot at my dream.
Mom sits back down at the table. “What are you smiling about?”
Dad lowers his paper, regarding me with curiosity.
I can’t even hide my smile. “I got a job offer for this really great company down in LA.”
“LA!” Mom’s eyebrows jump into her hairline.
“Congratulations, kiddo,” Dad says.
“How did this come about?”
Our food is delivered, and we all eat while I go over the details. I show Mom the video that started it all, trying not to
cringe at how sexy it is. Sharing something so personal with my parents feels far more intimate than sharing it with five
million strangers.
“That’s amazing! So... when do you leave?” Mom fails to mask the sadness in her voice.
“In about a week, just as long as I need to get everything packed up.”
“Well, that’s exciting. Dad and I can come down and visit you there, I guess. Nothing wrong with a bit of sunshine!”
I can tell she’s trying to be optimistic. I have no idea why she’s disappointed; it’s not like we see each other often anyway. And I highly doubt they’d ever come down to California to see me, but I let her have her empty promise.
“Do you have a place rented?” Dad asks between bites of his chicken souvlaki, always the pragmatic one.
I chew and swallow my bite of flatbread. “No, not yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
“We could help,” Dad offers. “We can give you some start-up cash.”
I’m taken aback by their offer and consider it a moment before shaking my head. “No, I don’t need help. I can do it on my
own. Won’t be the first time.”
Mom winces.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” I reach toward her, touching her wrist.
She frowns, shakes her head. “No, you’re right. You were left on your own to figure out a lot of things.”
“It’s okay, I—”
“No, it’s not okay. Mariah,” Mom interrupts. Dad gives Mom a quick pat on the back. They share a wordless acknowledgement,
communicating silently while I shift in my seat, incredibly uncomfortable. Dad gives her a nod, and Mom exhales a slow breath
before turning back to me.
Mom twists her napkin in her hands as she talks.
“I have an apology to make. I never understood you. And I never really tried. You were so much like my sister, and we didn’t get along.
She didn’t fit in with the family. The older you got, the more similar you two seemed.
And you know how she struggled—her mental health was always up and down.
Couldn’t keep a job. Drug use. She’d even been arrested once.
I didn’t want that for you. And when we lost her.
..” Her bottom lip trembles, but she regains her composure.
“When we lost her, I was so scared the same would happen to you. I doubled down on being hard on you, on trying to force you to be more like me and less like her. For a time, I thought it was working. You seemed happy, well-adjusted. And then everything changed, and I thought if I was harder on you, it would keep you home, keep you safe, stop you from going down the same path as my sister... but all I did was push you away. It was all I knew how to do. And then one day, in church there was a sermon about loving our neighbours being one of Jesus’s top commandments, and how that should be our focus above all else. ”
My brain wants to turn off at any mention of religiosity. I may not be a believer, but Mom is and it’s important to her, so
I try to pay attention as she continues.
“Jesus’s best friends were the castaways of society. He didn’t push them away. He brought them in. He showed them love, and
kindness, and acceptance. That’s what my sister didn’t receive. That’s why she did the things she did, because she had no
one else to turn to when things grew dark for her. And I blame myself so much for that. I should have been there for her.”
My heart aches for my mom, slowly coming to see everything from her perspective. Realization dawns on me that my aunt’s death
had impacted us both so heavily, in completely different ways.
Mom continues. “I’ve been trying to get you back, to bring you in, to show you love and accept you, but I can’t do that unless
you let me. I know you have a lot to forgive me for, but I hope that in time you can, so we can move forward and be part of
each other’s lives. Even if you’re a thousand miles away. But I am truly, deeply sorry for not seeing you as you are and loving
you, instead trying to change you into someone I thought you should be.”
My eyes mist, and all I can do is nod. Mom gets up from her seat and joins me on my side of the booth, giving me a big hug.
She sniffles quietly in my ear, her body hot and sweaty from the stress of her confession.
“I forgive you,” I whisper in her ear, and her sniffle turns into a sob.
“Thank you,” she whispers back.
We pull away after a moment, both of us wiping our eyes. Dad smiles at us across the table, his own eyes shiny.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving now, when I feel like we’ve just found one another,” Mom states, shoulders slumping. “I’ve
lost so much time with you. But I couldn’t waste another second of my life not loving you for who you are. Because who you
are is pretty great.”
I glow from her acceptance and praise, not knowing how badly I’d wanted it until now. “Thank you. And I can see why you did
what you did, why you were so scared. It’s sad we’re only now realizing all of this, right when I’m leaving.”
“California isn’t that far away, and we have a lot of points to use for flights.” Mom looks to Dad, who nods in agreement.
“Besides, if something is important to you, you find a way to make it work.”
I nod, acknowledging what she said while turning her words over in my mind—how they relate to a certain someone else for me,
too. “Dad, your offer about helping me... does it still stand?”
“Of course,” he says, eagerly sitting up taller.
A plan formulates in my mind. “Thank you. Are you all done eating? I need to get back to set.”
Mom grins, claps her hands once, and stands. “Don’t have to ask me twice!”