Page 40 of Holly Jolly July

Ellie

I reach across the space between us and take Mariah’s hands in mine. I duck my head to catch her gaze and suck in a breath.

She’s so beautiful under normal circumstances, but here, right now, being so vulnerable, it’s the most beautiful I’ve ever

seen her. I take in her watery brown eyes, the shimmering streaks down her round cheeks, the pink tip of her nose, and share

the silence, letting her feel what she’s feeling, being there for her.

After a moment, I reach up and wipe a tear from her cheek with the pad of my thumb. She leans against me, ever so slightly.

“You won’t end up like your aunt.” My own voice is cracking, unable to imagine the pain of thinking that about my future.

She sniffs. “How do you know?”

“I can’t see a world in which you’d ever end up alone. You’re way too amazing. Not that your aunt wasn’t a wonderful person,

but I think there was more to it than you knew. If she was turning to drugs, especially hard drugs, then there must have been

so much else happening in her life, a lot of pain we can’t imagine. And I hope you never do.”

Mariah’s bottom lip trembles. “I should have been there for her.”

“Don’t blame yourself—you were a kid. Don’t carry that guilt, okay? She wouldn’t want that for you.” I give her hands a squeeze.

“You know what she’d want for you? To be doing exactly what you’re doing. From being brave enough to be the person on the

outside that you are on the inside, to blazing a trail even if it means being away from your family, and working every day

to make your dreams come true. You, being alive and loving your life, is the best way to honour her memory.”

Mariah smiles, then releases my hand and wipes at her face. “You’re right. Thank you for listening.”

I stand up straight and shrug. “Of course. That’s what friends are for.”

She regards me for a moment, her face pink and blotchy, but looking much more relaxed after getting her feelings out. “Yeah.

Friends.”

“And now I get why you hate Christmas so much. It must be hard for you working on a Christmas set, walking up to a winter

wonderland every day. Sometimes I forget that for me Christmas is the most magical time of year and holds my best childhood

memories, but for others it can be really triggering. Especially if they’ve lost someone recently.”

“Yeah. My aunt passed away years ago, but I can’t get through Christmas without thinking about her all alone in her dingy

little apartment.” Mariah shudders.

“And you can’t even escape it after work. I’m sorry you have to stay here in my cabin with all of this,” I gesture to all

the lights and decorations. “You know, we can take it down, I don’t mind.”

“No,” she says quickly. “Actually, I think it’s kind of... helping. Seeing Christmas from your perspective is changing

mine, in a way. The pain is there. It will always be there. But like you said, she wouldn’t want me to hurt for her forever.

Maybe I can have some good memories of Christmas to go with the bad ones.”

“Hey, happy to help you there! Do you want to eat some sexually inappropriate Christmas cookies, drink some more wine, and

watch Alien 3 ?”

She smirks. “That’s not a Christmas movie. You really fell off your diet, you know that?”

“I know,” I moan, taking the tray of cookies to the couch. “But I gotta see what happens next! And I’m not brave enough to

watch these on my own.”

Mariah follows with the wine, sitting next to me with our hips touching, and throws a blanket over us while I cue up the movie. I’m giddy at how comfortable we are. We’ve only known each other a few days and yet I feel closer to her than my friends in Vancouver I’ve known for years.

Mariah is asleep by the halfway point, her head lolled on my shoulder. I snuggle in a little closer, so happy she feels safe

enough to fall asleep like this. I’m so proud of her for trusting me, for braving her family, and for sharing something so

deep and dark. I can tell Mariah keeps everything buttoned up tight; it’s a privilege to be the one she opens up to, and it’s

not something I take lightly. It feels like I’m holding a little piece of her with me, cradling it to my chest like something

precious and fragile.

And I know I won’t break it.

When the movie hits the credits, I can’t decide which of the three are my favourite because it was that good . Gently, I extricate myself from beneath Mariah and lay her on the couch. I pull the blanket over her, then trace my finger

along her cheek to tuck a strand of teal hair behind her ear.

I feel a sudden urge—a need—to kiss the skin beneath her eye where my finger had just been. My heart thumps faster with the

thought, imagining what it would be like to kiss her when she’s asleep, to breathe in the scent of her as she slumbers, to

watch her dream, to pull her in tight and wrap my arms around her.

I bend closer, lips hovering. She smells so sweet, so good, so familiar and yet so different, an alluring combination that

draws me in.

I pause, hovering. Then I take a slow breath and step back.

I don’t know if she wants me touching her while she’s sleeping. And she probably doesn’t want me kissing her. Mariah put a

lot of trust in me tonight. We’re friends. I’m not about to break that because of some strange whim.

Though the tugging ache in my chest pulling me closer to her makes me think... What if this is more than a whim?

“Ellie, who was that hunk that came to see you yesterday?”

Mariah and I have just walked into the hair and makeup department, Starbucks cups in hand, when Julia stops us in our tracks.

“Who?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.

Julia laughs her musical laugh. “Miss Popular can’t even keep track of all the boys her milkshake is bringing to the yard.”

I squint. “My milkshake?”

Mariah nudges me. “Jax—er, Matt. She means Matt.”

“Oh!” Jeez, I’d pretty much forgotten all about him. I put a hand on my hip and act nonchalant, like he isn’t some fuckboy

who played me for a fool and convinced me to have feelings for him when I didn’t even know who he was. “Yeah. Just one of

my many admirers.”

“Well, he’s a babe,” she continues. “You should invite him out to the bar with us tonight. We can interrogate him for you.”

I grip my coffee cup tighter. As if I’d bring a guy I was interested in around this model with a perfect smile. And even if

I wasn’t interested, I wouldn’t sic Matt on Julia to break her heart next. Plus, they’ve never invited me out to the bar with

them, but now they’re suddenly interested so long as I bring some eye candy with me? Not likely. “Yeah. Sure thing.”

“You should come, too, Maria.” Julia gives Mariah a quick once-over, then walks away to her side of the hair and makeup department.

Moods considerably deflated from when we woke up, Mariah and I go to our side of the room. I sit down, the plastic chair squeaking.

“Your mom called you Maria,” I recall. “I didn’t think anything of it at the time.”

She shrugs, tying my hair up into its usual messy bun. “I started going by Mariah when I moved out. Seemed more me . Got the idea from a drag queen I was staying with.”

I nod. “It does suit you more. Wait, you were staying with a drag queen? Like, living with one? How’d that come about?”

“After high school when I cut my hair and changed my clothes, my mom lost it on me. She didn’t understand at all. She told

me I could either ‘be an upstanding member of society,’ or leave her house... so I left.”

“She really said that?” I couldn’t imagine.

Mariah nods. “All I had was my car. I drove into Vancouver, and I parked. I lived in it for almost a month. I had nowhere

to stay. No job. No friends.”

“That must have been so scary.” I fight back a shiver.

Mariah focuses on my hair as she talks, tucking strands into place. “I landed a job at a gay bar as a server, working the

evening shift. The pay was shit but the people were amazing, and I actually felt like I belonged. Every week they had a drag

show, and one of the queens, Alotta Dix, took me under her wing. She let me help with her makeup, taught me a lot, and when

she found out I was living in my car she let me stay with her and sleep on her couch until I got my feet under me.”

“I’m so glad they were there for you.”

Mariah finishes my hair, meeting my gaze in the mirror. “That’s when I got into cosmetology school.”

I give her a smile through the mirror. “And here you are.”

Mariah’s gaze softens as she regards me through the mirror. Then her countenance shifts abruptly and she clears her throat.

“We don’t have much time. We need to focus on our next pranks for Jax.”

I let her change the conversation, understanding how hard it must have been for her to share that with me. “Yes! Matt. What

are you thinking?”

Mariah’s countenance changes immediately. “Silly pranks aren’t enough for a guy like Jax. The games he’s playing, stringing

women along to make them catch feelings for him? Totally unnecessary and cruel. This needs to go further than petty revenge.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“We need to teach him a real lesson so he learns the error of his ways and stops playing with women’s hearts. He should know

what it’s like to be led on like we were. I have a few ideas, but they’re more involved than before.”

I lean in, making eye contact through the mirror, and give her a mischievous grin. “Sounds diabolical. I’m in.”

By the time my makeup is done we’ve come up with a plan and send a text to Matt from Mariah’s phone, asking if she can go

over to his place tonight. He doesn’t reply before it’s time for me to go on set. I almost expect him to be there waiting

for me on the other side of the blue fence. Thank god there is a fence and security guards, so I don’t have to worry about him popping up somewhere during filming.

Julia and Oscar are already situated in the café, and they give me enthusiastic smiles and nods. I grin back.

“I hear you had a visitor yesterday,” Oscar says.

My stomach tightens. I thought they were smiling at me because they were happy to work with me, not because they were trying

to get some juicy gossip about my sex life. “Oh, yeah... he’s a friend I made recently.”

“He bought you flowers! That’s a nice friend. ” Julia titters.

“Yeah. Sorry you don’t have any friends buying you flowers,” I say with a bit more sarcasm than intended. Oscar’s and Julia’s eyes widen at my snippy retort. I catch myself,

not sure what came over me, and add, “They probably have to keep all your admirers far away from the set so they don’t break

down the fence!”

I force my smile wider to make up for my sour mood, which seems to work, and everyone goes back to their blocking and reviewing

minor changes in the script. My quick recovery worked and their smiles are back, albeit a bit guarded. I don’t know what came

over me, but I have to be more careful; I don’t want a bad reputation on set.

I’m easygoing Ellie. I’m the chillest, happiest person you’ll work with. I’m a friggin’ delight .